Fatal Memories

by Tanya Stowe

  He’d let her down, and when it counted the most, failed her completely. Practically handed her over to the gang. She had every right to be disgusted with him. He was disgusted with himself. The most important case of his career and he’d made some serious missteps...and probably forever alienated the most important person in his life.

  He dreaded going to Washington. Even if his boss thought he’d succeeded, he knew, deep down, that he’d failed in the ways that counted most to him. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t make things right. Now. Before he left. Today Jason Walker was being transported to Maria and her family. Dylan was scheduled to meet with Holmquist and Joss to escort Walker to his flight.

  Dylan would apologize to Joss at the airport, try to make things right before he left. He grabbed his phone and headed out the door.

  Holmquist was waiting outside the terminal. “You look terrible.”

  “I just got off the phone with Washington.”

  “I see. They’ve been raking you over the coals.”

  “No, but they should. I deserve it.”

  Holmquist shook his head and moved toward the entrance doors. “I warned you.”

  “And I didn’t listen. I know. It’s my own fault.”

  They headed to the escalators. “Yeah, well, at least I didn’t lose my best agent. Joss wants to start work next week. She needs time to find a new apartment and get settled.”

  Dylan paused. “You think she’s ready?”

  “Why? You don’t think she’s up to a return?”

  He shrugged. “She seems different.”

  Holmquist turned away. “Yeah, I’ve noticed she’s not treating you the same. Seems you fell off your pedestal.”

  “I didn’t want to be on a pedestal. I knew I didn’t deserve it.”

  “Doubt. That’s the first honest emotion I’ve seen in you, Murphy. Maybe there’s hope for you after all.” He strode off, leaving Dylan shaking his head and hurrying to catch up.

  He checked in at the airline desk, where he’d hired a private flight. He was taking no chances on Walker’s safety. It would be months before they rounded up everyone connected with the Serpientes. They needed to make sure no one tried to step into the gap created by the loss of its leaders. In the meantime, Dylan wanted Jason and the Martinez family under protection. He’d fly with Joss’s brother and reconnect him with Maria and her family. Once they were reunited, Dylan would hand them over to the agents of WITSEC. It would be the last he’d see of the man to whom he owed so much. Without Walker, Joss would be dead.

  Behind him, an elevator opened. He turned. Gonzalez and several other agents exited, followed by Joss and Jason Walker. Joss gripped her brother’s arm and smiled up at him. She looked at peace. Sad but calm, and more beautiful than Dylan remembered. Her unfettered hair flowed over the shoulders of a simple summer dress, white with bold red flowers splashed across it.

  She hugged Holmquist and waved at Dylan. Just a slight wave of recognition. Not the smile in her eyes, the one he was used to seeing...and had come to expect.

  She turned to her brother and wrapped her arms around him.

  “I’ll send word through the agency,” Walker said.

  Joss kissed him on the cheek. He turned and walked toward Dylan.

  “I’ll meet you inside.”

  Walker entered the loading ramp. Dylan nodded to Gonzalez as he walked by. The agent had done so much to help solve this case, he deserved to see the finish, so he was traveling with them to Colorado.

  Joss stood nearby. Holmquist had his arm around her shoulders. Her hands clenched each other but her features were smooth and calm. When Holmquist saw Dylan walking toward them, he said something to Joss and headed to the elevator.

  She stood across from him. They were alone. Most of the agents had either entered the plane or walked to the elevator with Holmquist.

  This was the closest he’d been to Joss since the night of the shoot-out.

  Dylan took a deep breath. “Joss, I’m sorry I let you down. After all of my promises to keep you safe, to never let them get you, I took you to my ranch and essentially handed you to them on a platter. I failed you.”

  She shook her head and her dark hair shimmered in the sunlight coming from the terminal windows. “No. You didn’t let me down. You gave me a glimpse of the real me.”

  Surprise washed over him. Of all the things he had expected her to say, that was the most unexpected. “What do you mean?”

  She sighed. “Being at your ranch house meant a lot to me. It was the first time in my life I saw what a life like that could be...all the generations of Murphys living and dining there. Investing in the land. A home full of memories...all the things you’ve been trying to run from are all the things that I’ve been missing in my life. Losing my memory changed me, made me see what I was missing. I know what I want now. A home. A place to call my own, to make my own. I want to be surrounded by things and creatures that love me—dogs...animals...babies.”

  Hope sprang to life inside him. “Joss, I love you.”

  She shook her head and his hope flamed out. “I learned something about myself, Dylan. I learned what your old hymn says, that God alone suffices. Of course I need love and friends. But I also need to know Him better. I need to know that I’m His. I think as I learn how to be a princess of the King, I’ll also learn not to need others so much. I’ll truly know my own value. You need to learn that too, Dylan. You need to know what drives you, why everything else needs to take second place to your mission.”

  “You’re not second place. You’re important to me.”

  “I think maybe I am important to you. But that’s not enough. I don’t want to come second to anyone’s earthly love, Dylan. I deserve to be first. I’ll always come below your duty. You’ve been called to do something more. It’s a grand thing. A wonderful thing. But I’ll always wonder why you’re leaving me again. I have to learn to let God be enough.”

  He shook his head. “I do love you, Joss. Don’t doubt it.”

  A wry tilt lifted her lips. “But you love your job more.”

  “You love your job too. We can support each other in our work.”

  “I want more than that, Dylan. I want the things you don’t want. I want that ranch and the horses and the rides along the river. Tell me honestly, would you give up your work to stay at the ranch?”

  He hesitated. He couldn’t. Not yet. And then the truth hit him. After all of his promises to God to protect and hold her forever, his work still had a hold on him...almost like a prisoner.

  Slowly she shook her head. “You don’t have to answer. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re already done here. You’re probably packed up, ready to return to Washington, after you turn Jason over.”

  His lips parted and he looked away. He didn’t want to admit that she was right.

  She sagged slightly and looked at the ground. He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her, to tell her it would be all right. But it wouldn’t be. She spoke the truth. He couldn’t give her what she wanted.

  She placed her hand on his cheek. Reaching up, she pressed her cool lips to his. They were soft. She smelled cool and crisp, like summers on the swing, sprinklers twitching over the grass and cucumbers. Things he’d left behind a long time ago. Maybe forever.

  “Goodbye, Dylan. I’ll pray for success with all you do.”

  She turned and walked out of his life.

  ELEVEN

  Driving along the freeway, Joss topped a bluff and looked out over the vast San Pedro River Valley.

  Black clouds filled the sky in spots. Late September, and the monsoons were fading. Soon they would face the dry, pleasant months of winter. She smiled, thinking how much she would miss these summer storms.

  How her life had changed!

  She used to hate storms but now savored the dark clouds tipped with gold. Rays of
sunshine fell in golden spots across the valley. Even if she was setting herself up for heartache, she’d be thankful for this final beautiful drive to the ranch.

  She’d heard that Dylan was back in town, but was taken by surprise when he called and asked her to pay a visit. He wanted her to come because their last meeting had been so stilted...so many things had been left unsaid.

  It wasn’t true. They’d said everything that needed to be said. The weeks he’d been gone confirmed that for Joss. Now more than ever she knew what she wanted.

  Her weeks of prayer had revealed what the Lord had planted in her heart. She loved her work. She would always be devoted to law enforcement, but more than that, she wanted a home, to be surrounded by people she loved. She never wanted to return to a life filled only with her work. And Dylan knew no other way to live.

  She pulled off the highway, onto the dirt road leading to his ranch. As she came close, a smile teased her lips. Patches and Goldie were tied out front. Dylan came out the front door, wearing his typical ranch wardrobe—jeans, T-shirt and boots. His curly hair peeked out from beneath a new hat and he looked so good, Joss’s heart began to pound.

  In his hands he carried the tan hat she’d worn before. She stopped the car and slid out.

  “Hi.”

  “Hello.” She shut the car door carefully, waiting for the hammering in her heart to stop. “I didn’t expect you to return from Washington so soon...actually ever.”

  He slid the hat around his fingers. “I needed to make a decision about these animals.” Joss’s heart plummeted. So, he was selling them to his neighbor, Hank. That’s why he’d returned. The only reason. The double-time beat of her heart slowed to a crawl.

  She wished she had the money to buy Goldie and Patches. They meant a lot to her. But she didn’t. She was saving to buy her own home. Not a wonderful place like this, just a house she could call her own. She didn’t want to say that out loud, didn’t want to share those hopes with Dylan. It would be too painful a reminder.

  “I thought we might go for a ride.”

  She didn’t think she could stand it, to ride beside him, to feel the horses and see the river. To think about what might have been. He should say what he thought needed to be said right here, so she could be on her way.

  “A ride isn’t a good idea.”

  He nodded. “Too many bad memories.”

  She gave a small laugh. “Too many good ones. I guess you’ve finally decided to cut all ties.”

  He smiled. “Not exactly. I had a long talk with my parents and changed my mind.”

  She studied him. “Really?”

  “Yeah. They’re staying here at the ranch for a while.”

  “Do they want to move back in?”

  “Not exactly.”

  Frustrated, she gripped the keys in her hand. “Well, what exactly is going on? Why did you ask me to come here?”

  “I have to get the place fixed up a bit. I need to buy some new furniture. Hang some pictures. I thought you might be willing to help.”

  She shook her head in disbelief at his callous disregard for her feelings. “I can’t help you pick out your furnishings. You have to choose what you want.”

  He stepped closer. “No, hotshot. You need to buy the things you want. You said you needed to be surrounded by the things you love.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. “But they wouldn’t be surrounding me.”

  “They would if I have my way.”

  She shook her head. “You’ve said time and again this won’t work, Dylan, and now I agree. I heard you got a commendation and promotion, so you’ll be heading back to Washington.”

  “Did you also hear I refused it? I asked to be transferred here as the area lead.”

  “You...you turned it down?”

  “I had to tie up loose ends and think. You were right...about everything. My guilt was like the gray mist you described from your memory loss. I couldn’t see anything beyond that gray wall of guilt.”

  He shook his head. “I couldn’t accept the Lord’s mercy because I was so certain I was unforgivable.”

  He reached for her with his free hand and grasped her fingertips. “Then I failed you on the mountain. All of my success as an agent, all of my accomplishments, meant nothing. I wanted to die.”

  “Oh, Dylan, I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m not. It was only when I was beaten and lost that I saw the truth. A second chance came to me, from your brother, the one I blamed the most. I realized that God’s mercy is free for all of us. And it’s much stronger and greater than we can imagine.

  “It was like my eyes were opened. I realized what a beautiful gift the Lord had given me...something to chase away the dark. I had the future in my hands...my arms, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I won’t make that mistake again.”

  Her heart started pounding again. “But...but they’re giving you more power. The ability to stop gangs everywhere. It’s what you’ve always wanted.”

  He fit the cowboy hat onto her head. “Maybe that’s what I wanted. But everything I really need is right here. This ranch. Dogs. Maybe some more horses in that field over there.” He moved closer. “Babies.”

  The jackhammer in her heart stopped and stuttered. “You...you need a momma for that job.”

  Reaching across the space, he slid his fingers through her hair and flipped it behind her shoulders. Then he tossed the hat aside and laid his hands on each side of her face. “I know. I’ve found the perfect one...if she’ll have me.”

  He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. He smelled so good. Like warm cotton and leather. His lips firm and certain, he kissed her until her knees were weak.

  But he broke the kiss, wrapped his arms around her, tucked her head into the curve of his neck and whispered, “I was like you, Joss. I needed to know where the Lord really wanted me to be. I figured out that’s right here, beside you. Will you marry me? Will you help me make a home, and help me give dogs and horses grown-up names?”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Yes,” she murmured. “On one condition...that we always make our home here, where all of the Murphys have lived. I want our babies to know who they are and where they come from. I don’t ever want them to feel lost like we did.”

  He kissed her again, long and hard, until thunder boomed overhead.

  Dylan pulled back. “Come on. My parents are anxious to meet you. Besides, we need to get you inside before this storm starts.”

  Too late. The clouds let loose and buckets of water poured over them. Smiling, Joss pulled him close for another kiss.

  “I’m fine right where I am. I’m not afraid. Good things happen after storms.”

  * * *

  Keep reading for an excerpt from Trail of Danger by Valerie Hansen.

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  Dear Reader,

  I grew up on the coast of California, with lots of green and the beach. When I married, we moved to the Mojave Desert. When we came over the mountains and I looked down on our brown, flat desert home, I began to cry. My husband hurried to say, “It’s okay. You can live with your parents and I’ll come home on the weekends.”

  Of course, we all know that’s not how a marriage works, and our three years turned into thirty-seven. So I was ready for a change. My husband’s next job sent us to the Arabian Desert. I thought the Mojave was so barren, it looked like the lunar landscape. Then I saw the Empty Quarter of Oman, a true lunar landscape, where nothing lives and the land is so flat, you can see a truck on the road, a hundred miles away.

  When we moved to Southern Arizona, I discovered a wonderland of plants, such as the humanlike saguaros, thousands of blooming cacti and unique anim
als called javelinas. Nothing can match skies that turn to fire at sunset or the summer monsoon rains that drop down suddenly, like a curtain of water.

  As you can see, I’ve come to accept the Lord’s plan for me to be a “desert rat.” I fell in love with the Sonoran Desert and decided I had to write a story set there. I hope you love it too.

  Blessings!

  Tanya Stowe

  We hope you enjoyed this Harlequin Love Inspired Suspense story.

  You enjoy a dash of danger. Love Inspired Suspense stories feature strong heroes and heroines whose faith is central in solving mysteries and saving lives.

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  Trail of Danger

  by Valerie Hansen

  ONE

  Abigail Jones stared at the blackening eastern sky and shivered. She was more afraid of the strangers lingering in the shadows along the Coney Island boardwalk than she was of the summer storm brewing over the Atlantic. Thankfully, the air wasn’t uncomfortably cool. It would be several months before she’d have to start worrying about the street kids in her outreach program during frigid New York weather.