“Hey dude, you about ready?” Rocco asks when we get back.
I pull the IV out of my arm and say, ”Hell yeah, let’s get the eff out!” The blood drips from my vein and I grab a towel to put pressure on it. I probably should have waited for a Band-Aid, but my head’s freaking fucked up.
Rocco makes me ride in a wheelchair, and while he pushes me along, he says, “I found out where they have Jeremy and thought we’d go wait for him there.”
Thank fuck for that. I’m losing my mind. I’m unravelling every minute it takes us to get to Jeremy.
“That’s where we’ve got to be,” I say as we pull up to the ward.
The nurse—Susan—is manning the desk, and when she sees us, comes over. “Hi Jack, looks like maybe another hour. He’s doing great, by the way. The doc will be out to talk to you when it’s all over.”
Why do they do that, say the same thing to you over many times? I get it, he’s not out yet. I’m grinding my teeth, and my hands twist in my lap.
“I’ll go get some coffee. I’ll be right back.” Rocco leaves me sitting alone in the waiting room.
This is going to feel like forever until Jeremy’s out of surgery. I just want him out of danger. I want him safe and healthy and happy.
I can’t shake this horrible feeling that’s crashing through me. How did we get here in this fucked-up mess?
I need my brother. I need him to be okay. I need to see him, goddamnit, and I’m not leaving here until I do. But my heart hurts, thinking that Alex will have to wait. It’s split in two.
I look at Rocco before he leaves the room, and he says, “I know, I hope he’s okay too.” He shakes his head.
And then I add to my prayer, “Keep me sane, God. Please keep me sane.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Alex
I hear the door unlock, and my heart pounds in my throat. Fear cascades down my back and my hands begin to quiver. Sweat gathers between my breasts as I once again watch Norris ease inside.
Relief surges through my veins that the blindfold no longer impedes my sight. At least I can see who’s coming. As soon as I see Norris, I see the snark straight across his face.
“What’s up, Norris? Just tell me.” I intake some air, steeling myself. “Do it,” I demand. I want him to leave, and the sooner he tells me what’s on his mind, the sooner he can get the fuck out of here.
I desperately try to stay calm—until he begins to speak, that is. His voice is full of frustration mixed with lust; lust always laces his words.
“Just found out your boyfriend was in a big car wreck. This may fuck up my plans.” He sounds pissed off, but I’m totally freaking out. I’m desperate for more, but I don’t want to beg, so I bite my tongue until it bleeds. I just have to try to be patient until he tells me more.
“And?” I ask finally. Waiting to hear if Jack survived is killing me. I’m crying hysterically now. The tears are streaming down my face and dampening the front of my shirt. I’m bawling like a baby and just can’t stop.
“Poor thing, I guess you love that asshole,” Norris snarls. He’s making me wait too long to tell me what happened. “What if I told you he’s dead?”
I lose all sense of myself, gnashing my teeth together. I’m flipping out worse than ever before. I feel myself go faint; I think I’m going to pass the fuck out! I lose all control and bawl like a baby.
I'd love to go all balls out and jump his ass, but I’m tied down, motherfucker.
“Hold on, bitch. I just said what if.” He laughs, having way too much fun at my expense.
I start to breathe again. I whisper, “Motherfucker,” to myself
“What? What did you call me?” Norris snaps. Fuck, did I say that last part out loud? Holy shit. I can’t believe that slipped out.
“Nothing. I said nothing. Please, I beg of you, just tell me...” If he doesn’t tell me what happened soon, I’m going to lose my ever-loving mind.
“They all lived, cunt. They're alive. But I hear they’re banged up. FUCK!” he screams. “This fucks up everything.” He’s pissed, so pissed. His plans might be derailed, and I could be here a lot longer. I don’t give a shit about that, as long as Jack’s okay.
The relief that Jack’s alive is instantly pouring over me like a cool breeze on a hot summer day.
“His brother’s in surgery, and Jack has a cast on his foot. But I think they’ll be okay. And that Rocco, too. That’s what I’ve been told. I’ve got a nurse on the inside. She says Jeremy might not make it, but Jack’s fine.” I don’t know why he’s telling me all of this, but I’m grateful nonetheless.
OMG, no! Jeremy can’t die. They're struggling without me. I should be there, damnit, I should be by Jack’s side.
I pray Rocco, one of my best friends, is fine too. The bar has been my sanctuary, a place where I feel safe and loved.
My mind wanders back to that first day when I walked into Rocco’s, responding to a Help Wanted sign. I wore a little short skirt and small little T-shirt. I was a naïve little girl. I was trying to show off my assets and was so nervous that day. It would be the first waitressing job I ever had. Rocco took one look at me and laughed a loud, friendly laugh; a laugh meant to calm me down. I knew in that moment we would be friends, and I love him like family.
“Rocco’s fine. He’s walking around, and my buddy says he has no visible injuries. But this might change things. We’ll see.” Norris grits his teeth and grimaces. He looks uglier than ever. He pulls me up off the floor and unties me. He hands me a bottle of water, and I drink the entire thing down. I need to stay hydrated, because I might really be on my own.
“Don’t worry, little girl.” Then he hands me a sandwich, but I can’t eat. Not one bite.
“Can’t eat, Norris. Please take that away.” Just looking at the bologna sliding out from the bread makes me nauseous. My thoughts are fragmented, and I can’t, I just can’t.
“Okay, but I’m going to be gone, bitch. Here’s your bucket. Do you need to take a piss before I leave?” I look at that sad, stinky bucket and I know I need to try. The threat of my bladder bursting later makes me nod my head.
Norris leers at me as he pulls my jeans down and sits me on the bucket, his ugly as fuck face ogling me up and down. This guy’s disgusting. Is he really getting off on my pee? Holy hell, I know he’s a deranged, vile little man, a disgusting troll of a man, and now I know he’s a dangerous perv. Fuck me to hell. I try to ignore him while I take care of business.
He slowly eases my pants over my ass. He’s getting pleasure from my discomfort, like he’s enjoying this shit show. He runs his hands over my ass before the pants are pulled over my cheeks. He bites down on one of my cheeks, and my ass burns, teeth marks revealing blood trickling down my leg.
My leg starts to tremble, and Norris has to grab a hold of me or I’m going to fall the fuck down. Then he sits me back down by the radiator and ties my hands back up. He leans down and slobbers all over my face, forcing a kiss on my lips, pushing his tongue in my mouth. I’m about to throw up!
Norris straightens up and starts moving to the door.
“Please let me know...how they are. I need to know,” I whisper as he starts to walk out the door. I wrap myself in the blanket and look as he turns towards me. I want to rip that evil expression right off his face, that look that says he wants to take me against my will.
“I’ll be back, bitch.” Then he disappears through the only door.
I’m left with my own torrid thoughts, and it’s killing me when I think of Jack at the hospital without me. I should be holding his hand. Damn it to hell.
I should be there for Rocco.
I should be there period, and I silently fall apart.
Chapter Forty-Six
Jack
I wish I could pace. I feel this stressful ball of energy flow through me, and I can’t do anything at all. I’m sitting in a wheelchair, and my ankle starts to throb. I’m consumed with worry for Jeremy, and I wish they would just come out and tell
me how the fuck he is.
I can’t think about the outcome. I have to believe Jeremy’s strong and going to pull through just fine. I’m sure he’ll have to stay here for a while to heal. Oh my god, he’s got to make it. I grab my hair with both hands and about tear it out by the roots. I feel a hand gently pull my hands from my hair and look up to see Rocco beside me.
“I’ll go ask again,” Rocco says as he walks away. That dude’s amazing, as solid as they come. I don’t know what I’d do if he wasn’t with me.
I feel a vibration in my pocket and can’t work out what the hell it is for a moment, and then I remember my phone’s on vibrate and grab it before it chimes off. I lift the phone to my ear and say, “Yeah?”
“Jack?” I hear a feminine voice.
“Who the hell is this,” I growl. who would be bothering me on today, the day my brother almost died? Even now, he still could die. I’m not messing around here, and I go to click off the phone.
“Jack, don’t hang up.” What the hell? I can’t place the voice. It sounds familiar, but I can’t, I just can’t place it.
“Jack, it’s me. It's Lizzy.” What the hell? Of all the days and all the places…I never in my life thought I’d be here in the hospital when I got this call. And frankly, I don’t know if I care one fucking bit. So much has happened since the day I found her note taped to my door. There were so many days I worried for her. So many days I mourned the loss of my Lizzy.
“Jack, I’m calling because I’m back in town. How are you?” she asks.
“How do you think I’m doing? I’m fucked up. Maybe we can talk another time. I’ve got shit I’m dealing with.” I really don’t want to deal with this. I want her to go away.
“Wait, don’t hang up. What happened? Please, tell me what happened.” How dare she waltz right back into my life with no explanation? I don’t want to talk to her right now, and maybe I never will. She disappeared into the ether, and I think I’m done. My mind races through all that we once had, everything she broke in me, all the time she wasted. She doesn’t have a right to come sauntering back like life’s the same, like she has a right to know.
It fucking isn’t the same. So much has happened to me while she’s been gone doing god knows what.
I see the doctor walking towards me.
“I’ve gotta go.” I hang up and slip the phone back in my pocket. I shove all thoughts of her away as the doctor stops in front of me. My heart speeds up, and the blood roars in my ears.
Doctor Goldberg’s a man in his fifties. He’s short at around 5’7” and has a head of silver hair.
He asks, “Jack? Jack...are you Jeremy Winton’s brother?”
He sticks his hand out to me and I shake it, then say, “Yeah, that’s me. How is he? How’s my brother?” Rocco comes to stand by my side. He carries a look of concern on his face and places his hand on my shoulder. My heart is racing a mile a minute.
“He’s doing as well as can be expected. The next 24 hours are crucial, but I think he came through the surgery well,” Doctor Goldberg says.
“Is he going to be okay?” I ask, chewing on the inside of my mouth. I taste blood. The tension inside of me rises even more, his answer too vague, and I need him to tell me specifically that Jeremy’s going to be just fine. I need some affirmative answers from him, goddamnit!
“I believe he is, but like I said, the next few hours will tell us more. We went in to alleviate the pressure on his brain, and I believe that went well. We have to hope it’s enough.”
What the hell? Enough? Enough what? I look at Rocco, and he’s nodding, encouraging. “This is good news, Jack.”
“Can I see him? I need to see him.” At this point, I’m desperate to see him for myself.
Dr. Goldberg calls over to Susan. “Could you show these gentlemen to where Jeremy Winton is? He’s in Recovery 2B. I don’t think it’ll hurt if you go see him, but only for a few minutes.”
I want to run, but I can’t. Rocco pushes this goddamn wheelchair, and we follow Susan to where I see Jeremy lying quietly in bed. I roll as fast I can to the side of the bed and take his hand in mine. The smell of antiseptic hangs in the air.
“Jeremy, I’m here. They said you did great in surgery,” I whisper. He looks so small and pale, lying here, dead asleep. I wonder how long it will take to come out of the anesthesia. I just want him to be good again. I want to know he’s the same man.
“He’ll be awake soon, Mr. Winton,” Susan tries to reassure me.
I look over at her and say, “Please, call me Jack.”
“Jack, you two can only stay a few minutes. I have to get him in a room. But I’ll come find you as soon as he’s settled, and you can stay as long as you want.”
I give Jeremy’s hand one last final squeeze.
Rocco gives Jeremy a pat on his shoulder, and we leave. I hope this doesn't take too long. I hate leaving him alone. I HATE it!
Rocco and I go back to the waiting room. I feel like all we’ve done is wait ever since we got here.
“He’s going to be fine. Your brother’s a strong man,” Rocco reassures me.
“Yeah, he is. I can’t leave him, Rocco. I’m going to stay with him tonight.” Rocco nods his head in my direction. “Yeah, you should. But we need to talk about what comes next. What comes next for Alex. You know what I mean?”
I can’t really think about Alex while I’m worried for Jeremy. I want to be in two places at once, and it shreds me in two. We were all set to grab her, but I can’t leave here until I know Jeremy’s out of the woods. It's like Rocco can hear my thoughts.
“I agree with you. Let’s pull back for a day and stay here with Jeremy until we know he’s good. Okay?” He looks intently at me. He’s standing right next to the wheelchair.
That has to be the plan. We’re going to have to postpone. I need to get my girl out of there, but I have to stick by Jeremy for now. This rips me in two, for my love for my brother and my love for Alex. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. This day has been a true mindfuck. One thing at a time. That's all we can do, take things one at a time.
“One thing at a time. First Jeremy then Alex. Yeah?” Rocco’s crazy like that, like he can read what’s going on inside my head, and it makes me chuckle. This man’s so intuitive. I don’t know how, he just is.
Nurse Susan comes out and tells us to follow her. I roll into a room where Jeremy sleeps soundly in a bed. Susan says, “He woke up for a couple of seconds. He's doing well, Jack.”
I sidle up to the bed and take Jeremy's hand in mine. This is where I belong for the time being. Until he’s fully awake. Until the doctor tells me he’s out of the woods.
Rocco settles himself in the chair on the other side of the bed. I look over at him and he says, “He’s going to be fine.”
I breathe a bit easier. I tell myself he’s a strong man, and he’ll pull through beautifully. I have to believe it. I’m nothing without my brother. He’s my best friend—he’s more than family. I pull out my phone and call our mother. I can finally clear my thoughts and reach out to the rest of our family. I’m sure she’ll be on her way here as soon as I tell her.
In the meantime, I’m staying put. I must think about nothing but Jeremy. I can’t let myself down the Alex road. My heart aches. We’ll grab her as soon as we can.
“Jeremy first,” I whisper. Jeremy first.
“Mom, I need you to sit down and listen to me.” I know she’s going to freak out. She's not built for bad news. She loves us so much and has always treated Jeremy like her baby boy. My heart hurts for her. I know she and Bob will be down here as soon as they know.
“What, honey? What’s happened?” I can hear the panic in her voice.
“Jeremy and I were in a car wreck, Mom. We’re okay, I’m here at USF hospital with Jeremy. I’m waiting for him to wake up from surgery. The doc says it went well.” I hear her gasp, and she starts to cry.
“My baby! What surgery? Tell me, Jack.” I tell her everything except why we were in that ca
r.
“I’m on my way, honey. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” We hang up, and I look at Rocco.
“I had to do it, ya know?” He gives me a short nod. I’m still not leaving Jeremy, no matter what. I have to know he’s come through his surgery with flying colors. That he’s still the same Jeremy after they fucked with his head. They can’t even reassure me that he will be able to walk or talk.
Then we’ll go for Alex. Jeremy will be here with Mom, and Rocco and I will go for her. I need to get her safely away from that sick fuck bastard. She needs to be safe with me.
My mind’s been so stressed, with too much coffee and no food. My mind starts to race and Rocco does his best. “Hey Jack, let’s go grab something to eat. We can talk, yeah?”
I know I’ve got to eat, so I say, “Sure.”
We need to figure our shit out now that Jeremy’s down for the count. It’ll be the most difficult thing I ever do, leaving his side. But Alex needs me too, and Jeremy will have Mom. Rocco pushes me out of the room and down the hall.
“Fuck, I want out of this chair. Can you find me some crutches, dude?”
“Good idea. I’ll be right back,” Rocco whispers.
While I’m waiting for Rocco to return, I start thinking about earlier. I think over the crash and how we ended up here. Out of the blue, it dawns on me that Lizzy called in the middle of all that confusion, all that chaos. Damn it to hell, I can’t think about her now. All this time I’ve been waiting for her call, my life moved forward without her. I feel dead inside. I can’t get in touch with my love for her. I really feel nothing.
Nothing at all.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Jack
I doze off. While I’m waiting for Rocco, I slip into a sea of unconsciousness. I’ve had too much stress, too much tension and all-out crazy moments in the past few hours, and I’m wrecked to the core. It only takes a moment alone that allows me to slip away in my mind.
The Call Page 21
