I Kissed Her First: A BOUND TOGETHER NOVEL

by Becs, Lindsay

  “You want to play Spin the Bottle?” Gabby asks, giving me a weird look.

  “No,” I laugh. “I want to see them make out.”

  “Ohhhh…” Gabby sits up now, rubbing her hands together. “What do you say, boys?”

  Teddy looks like he’s about to puke while Jett keeps saying, “Uhhhh...”

  Turning to look at Gabby, I pull her face to mine and press my lips to her. She returns my kiss—just like I knew she would—and accepts my tongue when I slip it into her mouth. We both rise on our knees, facing each other more as we both give in to the heated kiss between friends.

  When I pull away from her, I smile and then look over her shoulder to Jett, who is looking at me with parted lips and an obvious erection. “Your turn,” I challenge.

  He stands, and I think for a second he’s going to do it. I look back to Teddy, who seems stunned, quiet with his eyes bugging out. But when I turn back to look at Jett, he’s standing in front of me, staring down with lust-filled eyes.

  “Up,” he orders me, his eyes blazing. Swallowing, I do, eyes not leaving his. We stand there just staring, no one making a sound, not us and not them. Then he grabs my hand and pulls me behind him as he walks away, not stopping until we’re on the other side of the alcove where our little camp is set up.

  He pushes me back until I’m against the rough rocks. They bite into my flesh as he steps into me more. “Who’s are you?”

  “Yours,” I whisper before his mouth crushes mine. He kisses me hard and rough. And before I even know what’s happening, he’s plunging into me. My cry echoes around us in the quiet night air, and I know that our friends can probably hear. “Jett, this hurts. The rocks.”

  “So does watching you tongue someone that isn’t me,” he retorts harshly, feeling like a slap across the face.

  My face pinches from the hurt from his words and the pain of his hard thrusts, the rocks dig into my back. I want to push him away and make it stop, but then there’s the other part of me that enjoys the pain mixed with pleasure that he’s giving me, and he knows it.

  It’s quick and dirty and rough. He finishes and pulls out, not caring that I didn’t get off. “Mine, Harper,” he bites out, kissing me just as roughly as he fucked me before grabbing my hand to walk back to our friends on the other side of the alcove. He slaps my ass, making me yelp just as we round the corner.

  My eyes going to Teddy’s, my cheeks burning, feeling embarrassed. His jaw is tight as he watches us. Gabby’s head is down and she stays quiet, in contrast to her normal self. And I know they heard everything.

  Jett and I aren’t always soft with one another, but he’s never made me feel used and embarrassed before today. It felt like he degraded and disrespected me in front of our friends, and I don’t like feeling that way.

  Jett is welcome to give a little pain with pleasure any time. In fact, I usually enjoy it when he does. But tonight, that wasn’t about pleasure. It was about him proving a point.

  Tears begin to fill my eyes, and I need a minute. “I’m going to go…” I trail off, pointing toward the ocean before turning and running to the water, dropping my shirt and shorts on my way.

  Diving in, I let my tears flow as the salty water stings the cuts on my back. I try to stay quiet with my back to the beach, although I don’t think they can hear me anyway from how far away they are.

  “You okay?” I jump when I hear Teddy’s voice behind me.

  “Yeah,” I say weakly. “I’m fine,” I add, trying to sound more convincing.

  “Does he—”

  “No,” I cut him off, turning to face my best friend. “He’s never been like that before.” I bite into my lip, hoping it will stop the tears, but it doesn’t.

  Teddy pulls me to him and hugs me tight. “I will kill him if he ever hurts you like that again. I promise you that, Harper.”

  Steeling my emotions, I look up at him. “I’ll kill him myself.” He kisses my forehead, and I feel myself relax again. “Guess he didn’t like me kissing Gabby.”

  He huffs a laugh. “Guess not.”

  “Seriously though, Teddy,” I start again. “He’s never done anything like that before. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I think after last time and then… I lost it last time; it was his turn, I guess.” I try to smile. “We suck at beach camping.”

  “We really do,” he chuckles but quickly sobers. “You swear…” he trails off, looking back at the beach for a second before turning back to me. “You’re good?”

  I nod, giving him a small grin. “Yeah. Thanks for checking up on me.”

  “Always, Harps. You’re my girl.”

  “Maybe don’t say that around Jett tonight,” I mumble, making us both chuckle as we walk back up the beach.

  Jett jumps to his feet when he sees us. “Baby, I’m—” I raise a hand to stop him.

  Shaking my head, I lock eyes with him. “We’ll have a longer discussion about this later. For now, I forgive you. But, Jett, you do that again and I swear I will cut your dick off and toss it into the ocean.”

  He audibly swallows and nods at me.

  With the night gone to shit—again—we all decide to pack up and go our separate ways. This time, I don’t go to Jett’s house and he doesn’t try to come to mine.

  Instead, I lie in bed alone thinking about everything that happened tonight and trying to make sense of it all. I don’t understand half of what happened and how it ended the way it did with so much hurt, both physically and emotionally. Wondering if there’s more to Jett’s actions and outburst than he’s telling me.

  * * *

  I didn’t sleep a wink, and when I look and see that the sun will be rising soon, I pull on clean clothes, grab my skateboard and take off for the pier.

  I stop short when I see Jett sitting there. “I couldn’t sleep either,” he says, not bothering to look at me. He knows it’s me.

  “What the hell was all of that, Jett?” I ask the only thing I can’t seem to make any sense of. He looks up at me with so much pain and anguish written all over his face. Dropping to my knees next to him, I take his hand in mine. “What’s wrong? There has to be something wrong because that guy on the beach, that wasn’t you.”

  “I’m angry, Harper,” he says, but he doesn’t sound angry. He sounds tired.

  “At me?” I ask confused.

  He shakes his head as he drops it. “No, baby. I’m angry at myself. At my dad. At everyone in the world, but not you. Never you. And yet I took all that anger out on you, and I hate myself for hurting you like that. For hurting you at all.” Each word he says sounds like it’s killing him to say out loud. He looks up at me again, and a tear falls down his cheek. “I have to leave soon.”

  My face pulls, trying to make sense of what he’s saying. “You have a lot to pack up before school starts? I can help you.”

  “No.” He takes in a breath. “I’m not going to school with you.”

  “What? Why? Where are you going?” I fire at him, each question making him look more pained.

  “The day my dad told me we were moving back to California, I made a deal with him that if he let me come back these past summers, I would go to whatever school he wanted.”

  “Jett,” I say his name, and it’s laced with so much. He did that for me. For us. He gave us the summers in exchange for his soul’s happiness.

  Jett’s parents aren’t bad people, but his dad is a businessman. One who wants his only son to work for him so he can give him his empire to run one day. The complete opposite of what Jett wants to do.

  Because what Jett wants to do is be an artist.

  And that’s unacceptable in his father’s eyes.

  “Why didn’t you tell me before?” I ask him, my hand on his cheek.

  “I knew that once I told you it would change everything. I wanted to hold on to us for as long as I could without changing it.” He stares at me a minute. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Harper. I never wanted to hurt you. In any way.”

  I don’t know
what to say. My heart is cracked and hurting, and it’s in a different way from how it was hurting when I first got here.

  Pressing my lips to his, I kiss him. Soft and slow and showing him how much I love him.

  We kiss each other as the sun rises and a new day dawns, washing away all the hurt and pain from the one before.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Harper

  A couple of hours later, I walk back home, and when I step into my bedroom, I jump when I see a body in my bed that I wasn’t expecting there.

  “Shit, Teddy, you almost made me pee my pants,” I whisper-yell at him with my hand on my chest over my thumping heart.

  He chuckles, stretching his tall frame, his feet poking out of the covers as they hang off the end of my bed. “Sorry,” he yawns.

  “What are you doing here so early?”

  “I wanted to make sure you were alright,” he says, lifting the blankets and waiting for me to slide under with him.

  Lying on my back next to him, I don’t pay any attention to the way he wraps himself around me, snuggling into my side in his half-asleep state. “How long have you been here?”

  He yawns again, lifting his head to squint at the clock on my nightstand. “Couple hours.”

  “You must have gotten here right after I left. You didn’t have to stay, Teddy.”

  “I know I didn’t have to, Harps. Besides, I fell asleep as soon as I laid down. Why is your bed so much more comfortable than mine?” he asks, nuzzling his face into my neck, his hot breath fanning across my skin as he begins to fall back asleep.

  Chuckling, I close my eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

  “I just worry about you,” he mumbles.

  Tilting my head to the side, I rest my cheek on the top of his head. “I know you do, but I’m tougher than I look Teddy bear.”

  His deep-sleep-laden chuckle vibrates against me. “Oh, I know that better than anyone else.” He shifts after a second, his body half on top of mine as he leans up on his forearm to look down at me. “For real, you okay?”

  Tears fill my eyes. Giving him a sad smile, I nod. “He’s not coming to Boston with us. Did you know?”

  “Fuck, Harper. No, I swear I didn’t know.” Taking in a ragged breath, tears spill down my face, and when Teddy leans down to kiss them away, I’m so grateful for my best friend. “What can I do?” he asks.

  “This,” I tell him as I curl into his warmth. He’s my constant. My best friend.

  Pulling me close, he kisses the top of my head. “I got you. Get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

  And I know he won’t. A lot of people say that, but he’s the only one I trust when they say that. As much as I love Jett, he’s lied to me twice. He promised he wouldn’t leave me, but it keeps happening anyway. And each time, he takes pieces of my heart that I know I’ll never get back because no matter what happens to us, Jett will always hold those pieces captive.

  * * *

  The rest of summer felt strange. Each day felt like I was living on borrowed time with Jett. We both knew that surviving two years of high school apart was one thing, but doing four years at colleges on opposite sides of the country would be a whole other challenge entirely.

  Each day closer to when he had to leave felt like another promise broken. The future we’d planned and talked about for so long wouldn’t get a chance to happen.

  I didn’t want to be mad at him—it wasn’t entirely his fault—but it still felt like he lied to me, even if he did it to keep me—us—safe. It still ended up putting a strain between us. One that neither of us wanted and yet it was there.

  It was the elephant in the room between all four of us. No one talked about it or acknowledged it. We just pretended like there wasn’t a big black cloud hovering over us until the day arrived when he’d leave.

  Today is that day.

  I have two weeks before I’m due at Harvard with Teddy and Gabby, while Jett goes to Stanford, all of us trust fund babies attending the schools our parents did in hopes of living up to what they want and expect of us now.

  Standing on the pier, Jett blows out a breath as he looks at me. I’m fighting back the sob that’s ready to erupt from my throat as tears stream down my face.

  “I love you, Harper.” He says it so simply, those words that are anything but simple.

  “Promise?”

  “I will love you until the day I take my last breath on this earth.” His lips land on mine, kissing me with sadness and love and fear. Our lips move together perfectly like they always do, tasting one another while our tears fall and mix into our passion. It’s a kiss of love and devotion. Apologies for broken promises and new promises made.

  “I have to go,” he says, pulling away. He steps back and turns.

  “Jett,” I call after him, his name painful to say as my heart breaks, shattering at my feet. He pauses but doesn’t look back at me for a second, but when he does, his own anguish and heartbreak are written all over his face. “I love you.”

  I watch a tear slide down his face, cut from perfection, eyes shining with more tears. When that drop of emotion lands on his swollen lip, his tongue licks out to grab it, swallowing down more of our painful goodbye.

  Then, he turns, giving me his back again as he walks to the car waiting to take him to the airport, where parts of my heart will fly away with him.

  Hearing the car door shut, the final sound of my heart being crushed, my body falls. The sob I tried to hold in comes out in a loud cry, my tears soaking into the wood under me where I’m on my knees crying.

  When I don’t think I can cry anymore and my body is exhausted, I manage to stand up to walk home. But when I look up, I see my best friend. With the energy I didn’t think I had, I run to him, a fresh wave of tears falling down my face.

  “I got you, Harper,” he whispers when I’m in his arms. Picking up my wrung-out, tired body, he carries me home.

  Unbuttoning my shorts, I slide them down until they drop at my feet. Not having any energy left, I climb into bed.

  Teddy turns for the door, but I call out, “Stay.” One look at me and he nods. Kicking off his shoes and pulling off his shirt, he climbs into bed with me, holding me to him again, letting my tears drown his skin as I cry for the boy I love who left me.

  When I wake up a while later, I feel another person in my bed with me. Turning my head, I see Gabby.

  “Hey,” she says softly when she sees I’m awake. “You want anything?” I shake my head, lying back on Teddy’s chest.

  He presses his lips to my head. “You’re going to be okay, Harps.”

  “It just hurts so bad,” I croak.

  “I know,” he says as his fingers go to my hair, stroking my tangled mess. “But you have us, and we aren’t leaving you.”

  Gabby wraps herself around my back, spooning me. “We might not be the ones you want, but you’re stuck with us anyway,” she teases.

  I’m too broken to laugh at her attempt to lighten up the mood. Instead, I close my eyes and let sleep take me under again.

  * * *

  “Alright, you are sad-looking and smell bad,” my annoying little sister says to me a few days later. She throws my curtains open, the sunlight burning my raw eyes.

  “Get out, Violet,” I mumble, putting my pillow over my face.

  “Nope!” she says, then pulls the blankets off of me.

  “Violet, leave me alone!” I yell, sitting up now.

  “You can yell at me all you want, but you are getting up, taking a shower, and then we’re going down to the beach. You can sleep on the sand and at least get a good dose of vitamin D while you drown in your depression.”

  “Why are you so annoying?” I grit out at her, walking to my bathroom.

  I know my sister, and although she is two years younger than me, she is the motherly one of us. She’s the rule follower, the one who makes our parents proud, the one who everyone smiles at and respects at functions. She’s the opposite of me.

  “Because I’m
tired of smelling you from my room,” she says as I slam the bathroom door shut.

  I hoped that she’d be gone once I was out of the shower, but that was wishful thinking. The little she-devil is in my room looking around like she has the right.

  Although the shower might have felt good and she’s right—I did smell bad—I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of being the reason I got out of bed.

  “Martha is going to change your bedding. I told her she might need to burn these sheets,” she says with a scrunched up nose about our maid. “Get your favorite bikini on. Teddy and his sister Dani are coming with us, and they’re downstairs waiting.”

  “I don’t want to go to the beach, Vi.”

  “I don’t give a shit. You need to get out of this house and this pathetic funk before you leave for school. Mom is worried about you and doesn’t know what to do with you. So, here I am. Now change. We’ll be waiting.”

  “You’re such a little bitch!” I yell as she shuts my door behind her.

  Ten minutes later, I’m walking downstairs, and when I look at my best friend, he’s trying to hide his smile when he sees me. I’m sure he found the exchange between my sister and me hilarious. He knows we don’t get along all the time.

  Putting my arms out to the side, I look at Violet. “I’m here. Let’s go.”

  As much as I don’t want to admit it, it does feel good to be outside. To feel and smell the salty sea air. Hear the waves crash and the water glide over the sand. I’m going to miss this when we leave for Boston in a couple of weeks.

  When Dani and Violet head for the water, I look at Teddy. “The little bitch was right,” I admit.

  He chuckles. “Figured. That’s why I went along with it.” Then he looks over at me. “You going to be ready to leave?”

  “Don’t really have a choice now, do I?” I sigh.

  He takes my hand in his. “You got me anytime you need me.”