by J. K Harper
This time, Jace's wolf sat up straight in his mind, ready to howl out through Jace's voice in protest. But so was Jace. "Hey. That's absolutely not what I meant—" he began before being suddenly drowned out by screams.
"Oh, no! Stop!"
"Watch out!"
Shouting voices, honking horns, and screeching tires in the middle of the street yanked both Caitlin's and Jace's heads around.
Jace's entire body suddenly shivered with an enormous ripple of sheer terror at the sight of Briana and Liam darting into the middle of Main Street.
Right in front of the oncoming traffic.
9
Caitlin swayed, turning so white that Jace wondered if she was going to faint. The only noise that escaped her was the slightest whimper as she stood frozen to the spot, watching in shocked dread as her children tumbled into the path of a huge pickup truck.
Jace's training suddenly slammed back on as the thinking part of his brain began to click in crystal clear form. Assessing all the various details even though literally just a split second passed as he took it all in.
Sheer reflexes, prompted by his wolf subtly charging into complete control of Jace, stopping just short of forcing a shift, catapulted Jace into the street without another thought. His training as both a Guardian and under his mentor of many years controlled his reflexes as he dove in front of the screeching truck. It headed directly for the suddenly frozen, wide-eyed twins, its brakes howling amidst a chorus of horrified screams and shouts throughout the crowded sidewalks on both sides of the street.
Jace dove for the pups. Arms outstretched, he managed to grab them together in a giant hug. He took a rolling dive with them clutched to his chest, heedless of the asphalt ripping into his flesh as they landed on the street pavement.
Just barely out of the way of the braking tires of the truck and the swerving traffic in the other lanes.
Time simultaneously stretched and shrunk, the feeling familiar to Jace from years of both doing stupid things that endangered his life and learning how to save others from similarly dangerous situations. The smells of exhaust, asphalt, the hundreds of humans standing in gape-mouthed horror all along the street, the absurdly delicious smells of food cooking in the local restaurants slammed through him. Over it all swirled the terrible pain of pure, unadulterated terror that snapped like bitter tar through the air.
Jace landed with a solid whump on his back, the twins hugged against him in at first silent and then suddenly hysterically sobbing little lumps. He held them so tightly he could tell from the gasping sound of their cries he was practically cutting off their breathing in his tight grasp. The sound of a door opening and feet pounding along the pavement and people yelling "Are you okay? Are they okay?" assaulted his ears.
Caitlin was suddenly there, her pale face looming into his vision, her utter shock making her shake uncontrollably as she reached down to the twins and him. Another face appeared next to hers, a guy who was even whiter than Caitlin. He began babbling, "They just jumped out in front of me, I swear I didn't see them! Are you okay? I'm so sorry, holy—"
"Liam! Briana!” Caitlin's voice finally began screaming as her shock transformed into pure reaction. He could see her wolf in her eyes, glowing out with all the terror of a mother about to completely lose her cool. The ragged way her chest began to rise and fall indicated a waterfall of sobs was about to follow.
Jace automatically began talking in a soothing voice even as he loosened his arms slightly to let the kids breathe and hiccup and sob with abandon all over his chest. “It's okay, Caitie. They're okay. Everyone's okay. Are you guys okay?” he demanded, carefully sitting up so he could examine them.
More howling sobs answered him. It had to be a good sign that their lungs still worked well. He ran swift, practiced hands over them, feeling for broken bones or other obvious signs of trauma. Nothing. His wolf howled and paced with relief in his head.
“What were you thinking?” Caitlin demanded, her equilibrium apparently somewhat restored. Even so, a slightly hysterical quality still tinged her voice. She frantically pulled the pups out of Jace's grasp, alternately hugging them to her and putting them at arm's length to examine them.
“Th-th-there was a cowboy!” Briana sobbed, raising a shaking little arm to point across the street.
“With a h-h-h-horse,” Liam added, snot running from his nose in a bizarrely adorable fashion. Caitlin automatically reached forward with the hem of her shirt to wipe it, her arms shaking as well. “We wanted to see them!” the little boy howled, collapsing into sobs yet again.
Jace glanced across the street. Sure enough, a cowboy and his horse were ambling away down a side street toward a truck and trailer, followed by a small camera crew and someone carrying a sign with the name of one of the local businesses prominently displayed on it. They were all completely oblivious to the drama they'd just quite inadvertently caused. Shaking his head, tamping down a flare of useless rage, Jace turned his attention back to Caitlin and the twins.
“Never, ever, ever again,” she said to them, voice wavering. “Mama couldn't—” She broke off, clearly about to start sobbing herself. A woman standing nearby offered a tissue, while several others who had spilled into the street as well during the aftermath to hold up traffic in all directions with outstretched arms also said soothing things.
Eventually, with some effort and help from the passersby, including the still traumatized driver of the truck, whom Jace eventually got to calm down by pointing out that he was at no fault at all since the twins indeed had just careened in front of him out of nowhere, Jace got the pups, Caitlin, and himself back over the sidewalk and settled onto one of the green iron benches set at intervals along Main Street. They finally managed to stop being the center of attention, gently shooing along other concerned watchers, once the twins' heartrending cries had dissipated into whimpers, hiccups, and finally a limp quiet as they nestled into Caitlin's arms. Jace sat right beside her, alternately rubbing each child's back with as reassuring a motion he could.
He was pretty sure he was doing it more to compose himself than them. His wolf still paced his mind, as shaken as Jace.
Finally, he allowed himself to think coherently again, once the screaming instincts of his mind and his wolf calmed enough for that. Everyone was fine. Check. The world would still go on as normal for them. Check. His entire body was trembling with the oncoming rush of shock. Check.
The pups could have been killed because he wasn't paying attention. And because he'd distracted their mother enough that she wasn't paying attention, either.
Check.
“What a beautiful family,” yet another bystander said as she slowed while passing them. “I saw what happened. A father's love and quick timing,” she said, shaking her head in wonder as she looked at Jace. “You all are incredibly lucky. You two,” she said to the twins, “need to listen better to your mommy and daddy, you little darlings.” She gave the shock-sleepy children a gentle smile as she moved on.
Jace's heart pounded. He felt almost sick.
A family. This was his mate and her pups. And they'd almost died on his watch. Cold shivers wrenched at his body even in the warmth of the day. The displays of bright flowers in shop windows, cheerful spring colors decorating doors and chalkboard signs, the smells and sounds of life happily bustling along, all turned to dark ashes as the reality thunked down.
“I can't keep you safe,” he whispered. It was low, so low the nearly drowsing pups wouldn't hear.
But Caitlin did. She stiffened on the bench beside him. “Jace,” she said, her voice just as quiet.
He shook his head. “No. See what I mean? I'm not ready. I'm not ready for this. You've done a great job their whole lives. Then I come along and they nearly—” He savagely cut himself off.
Caitlin stared at him. “That's not true. They had a moment of distraction, and they ran with it. Literally.” Despite what seemed like a very faint attempt at lightening the situation, her voice was nearly as pale a
s her face.
“And I was that distraction,” he said forcefully. “For you, and you for me. Don't you see, Caitie?” He hardly noticed that he was still using her nickname. “I am not ready for this. Yes, we have our—bond,” he said, sliding a glance at the humans still walking by, “and what we shared the other night, but I won't jeopardize them. Not for anything. You would never forgive me. I would never forgive myself.” He looked at the twins as he spoke. Their golden-brown hair, damp on each little neck with the light spring humidity of the day and the recent excitement, made his heart ache.
Well, damn. He was whipped after all. Whipped by two precocious, precious little lives he'd never planned on.
“Jace,” she said, her voice gaining an ounce of its usual cool strength. “There is no handbook for this. Things just happen with kids. You learn as you go along.”
But Jace was already shaking his head. “I'm sorry.” He watched as a small light in her eyes seem to dim. “This is too much. I know they're completely safe with you. And just you.” He fought hard against his wolf, who was howling with urgent dismay in his mind. “You've got this,” he whispered, suddenly feeling like the biggest coward in the world. “I know you do.”
After a last small pat on each little back, he allowed himself to look for a long moment into the beautiful green eyes now shiny with a different sort of tears. Her face remained pale but once again composed, her lower jaw trembling just the slightest bit.
Jace reached out to squeeze her hand, feeling the thrill again of touching her soft skin despite everything else furiously roiling around inside him at the moment, not the least of which was his grieving, outraged, ashamed wolf. Then he nodded at her, got up, and quickly walked away.
Once again leaving his mate, alone with her pups.
10
For the fifty-seventh or so time that day, Caitlin paced the room.
“You know, that's probably an expensive rug you're wearing down there.” Kieran's voice was mild.
Caitlin spared him a glance but didn't stop her restless stride. Lily had the twins out playing with some of the pack's younger pups while she and Tate supervised. Tate, Caitlin saw when she passed the window again, was on all fours, apparently playing horsie with them. Liam had a miniature-sized white cowboy hat pulled down almost over his eyes, while Briana waved her sky-blue one overhead as she drummed her heels against Tate's sides.
“He is amazingly patient with them,” she observed. She turned and headed back to other end of the room.
Her brother watched her with a similar amount of patience. “Mm-hmm,” was all he said.
“They aren't easy.” Caitlin offered a quick smile, though she didn't stop pacing. “Even I know that, and I think they're the most marvelous things on the planet.”
“They are definitely the most marvelous things on the planet,” Kieran nodded. He was being so agreeable, it was practically making her nervous.
Caitlin blew out a sigh between pursed lips. He wolf was driving her insane. She'd gone on a long run last night with several of the other pack wolves while the alpha and his mate offered to watch the twins. Caitlin had been doubtful about that, but Channing and his mate, the ever calm and practical Otsana, had assured her that they missed having such young pups around. The youngest ones currently in the pack were around twelve years old, which was a lifetime of difference from her two. She'd gratefully taken the run, since her wolf needed it so badly she'd practically had claws poking out from the ends of her human fingertips.
But even a run, and a satisfying hunt, hadn't soothed her wolf. Jace had been conspicuously absent from the run. In fact, Caitlin hadn't seen him since the near-accident, which was nearly a week ago. The twins had bugged her all the day after, asking to see him. After stalling all morning as she casually tried to figure out where he was, she finally was able to truthfully tell them that he had left on pack business for a few days. Keeping her own pain hidden, she then assured them they would see him before they left to return home, which was in only a few more days.
She sincerely hoped she hadn't lied to her own children when she said that.
Kieran opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. She knew her brother. He had something on his mind but didn't really want to get into it. Shrugging, she kept pacing. It was the only thing keeping her from jumping out of her own skin.
Finally, he forced it out. “Caitie. Look. I was a jerk about Jace.”
Well. Lily must have been softening him. “Yes, you were.”
Her brother snorted. “You didn't have to agree quite so quickly.”
She rolled her eyes at him as she paced back to window to look out at the pups. Oh, poor Tate. They now were forcing him to “gallop” around on all fours. Really, he should just shift and let them ride his wolf. It probably would be a lot easier. Just as she thought that, Tate stopped and turned his head to say something to the twins. In a moment, they nodded, slid off, and he jogged out of sight behind some trees. Being politely modest in front of her own little streakers, she thought, almost smiling. But she sent silent thanks that the pack wolves here were just as tolerant of her pups as were the wolves in her home pack. Moments later, a dark wolf came bounding back. He ran up to the twins, knelt his front left leg on the ground, and patiently stayed like that as Lily helped them scramble back up onto his back. Clutching fistfuls of his dark ruff in their hands, her children whooped and laughed as Tate trotted off with them.
With a sigh, she turned around to start her pacing again. And was faced with her brother right in her path, arms folded as he gave her a firm look.
“Stop right there and listen to me for a second,” he ordered, using his best big brother voice.
“Pfft,” she said, simply moving to one side to continue her pacing. But Kieran actually reached out to take hold of her arm.
“Caitie,” he said, sounding almost worried. “Seriously. Listen. I—Lily talked some sense into me.”
Caitlin relented and stopped moving, although her wolf was making her almost dizzy with her own pacing in Caitlin's mind. “And?” she asked.
"And she reminded me what it was like when she and I first met." Kieran's voice softened as he went on. "We were in a different situation than you are. We didn't have pups to think about. Yet," he added, another wondering smile on his face.
"Yet?" Caitlin asked, suddenly intrigued.
Kieran laughed and shook his head. "No, not for a long time yet.”
Most shifters didn't have pups until they were at least fifty. Living easily until 300, even 400 years old, shifters having pups as young as Caitlin had was rare.
“We just talked about it,” her brother went on. “What it would be like to have some. And I get it. Not to mention that I love those little squirts more than any other little hellion pups on the planet."
"Gee, thanks," Caitlin said dryly, although she knew her brother truly adored his niece and nephew.
"So," Kieran went on, "I was protective of you, and of them. And of what you've been through," he added. He didn't have to say, Being abandoned by the father of your children, that is. It was an old story at this point. "But I've been watching Jace with them for the last couple of weeks. And Lily is right. So were you. He's amazing with them. He thinks of them as his own, Caitie." Kieran looked straight at her. "And that's how it should be with mates, no matter who their blood father may be."
Caitlin stared at him. "She told you we're mates," she said quietly.
He nodded. "Yes. I think I was figuring it out anyway. Hence the big brother show.” At that, he had the decency to look just a bit sheepish.
“Hmm.” She raised an eyebrow at him, but let it go. She knew it had been only because he loved her.
“Caitie, look," he said again, urgency coming to his voice. “He will never hurt you, or them. He may not know what the hell he's doing, but he is your mate. And you are his. And the pups already love him. I can see that. Anyway," he shook his head, "you know I hate to talk about stuff like this."
"
Yes, yes I do know that." She managed a small grin at him.
“So just—well, just don't lose this chance for some real happiness, Caitie. Trust me,” he said softly, “it's worth it. He's your mate. Your wolf will die without him, and you know it."
The words rang through her head in a soft, worrisome chant. But all she could think was, He might be my mate, but he doesn't want to do it. Her wolf let out a protesting howl in her head. Smiling at Kieran, Caitlin squeezed his hand on her shoulder, then gently broke free to resume her agitated pacing once more.
Her wolf let out a protesting, mournful howl in her head. Caitlin bit the inside of her lip, ignoring the deep pain inside her. Jace, it seemed, did indeed prefer to be a lone wolf than mate to a single mother with two pups, and she had to deal with it.
Even if it destroyed her.
11
On their last night at the Black Mesa Pack den, the pups threw a tantrum, then a crying meltdown, when Jace hadn't shown back up. Caitlin almost felt like doing the same. As usual, however, she held it together for their sakes. She made them dress up for a good-bye dinner at Lily and Kieran's, managing to distract them enough that by the time they got there, the pups were in much more presentable spirits.
In the middle of dinner, Lily's phone started buzzing. She said she didn't usually check her phone during meal times, but after the fifth buzz she finally rolled her eyes, excused herself, and went to the other room to see what was going on. Kieran kept the pups in stitches with silly stories while Caitlin picked at her food, trying to enjoy it. She had baked extra special miniature strawberry pies for dessert, because the twins loved them. Lily and Kieran never said no to sugary treats, either. But she couldn't even look forward to that.
Her wolf had finally given up her restless, relentless energy of the days before. Now she simply lay down in Caitlin's mind with her head in her paws, not even bothering to look through Caitlin's eyes at the world. Caitlin honestly couldn't tell if the waves of sadness and depression rolling through her were more from her wolf, herself, or both sides. She strongly suspected it was both. I'll survive this, she thought in a rather listless attempt to soothe herself. Some wolves never meet their mates. I'll live.
