Scarred: Sailor’s Grave #3

by Elyse, Drew

  “I’m fine.”

  “You keep saying that.”

  “Because it’s true.”

  She kept making that face, unconvinced.

  “I got a cat, Jess. I didn’t turn into a hoarder and let a dozen strays start living in my filth.”

  “The cat thing was just kind of sudden. And I like him, obviously.” She jerked both hands out indicating the fact that she was right next to him despite her continued sniffling. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not a little weird to just up and decide out of nowhere that you wanted one.”

  “It never really occurred to me until recently that I could.”

  That shut her up.

  I wondered, not for the first time, what Jess knew about my past. I’d never told her much, never talked to anyone about it, really. When Carson found me and brought me in at Sailor’s Grave, I knew he’d learned some of it and probably guessed at more.

  When you boiled it down, there weren’t a lot of ways a twenty-year-old kid ended up on the streets. Even less when you could tell they’d been that way for a while.

  What of that Carson shared with Jess, I didn’t know. Sometimes when she was concerned—like right then—I got the sense she knew some of it. With Jess already being as vital to the shop back when Carson still ran it as she was now, and with the close personal relationship—like father and daughter, honestly—that they had on top of that, it wouldn’t shock me if he’d mentioned some of it.

  As she sat there, quiet despite her nature again and looking outright worried, I got the sense she understood what I was saying. I’d been without the means to take care of myself, let alone a pet, for a long time. Even once my position at Sailor’s Grave meant I didn’t have to fear being back in that place, the instincts it honed in me didn’t disappear. Until I’d rethought it, another mouth to feed was just a burden.

  Now, I was realizing different.

  “I just…” Jess started but trailed off.

  “I know.”

  She cared. She worried. She was one of the first to give me those things. I had to give her the room to express them as she needed to.

  “If you say you’re good, then I’ll take your word for it. But if you aren’t, I’m here. And I’ll be pissed if you’re lying.”

  I gave her a nod of acknowledgment, and she dropped it. I knew it when she pet Thaddeus again and stood to look around the living room.

  “Right there, next to the window. A cat tree would be good there. He’d probably like the view and the sun.”

  She’d said her piece, I’d listened.

  Moving on.

  Chapter Six

  Gwen

  It was a long day at the shelter. Murphy’s Law was in full effect, making it one of our busiest days in months while we were shorthanded. Still, it was rewarding to be back on the front lines helping find families for our animals. I’d started out at the rescue as a volunteer, myself. It had just been playing and walking and cleaning out cages then. I’d worked my way up to handling adoptions, and then to getting the paying job. I loved that I was in a position to support myself while doing something good in the world, but there were times when I missed being a part of that moment of joy when one of our animals finds a home.

  Of course, it wasn’t uncommon that I had to step in as I had today, so I was able to get that experience often enough.

  While we had a host of amazing volunteers that really gave their all, the fact was that life happened. When it did, people’s real jobs and families were going to be prioritized before putting in hours at the shelter, and I didn’t fault them for it at all. It just meant that some of my days were more hectic than others.

  As I drove home, I was riding the high of finding homes for three animals that day, as well as calling up the image of the incredible tattoo Parker had drawn for me every few minutes. Though, I wasn’t so sure I was prepared to be sitting in the chair with him inking it into my skin—and not just because I wasn’t a huge fan of needles. I hadn’t thought I could get more nervous about my appointment at Sailor’s Grave, but the universe decided to prove me wrong. Seeing Park, watching him for all his silence and standoffish-ness by claimed by a small, abandoned cat, pressed all of my buttons and had me wondering what he thought of me.

  Snapping out of it, I sent that train of thought down a dark, endless tunnel I was hoping it’d disappear in. Not that it had worked the other hundred times I’d done it that afternoon, but a girl could hope.

  I pulled into the lot of my building and headed for my designated spot, only to find a familiar beat-to-shit Dodge Ram already parked there. Not for the first time, I had to tamp down the urge to throw something at Jeff’s stupid truck that he only had to make himself feel cool. Not that it was for show since the thing was a damn mess. I wondered if he got it in such. state on purpose so people wouldn’t realize that he had no need for a truck since he didn’t use the bed for anything, he just wanted it because it was big and powerful looking. Since Jeff was neither—and I had to guess that was in all ways it could be applied—the truck was a classic case of over-compensation.

  Muttering about dickheads with small dicks, I drove over to the visitor parking. I hated parking here not only because it was far and not well lit, but technically these spots weren’t meant for overnight use. Since I had a sticker for the building, I was less likely to be ticketed or towed, but it wasn’t a guarantee. I swore as I pulled into the spot that if Kelly’s boyfriend taking my spot so he wouldn’t get in trouble for parking over here overnight meant that I did, I was going to snap.

  I trekked back to the building, having to walk right past the spot that was meant to be mine, cursing the fact that I’d ever agreed to the idea of moving in with Kelly. The fact was, our two-bedroom wasn’t an apartment, it was a condo. One that Kelly owned because her father purchased it outright for her.

  Kelly and I had never been great friends, but we’d been in college together and both migrated to nearby Hoffman. When she’d reached out to get coffee one time, I mentioned that I was looking for a new place before my lease expired.

  “Oh. Em. Goodness. I have an amazing idea. I’ve got an extra room I don’t need. Why don’t you move in there?” she’d practically gushed.

  It hadn’t taken me long to realize that this was in part Kelly’s way of keeping herself flush with cash through minimal effort, since I still paid rent and half of the utilities, but she had no expense for the place. But the rent she charged me was less than I was going to pay to get anything anywhere near that nice, so it worked for us both.

  For the first couple years, it had gone well. I was busy working and volunteering, and Kelly was busy socializing and occasionally having a job that wasn’t very demanding for a while. We were able to co-exist without any real issues.

  Then came Jeff.

  I finally made it inside to find the man—if you could call him that—in question in a full sprawl across the couch. He had one shoe-clad foot up on the back, the other on the ground. Luckily, he had jeans on, so his crotch was covered this time. He also had an open bag of chips laying on his stomach that I knew were mine since he never purchased any food that he ate here, and Kelly was on a strict no-processed-foods kick.

  On the massive 85-inch flat screen he’d talked Kelly into upgrading to a few months ago—with no contribution from him—were two naked women fondling each other’s oiled-up fake tits while taking turns deep throating a dick. The volume was loud enough that our neighbors had to be hearing the gagging and terrible fake moans, too.

  I wish I could say it was the first time I’d come home to him watching porn, but it wasn’t even close. Where most people might watch when they were taking care of business themselves in private, it seemed to be one of the few types of entertainment Jeff liked at all. It was that, racing, and graphically violent movies. Nothing else.

  The door shut behind me and he glanced my way with his usual sneer, then went back to his watching. Ignoring it and him and the frustration he set boiling in me ever
y time, I walked through to the kitchen, hoping there was something easy I could throw together for dinner that he hadn’t already eaten.

  I was resigning to microwaving a frozen dinner when Kelly came striding in. She was smiling but it was off, too tight. It had become a familiar expression, one she gave me before she repeated something Jeff wanted to say to me but didn’t man up and do himself. In every case, this was some kind of demand about that he had no rights making since he didn’t live here. Like taking down the painting that used to hang in the dining room that was mine because he didn’t like it. Or upgrading the cable package that I paid for because it didn’t have the channels he wanted.

  My teeth felt like they might crack with how hard I was clenching my jaw, but I’d let Kelly say whatever she felt had to be said. She had no backbone except when it came delivering Jeff’s demands, I never felt right about pushing back and challenging that one bit of assertiveness she showed.

  “How was work?” she asked, going for her normal bubbly but falling short because of the tension she couldn’t quite mask.

  “Alright. Your day?”

  She nodded as if that was an answer to what I’d asked, but we both knew what was happening. The pleasantries weren’t necessary, but she always started there.

  “Can we talk about something?”

  I wanted to tell her to spit it out so we could get it over with, but it wasn’t really her I was irritated with. Okay, it was a little bit her for not seeing what a tool Jeff was and giving in to everything he said, but I tried to check that.

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  “So, you know Jeff and I have been together for a while now,” she began.

  It’d been about three months if I was remembering right. Not what everyone might call “a while,” but sure.

  “Mhm,” I acknowledged, so she’d keep going.

  “Well, things are going really well,” she kept on stalling. I couldn’t say it was true with the way they fought, or more accurately, he got pissed and yelled at her and she just let it happen. “And we’ve been talking about the future.”

  I sent up a silent prayer to get her to speed up. Pausing over her and Jeff planning a future was an opening I could not take to tell her exactly what a big mistake that would be. She was an adult, it wasn’t my business. But it was getting harder and harder to bite my tongue.

  “Jeff was thinking… Well, we were both thinking…” It was the first one. “That maybe it’s time to take the next step.”

  I knew it this was not going in the direction of we’re ready to be long-distance while Jeff goes trekking through remote parts of the rainforest and might not come back, but I let myself fantasize for a moment while Kelly geared herself up to finally get to her point.

  When that moment became two, then three, and Kelly still didn’t say it, I gave her a push. “The next step being?”

  Another pause, which prompted Jeff to insert himself.

  “Christ, Kelly, just fucking spit it out. Shit.”

  I didn’t bother pointing out that he didn’t just spit it out for himself but hid behind his five-foot-nothing girlfriend.

  “Jeff’s moving in!”

  She said it like she expected me to be excited, too. Or like she was allowing herself the same kind of fantastical hope I’d been giving myself a minute ago. Although she tried to pretend it wasn’t true, she knew Jeff and I hated each other. Even while I tried to mask it somewhat for her sake, he made no such effort.

  “Oh.”

  Her excitement flickered out, and I felt a twinge of remorse. At least, until…

  “Keep goin’, babe.”

  God, his voice was worse than nails on a chalkboard.

  “Right, so, um…” Kelly was tenser than ever, and it made me brace. “We… that is, Jeff and I… we were thinking that… maybe…”

  “Jesus. Fucking can’t handle anything,” Jeff snapped. “We don’t need a third fucking wheel around all the goddamn time.”

  “Jeff!”

  Even though I’d frozen, I managed to feel surprise at the sharp reprimand from Kelly. I didn’t think she’d ever spoken to him like that.

  “What? It’s the truth!”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, searching for calm before I lost it on him.

  “I’m sorry, Gwen,” Kelly said, low enough that Jeff wouldn’t be able to hear over his blaring porn. “It’s just a little crowded here with three people. And there’s only two parking spaces. And…”

  And Jeff hated me. Not that the feeling wasn’t mutual.

  “It’s fine,” I said, because what else could I say? It was her place, so it was her choice.

  “You can take whatever time you need to find a new place. No rush,” she insisted. Jeff scoffed, and her eyes shot over to him and back. They were becoming glassy, and I knew she was trying not to cry. Kelly was a crier in general, but nothing got to her like being in the position of having to say something that would upset someone.

  Knowing there was nothing to be done about this, I let her off the hook. “It’s okay, Kells. I’ll start looking and try to be out sooner than later, okay?”

  The tears were collecting on her lower lids as she whispered, “I’m really sorry.”

  I wasn’t mad, not at her. In truth, I didn’t have a right to be and I knew it. It was her place, so it was her right to have who she wanted living there. More than anything, I was mad at knowing what I would be leaving her to. I was mad that Jeff had sunk his claws into her and soon she’d probably be nothing more than his little woman. But I didn’t say that. I’d tried to, more than once, when they first got together. I tried to get her to see that he was a dick, and not just to me, but to her. She’d defended him each time, then eventually asked me to drop it. I didn’t want to back then, and I didn’t want to in that moment where I feared she was making the worst mistake of her lie. But she was an adult, and it was her decision to make.

  I gave her a hug, because I knew she needed it and wouldn’t get it from him. Then, I left the kitchen, no longer hungry. I went to my room, head high like I seemed to be getting plenty of practice with lately, not looking at Jeff. I knew if I did, he’d be smug, and I might lose it. Even once my door was shut behind me, I didn’t let loose. It wouldn’t do me any good.

  I just pulled out my laptop and started looking at apartments.

  Chapter Seven

  Park

  Something woke me before my alarm.

  Blinking open my eyes, I turned to check the time and looked right at Thaddeus.

  The surprise jolted through me, waking me fully. Thad was sitting on my nightstand, eyes fixed me. How long he’d been there, I didn’t know, but I could guess it was the feeling of being watched that woke me.

  Seeing I’d woken, which was probably his goal in picking a spot so close, he lifted that one white paw out toward me. I knew the drill.

  It’d been just over a week since I’d brought him home, and each morning had started out in much the same way. I’d wake to find him waiting, patient but ready, for me to get up and feed him breakfast.

  I reached out an arm to him, reciprocating the gesture. After a second, still cautious even as he seemed to like me, he sniffed my fingers, then butted his head against them. I gave him a few scratches while I stretched my neck to see the clock behind him. Just after five am.

  The mattress groaned a bit as I let myself fall back into it. I’d known it was early, could feel that well enough, but the near-blackout blinds I had in my room made it almost impossible to tell. I was regretting that right about then. If I’d known as soon as I opened my eyes how early it was, I’d have been able to go back to sleep.

  Now, that ship had sailed.

  “You can’t keep waking me up earlier every morning and get your way.”

  Thad stopped moving, his eyes met mine, and he blinked once.

  I was starting to get a read on him, and I was reasonably sure that translated to we’ll see.

  Damn cat.

  Re
signing to my fate. I dragged myself upright and out of bed. Thaddeus was right in step beside me, leaving only a couple inches space as we moved. At first, that shit freaked me out. I thought I’d end up stepping on him, but he was agile enough to avoid me if he had to.

  After a stop in the bathroom—where Thad and I were working on boundaries because I did not need him staring at me from the counter when I took a piss—I beelined it for the coffeemaker. In a swift, steady bound, he was up on the counter beside it while I set it up.

  His stare made clear his dissatisfaction with the delay.

  “You wake me this early, you get to wait while I get coffee going.”

  His tail smacked the counter twice.

  “I don’t know what to tell you.”

  More of that stare.

  “Shit. Alright, alright.”

  With the coffee brewing, I went over to the cabinet where his cans of food were stacked. I grabbed one at random. I’d bought a variety of flavors when I’d stocked up, and so far he’d gone to town on all of them. Gwen had said it was likely he’d be that way and might get territorial with food in a new environment since he’d once been without. We hadn’t had any of that, but no food ever stayed in his dish for long.

  I cracked open the can and flinched back even though I was ready for it. “Does everything you eat have to smell like that? Jesus.”

  Thaddeus was sniffing the air, but he wasn’t revolted at all. Once he’d gotten a good whiff, he jumped back off the counter and went to the mat where I fed him. The second I put his dish down, he dove in. I waited by the coffeepot until it filled enough to pour one cup. By the time I had it in hand and was sucking it back, Thaddeus was finished and watching me again.

  I drank down half the mug before I pulled it back and said, “Gwen comes in today.”

  He watched me, his tail swaying back and forth. He had no clue what I was saying, I knew that.