This realization is huge. Alex won’t be out of harm's way. I turn to Rocco.
“How? Rocco, I’m not that dude...”
“How what?” Rocco says, looking as confused as I feel.
“How do we keep her safe?” I whisper. Because honestly? Honestly, I’m not sure what it would take to keep her secure. I’m an office dude, for god’s sake, and I’m really not a gun wielding man that I know these MC dudes are.
I feel myself tremble. I’m not afraid for myself. But the fear I feel for Alex strikes the very core of me. I don’t think I’m the man she needs me to be.
“What the fuck, brother?” Jeremy whispers as he tries to pull me up off the floor.
“I don’t know, I don’t know,” I chant to myself. I can’t see the forest through the trees.
I suddenly feel numb. Numb to all of it. I don’t hold the answers, and I don’t know what we’re going to do. This is all new to me. And I’m feeling like I’m fucked.
We’re fucked.
“You’ve just gotta calm down and tell us what’s got you so messed up,” Rocco says, determined to get inside my mind. “We’re here for you, brother.”
“I just realized something, dude. We get her back? Sure...we’ll get her back. But how do we keep her safe after that? Even Derek said it might be impossible.”
It’s fucking with my head big time. But I can’t let it stop me. I have to keep moving forward. I need her back.
“We cross that bridge when we get to it. One thing at a time.” Rocco tries hard to reaffirm what I know. “But I think that motherfucker has to die.”
Oh shit, there it is. And then of course there’s Alex. I need to stay in the present for her sake. We will figure it out one step at a time, just like Rocco said.
I must be in fucking love to feel so overwhelmed.
I need Alex back so I can tell her the truth.
I want her to be mine.
And really, she already is, isn’t she?
Chapter Forty-Three
Jack
Hours pass by so slowly. I’m pacing back and forth. I wish Rocco’s phone would ring. Jeremy is sitting at a booth, tapping his foot against the floor—tap tap tap.
I feel like I’m going to wring his neck if he doesn’t stop.
“Jeremy,” I growl and point to his foot. He stops just as Rocco’s cell goes off loudly. I hear the bwring bwring vibrating from it and see him snatch that thing right up off the bar.
“Hold on. Okay, go...” he says, then, “Okay, dude, we’re on our way.” He looks up at me.
“They think they found her! Down the peninsula. Come on, let’s go. Jeremy?” He looks over at my brother, who’s already rushing towards the door. My heart races. I pray we get to Alex in time and pull her to safety.
I run up behind him and wait for Rocco to unlock the front door.
“I’ll drive,” Jeremy says, and we all make a beeline straight for his Mercedes. I silently wish with everything in me that they really have found Alex.
“Okay, Rocco, let’s go over the plan,” I say once we’re all inside. I’m focused when I look over at him.
“Well, I agree we need to make sure we know what we’re doing. I think you’re right; we need to go in all stealthy. At first, anyway.” Rocco sums up our plan.
“I still think it’s the right way to go.” I’m anxious for sure. This could go down badly, but I still believe we’re doing the right thing. I only hesitate because I’m having one of those moments where I think, oh shit, something feels wrong. I don’t know why, it just feels wrong. My Spidey Sense is on high alert.
“We’ll keep the firepower around where she is just in case shit goes bad. I think we’re good to go. I’ll let Bark know.”
We’re speeding along the freeway, and I can see the ocean briefly. This road doesn’t take us all the way to the sea, though. Jeremy’s driving as fast as he can, careening along the highway. I look over and see we’re going over 110 mph. I don’t know if I’ve ever gone this fast before, but I’m grateful for his deft hand at the wheel. This car’s made for speed, and I’m glad Jeremy’s driving. I’m thinking it through with Rocco and need to stay focused on our mission.
“I think we just stick to the plan to keep Alex shielded. As long as your friends are there to back us if shit goes bad, then they can step in.” I hope to see Alex soon, and my heart rate speeds up. We need to keep her safe if a gunfight breaks out. I don’t want her to get hit with a stray bullet.
Rocco says, “I think you’re right, dude,” and then adds, “and really, those guys will be covering the entire area. If the dude somehow gets out of there alive, we’ll get him.”
I totally agree.
“He has to die,” Rocco growls.
Suddenly, Jeremy’s speeding too fast around a curve.
“Jer, maybe slow do—” I have no time to think; he’s losing control of this fast as fuck car, and then this monster of a car slams loudly into the divider, and for a moment I feel the car fly—it’s not even connected to the pavement. There’s silence, and then I hear a loud crunch and feel the car hit the pavement, hard as fuck.
I have no time to look over when we slam back to Earth. I hear the oomph coming from Jeremy, and as the car settles, silence finally falls upon us. I can only hear the heavy breathing of Rocco in the back seat, and my body’s numb.
Fuck, we’re all gonna die before we even get started.
Fear strikes me right in my heart.
I have no time to think after the car slams back to Earth. My body is shaken to my core, and after gathering my senses, I finally look around.
“Jeremy?” I whisper. My voice feels hoarse as fuck. Nothing, no words and only rough breaths greet me. I look over, and my brother‘s head is awkwardly resting on the steering wheel. I look in the mirror and see Rocco thrown to the side. That motherfucker, I don’t think he fastened his seatbelt. And suddenly I just groan, “Fuck!” and try to breathe. I push Jeremy’s head back, and he has a gash straight across his forehead. Blood’s pouring out of the cut like he’s losing the contents of his skull.
Red drips off his face and pools in his lap. I push him to the side and unbuckle his seatbelt, whispering the whole time, “Wake up, bro. Jeremy, come on, wake up for me.” But he’s not waking up.
Finally, I hear him groan a mournful, painful sound that hurts my heart. But at least I know he’s alive. “Rocco, dude, you okay?” Rocco answers me with a single grunt.
This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. And I’m freaking the fuck out. My heart’s pounding right out of my chest. My head feels like it’s going to explode.
Honestly, Jeremy’s the most important person in my life. I thought for a moment that he was fucking dead, and I felt crushed thinking I’d lost him. My mind flutters, trying to grasp at what just happened. I need to know he’s okay and grab his arm.
“Okay, brother, breathe. Just breathe.” I don’t know if he can even hear me. His groans get louder, and I’m worried as fuck. I don’t know what I can do for him. It feels like too much time passes, but I finally hear loud sirens. They’re coming our way. I’m so thankful help is on the way, but this has been a total bust.
I know he’s really injured when the crew arrives and uses that thing that opens the door, something of life...something. I can’t think; my head’s pounding. Then with clarity it comes to me—jaws of life. I hear the crunch of metal on metal. Finally, they gently pull him out onto the asphalt and lay him down. I watch as they carefully start checking his pulse and shit. My heart is in my throat.
I can see them working on him, but I can’t hear a thing. My ears are still ringing, and I try like hell to read their lips. Someone pops her head inside and asks, “Do you know if he’s allergic to any medications? ”
I shake my head and say, “No, nothing. He’s my brother, how is he?” I wince.
The kind woman says, “Don’t know much, but we’re going to take good care of him.” She gives me a reassuring look.
Then they’re whisking him away inside the ambulance. I hear the sirens fading as they take him back to civilization. We had been driving through South Bay, and now he needs to go back to where there’s help, back away from Alex. Away from me. My heart weeps.
I hear Rocco say, “Get the fuck off me,” and believe me, they listen to his warning and step back. There are two men and one woman at the site, the crash site that ruined everything. Rocco gets out of the car, and he already has his phone pushed up to his ear. “Yeah, pick me up, goddamnit,” he growls and stands perfectly still. He stands like a rock.
I don’t know if I need help. I’m numb all over, but I need to go see how Jeremy’s doing. I can’t leave him alone in whatever hospital they’re taking him to. One of the paramedics reaches for me, eases me out of the car, and sits me down on the side of the road.
“Sir, you doing okay?”
And really, I don’t think so, but I don’t tell him that. “Yeah, sure, fine.”
They roll out a stretcher and help me up on it. Then they snap it in place and my heart skips a beat. I want to find Alex, but I have to know where they took Jeremy. I feel torn up and let them take me to USF Hospital. All I can do is pray he’s there too.
Honestly, my first priority has to be Jeremy, but I know I need help too. We have to reconsider how we’re going to do this. Yeah, it might not be right this minute, but it’s still going to go down.
“Rocco?” I look over to my good friend before they take me away.
He walks up to the ambulance door and says, “Dude, I’m right behind you. I’ll meet you there. This isn’t over,” Rocco growls, and I nod back to him just before they ease the door closed.
I think we could all use some help; my ankle is swelling, and my head feels like it’s going to explode. We’re banged up pretty fucking good, but at least we’re alive.
On second thought, I don’t know how bad Jeremy’s condition is; I don’t even know if he made it to the hospital alive.
He has to be alive. I keep thinking…well, I keep thinking he could die on the way. It’s fucking with me big time. He can’t die! It wrecks me completely, tearing my heart into pieces.
So, I’ll take this ride in the ambulance.
Then we’ll figure this shit out. It’s going to slow us down, but it’s not going to stop us.
Nothing’s going to stop us. Hold on, Alex, we’ll get there. We’ll get you out.
All I can hope for is that we’ll all be fine, but right now I’m so worried about my brother. I need Jeremy to be alive. I send another prayer up to God.
“Please let him be alive,” I whisper to myself while my heart breaks into a million pieces.
Chapter Forty-Four
Jack
The wail of the ambulance finally stops, but my ears keep echoing inside my head. We pull up to the emergency bay and they haul out my stretcher and yank it to the entrance. I let them take charge of me for now.
“Hey, is Jeremy here?” I ask over and over. “Jeremy Winton?” I look right at the EMT dude. A guy shouldn’t have to beg for answers, goddamnit! But I do. I beg. “Please, I need to know if Jeremy Winton is here,” I petition him.
“Sir, remain calm, and I’ll see if he’s here,” the EMT says to me. He looks worried too, and I want to scream “Find him!” but I know that’s not the way to get answers.
“Okay, please hurry. I need to know he’s alive,” I whisper as he walks away. I can’t allow myself these deadly thoughts.
I’m placed on a bed in the ER and the stretcher moves out. Rocco walks in and takes a seat next to me. I’m sore as fuck, and I think my ankle is busted. It’s starting to fucking hurt like hell. I’m so pissed, it feels like fumes radiate off my skin. “Rocco, dude, how are you, man?”
I’m worried he’s being all tough guy when he took a major hit. I saw him with my own two eyes, thrown over to the side, and he must be sore as hell at a minimum, if not injured like me. I’m guessing he has a few broken ribs.
“Rocco, you okay?” I ask again, just as the EMT dude comes back, looking more relaxed.
“Mr. Winton, your brother is here in this hospital and they have taken him to surgery. He has some swelling on his brain...they want to alleviate that, sir.”
Holy hell. I want to rush to Jeremy’s side, but I can’t even walk.
“Shit, how long? How long will he be under the knife? And who’s working on him?” Like I would know, anyway, but I’m feeling all kinds of overwhelmed and fucking worried for Jeremy, best brother on the planet. I have a right to know! Don’t I?
“I asked the nurse to come talk to you, okay?” EMT Dude says.
“How long? I just need some kind of time frame. Can I get some answers?” I roar. Fear grips me right then as I realize what they’re doing to him. Jeremy and I...aww shit, I can’t even think right now. All I know is I won’t survive if I lose him
“She’s coming right now. There she is.” He points out a woman wearing green scrubs. There are little balloons printed on the edges, and my mind wanders off about those balloons for a minute. I feel dazed and confused, lost in images of balloons. Mom always had balloons for our birthdays. She always made such a big deal over our birthdays, and I think back to my 30th birthday and how she tried to surprise me. I almost laugh. I shake myself out of the memory, and I’m back to worrying about my brother.
“Thanks man, thanks,” I whisper, and the EMT leaves the area. I never see him again.
But the nurse sidles right up beside me and says, “Hello, my name is Susan, and I want to assure you that your brother’s in good hands.”
“Tell me how long?” I beseech her with my eyes, begging.
“Well, sir, it will be a few more hours, but it depends on what they find. When the doctor is finished, he’ll come right out and tell you how your brother’s doing.” She tries to reassure me, but this is just so fucked up, and I didn’t get to see Jeremy before they wheeled him in, goddamnit.
“Susan, I’m Rocco, friend of the family. Is there anything else you can tell us?” He tries to sound reasonable. Someone has to, because I’ve gone straight to terrified.
“Nice to meet you. All I know is Jeremy came in presenting with head trauma. After x-rays and a CAT scan they determined the pressure on his brain was worsening, so they wanted to go in and alleviate that pressure. But the surgeon is excellent, and I know your brother’s in good hands.” She gives us a weak smile. Somewhere deep inside of me I want to slap that smile right off her face.
They’re cutting into my brother’s head right now. There’s nothing to smile about, nothing at all.
As though she realizes her mistake, the smile slips off her face.
Susan says, “I’m just so happy Dr. Goldberg was already here. He's the best neurosurgeon in the Bay Area. Really, don’t worry. Your brother really is in good hands. I’ll be back with any news, and as I said, Dr. Goldberg will come find you when he’s done.” She’s a nice-looking woman with dark hair and light green eyes. Normally I’d think she’s nice, but right now nothing seems nice to me. I want to tear this hospital down to the ground, find my brother, and get the hell out of here.
I watch her walk away from us, away from our mess. I look over at Rocco, and he shrugs. “He’ll be okay. It’s amazing what they can do these days. He’ll be okay, Jack. We’ve got to get you fixed up and out of here as soon as possible.” I know he’s worried too, but I need reassurance, and I’ll take it.
I agree with him. I do need to get out of this fucking bed. I need to go sit by Jeremy as soon as he gets out of surgery. But we have to get Alex out of the shit she’s in, and there’s that overwhelming feeling swamping me. I can’t think straight, and I look to Rocco to figure this shit out.
“I don’t know what to do first,” I admit.
“First, we get you tended to, man, and then we get the fuck out of here. Yeah?” Rocco growls.
This is all we need, right? I don’t want to leave Jeremey. I can’t leave him until I know he’s going to be okay.
And I haven’t even been assessed yet, but if they could just strap a boot on my foot I’ll be on my way. Damn it to hell!
“I think I broke my goddamn ankle, dude. I think I’ve got to get a cast or something. Let's start with getting me out the fuck of here.” I look at Rocco, praying he can keep me sane.
“Yeah, let’s get you handled, and I’ve got a brother outside who can take us down to Alex. They’re keeping an eye on the situation with her. Stay focused, Jack. We’ll get you fixed up then go see Jeremy, yeah?” Rocco sounds encouraging, like we can handle all this crap.
I can’t believe of all days, we crash today! I'm freaking inside, but I need to stay sharp. I don’t feel clear-headed, though, and I want to break apart. I can't let that happen. Too much is depending on me.
“Here comes your doctor now, dude,” Rocco says and steps back.
They x-ray my foot, and yep, as I suspected, it’s badly broken in two places. No wonder it hurts like a sonofabitch. I’m hooked up to an IV and feel the pain meds hit my bloodstream. I let it take me away for now, just a brief reprieve to put on that cast.
I wasn’t going to let them give me those narcotics, but know from experience that it hurts like hell to get a cast in place. You have about 30 minutes before the pain starts tapping at your brain door, and all hell breaks out.
So, I let them.
When I’m wheeled back to my bed, Rocco follows along. I’m sporting a cast on my left foot, and my right hand is wrapped tight. I guess my hand is badly injured and they wanted to cast it, but I said no to that. It'll only slow me down.
Everything about today has slowed me down.
We were so close. And now Alex feels further away from me. I hope she’s not giving up. The girl I know would never give up. She’s a tough one, and I count on her being tough now. I pray she knows I’m on my way. I hope she knows I’ll never give up until she’s safely back in my arms.
The Call Page 20
