Forbidden Boys

by Chantal Cross

  “I just want answers, nothing more.” I grumble.

  “Then you shouldn’t be here, my dear girl. You need to be out there, surrounded by the people who know you best. They know you better than you know yourself.” Berwyn holds me in a somber stare, one I have to turn away from. It’s too harsh.

  This woman can talk about turning to people who you know, but what does that mean? Everyone I know is a liar. They didn’t care about me, they only cared about doing their duty. A duty I don’t understand because I’m void of all my memories — Seth remembers, it’s unfair that I can’t. I shake my head when I think of Seth. He was the one boy I believed in, who I thought would be by my side throughout my entire life. It turns out he’s just as untrustworthy as the rest of them.

  What kills me most about Seth, out of all the others, is how he sacrificed himself like I apparently did. He made a pact to snuff out his own light so that he could watch over me once we both returned; he was to be my guardian angel. Some angel. Seth may have always been there, but it’s his motivation and deceit that I find hard to fathom. Looking back on all the taunting he took, it becomes obvious why Gabriel always threw shaded remarks his way. He wanted Seth to react. He knew Seth wasn’t being true to his mission. My guardian angel was nothing more than an imposter. Feigning devotion, when underneath, there was only duplicity.

  It’s Berwyn’s turn to shake her head, her reaction aimed at me. If I wasn’t oddly fond of her, I’d order her away — I could do it, it’d worked when I’d made the boys tell me of my past life. I’m sure if I willed it enough, she’d obey too. I could make them all yield if I had to…

  “Why are you shaking your head at me?” I ask through my vexation. I won’t be cruel-hearted to her, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get my own way. I am determined to understand what has been stolen from me. If there’s a mess made in uncovering it, that’s too bad.

  “You seem to think you have no one left anymore. It’s not true.” Berwyn explains. It makes me want to laugh right in her face.

  “Not true, you can’t mean that — they, they all betrayed me! They kept all of this from me, they left me to struggle alone, always worried there was something wrong with me. If that isn’t betrayal, I don’t know what is!”

  “Tell me something, Snow, when was the last time you talked to your mother?”

  Unprepared, I stare at her blankly. I haven’t given my mother a thought since the last time Berwyn mentioned her. There’s no reason why I should. My mother is undoubtedly the same as always, there’s no point in reopening festering wounds. I have my fair share of those without adding more.

  Berwyn tilts her head again, the warmth of her eyes always on me; she looks at me like a grandmother would their kin. There’s genuine tenderness between us, a bond that can’t be easily broken. I go to reach out for her, although I’m not sure what I want from her. However, before I have a chance to touch her skin, the books glide up into the air and begin circling me like before. It’s a reverse hurricane. The books sweep out in all directions, returning to their original shelves, as if they’ve never been disturbed. I watch as time rewinds. I’m a solitary spectator to the majestic abilities of one as seasoned as Berwyn.

  I'm about to tell her that I’m grateful for her help, even if it hasn’t given me any clear answers. But she’s gone. I’m alone in the dry, ordered recesses of the library stacks once more.

  25

  Ebony

  Berwyn’s question still rings in my ears. Her intention is clear: she wishes me to talk to my mother. But that’s easier said than done. Berwyn doesn’t know my mother like I do, know the awful things she’s capable of, and all of them are usually aimed at me. I don’t remember the last time my mother said anything fondly to me.

  I doubt she’s about to be kind to me, regardless of what’s changed inside of me. Either way, I’m not ready to test this theory. Not with how I’m feeling right now.

  As I wander from the library, I know who can help bring some clarity to my mind. Our headmaster. Leo has never looked upon me with any affection, he’s always thought of me as troublesome. And thanks to recent occurrences, I’m beginning to grasp why that is. Nevertheless, while the headmaster doesn’t hold me in high regard, he can still give me answers that my mother won’t. It’s a win-win. Besides, one of his professors just tried to kill me — I think he can afford to be a little forthcoming with information. It’s the least he can do.

  Puffing my chest out, my strides authoritative and long, I storm his office without hesitation. To my relief, I only find Leo there. I had been worried I would also find Kashton. I shudder just thinking about him. After what Kashton did, what he’s capable of, I don’t want to be around him. I dread to think about what will happen when he reaches the depths of depravity we both know he’ll eventually tap into.

  All my gusto is still intact as I await a response. But it’s waning the longer Leo does little more than gaze at me. Headmaster Leo is unmoved by my entrance. I wonder if he knew I was coming somehow, but then surely he’d have tried to get away from me rather than wait? That’s assuming he doesn’t want to discuss what’s happened. Maybe he does, and that’s the point of his still being here… I hate how I’m clueless in all of this. I’m meant to be the starring role, yet I’m a mindless pawn in their sick games.

  I inhale as deeply as my lungs will allow. “I want answers,” I demand. Even though I don’t feel as confident as I’m coming across, my tone holds true. It gives me the facade of a woman in control when all I feel is anything but in control.

  Leo raises one eyebrow and says nothing. Licking my lips, I try again. “I want answers now. I deserve answers, especially since one of your professors tried to kill me.” My voice cracks at the end, and his eyebrow arches further.

  “Professor Glaw’s action hasn't anything to do with myself or the school, Ebony. I can’t control what someone does, no more than you can control me.” The way he answers is a loaded reply. It smacks of hidden meaning; the way he speaks of control is too on the nose to be a coincidence.

  My teeth clamp together, my magic threatens to explode out of me like it always does when I’m stressed. Although I don’t have a better handle on it than when I first enrolled, I’m beginning to figure out when it’ll likely raise its ugly head. If Leo’s not careful, now will be one of those moments.

  “I don’t believe the headmaster of an academy isn’t aware of his teachers’ actions. And if he isn’t, he’s probably not right for the job.”

  “That’s quite a statement to make, especially to your elder.”

  Elder? The headmaster is young—a few years older than me, tops—and ripped as hell. His face was the kind a Renaissance artist would’ve wanted to immortalize in marble. Nothing about that body says elder. It says…

  I shake my head, refusing to let him distract me even more, and continue. “I’d say after what I’ve gone through, it’s understandable. Being impaled tends to make a negative impression on one’s behavior.”

  We jibe at one another, the predictability of our bickering as bothersome to me as Leo himself. He has no right to stand in my way. He knows more than he’s letting on, and I’m certain he knew Glaw wasn’t as innocent as she made out. Leo is at the center of a web of lies. He’s the spider, and I’m the fly; I want those tables to turn.

  A silence overcomes us both as we simmer. Our feelings are hardly in check as we quietly come to terms with the defiance of the other. My emotions are harder to suppress than Leo’s: he's had years of experience, whereas I’m a teenage girl who not only has to contend with hormones and personal angst; she's just learned that she thought she was and everyone she's ever known is in on the deception. God knows that would make anyone furious. Headmaster Leo has an unfair advantage. Even more so considering I have been stripped of my memories.

  It surprises me to realize I wish to be this warrior princess everyone believes me to be. All the books speak of Snow White's bravery and her valor. I want to be that woman right now. />
  Leo steps to the side of his desk. My eyes follow his movements without me saying a word. “You know, Ebony, not everything is as bleak as it seems. I feel that, in time, you’ll soon look upon me and my services with a new sense of appreciation.”

  I’m stunned that he believes this. Nothing he’s done so far suggests to me that I’ll ever want his help other than for him to stay as far away from me as humanly possible. Maybe I’ll resort to magic just to make doubly sure.

  Frustration grips me. It rips at my throat, tightening the sinews of my tendons and making my muscles rigid as it renders me incapable of rational thought. All I want to do is act out. I want to shake sense into Leo, to make him see that he has to answer me now if he knows what’s good for him.

  I’m determined to be every bit the volcano everyone fears that I can become, and all without Rhiannon showing her face here. Assuming she’s not acting through me right now and I’m not aware of it. With hardly any knowledge to fall back on, I’m at a loss as to how this all works — is Rhiannon always within me, altering my reactions, or am I able to keep her at bay? Now that the kiss has unlocked her powers, there’s no telling the influence she can exert over me.

  Yet as headmaster Leo's smug expression beams back at me, I find myself unable to act on my thoughts. Lord knows I want to. More than words can express. But the way he addresses me like a child is disarming — it’s like he sees me as nothing more than a whining baby who poses no threat to him. Yet, within that assessment, I also note how he respects the person I can become. We have history, much like I do with all the others. In spite of me being a pesky teenager right now, Leo recognizes the worth of the woman yearning to break out.

  Pivoting on my heels, I stomp back out of his office, leaving the door wide open. “I’ll see you soon, my Queen,” Leo bids me farewell.

  I whip around to go back in, the familiarity of his words shaking me to my core. However, he slams his door closed with magic so powerful I’ll struggle to get past the wards. Left to stare in astonishment, I ask myself whether he may be in league with Rhiannon. Why else would he refer to me as “his Queen”? Out of all the others who know of my other life, Leo is the only one to look upon my demon self with any affection.

  Despite his door sealing itself from the inside out, I remain in front of it. I’m angered by its impenetrable frame. If it takes me all night, I’ll break it down and barge my way back in there. He knows everything. Every sordid detail of my past. And by all that I hold dear, he’ll share those secrets with me. I’ll make sure of it.

  Flexing my fingers, I begin to think about my desires. Of all that I need and demand from him, from this world. A fizzling of energy begins to build up, first inside of me, and then it spreads out all around, filling the hallway. As the energy reaches its fever pitch, a stirring inside of me promises an explosive display. It’ll be unlike anything Leo has seen — not even Glaw’s might compares to this.

  “Ebony! Where are you, I need to talk to you!” Gabriel’s frantic shouts cut my magic short before it can build to its crescendo. I’m annoyed that I won’t get to give Leo a nasty surprise. Then again, I suppose there’ll be another chance to snap the rug out from under him.

  When Gabriel calls out again, I realize I can’t ignore his pleas any longer. I’ll have to go to him and return to Leo later. It’s not like he’s going anywhere, not when I’m so close to becoming the entity he wants me to be.

  26

  Ebony

  Gabriel and I meet in the middle. The second he lays eyes on me, he grabs and pulls me close. His lips cover my skin and making their way to my mouth. His saliva coats me as he goes. At first, I struggle to pry him off, but eventually my strength overpowers him, and he releases me from his clutching paws.

  There are tears in my eyes. But they’re not of upset, only of distilled fury.

  “Ebony—”

  “Why are you still like this?” I shriek at him. I don’t care who can hear us, I’m so sick and tired of him touching me, pawing at me like a doll. I’m not his plaything. I don’t belong to anyone but myself. Gabriel bites his lip, exasperated that I’ve even asked.

  “I’m like this because I love you, don’t you get that — I’ve loved you for 1,000 years. Surely that counts for something?” I’d pity him if I wasn’t so livid by the nerve of his advances.

  Even now, after I’ve died and been brought back from the brink, he’s still determined to act the lovesick puppy. Only this puppy doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone. He comes to me, desire and passion, not able to control his urges. I was afraid of his behavior before, but now I’m enraged by it. I’m not sure if that’s because of Rhiannon or merely a byproduct of what’s happened to me up until now. Either way, he’ll get no sympathy from me. Not a single scrap.

  Gabriel turns from me. I can see the drumming in his temple as the tension increases; he’s unable to think of a world where he’s not in control.

  Why are these men all the same! They keep taking from me but never give anything back, it’s becoming less attractive by the second. I try not to lose myself to my own thoughts, but I find that they’re one of the few aspects of my life able to ground me these days. The only person who makes sense to me is myself. And even now, with the demon Queen free, that could soon alter. Maybe the next day or the next hour. Hell, it could happen in the next few seconds.

  In the beat of a heart, I could cease to be. Knowing this is what drives me now.

  “Gabriel, I’m tired of this. I’m not your plaything, you can’t pick me up whenever you want and expect me to succumb to your whims. The world doesn’t work like that,” Then, more to myself, I add. “I don’t know how it works anymore.

  “You’re unbelievable, you know that. I’ve been here always, yet it’s always Lucien or Seth you go to, never me. Never Gabriel. Why would it be, what could I possibly offer you that they can’t? If you’re sick of it, Snow, then I’m pissed off by it all.” Gabriel punches at the wall next to him. The suddenness of his movement frightens me; even with this new power, I don’t feel as strong as I probably should do. I’m still held back by doubt. “You should be mine, why can’t you get that into your head?!”

  Feeling his despair, I start to sympathize with his pain. Although I don’t welcome how he acts, he’s obviously as troubled by our past lives as I am, and he’s fortunate enough to remember. Or is that unfortunate, given how difficult all of them seem to be handling the recent revelations…?

  My softness is my downfall; as Gabriel comes at me, pinning me against the wall. He presses his chest against mine so that we’re intimately embracing one another. I gasp in horror, not able to process how someone who claims love can do this to me. This isn't loving. You don’t attack someone you care about just because you don’t get your own way, that’s not how it works.

  I move my head away from his as he lunges for another kiss. But I don’t escape fast enough. His mouth lands near mine, probing at the corner of my lips while he tries to slip his tongue into my mouth. Tossing my head from side to side, my heart bangs like a drum. My fight or flight reflex kicks into action as terror mounts an assault on my mind, body, and soul.

  Kneeing him in the crotch, I’m able to break free. As I brush past him, I push him into the wall he trapped me against. My shove is aggressive and sharp; I want him to hurt. In fact, I want him to bleed for what he’s done.

  Gabriel smacks his head against the wall, but it’s nothing more than a mere graze. Given his actions, I feel he’s getting off lightly.

  “Ebony, true love’s kiss will help save us all. If you’ll just let me in.” His tone is pleading. It’s pathetic. Nothing makes me feel sorry for him as he begs for me to see reason. There’s no way I’d listen now, even if what he rambles on about is true. Our ties have been severed as far as I’m concerned. If I thought his betrayal was heartbreaking before, it’s worse now that I’ve seen his true colors. He’s a gluttonous, heaving, disgusting mess. I couldn’t give true loves kiss to him, even if
such a thing exists in a world as damned as this one.

  As I catch my breath, I tell myself he’s calming down. Gabriel is beginning to see reason and will come to his senses. However, I’ve done nothing except lull myself into a false sense of security. When I look away for a fraction of a second, he charges at me again. There’s madness in his eyes. His hunger will never be content. He could consume every soul on this world and any other, and still, he’d need more.

  He tumbles on top of me. My back cracks against the flagstone floor, winding me. This gives him the chance to search out my lips once more. His kisses are a bombardment. There’s nothing romantic about how he’s forcing me into this, all that remains is lust and sin. Does my being here cause this much trouble? I worry that Cordelia has been right all along, that I am the wicked girl that’ll damn the hearts of the men who love me. I just hate how it’s taken this long for me to finally see what my “brothers” are capable of.

  “Let me do this, Ebony.”

  “What the hell are you going on about, Gabriel — true love’s kiss? It’s not a real thing.”

  “Let me have you. Stop fighting.” Gabriel bears down on me as he says this. I’m still terrified, although that’s giving way to much darker emotions. Less wholesome ones. I’m close to the edge, and if I fall, I’ll be sure to take him down with me.

  My jaw grinds shut as a burst of energy shoots from me, knocking him back. He slams against the wall. His body slumps down into a pile. Seeing an opportunity to escape, I run away. But no sooner have I turned around than he fires more magic my way. His spell knocks me forward, my face an inch off of the stone. I narrowly miss smashing my features into the harsh ground.