Back to the Start (Dangerous Love Book 4)

by Elle Keating

  By five o’clock they had loaded their last box. It was time for dinner and for the first time since he had arrived this morning, he was glad he had made the trip. At least he would get to visit his parents, which was rare in the middle of a football season. He was crossing the Kelley’s backyard and making his way onto the McGinnis property when he noticed that Morgan was missing. He looked over his shoulder and saw her just before she entered the nook. He slowed his pace and allowed his brothers, Carina, Josh, Morgan’s mom and Ken to continue their stroll to his parents’ house.

  Like a fool, he turned and followed her. He knew where she was going. He had found her in that nook hundreds of times. It was a cave made of low-hanging trees. The thick foliage acted as a shroud, concealing one completely when inside. Soft grass covered the ground and when you lay in the middle of her nook, you had a perfect view of the moon and stars. As a child and later as a teenager, she would go there to think, to cry, to escape life, just like she had eight years ago.

  Morgan was standing in the center of the nook and looking up at the sky. A fall breeze whipped through her hair and he felt his breath catch. “This place… it holds a lot of memories,” she said with her back to him. He thought he had been quiet as he approached, but she had sensed him somehow. Just like he could feel her presence on those stormy nights. “But it’s time to move on.”

  Was she intentionally trying to piss him off? Hurt him? Both? He felt his fury mount. Eight years ago, hurt and pain had paralyzed him, preventing him from demanding to know why she did what she did. But things were different now. And he deserved an answer.

  He walked over to her, grabbed her hand and turned her around so she couldn’t hide from him. “Does it look like I’ve moved on, Morgan?” he asked barely above a whisper. He held on to her hand as he watched her lips part and her eyes grow wide. He had surprised her. Good.

  “We’re not kids anymore,” she said.

  He took her chin with two fingers and looked her in the eye. “We weren’t kids the last time we were here.” He moved in but stopped short. He was just inches from her lips. “How could you say goodbye to me so easily?”

  She bit her trembling lip and then said, “We were kids. Kids who didn’t know the first thing about long distance relationships. It wouldn’t have worked. Your focus needed to be on football. Mine needed to be on hockey and getting into vet school.”

  “You had no right!” His hand fell and he stepped away from her.

  “No right?” she asked.

  “You had no right to make that decision for the both of us.” He shook his head. “Didn’t that night mean anything to you?”

  The look she gave him was one of anger and...pain? Her eyes brimmed with tears and then she regrouped. She held her head high and said, “I can’t do this. Why can’t we go back to the way we were… when we were friends?”

  The word ‘friends’ never sounded so ugly and aversive. “That’s what you want, Morgan? To be friends?”

  She didn’t answer him. Instead she left the nook, the place they had once shared, behind.

  ***

  Morgan

  Friends.

  Did she really just tell him that she wanted to be friends? She had become one of those women she hated. One of those women on television you wanted to strangle because they didn’t say what they really wanted to say.

  Morgan entered the McGinnis home and was immediately mauled by Aunt Lu. Only Carina’s mother could make her troubles disappear, even if it was only for a few moments. She was truly like a second mother to her. Lucrezia McGinnis had become Aunt Lu almost overnight as it was impossible for Morgan at five years old to pronounce her name.

  “You get more beautiful every time I see you,” Aunt Lu said.

  Morgan smiled because she had just seen her last weekend at the wedding reception.

  Aunt Lu gave her a squeeze and then stepped out of the embrace. She cupped her cheek and said, “My girl has come home.”

  “You mean our girl,” Patrick McGinnis said from behind.

  Morgan turned and faced Carina’s dad. He gave her one of his all-consuming bear hugs and she smiled against his big, burly chest. “I’ll always be your girl, Pop.” It was as natural as breathing for Morgan to call him Pop. She had called him that by mistake when she was six and before he could correct her, she apologized over and over again. He simply picked her up, gave her a hug, and said, “I like the sound of that.” And from that day on, he was Pop to her, and Papa or Dad to Carina and her brothers.

  “Well, I hope you’re hungry. We made you all a little something.”

  There was no such thing as “a little something” with this family. Dinner at the McGinnis’ was always out of this world. Aunt Lu’s recipes were straight from Italy. There had never been a need to go out to dinner growing up. She could find authentic Italian cuisine literally in her backyard and from as far back as she could remember, Morgan had always been welcome to join their dinner table.

  “We definitely worked up an appetite. Thanks to Carina and the boys, my mom is all packed up and ready to hit the beach,” Morgan said.

  The moment was bittersweet. Aunt Lu gave her a comforting smile. Words didn’t need to pass between them. Aunt Lu knew that this move couldn’t be easy for her or her mom. It was then Morgan truly appreciated Luke’s gesture. Despite being trapped with Jake for most of the day, Morgan was thankful that it had been the McGinnis family who had helped pack up her mom’s house and not some crew of movers who wouldn’t give two shits about their Christmas decorations and pots and pans.

  Aunt Lu and Pop laid out an impressive spread of baked Ravioli, two types of salads, and fresh baked bread, but Morgan was curious at the presentation. The McGinnis family rarely opted for buffet style, as they felt sit-down dinners around the table were the best times for the family to catch up on the day’s events. Aunt Lu must have been reading her mind because she said, “We have planned for some entertainment with dinner tonight. So, help yourself and take a seat in the living room.” Aunt Lu winked at her and disappeared to the wine cellar.

  Luke and Brennan were already piling food onto their plates when she saw Jake enter through the back door. He glanced at her and then looked away.

  Just get through tonight. You can do this.

  When everyone was settled with their food and seated in the living room, Morgan’s mom stood and addressed the group. “I want to thank you all for helping us out today, for just being… you all these years. Morgan and I don’t know what we would have done without you,” her mom said with tears in her eyes.

  But before she could break down completely, Luke set his plate down on the coffee table and walked over to his Aunt Day. He gave her a hug and said, “You and Morgan are family… and I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

  The room went eerily still. Never once did Luke speak of the details surrounding his suicide attempt all those years ago. He had kept that day locked away and only Aunt Lu, Pop and Morgan’s mom held the key. Morgan’s mom whispered something in Luke’s ear. Luke smiled and gave her a quick kiss. Morgan couldn’t help but wonder what secret had been exchanged. Morgan panned over their small group and spotted Ken staring lovingly at her mom. Ken joined her mom and Luke and slipped what looked like a VHS tape into her mom’s hands.

  “Okay, enough with the sappy stuff,” her mom said, clearing her throat. “As I packed up the house this week, I came across some interesting things, including this gem,” she said, shaking the tape in front of her. She smiled and then inserted the tape into a VHS machine on the bookshelf. Within seconds, the screen sprang to life and Morgan was watching herself on the sixty-inch television hanging above the fireplace.

  “Oh, good God!” Morgan said, covering her mouth with her hand. Morgan watched her younger self in amazement. But it was the sight of Jake in the video that made her heart skip. He was exactly as she remembered him. Even at seven years old he had… presence. Morgan remembered that winter and the sledding accident that only sol
idified her belief that Jake was her hero.

  She didn’t recall anyone videotaping them on that particular day, probably because she had been too distracted from her accident and the boy who dragged her home on a sled. Pop had taken Morgan and his kids sledding a few blocks away. But within minutes of what was supposed to be a fun-filled day of sledding and throwing snowballs, Morgan had stumbled down the hill she had just conquered and sprained her ankle. Pop had quickly swooped in and was about to pick her up and most likely carry her home when Jake came by with his sled and insisted that he take her home. Though her ankle throbbed in pain, all she could focus on were the butterflies in her belly. She remembered watching him from her sled and thinking, I’m going to marry him someday.

  Morgan looked over and caught Jake staring at her. He quickly averted his eyes and put his focus on the dinner plate in his hand. Morgan wondered if anyone could feel the tension between them, because she certainly did. It was becoming unbearable, but thankfully the movie cut to a new scene, one in which Carina and Brennan were the stars. They were performing some sort of skit in the backyard and laughing uncontrollably. Carina’s signature giggle made Morgan smile.

  But again, the home movie shifted and Morgan was front and center. She watched another winter, maybe two years after the sledding episode. Morgan and Carina were building a snowman in Carina’s front yard. Frosty had looked impressive, decked out with a top hat and all but one accessory. His scarf was missing. Morgan watched her younger version attempt to wrap a scarf around his neck. Frosty’s neck must have either been too skinny, or they hadn’t connected the head to the body properly, because when she gave the scarf a tug to secure a knot, Frosty’s head had broken away from his body and crashed to the ground.

  With tears in their eyes, Morgan and Carina had stood there staring at the snowman’s head, which was on the ground and in three pieces, when Gabe and Brennan had come over and laughed at them. But a snowball to Brennan’s face, compliments of Luke, had put an end to the laughter.

  “Served you right,” Pop said, smirking at Brennan. Brennan playfully glared at Pop, but Morgan quickly shifted her attention back to the television.

  Morgan knew what was going to happen next. She should leave, maybe fake an illness to escape what was to come. But like some horrific train wreck, she couldn’t pry her eyes away from the movie. While Carina had picked up Frosty’s eyes which were Oreo cookies, and his carrot nose from the ground, Jake had come from somewhere off screen and started to reroll Frosty’s head. Feeling useless, Morgan had gone over and helped him. When they had achieved a perfectly round ball, Jake lifted it and placed it back on Frosty’s torso. He had brushed off his snow-covered gloves and looked at her. Morgan had sniffled. Jake had taken off one of his gloves and then brushed away the solitary tear that had the nerve to slide down her face. “Don’t cry,” he had said. “He’s as good as new.”

  The heartfelt scene morphed into another and then another, but Morgan could no longer concentrate on the movie montage. Morgan looked over at Carina only to discover her best friend staring at her, actually at her and Jake. A small, somber smile appeared on Carina’s face.

  Morgan couldn’t take it anymore. But before she could hightail it out of there, Jake stood and took his now-empty dinner plate to the kitchen. Morgan watched him but it was Aunt Lu who followed him. From that distance she couldn’t make out what they were saying to each other, but whatever it was, it had prompted Aunt Lu to give her son a hug. Morgan looked on but swiftly turned her attention back to the television screen the moment the embrace ended.

  Although it may have appeared that she was in some sort of trance as she took in her mom’s home movie, Morgan heard the front door open and close. And just like that, Jake was gone.

  Chapter Six

  Jake

  Friends.

  That word had taunted him the entire drive back to the city. And now as he sat on his couch with a beer in one hand and a photo album on his lap, he found himself even more furious than when she had uttered that word in the nook, the very spot they had shared all those years ago. Her attempt to defile that place made him see red.

  Friendship? That was what she wanted from him now?

  Jake took a sip of his beer and turned the page. Although a half-dozen old photos lined the page, his focus fell on the one in the middle. He stared at the glossy photo of the towering oak tree in his parents’ backyard and the boy and girl beneath and immediately cursed himself for taking this miserable trip down memory lane…

  “Carina, time for your shower!”

  Jake looked over at his sister and Morgan. They had been playing field hockey in the backyard when Jake’s mom had come calling.

  “Carina, get going before all the hot water is gone!”

  Jake heard Carina let out a groan. “Morgan, after my shower want to watch Goonies?”

  “Yeah! Make it a quick shower, okay?” Morgan said.

  Carina giggled and ran into the house, leaving Morgan with her hockey stick and ball. Morgan was dribbling around the backyard when he asked, “Goonies again? You two have watched that movie at least ten times this week.”

  Jake didn’t wait for her to respond. He turned, retrieved a football from the apple barrel and threw a perfect spiral through the tire his dad had hung from one of the low branches of the enormous oak tree. He bent down and picked up another ball and just as he was about to fire the ball through the tire, she spoke and distracted him.

  “So what? I love that movie.” He didn’t need to look over. He knew she was walking toward him. He could feel it.

  Jake threw the football but he missed his target. Frustrated, he grabbed another ball and just as he was about to find his mark, Morgan interrupted him once again.

  “I don’t make you nervous, do I?” she asked.

  “No,” he said. To prove her wrong he threw the ball and watched it fly cleanly through the tire hole.

  “Well, that’s good. Because NFL quarterbacks can’t be nervous or be scared to play in front of people,” she said.

  He watched her run off and gather the balls he had thrown. Her blonde hair was a mess at this point, as she had been playing hard all day. Her white t-shirt was stained from the orange popsicle she had devoured after lunch. Her pink shorts were filthy, especially on her backside, due to their trip to the creek. Her skinned knees looked raw and painful, but she didn’t seem to mind as she came skipping back to him with three footballs in her arms. His sister’s appearance before she had left for her shower had mirrored Carina’s exactly. Carina and Morgan were like two peas in a pod. Carina always said that Morgan was like a sister to her. But Jake would never think of Morgan in that way.

  She dumped the balls into his arms and smiled at him. “You really think I’ll make it to the pros?” he asked. He knew most people never made it, but it was what he had been dreaming about for as long as he could remember. Most days he was confident that one day he would be good enough to play football professionally. But there were times he doubted himself and needed to be told not to give up.

  “I do,” she said with confidence. He felt a blush coming and was just about to change the subject when she stood on her tiptoes and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

  She was already walking toward his house when he found the courage to ask, “What was that for?”

  She stopped and faced him. “For punching Robbie in the face.” Morgan smiled and said, “Thanks, Jake.” He didn’t say anything in return. He just stood there holding three footballs and crushing on the girl next door.

  There wasn’t enough beer in the house to make him forget her. He drained the one and only beer he would have tonight and placed the bottle on the coffee table. Jake knew that it wasn’t healthy to torture himself like this. Morgan had moved on. And though she was now divorced and technically available, she wanted nothing from him but friendship.

  He scanned the next few pages in the album and came across a more recent photo of Morgan. She was no longer the flat-c
hested tomboy from his childhood, but the recipient of the scholar athlete award at Boston University. He had kept tabs on her throughout her college years. Her picture had landed in the newspaper a handful of times due to her hockey team going undefeated three years in a row. He knew how fucked up it was to hold onto her, but every now and again he found himself cutting out those goddamned newspaper articles.

  The sound of the doorbell snapped him to attention. It was nearing midnight and he couldn’t imagine who would be paying him a visit at this hour. His entire family was staying at his parents’ house for the night, so he was wary of who could be on the other side of the door. After several crazed fans’ emails and impromptu visits to his home, he thought it was wise to invest in a state-of-the-art security system. His teammates had tried to convince him to move downtown to some penthouse in the sky. But he loved the townhome he had purchased the year before he had really made it big and landed the contract that would keep him and his family, not that they needed it now, more than comfortable for many years to come.

  Jake placed the album on the couch and walked to the foyer. He looked up at the security camera, which gave him a perfect view of his front stoop and sighed.

  How the hell did she find out where he lived? It didn’t matter. He should have seen this coming. Hell, Lexi had even told him she was going to be in town. But his mind had been on other things and not on Lexi Whatever-her-last-name-was.

  He debated whether he should remain silent and let her leave or open the door and get this over with. Lexi knocked again, this time with more intensity. Maybe he should just fuck Lexi again. Maybe that would get his mind off Morgan and what she did to him.

  Jake opened the door.