Highlander’s Forbidden Desire: Wanting her was forbidden, having her was his ruin...

by Kendrick, Kenna

  “Come now, I thought ye didnae wish to anger the Laird,” Carys said, and the two women walked arm in arm down to the great hall.

  There, they found the Laird at his breakfast, and he beckoned them to join him on the high table among the other clansmen.

  “Ah, my dear Elaine. I thought ye were going to sleep all the mornin’ long. Come and sit with us, take a bowl of porridge to eat, and some bread. Ye shall need it if we are to ride out today. I shall show ye all the lands that are mine – the lands that are yers,” he said, as Elaine and Carys took their seats close to him.

  “I should like Carys to ride with us too,” Elaine replied, and the Laird nodded.

  “Aye, she is welcome to. Tis’ good for ye to have a companion,” he said, smiling at her.

  “Aye, nae a maid,” Carys whispered, stifling her laughter.

  When breakfast was finished, they made their way out into the courtyard. The day was a warm one, and already the sun was rising high into the sky. Finlay and his companion were still sparring, their shirts removed, though they laid down their swords at the sight of Elaine and Carys on the steps, hurrying over to bid them a good day.

  “Ye didnae meet my friend Dougal yesterday. He was in the stables during all the excitement,” Finlay said, and Elaine nodded to the other man who smiled and bowed to them.

  She blushed a little at the sight of Finlay without his shirt on. He was certainly a handsome man, his strong arms, muscular chest, and broad shoulders a sight which set her heart beating, though she tried her best to dismiss such thoughts as inappropriate, his friend stepping forward with a smile on his face.

  “Dougal MacCallum, mistress. Tis’ an honor to welcome ye to Kilchurn, though I am sorry for how ye arrived here,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Tis’ of nay consequence now, though I mourn the loss of my father’s men,” Elaine replied.

  “And we have sent word to Carrick to tell him of these tragic events,” Finlay said, “the clansmen will ride out later today in search of the other men who attacked ye. We shall see to it that yer father’s men are given a right and proper Christian burial.”

  “And I thank ye for that,” Elaine replied, as Finlay’s father emerged into the courtyard from the castle.

  “And now the three of us shall ride out,” he said, pointing to where three horses were tethered by the stables in the corner of the courtyard.

  Elaine nodded to Finlay, and she and Carys followed the Laird to the horses, mounting and preparing to ride out.

  “These are certainly magnificent beasts,” Elaine said, and the Laird laughed.

  “I am proud of my stables here at Kilchurn. But there is much else I wish to show ye. Come now, let us see if ye can keep pace,” he said, charging across the courtyard towards the castle gates.

  Elaine and Carys rode off after him, and Finlay and Dougal laughed at the two women who were surprised at the speed with which the old Laird had disappeared.

  “Ye shall have a job keepin’ up with him,” Dougal called out, as Elaine and Carys rode through the gates.

  The moorlands stretched endlessly out on every side, the heather shimmering in the heat of the day. The loch sparkled in the sunshine, and the Laird took to a trail which led along its shore. He had slowed to a gentler pace now, laughing as he looked behind him and shaking his head, beckoning to them to keep up.

  “Ye shall find me an impatient type, I fear,” he said, as Elaine reined her horse in at his side.

  “Tis’ only that we are nae used to these rides,” she said, remembering how swiftly she had ridden away from the bandits, “I assure ye that I am more than capable in the saddle.”

  “Of that, I have nay doubt,” he replied, as they began to ride along the shoreline.

  At the center of the loch, there lay a wooded island, and Elaine looked out across the waters, wondering if one day soon she might swim there with Carys. There was much about the landscape which delighted her, the mountains rising steep and tree-covered all around, paths making their way up across the moorlands towards far off crofts, and all manner of flowers and plants growing in abundance. It was a beautiful place, and the more she saw of it, the more she felt as though it could one day be her home.

  “Tis’ a very beautiful place,” she said, and the Laird nodded.

  “Aye, the land of my ancestors. The MacCallum’s have kept these places their own these many a generation past. We have been fortunate in our ways. Ours is a noble family, one that will endure for generations yet to come,” he said, and Elaine could not help but admire the determination in his voice.

  Carys had dropped behind a little as Elaine and the Laird rode on along the lochside path. He talked more of the lands thereabouts and of the clan into which she was marrying. She would become part of a long and noble line, mistress of men who were warriors, brave until the end.

  “Tis’ certainly a history of great deeds,” she said, and the Laird nodded.

  “Aye, a history which still continues to this day. We are beset on all sides by danger. There can be nay escapin’ from it, as ye discovered for yerself only yesterday,” he said.

  “I am nae afraid of such things,” she replied, and he laughed.

  “Nay, I daenae think ye are. I have made a fine choice, or so it seems. But tell me, daenae hold back yer words, what is it that ye think of me?” he asked, and Elaine blushed.

  In truth, she felt as though she were riding at her father’s side, rather than at the side of a man she would come to love as a husband. He had once been handsome, young, and with all his life ahead of him. But all she could see was a man in the twilight of his years, fading like the flowers in late autumn, his winter lying ahead.

  Her fate would be to find herself a widow, living at Kilchurn while a new generation stepped in to take the old Laird’s place. She may bear him a child, but he would surely not see far beyond the years of its youth. She knew it was her duty to marry him, but beyond duty, she could not find solace in the thought of being his wife, as pleasant as his company seemed, his kindness beyond reproach. But what else could she say to him, except to offer her praise to the man who had wished to become her husband?

  “The unity of our clans will bring peace. I am glad that we shall see it,” she replied, and he laughed.

  “I asked ye to speak of yer feelin’ for me, nae for the clan,” he replied.

  “But I have barely known ye a day, not even a day. I am glad to be here, though,” she said, and in this, Elaine did not lie.

  It could have been far worse, and there was no doubting the sincerity of the Laird, nor of his words. He was kind and clearly determined to love her, even though he surely knew the doubts which even now he desired her to express.

  “And I am glad to have ye here. Ye daenae know what warmth filled my heart when I laid eyes upon ye last night. Yer father told me much about ye, but to see ye as ye are, so lovely, so beautiful. It fair lifted my soul,” he replied.

  “And I thank ye for yer kindness,” she replied, smiling at him as they came among trees rising into a forest along the mountainside by the loch.

  “I daenae truly expect ye to fall in love with an old man, Elaine. All I ask is yer companionship in my old age,” the Laird said, and Elaine shook her head.

  “I have pledged to marry ye, tis’ a duty, I know. But havin’ come here full of trepidation, ye have put me at ease and made me see that I could be happy here. I shall honor our marriage, of that I promise, though I shall still feel my heart drawn homewards at times,” she replied.

  “I would expect nothin’ else. Kilchurn is yer home now, but I shall never stop ye from retunin’ to Carrick if that is what ye wish at times, and yer father shall always be a welcome guest in my hall,” he said.

  “And I thank ye for that,” Elaine replied, thinking once again that things could be far worse.

  They dismounted their horses now, walking through the woodlands as Carys caught up with them. Clansmen were living thereabouts, and they passed several crofts,
the men and women coming out to greet their Laird.

  “These are good people, honorable people, under our protection,” the Laird said, greeting a family sat around a smoldering fire outside their croft.

  “Hail there, Laird. What news is there from Kilchurn?” one of the men asked.

  “The news is great, Alistair McCall, for ye see here the new mistress of Kilchurn, the woman I am to wed, Elaine McRob,” the Laird said, as several others gathered around to catch a glimpse of their new mistress.

  “And a beautiful lass she is,” one of the women said, stepping forward and offering Elaine a flower she had picked from a bank of white blooms by the croft.

  “Thank ye,” Elaine said, taking the flower and bringing its delicate scent beneath her nose.

  “We are honored to have ye here,” one of the men said, and the others agreed.

  “Ye shall see the mistress often, I am sure, and ye are all invited to Kilchurn for the celebrations. Let it be known far and wide that yer Laird is to be married, and there shall be great rejoicin’ in that,” the Laird said, as a cheer went up from the clansmen gathered around.

  They spent a little more time among the crofts before the Laird signaled to Elaine and Carys that it was time to leave. They would make their way back to Kilchurn, and he would show them around the castle. Elaine bid the crofters goodbye, promising to visit them again soon, and once again, they led the horses along the path by the lochside.

  “Might I ask ye somethin’ even though I fear to dae so?” Elaine said, and the Laird laughed.

  “There is nothin’ that ye should fear to ask me. If we are to be man and wife, then we should have nay secrets from one another,” he replied, taking her by the hand, as Carys walked some steps behind out of earshot.

  “Then I should like to know a little of Finlay and of yer wife, his mother,” Elaine replied, hoping that she had not spoken beyond the bounds of acceptability.

  The Laird nodded, sighing, and shaking his head.

  “She was the very best of women, a truer companion nay man could ask for. I loved her with all my heart, and she gave me Finlay, a son whom I am proud to call my own. But cruel fate took her from us and ensured that life was made sorrowful in her absence,” he replied.

  “I daenae wish to upset ye,” Elaine began, but he shook his head once more.

  “Ye daenae upset me, Elaine. Ye ask the question that is on yer heart, and for that, I admire ye. I knew ye would ask it. Ye are curious, but rest assured, I shall love ye as I loved her. I can see that. I was worried about yer arrival, wonderin’ what ye would be like and if ye would be anythin’ like her. But now that ye are here, I can see that the two of us are well suited,” he said.

  Elaine smiled. She was not worried as to a rivalry, nor did it seem that Finlay harbored any form of resentment for her. Quite the opposite, in fact. But she had no desire to be a mere replacement to what was lost, and it seemed that the Laird had no desire for that either.

  “I am sorry that I asked, but I was curious,” Elaine replied, and the Laird laughed.

  “Of course ye were curious, tis’ the natural thing to be. But fear nae, I understand. Tis’ ye who will be my wife, and the two of us shall be happy together,” he replied, pausing to turn to her and placing a gentle kiss upon her forehead.

  She smiled at him and took his hand, resolved to do what she could to make their marriage work. It was a duty, or so she told herself, but there could be happiness in duty, of that she was certain. But such thoughts did not entirely remove that which lingered in her mind, she knew what her duty was, but she also knew she was sacrificing much for it, the sense of passion which she had always believed would one day be hers in the arms of a man.

  “I shall dae all I can to be a good wife to ye,” Elaine replied, and the Laird nodded.

  “I know ye will. Ye are yer father’s daughter and a dutiful lass. I can see that. Come now, there is much more to show ye,” he said, taking her by the hand.

  They walked together through the trees along the loch shore, a sense of peace finally coming upon Elaine, who knew that surely all would be well. She would find happiness and would try her best to be happy and content with him here at his side and with the people of Kilchurn. The beauty of the landscape and the warmth of the welcome was enough to show her that, despite her conflicted feelings. For the first time since leaving Carrick behind, Elaine felt a sense that a new home was hers and that with the Laird at her side, her future was assured.

  Chapter Four

  The following days and weeks were fraught with much activity. Preparations were being made for the wedding, and Elaine and Carys were kept busy with the demands of Elaine’s new position as mistress of the clan. She received no end of visitors to Kilchurn, and the castle was soon filled with clansmen who journeyed from near and far as the day of the wedding approached.

  “Ye must have the dress altered a little, mistress,” Carys said, as Elaine tried on her wedding gown in the privacy of her chambers.

  “It falls too far to the floor,” Elaine said, pulling up the skirts of the dress which was made of exquisite lace and had come from Edinburgh some days previously.

  “Tis’ easily altered. I shall see to it,” Carys said, smiling up at Elaine as she began to pin the dress up into place.

  “What would I dae without ye, Carys?” Elaine asked, and her friend laughed.

  “Ye would manage well enough. I have always said it, mistress, ye are the most determined and single-minded of women. Ye need nay one,” she said.

  “But I am glad to have ye, Carys,” Elaine replied, just as a knocking came at the door.

  “Elaine, I am to ride out to the lochside, will ye accompany me?” the Laird’s voice came from the other side of the door.

  “Gladly, but daenae enter my chambers else ye shall see my weddin’ dress before our marriage,” Elaine called back, and she could hear the Laird laughing outside the door.

  “Make haste then; I ride out shortly. Ye shall be catching me up if ye daenae hurry,” he replied.

  Carys helped Elaine out of her dress, and she changed quickly into her riding clothes and made her way down to the great hall. There, she found the Laird and Finlay deep in conversation, and they looked up and smiled at her as she entered, beckoning her to their side.

  “We have received word that the MacDonalds wish to make peace in the north,” the Laird said, pointing to a scroll of paper that Finlay held in his hand.

  “But I thought the MacCallums and the MacDonalds were sworn enemies,” Elaine replied, surprised to hear of a desire for peace given all that the Laird had told her of previous bitter feuds between the clans.

  “Much has changed in years past, Elaine. The old ways are nay longer ours. The English are overwhelmed by their civil war; we have covenanters roaming across our lands. There are uprisings and divisions among men. Threats befall us on every side, and tis’ clear that the MacDonald’s see that clearly enough. Nay, now is our time, and we shall take full advantage of it. If the MacDonalds want peace, then it shall be on our terms,” the Laird said, smiling and rubbing his hands together.

  Elaine could see the spark in his eyes, as though the thought of old campaigns and battles were rising within him. She knew of the great deeds from his past, deeds of bravery and valor, for he had told her much of them. Now, it seemed he was determined to lead the clan into a new era of peace, and for that, she could only be grateful. She had no desire for war, nor for fear of life under threat. There was much turmoil and suffering in the world, and reports from south of the border spoke of a king who was close to defeat.

  “And I am certain ye shall dae all ye can to secure it,” Elaine replied, and the Laird nodded.

  “Come, we shall talk of it as we ride out,” he said, taking her by the hand and nodding to Finlay, who handed back the rolled-up paper.

  Finlay smiled shyly at Elaine before returning to the clansmen who were gathered at one end of the great hall. In the weeks since her arrival, a closeness h
ad emerged between them, albeit something of a formal one. Despite being much the same age, they were both very different people and with different roles to fulfill. It seemed strange to Elaine to think of herself as Finlay’s future stepmother, and the same must surely have been true for him.

  “Dae ye think it strange that I am to be mistress of this castle,” Elaine asked Finlay, as the two of them sat at dinner one night, a week or so after her arrival at Kilchurn.

  “Tis’ the way of things. Strange things occur in almost every family; we are nay different. The marriage between ye and my father is yer business, nay mine,” he replied.

  “But we are of such similar age,” she replied, and he laughed.

  “Aye, and daenae think that I have nae thought that,” he said.