Dashing Through the No

by Sivec, Tara

  “My answer is yes! Yes, I will make you the happiest woman in the whole fucking world and marry you!” Bodhi shouts, peppering the side of my face with kisses as I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold on tight as he spins us. “It’s about damn time you asked. Oh my God, it was so embarrassing that all my girlfriends were getting engaged before me!”

  All the strippers cheer again, Millie cranks the music back up, and Jason and Allie start popping champagne as Bodhi finally sets me back down on my feet, his arms still locked tightly around me as I reach up and brush his hair out of his eyes.

  I open my mouth to tell him my one last surprise, when the sound of his cellphone ringing in his back pocket cuts me off. Bodhi lets go of me and takes a step back to pull the phone out, his mouth dropping open when he turns the screen so I can see it.

  Dr. Wright Calling

  “I’ll go outside and answer it.”

  He starts to turn away, and I grab his arm to stop him as the celebration continues around us, glasses of champagne being clinked together.

  “Just answer it.”

  Bodhi waits two more rings before he realizes I’m serious and then presses the answer button. Plugging his ear with a finger to shut out the noise, he brings the phone up to his other ear.

  I listen to Bodhi’s side of the conversation, watching him nod and say a few yeses and a couple of okays, and my heart starts pounding inside my chest, and I start having trouble breathing. I’m rubbing the heel of my palm against my rapidly beating heart and pressing my hand harder against my stomach to calm the butterflies, but it doesn’t work, and nothing can make me feel calm right now, because I know.

  Bodhi’s nodding, and his eyes are getting bigger with every word the doctor says, and I know. I know what he’s telling Bodhi right now as his eyes fly to mine in a panic with something the doctor says, because I’ve known what was “wrong” with me for the last two months. I was just too scared to admit it.

  I knew the first time I threw up. And the second time. And third, and fourth, and fifth. And I knew when I cried at a goddamn Hallmark movie, and when my mood swings almost made me light an entire rental car on fire when Taco Bell didn’t have what I wanted. I know what all of this bullshit is about, because…

  “You’re pregnant,” Bodhi whispers, the phone slipping from his ear as his arm drops down to his side.

  “I’m pregnant.” I shrug.

  And all of a sudden, my heart starts beating normally again, the butterflies stop flapping, and I feel like I can breathe again when I say it out loud.

  But now I can’t fucking see, because I’m crying so hard, and before I can complain about what a sissy I am, Bodhi’s hands are on my face, and he’s crashing his lips against mine. I wrap my arms tightly around his waist as he worships my mouth for a few minutes before taking his time making a trail with his lips up both my cheeks, kissing away the tears until he pulls back to look down at me.

  “Are you okay? Do you want me to get you a knife?”

  “I have a black soul, but it’s not that dark.”

  “Not for you!” Bodhi laughs, shaking his head at me while he still holds my face in his hands. “I meant for me. You’re totally gonna kill me now for knocking you up, and I get it; I do. I just ask that you please refrain from using fire just this once, because honestly, that sounds like a really slow, agonizing way to die. If you love me, you’ll make it quick and painless.”

  “If we’re being technical here, it’s super-fast and mostly painless, because the fire singes all the nerves and pain receptors, and then the adrenaline kicks in, which is always a good time.” I shrug.

  “Well, I certainly feel much better now,” Bodhi nods.

  Lifting up on my toes, I press my lips to his, holding them there for a few beats before pulling back. Bodhi rests his forehead against mine while Speedos start flying around the room when the champagne goes right to the strippers’ heads.

  “We’re gonna have a baby,” Bodhi whispers in awe as he starts rocking us from side to side, and I tighten my arms around his waist.

  “I know.” I smile, looking at him through my lashes. “I’m scared to death I’m going to screw this up.”

  “Don’t be scared. We’re totally going to screw it up together.”

  I laugh through my tears, and Bodhi swipes them away with his thumbs as quick as they fall.

  “You’ve already been raising me for the last six months, and look how good you are at it? I’m still alive, and I’ve never once felt like I needed to call social services, except for that one time you accidentally lit my sock on fire while it was still on my foot, but I really was asking for it that day. You’re gonna be the best mom ever,” Bodhi reassures me.

  “Great. Now I’ll have two children to raise.” I roll my eyes, even though I have such a huge smile on my face it hurts my cheeks.

  “Clearly, we’re calling it Tiny Tim until we know what we’re having,” Bodhi says seriously.

  “That’s absolutely not happening.”

  “We’ll see about that.” He smirks. “And you’re sure you don’t want to kill me?”

  An image of Bodhi instantly forms in my mind. One where he’s shirtless—come on, it’s my fantasy, people—a year from now, in a dark room with just the soft glow of lights from a Christmas tree to see by, while he holds a baby against his chest, rocking it back and forth while he hums “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.”

  I laugh and shake my head, my forehead sliding back and forth against Bodhi’s. “I don’t want to kill you.”

  “Okay, so hear me out,” he suddenly says, pulling his head back from mine and dropping his hands from my face to rest them on my shoulders. “I know you’re not a fan of the big, fancy wedding shindig, and frankly, my little firestarter, neither am I. So, how about we have an actual, spur-of-the-moment, shotgun wedding, like the one we read in that western romance last week, where we pretend I have to marry you or your daddy will shoot me?”

  “If you guys actually need a shotgun, I’ve got one—”

  “We’re good, Sheldon!” Bodhi and I say at the same time when Sheldon’s face pops up right next to ours.

  “You’re serious?” I ask him after Sheldon walks away.

  “Baby, I’ve been serious with you since the first time you smiled at me. I just want to spend the rest of my life making you smile, and I don’t want to waste another second. Especially now that Tiny Tim has made you so agreeable to marriage and everything.” He smirks, which earns him a swat to the stomach, which obviously bounces right off his abs and hurts my hand more.

  After a few seconds of looking around the room, with strippers now dancing on couches, Allie and Jason now dancing with each other out in the foyer after giving up on trying to get one of the them down from the check-in desk, and one stripper actually sitting in the corner using Bodhi’s Santa bong, I look back at the man I love and the only normal thing in this room right now.

  “Why the hell not.” I shrug, Bodhi’s smile lighting up his face.

  “That’s the Christmas spirit! Yo, Millie! Are you still an ordained minister?” he shouts across the room.

  CHAPTER 11

  Bodhi

  “The perfect match.”

  “She could have at least worn a dress! It’s bad enough that bitch is getting married before me! Did she even see some of the dresses in the fourth binder I gave her?”

  “Shut up, it’s totally romantic and sweet!”

  “Eeew, gross, Mom! Stop making those kissy faces at Shepherd, or I’m gonna vomit.”

  “There’s not even any glitter on her hat? Oh my God, you people are a bunch of savages, and I don’t even know you right now.”

  “Seriously, this could have been on ESPN, you slackers!”

  “Jesus H Christ, can we get this show on the road already? I need to eat something and take my water pill.”

  “If you don’t shut the fuck up right now, I am closing the lid of this laptop, and you are all officially uninvited!” Te
ss finally shouts.

  I laugh as I walk up to her, bending down to wave at all our friends currently watching what we’re about to do from the comfort of Shepherd and Wren’s ginormous living room, where they were all hanging out wrapping presents when we called to tell them both pieces of our good news.

  Tess nervously held her breath, waiting for Birdie and everyone else to start screaming at her and freaking out, but all those nerves were for nothing. As soon as Tess blurted everything out, there was five seconds of silence before all hell broke loose. Everyone proceeded to argue amongst themselves without us for a good fifteen minutes about who owes who money, because half of them, including Birdie, already guessed a long time ago that Tess was pregnant. And that we’d probably do something crazy like elope while we were on vacation, all of them placing their bets the day we left Summersweet.

  “You ready to do this, my little firestarter?”

  Tess steps away from the open laptop Allie set up for us on a barstool, out in the backyard in the snow after the sun went down, right by the tree line where my luminary proposal went up in flames.

  And Jason only got yelled at for five minutes for not telling her he almost set the entire woods surrounding the property on fire, so that was good for him.

  Even though neither one of us wanted a big wedding with tons of people, we still wanted the ones we love the most to witness it, and we both thanked Allie profusely when she came up with the laptop idea. Tess even humored me and my love of Christmas by letting me handle the wedding decorations, which includes the Santa hippo tree from our room that I dragged out here with an extension cord, some twinkle lights hanging in the trees around us, and one other item from our room that I still can’t believe she agreed to.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.” Tess smiles up at me, still wearing the cute, slouchy black beanie over her blue hair, saying we could consider it her headpiece and veil.

  Agreeing to change out of our matching pajamas so we could save them for Christmas Eve, we decided to wear whatever the hell we wanted, since this wedding is ours, and we can do whatever the hell we want with it. And since like the rest of our friends Millie assumed we’d do something crazy as well, she bought Tess and me matching shirts during her shopping spree. A black one that says Groom, and a white one that says Bride. When Millie handed them to us before we went upstairs to get changed, Tess immediately snatched the groom one out of my hand and handed me the bride one, because obviously my girl wanted to wear black on her wedding day. I will do whatever it takes to make her happy.

  With her black T-shirt that’s adorably too big for her that she tied in a knot by her hip, a long black cardigan that falls to her thighs to keep her arms warm, the black joggers she had on earlier with the kickass chain hanging down from the belt loops, along with her Doc Martens, she takes my goddamn breath away, and I can’t believe she’s mine.

  “You’re the prettiest bride I’ve ever seen.”

  “Fuck off.” Tess rolls her eyes, even as she gives me that killer smile that stopped me in my tracks six months ago.

  With my white Bride shirt that’s two-sizes too small, and my black cargo shorts to match my girl, I return her smile right as Jason throws a match on the huge pile of wood he stacked on top of the already scorched grass, along with all the lighter fluid from Tess’s travel bottle. The pile bursts into flames, and I laugh when Tess lets out a happy shriek, her eyes getting wide and excited, as I grab both of her hands and try to get her to turn to face me.

  “Okay, time to look at me now.”

  “Fiiire… pretty fire,” Tess mutters, still staring at the bonfire instead of me.

  I give her hands a squeeze and a little shake.

  “Come on, time to start the festivities.”

  “So pretty,” she whispers, still not looking at me.

  “Jesus, I knew we should have waited for the fire until the end. Now you’re not gonna pay attention.” Taking my life into my own hands, I let go of one of Tess’s hands to snap my fingers a few times in front of her face. “Yo! Eyes over here!” I order.

  Tess’s face immediately whips back to me, and I’m kind of surprised her head doesn’t just whip all the way around in a complete circle on her neck as she narrows her eyes and growls at me a little, making my dick hard.

  “Tell me what to do again when we’re not naked, and I will slit your throat.”

  “There’s my girl.” I smile, grabbing her hand I dropped and nodding over to Millie standing off to the side.

  “You want the short and sweet version, correct?” Millie asks as she steps up next to us, wearing a floor-length sparkly dress that looks like it came straight from Vanna White’s closet, with her brown mink coat draped over her shoulders, clasping her hands together down in front of her as she looks back and forth between us.

  “As short as humanly possible,” Tess says, and I nod right along with her as the heat from the roaring fire next to us keeps us warm out in the cold.

  “You didn’t write your own vows? Oh my God, you didn’t even look at those binders did you?”

  “No sparkly flowers, no sparkly tiara, no sparkly veil and train…. It’s like I’m watching an Amish wedding.”

  “My arthritis is killing me. You people are taking too long. I’m gonna go sit over there, so just tell me when I need to clap.”

  It’s Tess’s turn to drop one of my hands this time as she quickly leans over and repeatedly smacks the volume button on the keyboard of the laptop until all of our “guests” are on mute.

  “Ahhh, much better.” She smiles up at me before glancing at Millie as she re-grabs my hand. “Okay, continue.”

  “If I could speak for one moment…” I cut off Millie when she opens her mouth to start the ceremony. “I have a little something prepared.”

  “You son of a bitch,” Tess whispers, while I see Birdie jumping up and down in excitement on the screen of the laptop.

  Giving Tess’s hands a squeeze, I take a step forward until we’re toe-to-toe in the snow, leaning down and resting my forehead against her beanie-covered one.

  “I know you’re still freaking out and scared about the baby, even though you’re acting like you’re totally calm, because you hate feeling weak,” I begin softly. Tess scoffs and rolls her eyes at me through her long, gorgeous lashes with our foreheads pressed together, but stays otherwise quiet and lets me continue. “I know you only got on board with this whole marriage thing because you know it’s what I want, and you just want to make me happy, and God I love you so fucking much for that. Do you have any idea?”

  I hear Tess sniffle, and I let go of one of her hands to reach up between us and cup her cheek, pulling my head back to swipe away at her tears with my thumb.

  “I promise you, I will make it worth it, my little firestarter. I’ll make it less scary, and I’ll make it more fun, and I will be there every step of the way, never forgetting for one minute who you are, or who Tiny Tim is, or just how much you both mean to me, or how much I love you. I promise I will always come back, Tess.”

  Now it’s Tess’s turn to reach up and press her palm against the side of my face so she can swipe away my own tears.

  “I can’t believe you’re making me cry at my own wedding, you dickhole.” Tess shakes her head at me, brushing the last of my tears away with the tips of her fingers before pressing her hand against the one I’m still cupping her cheek with. “You’re worth throwing all my plans away for. I never wanted a husband, because I never found a man strong enough to handle having me as a wife. I am going to be a goddamn nightmare, oh my God. You have no idea.” Tess laughs, making me laugh just as hard right along with her.

  “You’re going to be perfect.”

  Tess growls a little, and I quickly amend my statement.

  “You’re going to be perfect for me.”

  “Right on.” Tess smiles, making my heart dance a little Christmas jig inside my chest.

  “All right then, are you ready?” Millie asks. Tess and I nod as we g
o back to holding both of our hands down between us, smiling like a couple of fools at each other. “Here we go. Short and sweet. Bodhi, do you want to marry Tess?”

  “Fuck yes!” I quickly shout, making Jason and Allie chuckle from a few feet away.

  “And Tess, do you want to marry Bodhi?” Millie asks Tess, smiling up at me and looking so fucking beautiful with her skin glowing from the snapping and popping bonfire next to us that I want to pinch myself just to make sure this is really happening.

  “Fuck yes,” Tess whispers her reply, and I have to blink the damn tears away that just won’t seem to quit today.

  “Could I have the rings please?” Millie asks, holding her palm out to us.

  “We don’t—”

  “Yes we do.” I interrupt Tess with a wink as she glares at me, while I pull the rings out of my pocket that I bought the day after our first date.

  Tess gasps just as loudly as I did when I realized she was down on one knee proposing to me earlier, as I grab her hand and sip hers on her finger. Knowing it was meant for Tess as soon as I walked by the jewelry store on Summersweet Island and saw it in the window, the Oregon sunstone surrounded by red and orange sapphires looks hot as hell on her hand. And the huge smile on her face when she slips the matching ring I purchased on my finger—a copper-toned band with black flames engraved all around it, lets me know I’m forgiven for all these wedding extras she didn’t agree to.

  “Then by the power vested in me from The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster dot com, which is totally a legit religion, you can google it, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss—”

  My arms are around Tess and my tongue is already halfway down her throat before Millie finishes telling me what to do. Allie, Millie, and Jason start clapping while I kiss the hell out of my wife, and out the corner of my eye, I can see everyone on the computer screen silently screaming and clapping right along with them.

  Breaking apart, I smile down at Tess as I lift my foot and then quickly bring it back down on the other decoration from our room she let me bring down here.