Light It Up

by Kekla Magoon

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  Copyright Page

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  For Noa & Kate

  THE INCIDENT

  At the end of the day, a girl is dead. Maybe it’s winter. Maybe she had a black ski hat on. Maybe she was running and didn’t stop when he ordered her to. Maybe because she had headphones in, so she didn’t hear him shouting. Maybe she was late for something. Or maybe she was running simply because it was cold and dark and she was nervous to be alone on the street. It was dusky already at four-thirty p.m. When the lights flashed behind her, maybe it didn’t seem unusual. Maybe she never imagined it was about her. She was tall for her age, bundled in her warmest coat. She looked bigger than she was. Thicker. More like a man, an adult. But still thirteen years old.

  DAY ONE:

  THE INCIDENT

  PEACH STREET

  No one saw anything.

  In the aftermath, the curb is dewy with blood. The man crouches by the girl’s body. They are both now smaller than they were.

  “No, no, no, no, no.” He is on his knees. On his lips, a litany of sorrows.

  He shoves away the iPod lying on the sidewalk. It jerks back, tied to the body by headphones. The sound of low talking blossoms into the silence.

  He is supposed to press the walkie-talkie button, call again for backup.

  Instead, he reaches around her puffy coat collar, presses fingers to her neck. “No, no, no, no, no.”

  What he sees—it’s impossible. He prides himself on being a good shot. Prides himself on his instincts.

  WITNESS

  You don’t expect it. Ever. Walking home, like usual, the last thing you expect is to witness a murder. Shootings happen around this neighborhood, of course they do, but somehow you still never expect it. You worry about it, in a ghost way. A sliver of thought in a dusty back corner of the brain. A curl of gray matter that gets woken up once in a blue moon, given an electric shock to remind it never to fade.

  You expect to cross the street, avoid the hoopla, like always. There’s no call to get involved. No one wants to be a witness. To put yourself out there like that, against some gangbanger you maybe went to high school with? Hells no. Not this cat.

  The squad car, lights flashing, is at the other end of the block. A traffic stop, maybe. Or a domestic thing, checking up on some hipster’s noise complaint about the sound of fighting next door.

  It’s a whole block away. You figure you have time to get around whatever’s going on. There’s no crime scene tape. But then suddenly you’re upon them. The cop and the child. You can tell it’s a child, somehow. Maybe you know the world all too well.

  When you’re first on the scene, here’s what you find:

  The body looks unreal. Some punk-ass King, or whatever, rendered inert. Black coat, like a marshmallow. Strange kicks, for a gangbanger. Is pink the new red?

  The sirens are blaring. Response time was slow. One cop in the area, got to the scene first.

  “What happened?”

  “He’s dead. He’s dead,” the officer says. “He had a gun.”

  The world inverts. This is a whole different thing. You can’t help it, you blurt out, “You shot him?”

  The officer lunges to his feet. His weapon rises up. “Step back.”

  You freeze, then slowly spread your hands wide. “Whoa, man. I ain’t do nothing. I ain’t see nothing.”

  Heart pounding, skin pounding, the pulse pumps firmly in your chest, your knees, your eyes. You pray. Keep pumping. I ain’t gotta die today.

  That corner of your brain, that worried corner, is much bigger than you thought and it’s wide awake now. It scolds. See flashing lights, go down another block. No lookie-loos. It aches. Not my time. Not today. I ain’t going down like this. It speaks to your feet. It’s your brain—it can do that. Run. Run.

  You fight it. With another part of your brain, the common sense part. You hold fast there, knowing you might be shot down where you stand.

  The sirens grow louder.

  “Be cool, man,” you say. “Be cool.”

  He’s breathing hard. And you are.

  More cops roll up. More guns. All on you. Just like that, a walk home becomes a mouthful of sidewalk. Becomes handcuffs. Becomes the back of a cop car and a call to some legal aid lawyer. On the phone you tell her, “I ain’t done nothing. I ain’t seen nothing. I was just walking home.”

  ZEKE

  In my nightmares I see flashing lights. I see them in the glint of sun off the other cars’ hoods in the rearview. I see them in the glare off the road signs and in bouncing headlights. I see a white car with a ski rack and I ease off the gas on instinct. Just in case.

  I wanna fly, you know? I wanna put the pedal to the metal, knowing I can afford the cost of a ticket. It’s gonna be what, fifty bucks? A hundred? I don’t know. Never been pulled over. Never wanna be.

  Watch the needle like a hawk instead.

  Every time.

  Tonight, the lights behind me are real.

  My pulse pounds under every part of my skin. Blinker on. Glide to the shoulder. Lower the window, then freeze, with my hands at ten and two. I already can’t breathe.

  Not one, but two police cars. I expect them to flank me. They don’t even slow.

  My car rocks in their wake. They are flying.

  A prayer slides out of me, unbidden.

  Relief, for myself.

  Hope and despair, for the poor souls at the other end of their call.

  Find a gap, ease back into traffic. Other cars rocket by me. I’m that annoying driver everybody can’t wait to pass. Their slipstream is my security blanket. They’ll get pulled over before me, for sure.

  I’m only a few minutes’ drive from the Underhill Community Center. I’ll make it there before full dark.

  My old car chugs its way down the exit ramp, weaves through the neighborhood. It’s hard, coming down from expressway speed. Feels like I’m crawling.

  Peach Street is all lit up like Christmas. Some kind of big mess.

  I crawl. Watch the needle like a hawk. Use my signals.

  Fifty bucks. A hundred. That’s good money and all, but what’s the cost of freedom?

  All I know is what it’s not worth: my life.

  KIMBERLY

  The clock on the office wall reads 5:27. It’s two minutes behind my cell phone. My shift technically ended at five.

  Zeke’s late.

  I’ve been pretend-packing-up my purse for almost half an hour. Put the lip gloss in, take the lip gloss out. Gloss. Put the lip gloss back in. Stand up. Loop the purse straps over my arm and take a last look at the desk. I’m like a background character in a cartoon. Can you get a repetitive stress injury from being ridiculous?

  I should go. Instead, I unloop the straps and sit down again.

  There’s a file folder open on the desk. Doesn’t matter which. It’s only there so I can close it with a flourish, stuff it in the drawer, and breezily declare, “I was just on my way out.”

  I scroll to see what everyone’s posting. Ano
ther couple of minutes won’t hurt anything.

  There’s a discussion going on between several well-known organizers from around the country. Kelvin X and Viana Brown love to go head-to-head about protest tactics. Kelvin thinks he’s clever, and he always sounds good in a thread of one-liners, but most of his ideas are unrealistically militant. I toss hearts onto a couple of Viana’s best zingers. Violence is not the answer; violence is the question. She is always spot on.

  The big viral item of the afternoon appears to be an article featuring Senator Alabaster Sloan.

  I scroll past that one. I don’t want to think about Senator Sloan. The Reverend. Al. Whatever.

  “Hey.” Zeke’s voice comes out of nowhere.

  I leap about a mile. Zeke’s right there, on the other side of the desk. Even not reading the article had pulled my attention all the way into my phone, apparently.

  “Oh, hey.” My smile feels dramatically extra-glossed. Did I overdo it? Are my lips shining like a mirror right now? God. I fumble for the edge of the file folder. “I was just about to take off.”

  “You might want to wait a few minutes,” he says. “There are cops all over Peach Street. Looks like a big raid or something.”

  When I leave, I won’t be going toward Peach. The hair salon where I work is down that way, but my apartment is a few blocks in the other direction. I guess Zeke doesn’t know that. Or … did he just invite me to stay? Does he want me to?

  My tongue darts out over my lip. Comes back coated in gloss. Ugh. Sticky. “Um—” I scrape my teeth against the gunk. “Sure, that’s a good idea.”

  Zeke isn’t really paying attention to me.

  I plop my purse back on the desk for the dozenth time. If it was animate, it would be pissed at me for jerking it around. “They’ve been out in force lately, haven’t they?”

  “Our community actions are making them nervous.” Zeke smiles. He has a great smile. Not too glossy or anything. “Everything we do in the neighborhood to empower people, to create awareness, is frightening them. They want to keep us in check.”

  I lean on the edge of my desk. No, that probably makes my hips look too wide. “They’re succeeding, aren’t they?” It’s an honest question.

  Zeke looks at the desk. “Yeah.”

  There’s not much to say after that. Except something about how we’re going to change things, right from here. Together.

  But that would sound too corny.

  Our room is in the heart of the community center. It doesn’t have any windows. “I guess I should get home,” I tell him. It’s pizza night with my roommate. “How long until it passes, do you think?”

  The phone starts ringing off the hook.

  MELODY

  Police lights and caution tape? That’s straight-up black-person repellent. People avoid that certain block on Peach Street while the cops close in. Ain’t nobody want a piece of that mess. At first.

  Then word gets out. What’s really going down.

  A child, dead. A girl.

  Then the truth gets floated: officer-involved shooting.

  Reporters pop up at the corners.

  Then her name gets out: Shae Tatum.

  What? They wrong. They gotta be. I would have kept walking, if I didn’t hear someone say it. ’Cause that can’t be right. Can’t be.

  Shae wouldn’t be out alone at night. Ever. This couldn’t happen.

  Hold up, though.… It’s Thursday. I dropped her off at tutoring at 3:30. Sometimes she walks home alone. It’s only five blocks. But she’d have been home hours ago.

  Already got my cell in my hand, like always. Dial Shae’s momma.

  It rings on into nothing.

  Gotta get closer. I can’t see past the people. Too short. Think thin. It’s not so hard to slide to the front when you’re small. Crane my neck, but there are too many police cars. The block is lit. Uniforms wandering this way and that. Milling.

  The body on the sidewalk. Black coat. Pink shoes—

  No. No. God, no.

  The wail comes out loud. My green gloves tug at the yellow tape. POLICE LINE—DO NOT CROSS.

  I will cross anyway. But strangers put their hands on me.

  Shae.

  No way to go forward, no way to go back. There’s a crowd, thick behind me, everyone crying and cursing and fussing. Rows and layers of people. More witnesses than anyone would know what to do with. They hopping. They shivering. How many of us got a really good winter coat? Naw, you mostly bundle and scurry. Like Shae was.

  I can picture it. I can picture her going and going. Headphones in, like she always had.

  Shae.

  TINA

  Shae wore headphones

  for courage.

  The sound of voices

  in her ear made her feel

  less alone in a big scary world.

  JENNICA

  The bell above the door jangles. Customer! It rings out the news way too cheerfully. I’m tired of smiling today.

  I’m pouring coffee for the old guy already at the counter. He’s a regular. Not a chatty one, just likes to watch the news. We have a rhythm.

  When I turn around, my stomach shifts.

  Oh. It’s only Brick. I’m relieved and stirred all at once.

  “Hey, Jen.”

  He calls me Jen here, because that’s what’s on my name tag. He’s respectful like that.

  Brick perches on one of the counter seats. “How you doing?”

  “I’m good.” I slip him a menu. Sometimes he orders. Either way he always leaves money on the counter. Hard to argue with that.

  “Just good? But I’m here now.” He smiles and winks.

  I don’t know what he’s playing at. He likes me, but not like that. At least, he’s never tried to grab me or nothing. If he’s after me for sex, he’s going about it different than any King I’ve known. Sometimes I get a glimmer off him, but it always tucks back away.

  I’m mainly glad he comes alone. He’s not trying to run game to get me back with Noodle. And Noodle’s his main man, so maybe that’s why he doesn’t try to get fresh with me himself. Respect. Not that Noodle deserves it.

  Brick scrolls through his texts. “Gotta iron out some wrinkles between my boys.”

  “Don’t forget to starch them,” I joke.

  Brick grins. “I heard of that,” he says. “Is that a real thing?”

  “Sure.” My mom used to starch my dad’s work shirts. It was old school. The memory floats, like a cloud of starch dust. Standing under the ironing board, around my mom’s knees. Puffs of steam, watching the powder float down. Thinking it magical, like snow.

  Like snow.

  Long before snow ruined them.

  Brick grimaces. “Who wants their fabric all stiff, like cardboard? Hard to work it out in my head.”

  I let myself smile, but it’s tight. Can’t forget what his boys do. Can’t ever forget. “Not stiff, more like … crisp. If you dig neatly pressed uniform shirts, or whatever.”

  Brick wears a black denim shirt with red trim. Red cap on backwards. Variations on a theme. He looks good.

  He turns his phone over so he can’t see the screen. “Lemme get some pie.”

  I serve him, and he chats at me about whatever. He likes talking to me, I think. He always did. We get along.

  “You wanna come up to my place tonight? I’ve got people coming over.”

  He already knows what I’m going to say. “That doesn’t make it different from any other night, does it?”

  He shrugs. “What can I say? I’m the host with the most. Can’t keep the ladies away.”

  Most of the ladies. It goes unsaid. “Thanks, anyway,” I say.

  He sighs. “I miss having you come by. We had some good times, didn’t we?”

  I slide Brick’s pie plate away, try to clear my mind. No good comes from thinking in reverse. Instead, I focus on how it’s pizza-night Thursday. What will go on my half, what will go on Kimberly’s. She’s more predictable. I like to shake it up. Because I
can. Tonight I have to work later than usual, but the food will still be waiting for me when I get home.

  Brick’s phone is buzzing off the hook, but he stays right with me.

  “Are you gonna check that?” I ask. He’s barely glanced at it in ages.

  “I should,” he says. “Don’t want to. Somebody’s got beef and they wanna drag me into it.”

  “Where’s the beef?”

  Brick offers me half a grin. Hmm. He usually laughs too hard at my bad jokes. He’s trying to look out for me.

  He glances at his phone. Double takes. Picks it up and scrolls.

  “Hey, do me a favor,” he says. “Pop on the local news.”

  “Sure.” The remote is right there below the counter, by the silverware bin. A couple of clicks and I’m seeing what he meant.

  The six o’clock news leads with it. “Officer-involved shooting…”

  “They always try to sugarcoat it.” The old guy down the counter shakes his head. Time to refresh his coffee.

  The clatter of the glass pot, the smell, the steam rushing up—all familiar. Familiar as the sterile-sad voice overhead.

  “Police say a full investigation will be conducted. They decline to release the name of the suspect pending notification of the family.”

  “Suspect,” the old guy grunts. “Dollars to donuts it’s just a kid.”

  Brick pays closer attention to his phone. “Maybe one of my guys. My phone is blowing up.”

  My hand moves, almost of its own accord. Across the counter to cover his free hand.

  BRICK

  As I stroll out the diner, Noodle’s texting me up down and backwards. Where u at?

  Taking care of some business, I answer.

  Can’t exactly tell him I’m doing what I do most evenings. Eating mediocre diner pie and slow playing his ex.

  Srsly, Noodle types. Get down here. It’s lit.