by Beck, J. L.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Without saying goodbye, he walks out of my apartment. The pieces of my heart that I was sure he’d fused back together, shatter all over again. I roll over and sob into the pillow that smells like us, wishing that things could be different because, for once, I truly don’t want to feel like I deserve to be reminded of the past. I want to heal and move on.
I just don’t think it’ll be with Jackson.
86
Jackson
When Talon asked me to come with him, I thought going to a party was what I needed. I’ve spent the last few days staying out of Kennedy’s way. After the sex we had the other night, I figured I needed a breather. I’m on the verge of getting too attached to her, too intimate. Something that can’t happen. I’m just figuring out how not to hate her. I can’t deal with any other feeling growing.
So, my solution… coming to this party. Turns out, I was wrong. There isn’t shit here for me. I sit on a couch in the frat house, a cup of cold beer in my hand. My friends are laughing and talking. Chicks are running around rampant with little to no clothing on just begging to be fucked, and I can’t seem to think about anything but Kennedy.
What’s she doing right now?
She has been on my mind constantly. Even when I don’t intend to think about her, I do. I worry about her, wonder how she’s coping, but I can’t bring myself to ask. It’s like the only way I know how to communicate with her is through the use of my body.
A hand lands on my shoulder, and I turn to look down at it.
“Jackson,” Crystal purrs into my ear a moment later. I’m tempted to shrug her hand off. “Are you ignoring me?” She twists her body, so her tits are brushing against my arm.
“Nope, not ignoring you. Didn’t even know you were here.” I try not to sound like a dick, but she’d know if I was interested, which I’m not.
“Well, now, you know.” She giggles, and it’s like nails on a chalkboard. I’m so annoyed, I tighten my grasp on the cup in my hand.
“Yup,” I grind out.
Talon is watching me out of the corner of his eye, probably waiting for me to explode.
“Do you want to go upstairs with me?” She leans in closer, rubbing her tits on me like a cat in heat. Her teeth graze my ear, and I’ve had enough. This feels wrong, all fucking wrong. I jump up off the couch, sloshing some of the beer out of my cup in the process.
I can feel everyone in our small circle gawking at me, and I need to get the fuck out of here. This isn’t where I want to be, and these aren’t the people I want to be with right now.
“I’m leaving, man,” I tell Talon, who has some chick sitting on his lap. She’s grinding her ass against his groin so I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t hear me.
“You sure?” he asks, surprising me.
“Yeah, are you sure you want to leave so soon?” Crystal pouts, leaning against the couch, giving me a full view of her cleavage, which is bursting from her V-neck shirt. All I can do is shake my head.
“I’m not interested,” I growl.
Turning away from them, I don’t say anything else and walk out of the room. On the way out, I toss my half drank beer onto the lawn, right along with the cup. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I check the time, wondering if Kennedy is still awake. I could call her, but what would be the fun in that?
Taking the chance that she is, I get in my car and drive over to her place. I find a parking spot and then walk inside. By the time I reach her door, I’m only second-guessing myself a little bit about coming here. I’m still angry, and I’ll always be sad, but like my mother told me, she lost Jillian that night too. Maybe we can be sad and angry together for a while?
Knocking on her door, I wait impatiently to see her beautiful face. I never thought I would be able to look at her, see her scar, without seeing Jillian dead, but the pain has eased each day since I decided to stop holding onto it.
Time ticks by slowly, and I tug my phone out to call her just as the lock disengages, and the door clicks open.
“Oh, hey,” Kennedy gives me a tight-lipped smile.
She looks tired, and for a second, I consider asking her if she’s sleeping at night. Am I ready to insert myself more into her life? To show I care?
“Is everything okay?” she asks when I don’t say anything.
“Uh, yeah. I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for a late dinner or something?”
Her eyes go wide with shock and her pink lips purse together. I’m tempted to kiss and nibble on them, but for now, I’m content just watching her lips move as she talks.
“Are you sure?” she asks, tucking a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.
“No, not really. This might be a terrible idea,” I tell her honestly. “I was just at a party, but I kind of got tired of the people there, so I left and came here.”
“I don’t know about going out,” she says as she shifts her legs nervously. “I’d rather stay in and eat or watch a movie or something.”
If she was any other girl, I’d think she was trying to get me to have sex with her. But knowing how she is, I truly believe her. Since she’s been here at Blackthorn, she hasn’t been anywhere apart from campus, her apartment, and the one-time trip to the pits. She doesn’t go out to eat, to movies, or parties. Hell, she doesn’t even like to ride in the car.
“Would you be okay riding in the car with me to my place? We can pick up some takeout on the way.” Again, shock colors her features, she visibly pales, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s because she is anxious about going out or if she is actually scared to come with me. After a moment, she eases my mind by nodding her head.
“Sure, I’ll ride in the car with you. Let me put my shoes on and get my jacket.” She disappears from my view for a few moments and reappears dressed and ready. She locks the door behind her, and we walk down the stairs together.
When we get to my car, I can see how nervous she is. Was she this nervous last time? I think I was too riled up to pay attention then. Again, I’m taken aback by how much the accident continues to affect her and how much I ignored the signs before.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I need to stop avoiding this. I can’t expect my parents to drive me around for the rest of my life, plus, never going anywhere in a car is unrealistic.” She opens the door on her side and slides into the passenger seat while I get into the driver’s seat.
“I didn’t know it bothered you that much to ride in cars. Have you driven since…” I can’t even say it out loud.
“No, and I won’t. I’m not ready. I tried once and had the biggest panic attack of my life. I’d rather walk everywhere. It’s really not that bad… walking, I mean. Exercise, you know.”
I nod, knowing that she is just trying to reason with her idea of walking everywhere. I turn on the car and watch her out of the corner of my eye as she quickly straps her seatbelt in place.
“I’ll drive slow,” I assure her as I pull out of the parking spot.
Her body is rigged as I drive, only relaxing a little when we make a quick stop at the drive-through fast food place. I order for both of us, surprising myself by remembering what she likes. When I look over to confirm I got it right, she gives me a little smile and nods her head.
I pay for both of us, and the lady hands us two bags of food through the window. As I pull back out of the parking lot, I hear a deep rumbling noise.
“Was that your stomach growling?”
“I guess I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I smelled this deliciousness.” Kennedy’s giggles fill the car. A sound I haven’t heard in a very long time. Listening to Crystal’s giggle earlier made me cringe, but hearing Kennedy do it makes me smile.
“Jesus, start eating some French fries before your stomach makes that sound again, and I go deaf.” Her giggles turn into a full-on laugh, and I can’t help but laugh with her.
“Fine, I’ll eat some on the way, since you’re making me.” She opens
the bag and starts picking out fries one by one, nibbling on them in an adorable way.
“Let me have some,” I say and open my mouth. She grabs a few and starts feeding me while I keep my eyes on the road and my hands on the steering wheel. The rest of the way to my place, she alternates between eating a fry and feeding me one. By the time I pull up to my building, the bag must be half empty. I kill the engine, and we get out of the car.
Walking up to the apartment, I don’t miss how normal this feels. Her coming over to my place, eating dinner, and hanging out. Almost like we used to do.
The rest of the dinner feels just as natural. We get comfortable on the couch while eating our burgers and the leftover fries. I turn on Modern Family since it’s light and funny. We eat, talk, and laugh. I don’t recall when I last felt this content. It’s not quite happiness yet, but it’s a far cry from the misery I was stuck in for the last two years.
After the sixth episode, I notice how Kennedy has gotten increasingly quiet, and her head starts to lull to the side. I contemplate taking her back home, or telling her to go to my bed, but before I can make up my mind, her body slumps against me and her cheek is flat against my arm.
I look down at her cuddled up to my side. Her lips are slightly parted, and a soft moan escapes them. That little sound, combined with her body pressed up against mine, has my cock hard in two seconds.
Shifting, I try to move us to get more comfortable, but the motion just wakes her up. Immediately, her eyes go wide, realizing what had happened.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” she says, pulling away. “I should probably go home.” She starts to get up from the couch, but I grab her wrist and pull her back.
“It’s okay. I was just trying to get comfortable. And it’s late, you can stay here.” I pause, trying to figure out the sleeping arrangements. Maybe I should sleep on the couch? No, not happening. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“Okay,” she agrees, but I don’t miss the reluctance in her voice. She isn’t sure about this. Well, that makes two of us.
Leading her into the bedroom, I start stripping out of my clothes while watching her do the same. Before she gets to her bra, I grab a shirt from my dresser and hand it to her. She makes quick work of her bra before slipping on the way-too-big shirt. As I’m standing there, staring at her, I realize she’s the first girl to ever step foot in my room, to ever be given the option of sleeping in my bed.
When I fuck chicks, it’s usually quick, and never anything tender, or intimate. This is intimate, and I don’t know how I feel about it yet. My gaze drops down to her creamy white thighs, scars or not, they make my mouth water. I haven’t eaten her out yet. I wanted to the other night but got sidetracked by her tits.
Laughing internally at myself, I must let a grin slip because Kennedy is looking at me funny. “What?”
“You’re just smiling, and it’s weird because you don’t normally do that.”
“Do too, just not often.”
She walks over to the side of the bed and tugs back the sheets before settling onto the mattress. It annoys me how perfect she looks there—like she was always meant to be in my bed. Guilt bleeds into my subconscious, and I push it away. Nostrils flaring, I breathe through my nose and get nothing but a whiff of her feminine scent.
“You okay? I can go home, really it’s not a big deal.”
“No, just… come here.” I pat the spot in front of me on the bed. “Lie on your back and spread your legs.”
“W-why?” Kennedy stutters as if she’s nervous but does as I ask.
Situated on her back in front of me, her legs spread wide and her eyes peering up at me with curiosity, I feel as if she’s truly at my mercy. She looks as if she’s comfortable in my presence and not so rigid. Like I could do anything I wanted to her, and she would allow it.
“I want to taste you,” I croak, giving away the effect she has on me.
She doesn’t object, so I reach for the hem of the shirt and push it up. Kennedy is unlike all the other girls I’ve done things with. She is simple, but absolutely perfect at the same time, and I didn’t realize how much I needed that in my life until now. Dipping my fingers into the sides of her panties, she lifts her butt and helps me so I can drag them down her legs.
Tossing the panties over my shoulder, I drop down to my knees while spreading her thighs wider with my hands. My gaze catches on her scars, reminding me of how fragile she is, of how we’re both suffering.
Stop. Don’t think about that right now.
Directing my gaze back to her pink pussy, I lean in and run my nose up and down between her folds. A soft gasp fills the room, and I smile, giving her little clit a flick of my tongue. Eating pussy was never high on my to-do list with others, but like all the other things, Kennedy is the exception. I don’t feel obligated to do this. I want to, need to.
Gripping onto her thighs a little tighter, I bend her legs back toward her chest, giving myself a better view. Then I start feasting. I devour every inch of her, licking, nibbling, and sucking on her perfect pussy.
Moving down to her entrance, I circle it with my tongue before dipping inside, fucking her with shallow strokes.
“Jackson,” she gasps, and her legs start to shake, but I don’t stop. Pressing a thumb to her clit, I rub gentle circles against it and tongue fuck her, enjoying every drop of arousal that coats my tongue. “I’m… oh, god…” She whimpers, pulling me closer, before trying to push me away.
Chuckling into her pussy, the sound rumbles through her, encouraging her release further.
“I… It feels so good…” Another whimper of pleasure falls from her lips, and it’s pure pleasure to my ears.
Helplessly, she tries to wiggle away from me, to close her legs, but I hold her in place until she finally explodes, her release coating my lips and dribbling down my chin.
Then I suck and lick her until I’ve cleaned every drop from her swollen pussy. Releasing her, I almost laugh at how sedated she looks. My cock is rock hard and ready to feel her lips wrapped around it, but when I reach for the waistband of my boxers, I notice Kennedy clamping up.
“I… you shouldn’t have done that. I won’t… I can’t return the favor.”
“What do you mean you can’t return the favor? You’ve never given a blow job before?” I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised, she was a virgin, after all. Maybe she hasn’t, and that’s why she’s nervous.
Then I remember how she freaked out the first time I tried to get her to blow me. Guilt gnaws on me at the thought of how I treated her then.
Her eyes skirt away from mine, and fear trickles into her features. “I…just don’t like it. It makes me sick.” The lie rolls off of her tongue, and I’m a little angry that she’s not telling me the truth about this. If she doesn’t want to do it, she can say that. There isn’t any need to lie about it.
I’m half tempted to push the subject but don’t want to ruin the night that we’ve had. This is progress even if it’s small.
“It’s fine, get under the covers so we can go to bed,” I say. My cock is cursing me out right now, and my balls will probably be blue by the morning, but it is what it is.
Kennedy doesn’t object and is under the covers in seconds. I crawl in as well and shut off the light. Rolling over, I toss an arm over her slender body and tug her back toward me. She curls into my side like a kitten, like she was made to be there.
It takes a bit for sleep to find me, but once it does, I find it’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in months, and I wonder if it has anything to do with the blonde-haired girl sleeping beside me.
87
Kennedy
Eating lunch in the cafeteria is my least favorite thing ever, but I’m dragging today after getting up early to leave Jackson’s apartment and walk home. Placing a salad and water on my tray, I pay for my stuff and head to one of the tables away from everyone else.
I’ve just pierced a piece of lettuce with my fork and am bringing it to my lips w
hen a cackling group of girls comes walking in. I keep my eyes trained on my food and do my best to ignore them. Crystal is leading the pack, while I don’t know her personally, I saw her that one time with Jackson in the hallway, but I’ve also heard about her. She’s considered popular here at Blackthorn.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch them get their food.
When they start walking toward my table, I consider getting up to toss my food out, but why should I have to leave. I was here first.
As if she can sense my disdain, she walks around the table and takes a seat two spots away from me. Trays slam against the table, and I stab my food like it’s a living object that I’m trying to kill.
“Oh, my god, guys, last night was amazing,” Crystal exclaims.
“Yeah? Heard you were with Jackson? Are you guys like a thing now?” One of her friends asks.
I nearly roll my eyes, a thing?
“Not officially, but I’m pretty sure he wants to be. After spending the entire time at the party with me, he left and then called me this morning to come over.” The hold I have on my fork tightens, the metal digging into my skin. I don’t want to admit the way I’m feeling right now. I don’t want to think about it, but I can’t escape it, not when it’s right in front of me.
Jackson’s words from last night ring in my ear. “I was just at a party, but I kind of got tired of the people there, so I left and came here.”
Was he really there with her hours before he was with me? And did he really call her over after I left his place? This morning? He probably did because, unlike me, she doesn’t have a problem sucking his dick. Tears prick at my eyes. Part of me doesn’t want to believe that. What we did last night was special. There is no way I imagined it all. But the insecure part of me, the fragile part of me, does believe her. He’s tried to hurt me before.
Could last night have been a game to him? A new way to hurt me? Is he building me up just to break me down again? I look down at the salad, my appetite shrinking. I can’t stomach sitting here any longer, listening to something that may or may not be true.
