Venus and Her Lover

by Becca Tzigany

  The sexual skeletons in the Theravada closet are even more bizarre. Buddha was purported to have said, “It is better that your penis enter the mouth of a hideous cobra or pit of blazing coals than enter a woman’s vagina.” James’ reaction to that tidbit was, “Oh, that sounds like the words of an enlightened being – right!” which began a rant about “how can you ever know what Buddha, Jesus Christ, or anyone else said wasn’t twisted by their disciples?”

  I am a meditator, so I can appreciate taking vows of celibacy to channel your energies up the chakras or to simplify your life in accordance with the austere standards of monkhood or nunhood. But completely suppressing or attempting to extinguish the life force could only lead to some wild manifestation of that energy when it did escape.

  So it should not be surprising that Thailand is the Asian capital of the sex business. Just a coincidence, or simply a product of Thai laissez-faire and sanuk attitudes about enjoying life? In Thailand, as in the rest of the world, sex is the hottest commodity in the marketplace. It is not uncommon for 12-year-old virgins to be abducted or bought from their villages to work in locked brothels in Bangkok or Pattaya. Young girls service not only local men but Western tourists who travel there for underage sex. I read estimates of between 300,000 and 2 million Thai prostitutes that are working in Thailand and overseas in places like Japan95, a noteworthy figure for a country of 62 million. Not surprisingly, AIDS is an epidemic in Thailand.

  With predatory sex slavery and the sex business primarily down south toward Bangkok, we, in the north, came across a much less tawdry aspect of the Thai sexual scene: the transvestites and transgenders. More than once James and I did double-takes as we passed gorgeous “women” in the street – meticulous eye make-up, razor-close shaves, flashy clothes, high heels – as they spoke in falsetto voices, gesturing melodramatically. These katoeys – or “ladyboys” – raised few eyebrows, being perfectly accepted for who they were. Homosexuality was also no big deal, relegated to the category of “whatever you do in your bedroom is your business.” The Buddhist nonjudgmental acceptance of others extended to men, but what about to women? Lesbians must have blended in (or hidden themselves) better, because we did not notice any openly gay women. The katoeys, however, were a flamboyant part of the culture, and I was happy to discover several of them offering foot massages at the Night Bazaar, a favorite haunt of Molly’s once the kids were put to bed. I like a strong touch in a massage, and even with painted fingernails, the ladyboy could deliver.

  We befriended a Western man in his 60’s who told us of his sexual escapades in Bangkok. He did not arrive as a sex tourist but once he fell into it, he was charmed by the utter freedom he experienced with the women prostitutes as well as the katoeys. “Such sweetness with those women! And the katoeys – well, I was just experimenting — but I really was turned on to their complete dedication to beauty.” Then he quipped, “You know, here in Thailand I am bisexual – get it? – buy-sexual?!”

  Mantak Chia and Taoist Tantra

  One cannot manage the myriad matters

  Of Heaven and Earth,

  Unless one stores up energy.

  Storing energy means absorbing essence,

  And absorbing essence doubles one’s power.

  Doubling one’s power, one acquires a strength

  That nothing can overcome.

  ~ Lao Tzu

  Instead of investigating sexual tourism, James and I pursued Molly’s offer to take us to Tao Garden, a holistic center outside Chiang Mai run by Mantak Chia. Molly had produced an informational video for him during her previous stay, and offered to introduce us to him. While waiting for him, she walked us around the grounds – green, shaded lawns, teaching pavilions, lodging, a swimming pool as well as a large fish pond, and organic gardens that supplied the whole food restaurant.

  Having read some of his books, I was honored to meet Mantak Chia. He was a compact bundle of calm energy, with slick black hair and sparkling eyes. Born in Thailand to Chinese parents, he had studied Taoism, tai chi ch’uan, kundalini yoga, aikido, Thai boxing, kung fu, and even Western medical science. After years of apprenticeship with Taoist master Yi Eng, Mantak Chia eventually formulated a system for teaching Taoist practices, and with his wife Maneewan Chia, moved to New York City to introduce them to the West.

  Taoism, a philosophy conceptualized by Lao Tzu (sixth century BCE, in China), describes enlightenment as realizing one’s unity with the Tao. Translated as “the Way,” the Tao is “the all-embracing first principle, from which all appearances arise” and to which they return.96 Mantak Chia writes, “Those who seek union with the Tao are trying to find the ‘way’ of the universe from which all of nature proceeds.”97 In the Tao, all polarities are resolved, and everything acts without intention but rather out of its very nature. Taoist practice involves meditation, movement, and visualization so that the practitioner may experience his or her oneness with the Tao. Therefore, sexuality is valued as an excellent way to achieve the mystical union with the All. In fact, exercises, techniques, and rituals have been perfected over thousands of years in the Taoist way.

  These fang-chung shu practices were what Mantak Chia taught at Tao Garden. A beginning step, according to Chia, was to learn the Microcosmic Orbit, a method of circulating chi (life force energy) that you can draw from the reproductive organs to the perineum, up the spine, through the brain (the Governor or yang channel), connecting through the tongue and roof of the mouth down past the throat, heart, abdominal organs, and arriving back to the perineum (the Functional or yin channel).

  Chia could teach women how to move ovarian energy and men how to move seminal energy through the breath, visualization, and training muscles to pump the energy up the spine. Once a man and woman have some control over their respective sexual powers, then lovemaking can become an alchemical, healing experience. Both are taught to retain their ejaculation through the Orgasmic Draw; when they are on the verge of orgasm, they each draw the energy up into their Microcosmic Orbits, thereby inciting orgasms in the organs. Through these techniques a Valley Orgasm is attained, a series of prolonged orgasms, each one higher than the previous one, until the lovers are bathing in uninterrupted ecstasy, while the “elixir” thereby produced rejuvenates the organs and even the bone marrow. It is an alchemical process of refining energy, starting with ching (sexual energy, also spelled jing), which is converted into chi (life-force energy) which can be transformed into shen (spiritual energy).

  Taoist sages of old believed this to be the path to immortality, as well as to union with the Tao.

  We gained insights from Mantak’s views of the energetic properties of people. He described Man as Fire and Woman as Water. In terms of sexual arousal, fire, once it got started, burned fast and could quickly burn itself out. Water, on the other hand, required time to reach its boiling point, but once there, could maintain it for a long time.98 In both cases, however, when lovers ejaculated, their energy poured out of them. Chia felt this was more damaging for the man than the woman. Sperm and eggs were a fairer comparison; a man losing his semen was comparable to a woman menstruating, since both were investing a lot of body energy into producing the potential baby, the one to carry the human race forward.

  Chia explained that since modern sex involved men ejaculating every time, men suffered from an excessive loss of their body energy. This drained the kidneys of jing or essential energy, which caused the adrenal glands to release their hormones, which affected the heart. Since the kidneys were the home of feelings of openness, generosity, will, and balance, their depletion resulted in fear and imbalance. Fear and imbalance... an accurate description of life under the Patriarchy. If the Taoist view were correct, then could Tantric lovemaking lead us out of our planetary crisis? It brought a smile to my face to think so.

  The fact that Mantak Chia had revealed the Taoist techniques to Western spiritual seekers was a great boon to enlightenment in the world. If m
ost people were like me, however, we still had a ways to go. I had read Mantak and Maneewan’s book Cultivating Female Sexual Energy and begun practicing the Microcosmic Orbit. I even applied it to my lovemaking, but rather clumsily. Even though I had not given it the dedication that any practice requires, I had taken the first steps by comprehending it. I incorporated breathing the energy up along my spine and down the front of my body, so that with time, I could feel the ascending and descending currents of energy.

  I liked practicing circulating the energy through my body. The Microcosmic Orbit, the Hindu chakra system, and even the drawings out of the HeartMath Institute reflected the flow of energy through a single torus. But Nassim talked about a double torus centered in the heart chakra, at the 64-tetrahedron grid. If that is so, then energy would not flow in straight lines up or down the chakras or spine but instead would trace the round boundaries of the tori “donuts” – one stacked over the other – crossing the heart chakra in a figure eight. In 3D, that figure-eight path of energy would appear multiple times, creating a bubble of energy emanating from our hearts. We draw in energies from the Sun and the Earth, and alchemize them in our hearts.

  It was clear to see that in Mantak Chia’s rather youthful enthusiasm that he was certainly doing well by his practices. Because of his busy schedule, our time with him was short, but Mantak, James, Molly, and I ended with the same conclusion: at this time in human history all the traditions were yielding their esoteric secrets, and sexuality was finally re-emerging from the shadows, to infuse humanity with its life-giving power and pleasure. Everywhere we went, we were finding people who were yearning for what the Taoists would call “the union of Heaven (masculine) with Earth (feminine).” And rightly so! For such synergistic balance was in accordance with the Tao.

  The Emerald Buddha

  Molly, her seven-year-old daughter Renee, and I took a long afternoon to drive up to Doi Suthep Mountain, just northwest of Chiang Mai, to visit one of Theravada Buddhism’s holiest shrines: Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep. Standing at the base of the long staircase up the mountain, I was glad James had stayed at home resting his legs. The steps were bounded by two undulating balustrades in the shape of colorful nagas, serpentine dragons. Renee took off on her ascent of the 300-some steps, while Molly and I began in a more measured pace.

  Watching Renee’s ponytails bouncing ahead of us, I asked, “Now that you’re here in Thailand, is Daniel more attentive to the kids?”

  Disappointment clouded Molly’s face before she began. “It’s not what I had hoped for...”

  “Uh huh,” I said, for I had noticed upon our arrival that there was not a trace of Daniel in Molly’s house. He did not live there, and it looked like he never even visited.

  She continued, “He’s with a Thai woman now. He says he has to be, because in order for him to do his business here, he needs a native Thai.”

  I glared at my friend. “Do you believe that, Molly?”

  “Well, I know that immigration is tough here... it’s just that I get so jealous! What right does this woman have to live in the big house with the swimming pool with him? Why does she get all his attention? Daniel says that I am consumed with jealousy so I’m losing sight of the big picture, but I just can’t get over it! I know he wants what’s best for the family...”

  “He does?” I stopped and leaned against the green ceramic scales of the naga railing. “He does?!? Molly, you know that I believe you when you say you’re soul mates, and I understand how fraught with struggle is the whole soul mate connection, but this guy – excuse me – Daniel, always puts you last – not first – last! And the kids after that!”

  Molly looked at me with hurt in her eyes. “You don’t understand. You don’t know our history, how much he’s done for me... for the kids.”

  “You’re right, I don’t understand. I don’t understand how an intelligent, sensitive, beautiful woman like you can be a doormat for this man – an amazing man, I grant you, but Molly, he treats you like shit. I’m just telling you how it looks from what I’ve seen over the years.” I was speaking forcefully and with more authority than I ever had before, because we had just spent a little time with Daniel. We all had met him at the Good Earth Restaurant in Chiang Mai for lunch, where he treated his boys to double orders of ice cream, and we listened to him describe his vision for a health spa in Thailand, and his making a movie about world peace. While he spoke in a soft voice, his wide-set eyes held a beatific expression. I did experience his strong personal magnetism, sincere idealism, and charming wit, but I knew too much about his treatment of Molly to be seduced by his personality. When I asked James for his take, he said, “He doesn’t impress me. And something’s not quite right there...” The warrior’s early warning system had picked up on Daniel.

  Mysterious Molly, on the other hand, was still under his spell. In this conversation, however, I began to see cracks in the story of fated souls that she wove around their relationship.

  “C’mon you guys!” Renee shouted down at us. “Don’t be so slow!”

  Molly and I turned to continue our ascent of Doi Suthep in the steamy afternoon; I felt like I was wading, step by step, through the air.

  Molly spoke. “I see James is smoking now. How can you stand it?”

  “I don’t like it,” I said.

  “Well, when I first met you and James, I wondered what two such different people were doing together. But that seemed to change for me as I came to respect your creative lifestyle, and your art, for sure. But Becca, you’re so health-conscious. What are you doing with a smoker?”

  How could I answer her? Sweat soaked my shirt; I hoped for some breeze at the mountaintop. Is she just switching the focus off of her dysfunctional relationship and onto mine? Is my relationship dysfunctional? Am I in denial like she is?

  “Listen, Molly. I think James is using tobacco to cope with his pain. He didn’t come today coz he’d never make it up these steps. I know smoking only makes things worse, but what would I do if I were in his position? I can’t realistically feel what he goes through for me to judge,” I explained.

  “Just tell him to stop,” she suggested.

  “Do you think anyone can tell a Mars man what to do?” I asked.

  “No, anyone can’t, but Venus can,” she said.

  I don’t want to tell him what to do, I thought. Finally we were reaching the end of our climb, and I was relieved to stop thinking about my dissatisfaction with James.

  At the top, we removed our shoes to enter the temple grounds. The buildings of the wat complex were intricately carved in white and gold, with red roofs whose steep lines went from crossing chofa points to end in curling flame-like extensions. At the center of the temple courtyard was a golden chedi, a stepped dome that rose 24 meters (80 feet) to a point. In the tropical sunlight, the chedi pagoda was dazzling. As we strolled the cloisters, passing a line of gilded Buddhas along the wall and yellow-robed monks walking past, I could tell Molly was reflecting on our conversation.

  “See those nuns over there?” I whispered, pointing to women with shaved heads and white robes. “They’re second-class citizens here. They follow their Buddhist practice but cannot be ordained. Do you think the Buddha considered women lower than men? Do you feel that you’re worth less than a man?”

  Molly eyed me hesitantly. “No,” she replied. “You know, Becca, I hear what you’re saying, and I’ve been thinking lately that I really must become more independent of Daniel. I know I can make it on my own... it’s just so hard, with the kids. But I do want to become more independent, I do.”

  “You can do it,” I assured her with a determined smile.

  At one roofed part of the courtyard there was a nearly life-sized emerald glass Buddha adorned with a gold filigree collar, breastplate, arm bracelets, and crown that rose like a pagoda to a point. The sun shone through the statue, illuminating its vivid green. The Buddha sat in a lotus posture with
his hands in his lap and a hint of a smile on his face. Behind this statue, another Buddha – this one a shimmering gold – stalwartly stood, as if supporting the verdant Buddha. So stunning was the shrine, we all stopped. We had carried lotuses up with us, and this seemed like the perfect place to offer them.

  “We could pray here,” Molly said.

  “Like for a new bicycle?” Renee asked.

  Molly hugged her daughter, saying, “Sure, and maybe thanking God for our family, too. We could pray for strength, like how the gold Buddha backs up the green one.”

  I smiled at her. “Strength and liberation, no? Liberation, too?” I suggested. Molly nodded with a sad but determined look in her eyes.

  I continued, “I’m going to affirm peace on Earth, which could come when the Masculine and the Feminine are in balance. And freedom from suffering.”

  We lit yellow candles and placed them in the rows of candleholders, and laid our lotuses at the feet of the Buddhas. Renee sat down, clasping her hands in prayer position, as Molly gazed at the candle flames dancing in front of her. The emerald Buddha glowed and flowed into my eyes as my eyelids dropped, the deep green reverberating within me. I breathed in the sweet scent of incense, focusing on more than just balance, but the righting of injustices that would be necessary before balance could be restored. Molly would get free of Daniel’s control, nuns and monks would work equally toward the glory of their spiritual vision, and sex would be celebrated as a healing rite instead of predatory domination. It is all possible – waves of shimmering emerald light pulsed this conviction within my heart. For truly we human beings, with our power of choice and free will, are all dwelling in the Land of the Free. Justice, balance, and peace are all possible – in fact our birthrights – in this blessed Land.