Black Mesa Wolves Complete Series Boxset Bks 1-7

by J. K Harper

  Another frustrated whine-bark lurched out of Tanner's throat. His human was gritting his teeth, shaking his head, drawing breath to yell all the reasons why he couldn't stay here. "Yes. She is my mate," Tanner said. The next words dragged out of him, but he had to acknowledge that his human's “reason” did have some merit. "But maybe I should leave, because I don't want to hurt her. What if I can't give her forever?"

  The feeling of worry about the future was odd for him in his wolf form. That sort of thing was usually the problem of his human. His human rocked back onto his heels in Tanner's mind, utterly surprised that his wolf shared the same worries. Tanner snarled at his human. Jordyn was his mate, he knew that—but never would he want to hurt her.

  Tanner's father growled, the sound more concerned than angry. "Your wolf side and your human side need to come into better alignment.” He ruffed his back, the mantle of fur sticking up from his agitation at his son. “I know this much. A wolf doesn't run from his mate. He stands his ground and fights for her.” His next words were forceful. “There are no promises in this lifetime, Tanner. I learned that in the most heartbreaking way possible. But if you leave, you will never get another chance with her. And I love you enough, son, that I don't want to see you experience the pain of feeling half empty for the rest of your life because you walked away from the one wolf you know deep down is your mate."

  Biting back the howl that longed to escape him, Tanner instead lashed his tail against the ground as he stared out at the sprawling landscape. A raven called its hoarse croak as it caught the air currents. Otherwise, all was silent for more long moments.

  Finally, his father stood up and shook himself. Turning back the way they'd come, he said, “Don't stay for me. Or for your sister. Or even your pack. Both packs,” he added quietly. “What you must stay for is what's most important to you. I leave that up to you to figure out.”

  Tanner's head whirled, longing indeed for the one wolf he knew without a doubt was his mate, no matter what his human thought.

  Jordyn, the mate he didn't want to lose. The mate he refused to let go.

  7

  Jordyn was buried shoulders deep into one of the supply closets when the soul-thrilling scents of crisp autumn leaves, cedar, and sage all wrapped up into the most sensual man she knew caught her attention. She had just begun to straighten up when a large, warm hand cupped her hip and slowly slid up over her ribs, then curved around to hold one breast beneath her uniformed top.

  Tanner. Her wolf flooding her with an indulgence of pheromones and eager yips, she turned around to face him. That dark, seductive smile played across his lips. It had slayed her time and again during the past many months. Right now was no exception, as the fire always banked between them turned up several notches right between her legs.

  "The guys said I'd find you here," he said, just before leaning forward and capturing her mouth with his. She murmured softly as he kissed her, eagerly welcoming the exploration of his tongue and meeting it with hers.

  A long, delicious moment passed during which everything in the world fell away except for the taste of Tanner in her mouth, the fit hardness of his body as he encircled her with his arms and pulled her close, and the sensation of each of her nerve endings exploding to attention. She could have stayed this way forever, but they were at work. The heartless knowledge of his impending departure also loomed, casting a shadow onto the moment. Reluctantly yet firmly, she pulled back.

  Shadows passed through his eyes as well, although a small smile still tugged up his mouth after their kiss. "Missed you at the fights last night." His rich, deep voice soothed along her skin.

  "I couldn't switch shifts." She shrugged an apology, although inside she felt half relieved, half worried that she hadn't been there. She knew perfectly well that he had a tendency to fight better, to be more clearheaded, when she was in attendance. Slightly tentative although she kept her eyes locked on his, she asked, "How did it go?"

  He pulled in a breath through his nose and frowned, glancing down for a second before he looked back into her eyes. "Not that well. I got a sanction."

  Jordyn's eyes widened. "What? Why?" She kept her voice low, as did Tanner. If humans nearby might overhear them, it might sound like they were just talking about regular fights, like MMA or boxing. Even so, all wolf shifters had had it deeply ingrained in them to never, ever speak about the existence of shifters near human ears. Cautious doublespeak was common among shifters when around humans, but they were always careful with what they said regardless.

  Tanner stepped away from her, leaving her slightly chilled at his absence. Glancing out the window at the rainy day, his voice was controlled when he answered. "I half-shifted in the middle of it. Lunged for the guy with my canines out.” He shrugged in irritated acceptance of his actions. “Referee slammed my ass to the ground, give me a sanction, then let me up so I could finish the job unshifted."

  He looked back at Jordyn, the familiar bravado showing in his stance and words. "After the sanction, I played by the rules. I won that fight fair and square. But….” He paused.

  Folding her arms across her chest, Jordyn asked in an arch tone, "But what?" She wasn't about to let him slide on sharing all the details of last night's fight with her. Half-shifting during a fight was very unusual for him. Tanner carried a lot of anger, but he wasn’t a complete hothead. She worried it meant that he was getting more out of control . Whining with soft concern, her wolf agreed.

  Taking a deep breath, stretching his arms out to the side and behind as he shook out the kinks she knew could happen during a long shift in the firehouse without calls, he didn't answer for several moments. "The sanction is countrywide. I'm restricted to the lower tier fights for the rest of the calendar year. That includes the ones in Seattle."

  Jordyn let a heavy pause stretch between them before saying a bland, "I see." At her tone, he flicked a sharp glance at her, but she turned back to the supply closet and blindly busied her hands on whatever was on the shelf closest to her.

  Have you thought about just telling him you'll go to Seattle with him? Lia's honest question drifted through her mind again, punctuated by her wolf's ardent agreement.

  Go with Tanner, her wolf urged. Follow mate.

  And have him turn into a male version of an ice princess? The old nickname stung, even though no one called her that anymore. Have him freeze me out and send me running back to Durango with my tail between my legs? No way, she thought back. Because he would do that. He's not ready for anything more. And neither am I, she tried to add in as convincing a tone she could muster.

  Even to her ears, she sounded weak and mournful. Disgusted, her wolf lifted her lip in an irritated snarl. Am ready. She turned her back on Jordyn and retreated to the corner of her mind. But not too far away. Not while Tanner was actually here.

  Behind her, Tanner blew out a rough sigh. She softened a bit. He had to be pissed with himself for losing control that way. And it was somewhat her fault for not being there. Suddenly feeling a little contrite, she turned back to him. "I'm really sorry I couldn't be there. Maybe if I had been, you would have been able to control yourself better."

  Tires whined on the wet pavement of the street outside the window. Tanner shook his dark head at her. "No way, Jordyn. I take responsibility for that. Yes, you definitely keep me centered. I can admit that."

  Something deep and longing filled the brief pause after he spoke. They looked at one another, unmoving. Frowning slightly, Tanner slowly went on, "But you're not responsible for me, babe. You're not responsible for saving me. For making me a better man. For chasing away my ghosts. That's not on you." His voice was soft as he spoke that last sentence.

  The utterly raw, honest words shocked the hell out of her. Apparently they startled him as well, to judge by the bright flare of his eyes that indicated his wolf hovered just beneath the surface. Jordyn's own wolf leapt up from the back corner of her mind and peered out of Jordyn's eyes as well, which she knew had to be close to glowing rig
ht now. Far brighter than her usual shade.

  She had no idea how to respond to what he just said. Tanner filled in the silence. “It's another reason for me to figure out stuff by myself, anyway. I'll be on my own in Seattle. Maybe I'll finally get my head on straight. Manage to get reinstated into the fights, punch things out without shifting during them. It'll be good."

  Jordyn nodded, feeling her pulse thump in her throat. Of course. See? This is why I can't go to Seattle. He doesn't want me there. Or anyone who might get close to him.

  Needs someone who cares about him, her wolf insisted, restlessly pacing Jordyn's mind even as she stared at Tanner. Needs family near him. Needs mate.

  This was dangerous territory still. But before Jordyn could change the subject, Tanner did it for her. “I came to find you to ask if you'd come check out a burn site with me. The one from the other night that I wanted to get to before all this rain.” He glared out the window, the muted light from outside catching on his hair and lending it deep bronze hues. “But it's better than not going at all. We still might pick something up.”

  Taking a deep breath to settle herself, Jordyn nodded. That would be good. An activity they often did together. Something normal. Something that didn’t involve deep conversation. “Sure. Let's go.”

  Twenty minutes later, Tanner prowled through the blackened debris of the burned house they had been called to several nights before, all of which was still cordoned off with the bright yellow do not cross police line tape. Nerves tickled at Jordyn as she carefully followed him around the ruin of what had been someone's home. It wasn't as if they were completely barred from being here. Tanner was on the fire department, Jordyn technically was as well. Besides, with their two noses, enhanced even in human form, they had the possibility of smelling or seeing something that the human investigators had missed earlier. What had initially been suspected to be a simple grease fire from the home's kitchen had been shown to have a burn pattern that wasn't natural. But at this point investigators were stumped. They had no leads. If Tanner and Jordyn could come up with anything at all, their being here right now would be brushed aside.

  "There." Tanner strode to a corner of what had been the house. "Can you smell that over here? It's just a whiff, hard to pick up under the smells of the smoke and everything else. But I think I'm catching something that doesn't belong."

  Carefully, Jordyn went to where he indicated and sniffed deeply. Though the rain had abated, it had already washed away most of the scents. She couldn't smell anything that didn't belong. Shaking her head, she began, "No, noth—wait a minute." The faintest whiff of something chemical and unpleasant tickled at her ultra-sensitive nose. She wrinkled it even as her wolf also curled her lip back.

  Tanner waited, a grim set to his mouth.

  "You're right,” Jordyn said, taking another long inhale to catch the bare remnants of the nasty scent. “What is it?"

  Tanner, now crouched down on his heels and peering closely at the sodden, blackened beams of timber, gave a grim shake of his head. "Accelerant. Some son of a bitch deliberately started a fire so this family would burn to death while they were sleeping. Damn good thing they got out in time.“

  There was a stark silence broken only by the sounds of water dripping off the burned tips of pine branches that once had made up a pleasant backyard for the mountain home that had been destroyed. Jordyn could sense the equally jagged shards of pain and fury throbbing out from Tanner almost as if they were tangible. She tried to stay calm and cool, the way she did during his fights so she could lend him some clarity. But the rage and horror bit hard at her as well.

  "What drives people to do this kind of thing?" she murmured, more to herself than for an answer. "Humans, I mean. I know why the rogues did it," she added without thinking.

  Tanner rounded on her so quickly her wolf stumbled back in her mind even as Jordyn rocked back on her feet. "And why the hell did the rogues do what they did?"

  His voice held a tinge of the white rage she saw in him sometimes. She was never afraid of him, though, even when he startled her. Tanner wasn't angry at her, though she had voiced a careless thought. Quietly, she said, "The rogues were desperate. They were also packless, which led to a breaking down of reason and kept them more on the side of base instincts. Not to mention they were the most vicious, worst dregs of our society. You know that, Tanner."

  She kept a firm gaze on him, willing calmness to flood from her toward him. She might not be responsible for his actions and emotions, but it didn't mean she couldn't do what came naturally to her. Wanting to soothe him was just instinct for her. “There's a reason rogues are sometimes just put down. As for humans?" She blew out a sigh edged with sorrow as she gestured around the pitiful remains of what had been people's lives. "I guess it just means they can be as insane as any rogue wolf."

  Tanner jerked his head in a nod, some of the stark fury leaving him. But then he added in a low tone, looking back down at the spot where the faint unpleasant odor lingered, "That's another reason I'm leaving, babe. I can't go through that kind of thing again."

  She blinked in surprise. Well, now. Twice in one day. Seemed her iceman was cracking a bit.

  “I went out to the Abajos the other day.” His voice was offhanded, like he was talking about the weather.

  Shock stole her voice for long moments. The Abajos, or the Blues, the mountains where Tanner had spent the beginning of his childhood before it was all ripped away so cruelly. She'd had no idea he went. “How was that?” she finally said in cautious response, her words tentative.

  “Good. Saw my dad.” He looked at her as he said that. A sudden half grin tugged up a corner of his mouth. “Do I get brownie points now?”

  Jordyn rolled her eyes as she looked for something she could throw at him. She settled for, “As if. You were just doing your duty as a son, as you should have.”

  He snorted lightly. “He's not big on duty. But he was glad to see me. He said,” and here Tanner paused for a moment, searching Jordyn's eyes. “He said I have to figure out what the most important thing is to me. The thing that would give me a reason to stay here instead of leaving.”

  Jordyn's heart thudded so hard she could feel it throughout her entire body. A shiver rippled over her, born of both anticipation and fear. “And?” she finally said, her voice a whisper.

  This time the silence was so long she thought she might fall into the eternity of waiting for his reply. Her head throbbed with the sensation of being squeezed. Tanner's wolf flared into his eyes, the darkness lit with a golden sheen. She felt her wolf jump into her own eyes, whining at Jordyn to let her out so she could romp and play with Tanner. With her mate.

  “And,” Tanner said slowly, his voice rough with his wolf, his eyes holding hers. “And I don't know if I'm ready to let go of everything yet. Everything that happened to my family. To me.” The words were stark as he looked right at her. Pure truth. He was dropping his natural defenses and showing her a vulnerability she never saw from him. “Jordyn,” he said, voice a low, whispered growl, “I don't know if I can give you what you deserve. I'm not—I'm not ready to be the man you need me to be.”

  She almost dropped her jaw. She'd never heard Tanner be this insightful before. He never shared with her the dark things going on inside him, not this directly or clearly. She ached for him, for the pain he carried still. For the consideration he offered to her, even in the face of the demons that still haunted him. Her chest squeezed again, making her almost breathless. She inhaled so hard it was a gasp. That broke the spell.

  "Anyway." Tanner's voice was brusque as he rose to his feet and turned his gaze away from hers. "I'll tell Zach about this. The accelerant. He'll tell the investigative team. It'll give them something more to go on."

  Head still feeling like it was about to either explode or be squished, Jordyn nodded. Right. Okay. Conversation done. She swallowed hard, refocused herself in the moment of what they were doing. Right. Investigating a possible arson. Closing her eyes, she to
ok a breath. Shoving aside the moment that had almost been, she locked her thoughts onto this place and their investigation.

  Zach was the one actively working toward being an arson investigator, so his word would be taken more seriously than Tanner's. Telling him to pass on this information instead of Tanner was a smart move. "He'll be mad that he didn't pick it up when he was out here." Tanner and Zach had one of those competitive good buds thing going on that she suspected had endured since they were pups.

  Tanner snorted. "Yeah. He'll just have to own up to the indisputable fact that my nose is far superior to his.”

  Jordyn laughed, releasing shaky tension, then scanned the burned-out ruin again. Slipping a quick glance at Tanner, she wondered for the thousandth time how he could handle seeing sights like this given his childhood history. She knew the answer to that immediately, of course. He let his anger carry him. His desire to avenge all others so similarly harmed. There was no literal revenge to be had, since all the rogues responsible for the loss of his original home pack had been killed many years before. Yet the demons of memory still haunted him. Her wolf whining softly in her mind, she slowly pivoted in a circle, looking over the charred remains of land on which the home had once stood.

  Something small and bright glinted in a quick flash from the midst of a pile of debris. Her wolf-sharpened eyesight focused on it, and she let her wolf look through her eyes for the added acuity. "Tanner. What's that?" She pointed.

  Instantly, Tanner headed for the bright glint. Once again crouching down, he peered for a long moment. Finally, he yanked out a pair of latex gloves from his pocket and snapped them over his hands. Picking up a small item, he closely examined it. The stony lines of his face spread into a smile. Standing up, closing his hand around the object, he strode back over to Jordyn.