by TJ Klune
I looked over at Mom. We were on a blanket. She had a thermos of hot tea she made me drink from, as if she thought I would die of thirst. Kelly told me she was going to smother me for a little while. I needed it. “It was mostly quiet,” I told her as I turned back to the others. “Long stretches of days and weeks when nothing happened.”
“My wandering boy,” she said. “What did you see?”
I said, “Good things. Bad things. People and their never-ending rage. Roads that seemed to go on and on and on.”
She said, “I should have told you. I shouldn’t have let it drag on.”
“Mom?”
She smiled sadly. “About Gavin. I thought… I thought it was yours to figure out. And I knew you’d get there one day. But the longer it went, I… don’t know. I worried. And there were so many things to worry about. I allowed myself to become distracted. And I’m sorry for that.”
I was alarmed. “You don’t need to—”
“I do,” she said firmly. “And I will. Because I still see the look on your face. In Caswell, when Gavin left with that… that beast. Your heart was breaking, and I could do nothing to fix it.” She looked away, blinking rapidly. “I should have told you.”
I took her hand in mine. Her skin was cold. “We’re here now.”
“We are,” she said. “At last. Never leave me again. Not like that. Promise me.”
I said, “I promise.”
“Liar,” she said, wiping her eyes. “But I’ll allow it. How did you find him?”
I told her of this thread in my chest, how it pulled me forward. How I’d learned to trust it, even when it went quiet. I told her about the notes he’d left for me, the same notes that were now hidden in a box under my bed. I hesitated before I told her about Madam Penelope, the witch, the psychic, the woman with the bones who hadn’t really been there at all. I still wasn’t sure if it’d been anything more than a dream. But this was my mother, and she wouldn’t judge me. Not for this. Still, it was hard to get the words out. They came in fits and starts.
She said, “Madam Penelope.”
I winced. “Yeah, I know how it sounds, trust me. But I was losing it, you know? I don’t even think she was real. Everything was fraying, and I was slipping—”
Her grip on my hand tightened. “Did she have feathers in her ears? A Mohawk down the middle of her head? Did she have black powder that she told you to inhale?”
Reality felt thin. Translucent. It was like she was in my head. And maybe she was, because that low thrum of packpackpack was growing by the day. “How did you know that?”
She tilted her head back toward the sky and smiled. “You were being watched over. Even when you were so far from home. They were with you on your journey.”
“What? Who?”
“Abel’s mother was a witch. Your great-grandmother. Did I ever tell you that? Her name was Rose.”
I shook my head.
“Before she fell in love with a wolf, she traveled with her pack in a carnival near the turn of the century, featuring magic and wolves. I have the pictures somewhere. These old sepia-toned things with curled edges. There’s one of Rose. She was wearing pants, which I’m sure caused quite the scandal with the good people who came to see what they thought were trained wolves, not knowing what they really were. She has a wooden pipe in her mouth, her teeth bared in a sardonic smile. She’s leaning against a booth made of white willow, which is important to certain witches. There’s a sign above the booth, above curtains she stitched herself. Two words were on the sign, words that signified her stage name. Madam Penelope.”
I gaped at her. “That’s not possible.”
She turned my hand over in hers, tracing the lines on my palm. “Isn’t it? Perhaps you were dreaming. Perhaps when you were young, you saw the photograph I just described, and in your grief, in your desire for a piece of home, you dreamed of her, pulling her from the depths of your memory. Or perhaps those we love are never really gone. Their blood is in our veins, all their history coursing through us. Is it so hard to believe that those that came before could have seen you for all that you are and decided you needed a moment to breathe? A moment of peace and a place to rest?”
I looked down at our hands. Hers were thin and slight, her fingers bony. Mine were large and blunt, almost like a paw. I said, “I saw him. I heard him.”
And she said, “Who?” though I thought she knew. She needed to hear me say it out loud.
“Dad.”
Her smile trembled. “Oh. Oh. Tell me.”
“He said he loved me.”
“He did. So much more than you could even possibly begin to understand.”
“I was lost,” I told her. “Everything hurt. I was dreaming of ghosts in the snow, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to go on. I was fading. I was slipping. And he told me to howl. He told me to sing.”
“Did you?”
I nodded slowly. “As loud as I could.”
“And what did it bring you?”
I gripped her hand tightly. “Kelly. Joe.”
She said, “When you were born, your father was terrified. He tried to hide it, of course, seeing as how he was an Alpha. But I knew him. I could see it in his eyes. He was big, and you were so little. His hands shook when he reached for you the first time. He asked me how you could be as you were. How it was possible to love you at first sight. He said you were so breakable, so soft, and he didn’t know how he could have deserved someone such as you.” She laughed wetly, shaking her head. “I told him to stop being silly. That you were a wolf. That you were a Bennett. And even more, you were his son. Take him. Take your son. And he did. And oh, Carter, how he cried over you. But they were happy tears. My son, he said over and over. My little boy. How perfect you are. How wonderful it is that you exist.”
“Mom,” I said hoarsely.
She looked out at the others, at Kelly and Joe. And they felt her gaze, because they looked back at her, eyes glowing bright. She said, “You’re more like him than you know. More so than your brothers. You take the weight of everything on your shoulders so that others don’t have to carry the burden. You put others before yourself, even if it’s to your detriment. And finally, finally when you find something all your own, it’s snatched away just as you’re beginning to reach for it. It’s not fair. It never is. But just like your father, you didn’t let that stop you. I don’t think leaving was the right thing to do. And yet I understand why you did. What would I do for just one more moment with him? Anything. Anything. Carter, can’t you see? They were with you. And look what it’s brought you. Look what you’ve done. You found him. Your father would be so proud of you.” Her chest hitched. “I know it.”
I raised her hand to my lips, kissed her palm.
She said, “One day I’ll see him again. And he’ll smile that curious little smile of his, and I’ll know all is right in the world again.” She looked at me. Her eyes were clear. “Don’t take the chance that he’ll always be there. We must remember to say what’s in our hearts aloud because we can never know if it’ll be the last time we’ll ever get the chance.”
“Dad knew,” I said roughly. “Even at the end.”
“I know he did,” she said. “You have traveled far. You’ve found your way home. What will you do with the time you have left?”
I looked at our pack. Kelly and Joe stood next to each other, their hands clasped between them. Ox was grinning as Gordo muttered in his ear. Mark was smiling his secret smile as he watched his mate and Alpha. Tanner and Chris were breathing heavily as they broke apart, shoving each other as they laughed. Rico held his son in his arms, Bambi’s head on his shoulder. Dominique was crouched, her hands against the ground, eyes orange as she watched Jessie bouncing on her feet, motioning for Gavin to enter the circle.
And he did.
Jessie threw a punch.
He dodged it, ducking low.
She arched an eyebrow.
And Christ, how he smiled at her, a simple thing,
so profound. He growled lowly in his chest, and it caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. He went for Jessie, weaving left, then right, almost quicker than I could follow. Jessie spun low, leg swinging out in a flat arc. He vaulted over her, hands against her shoulders before he landed behind her. He pressed his bare foot against her ass and kicked. She fell forward onto her hands and knees with a grunt and a curse.
“Holy shit,” Tanner said.
Gavin raised his arms above his head and crowed. It wasn’t quite a howl, but it was close. He looked over at me. “Carter. Carter. See that? Did you see that?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I saw that. Though you should probably stop gloating.”
His eyes narrowed. “Why? I just—oof.”
Jessie tackled him, knocking him off his feet and flat onto his back. She pinned his arms to his sides with her thighs. He was outraged as she leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose.
“That’s why,” I said, and for a moment I thought I saw a white wolf in the trees beyond the clearing, eyes red.
And then it was gone, as if it’d never been there at all.
I WAS HEALING, though it was slow going.
The bonds were repairing themselves, and I felt like I could breathe.
I took meetings in town with the people of Green Creek, letting them fill me in on all that I’d missed. They scolded me for leaving. They told me that I should have asked for help. Humans all, and yet they had a fire in their eyes, and I wondered if they had the hearts of wolves.
“Monsters,” Will told me as we sat in the diner. Gavin was in the kitchen, trying to convince Dominique to give him more bacon. He told her it was for Gordo, but she saw right through his bullshit. “We all know about monsters now. Anything comes, we’re ready.”
I looked across the table at him. Before I left, he’d taken it upon himself to act as a sort of second, an intermediary. “Why?” I asked him.
“Why what?”
“Why do you do this?”
He tapped his fingers on the table. His nails were bitten to the quick. “Been here a long time. I knew your dad. Your grandpop. Always thought your family was a bit… eccentric.”
I snorted. “Eccentric.”
He laughed. “I don’t speak ill of the dead. Never have. But I always thought there was something a little off. That there was more to them than anyone knew.”
“You were right.”
He nodded. “Never thought it’d be shape-shifters. Aliens, sure. That was a big one. Or a cult.”
“Jesus Christ, Will.”
“But it didn’t matter to me, not really. They were as much a part of this town as I was. And now you are too. It’s in your bones. It’s in your blood just as it’s in mine. Green Creek belongs to us just as much as it belongs to you. We would do anything to protect this town.”
“Why?” I asked, suddenly needing to know. “Why have you kept all of this secret?”
He looked out the window next to the booth. Christmas lights blinked on light poles; thick wreaths hung in storefronts. The snow was gone, but the air was still cold. “Because we see the good in your pack. Our eyes were opened, and we now know how special this place truly is. Sure, you get uncontrollably hairy once a month, but don’t we all? You’re ours, Carter. Of course we would keep it a secret.”
I was touched. This strange man, this wonderful human. I said, “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Don’t I know it,” he said. Then, “What happens next?”
“What do you mean?”
He waved his hand. “After… well. After it’s all over. After the beast is dead and gone, after there’s nothing else to chase after you. After there’s nothing left to fear. What then?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “It’s all we’ve known for so long.”
He nodded as if that was the answer he expected. “I hope you get to find out. I hope we all do, but you especially. I won’t pretend to understand everything. Sometimes I can almost convince myself none of it is real. But then I remember Ox. And Joe. You and Kelly. Your mother. Still. Your pack is pretty gay.”
I choked on my tongue.
He leaned back against the booth, thumbs stretching out his ridiculous suspenders. He looked pleased with himself. “What does that mean for the future? I mean, sure, you can just bite people and make them wolves, but it’s not the same, right? It’s not Bennett blood. Joshua, he’s a handsome boy, but Rico was human when he and Bambi—” He made an obscene gesture with his hands. “Not a wolf. Just a little boy.”
I managed to recover. “It doesn’t matter.”
He scrunched up his face. “Why not?”
“We’re…. Nothing lasts forever. There’s always been Bennetts. And because of it, we’ve always had to fight for our lives, whether it be hunters or wolves or witches. We lead because we’re told it’s what we’re supposed to do. But sometimes I wonder if it isn’t time to let someone else take charge. A new line. New blood. Crowns are heavy when you have to wear them all the time.”
“I get that,” he said. “But if not you, then who?”
“I don’t know. There are children in Caswell. Some will be Alphas. They should get the chance to do what we’ve done.”
He looked dubious. “What does Joe think about all that?”
“You’d have to ask him.”
He patted the back of my hand. “I don’t think it’s something we’ll have to worry about for a long time. You’ll be here when I’m nothing but bones in the ground.”
“You think so?”
He smiled. “I do. You’ve got a long life ahead of you, Carter. And one I hope is filled with happiness.” A clatter came from the kitchen, and we looked over to see Dominique chasing Gavin through the door, his mouth filled with bacon. She chased him around the counter, eyes flashing. “Yes,” Will said. “Every happiness indeed. And look at that, right on time. Larry’s here for his twelve-thirty appointment with our illustrious mayor. Fair warning, he’s going to bitch about quite a few things like he always does. Just smile and nod and let him vent. Then give him what he wants, because it’s not that big of a deal. Larry! You old cuss. How you been? Sit down, sit down. Mayor Bennett’s been expecting you.”
“HE CAME FROM THE WOODS,” Aileen said, her voice crackling through the phone. Ox had switched it over to the speaker, and we stood around the desk in the office, listening. “Human. On two legs. Found some clothes somewhere. He came to the wards.”
“Did he speak?” Gordo asked.
“No. Just… stood there. Watching us. He—wait. Here’s Patrice. He’ll tell you.” The connection was muffled for a moment as the phone exchanged hands thousands of miles away.
“Oxnard?” Patrice asked.
“We’re here,” Ox said, leaning over the desk, hands flat against the wood. “What did he do?”
“Don’t know,” Patrice said, and he sounded frustrated. “Not much, as far as I can tell. Just stood dere. Didn’t try and touch da wards. Didn’t try and cross dem. Eye was red.”
“What else?” Joe asked, because he could hear as well as the rest of us that Patrice was holding back.
Patrice hesitated. Then, “He wasn’t alone.”
Joe narrowed his eyes. “Who was with him?”
“Wolf,” Patrice said. “A Beta. A man.”
“How the hell did he get through the wards?” Gordo asked, looking at Mark, who shook his head.
“Can’t say,” Patrice said. “Shouldn’t have been possible. But it’s dere all da same. Recognized him too. Saw him once in Caswell. Santos, he’s called.”
Robbie grunted as if gut-punched. “Shit.”
“Santos?” Elizabeth asked. “Why is that name familiar?”
“He was in Caswell,” Kelly said as Robbie paled. “Robbie knew him. Livingstone used him to guard the house Dale was kept in.”
Gordo scowled at the mention of the witch.
“He didn’t like me,” Robbie said quietly. “I thought it was because I c
ame out of nowhere and Michelle made me her second. Maybe it wasn’t about Michelle at all.”
Ox looked at him, then back at the phone. “Patrice, the wards are still intact?”
“Oh yeah. But Ox, if dere’s one, den dere could be more. It’s a big place he’s in. We’ve got it surrounded, but….”
“And you know all the witches?”
“Handpicked dem myself.” He paused. “Couldn’t hurt to talk to a couple of dem. Make sure dere on da up-and-up.”
“Do that,” Ox said. “Let me know what you find out. If I need to come out there, I will.”
“It can’t keep like this forever,” Patrice said as Aileen muttered her agreement in the background. “It’s a stopgap. Whatever you’re planning, you gotta do it soon, Alpha. He can’t get to Robbie like he used to, but dat don’t mean he won’t try. And den dere’s Gavin.”
“I know,” Ox said as Gavin cowered behind me.
THE FULL MOON CAME ON A SUNDAY.
We ate until we thought we would burst.
The moon was singing here i am here i am run run run.
Bambi stayed at the pack house with Joshua. She told us she’d be fine, that all of us could go, but Jessie wasn’t having it. “I’ll stay here with her. Better to be safe than sorry.” She kissed Dominique before shoving us all toward the door. “Go. Do your wolf thing. I’ll set up the blankets and pillows for when you all get back.”
“Thank Christ,” Tanner said, already pulling off his clothes. “I need to fucking kill something.” He dropped his pants and kicked them off before standing with his hands on his hips. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”
“I really wish you hadn’t gotten so used to being naked,” Rico muttered. “I’ve seen more dick in the last few years than I ever have in my entire life.” He shook his head. “My kid is going to be so fucked in the head, I tell you what.”
