Raging Sea, Searing Sky

by Christopher Nicole

  He went to the bar and this time poured two glasses. Then he sat beside her, placed one in her hand. ‘Is that why you left the hospital?’

  Her head started to turn, and then straightened again. ‘Does it matter?’

  ‘To me it does.’

  ‘You...’ now she did turn, eyes huge and filled with tears. ‘To you? You just disappeared, never answered my letters. You...’

  ‘May,’ he said. ‘I wrote, and wrote and wrote. But you had left the hospital when my letter telling me I was going back to the States to join the Navy got there. I still don’t understand why you never read it. Matron forwarded it to your uncle’s address in Tonbridge...’

  Her head jerked. ‘She did what?’

  ‘That’s what she said. With all my others. And they were returned unopened. So she burned them.’

  ‘Oh, God,’ May muttered. ‘Oh, God.’

  The tears spilled out of her eyes and dribbled down her cheeks. He put his arm round her shoulders and held her against him. The nanny, who had returned to the lounge doorway, went away again.

  ‘Where were you, May?’ he whispered. ‘Where were you, my own sweet May?’ Had he any right to say that, when betrothed to another woman? But this woman was the mother of his son.

  She sobbed, and sniffed. ‘One of the nurses noticed I hadn’t...hadn’t had my period,’ she said against his chest. ‘Twice running. So she told Matron. Oh, there was a terrible scene. It wasn’t only against regulations. It was...oh, it was awful. And when I refused to tell them who it was, she called Uncle Clive. God, that was worse.’ She pushed herself away from him, sat straight, gazing at him. ‘He wanted me to have another abortion. But I told him if he made me do that I’d commit suicide. I would’ve, too. I wanted your child, Lewis. I wanted your child.’

  He felt like weeping himself. ‘So what happened?’

  ‘He could see I was determined. So could Auntie May. So they sent me away, up to Scotland, to have the baby.’ Her lips twisted. ‘Uncle Clive must have sent your letters back. And then he insisted I name the baby after him. Silly bastard. But I had to go along with him; I didn’t have anyone else. So he put about some ridiculous story about how I had eloped with this officer who had promptly got himself killed in France. He told me that as long as I pretended to be a widow I could not only keep the child but he’d settle an income on me for life.’ She sighed. ‘I didn’t have any alternative.’ Her chin tilted at him. ‘Just as I had nothing better to do than eat, drink and be merry. Hell.’

  He took her into his arms, kissed her forehead, her eyes, her nose, her chin, and then her lips. ‘Oh, May,’ he said. ‘Oh, my darling, darling May. Can you ever forgive me? I didn’t know. I just didn’t know. Matron wrote and said you had been sacked from the nursing service, and...I supposed it was something to do with a man. Another man. It never occurred to me you could’ve been pregnant. Oh, May, what a fool I am.’

  She rested her cheek on his. ‘I’m so glad you found me, Lewis. And saw the boy. He’s a fine little chap. He’ll look like you.’

  ‘And he’ll have a sister who will look like you.’

  Her head came up again.

  ‘I’m going to marry you, remember?’ he told her. God, what was he saying? But it was not only something he had to do, both in honour and in duty, but it was the only thing he wanted to do, right now. Here was May, beautiful, compulsive, throbbing, sexual May, in his arms...there was no woman in the world could compare with May, certainly not a girl who couldn’t quite make up her mind whether she loved him or not. So the wedding was all planned...God there was going to be an upheaval. But it would have to happen.

  ‘You don’t have to, Lewis,’ she said. ‘Everyone believed the story. It’s been happening to girls all the time, in the war.’

  ‘I have to,’ he said. ‘But I want to. Don’t you want to marry me, May?’

  ‘Oh, Lewis...’ she gave a little shiver, but it was a shiver of joy rather than cold, now. ‘But Lewis...I’m not a very good person.’

  ‘You’ve told me that before.’

  She bit her lip. And then shrugged. ‘Yes. But...losing you, living this kind of lie, this kind of life...Lewis, I’ve slept around, and I drink too much, and...’ she gazed at him, eyes enormous. ‘You saw, tonight. When I get tight I kind of...lose control.’

  He held her hands. ‘Would you want to do all of those things when married to me?’

  Her head shook slowly from side to side. ‘Oh, no, Lewis. Oh, no. Married to you...but you mean you don’t care?’

  ‘Not if from here on you’ll only get tight and lose control with me.’

  She stared at him. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Oh, yes. If...if I ever step out of line again, Lewis, you must beat me. Promise me that. You’ll beat me, hard.’

  He grinned at her, and took her in his arms again. ‘It’s a promise.’ She sneezed against his chest. ‘And now, bed.’

  She raised her head. ‘Will you come with me, Lewis?’

  ‘For an hour.’

  ‘An hour?’ she wailed.

  ‘I have to get back to my ship, this morning. But May, I’ll be back just as soon as I can. And we’ll get married.’

  ‘Oh, Lewis...the fuss...’

  ‘Won’t matter a bit. You’ll be coming to live in the United States, remember?’

  Oh, my God, he thought, the fuss!

  But he was a father, and he had May, back again. In the hour they had together they might have managed, magically, to whisk themselves back into that bedroom in Lyme Regis. Whatever was going to happen he now had no doubt what he was going to do, or what was the right thing to do, regardless of the consequences.

  *

  Benelli and Pearson also returned the next day, looking somewhat the worse for wear. By then Lew had contacted the flotilla and was ordered to rejoin at Portsmouth, which was only a short day’s steaming away. He dashed off a telegram to May to reassure her: REJOINING FLEET IN PORTSMOUTH WILL CALL FROM THERE I LOVE YOU BOTH LEWIS and then took his ship back to sea. The moment he was moored up alongside the other destroyers he reported to the captain and requested an interview.

  Captain Bolder listened in silence as Lew related the entire story, from the beginning. Then he leaned back in his chair, his fingertips pressed together in front of his mouth for some minutes, staring at the young officer. ‘Nineteen is one hell of an early age to be getting married, McGann,’ he remarked at last. ‘Your father know about this?’

  ‘Yes, sir. I mean, he knows that I’ll be getting married, well, early next year.’

  ‘But to Captain Grant’s daughter, as I understand it. Have you thought about that?’

  ‘Yes, sir. I know that I will have to act the utter cad, and break my engagement. But sir, surely you can see that I don’t have any choice. Two wrongs wouldn’t make a right, and Miss Gerrard is the mother of my son.’

  ‘And she is also the lady you would rather marry, am I right?’

  Lew could feel the heat of the flush in his cheeks. ‘Well, sir, I became engaged to Miss Grant on the rebound...’

  ‘You going to tell her that?’

  ‘Well...should I?’

  ‘You, with the experience you seem to have accumulated at nineteen years old, are asking me for advice, McGann? Hells bells, I married young, too. Twenty-one. But I was a virgin on my wedding night and I’ve never looked at another woman since.’ He pointed. ‘What is Miss Grant’s condition?’

  ‘She is a virgin, sir.’

  ‘Well, thank God for that. You seem to have retained a few of the instincts of a gentleman. McGann, I don’t know what to say. You are one of America’s best known heroes, you bear a famous name, and yet you appear to be an absolute scoundrel. Okay, now you listen to me. I am giving you permission to marry this girl, providing you obtain your father’s permission as well, and providing my decision is confirmed by Admiral Sims. You will also write to Miss Grant immediately to inform her of the situation. Understood?’

  ‘Yes, sir. Will it be possible t
o have a furlough to visit London?’

  ‘It seems to me you’ve had your furlough, unauthorised. You’ll get another one when permission for your marriage comes through. This interview is at an end, Lieutenant; you have one hell of a lot to do.’

  Lew couldn’t argue with that. He went ashore and telephoned May right away.

  ‘Oh, Lewis,’ she said. ‘Did it really happen?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘and from the sound of your voice you have a streaming cold to prove it, right?’

  ‘God, I feel awful. But just unreal, as well. Oh, Lewis, what’s going to happen now?’

  ‘Listen, and I’ll tell you.’ Which he did, but he omitted any reference to Brenda Grant. It would have been an impossible thing to explain over the telephone anyway.

  ‘But Lewis,’ she wailed. ‘That means I won’t see you again for ages.’

  ‘Just a couple of weeks,’ he said. ‘And then we’ll be married. Spend the time in bed, getting better.’

  ‘But Lewis, I have to get my clothes ready, and...’

  ‘Dearest May, you can wear a sack as far as I mind. Listen, I’ll write, every day. And telephone whenever I can.’

  ‘And I’ll come down to Portsmouth,’ she said. ‘I’ll bring Clive.’

  ‘Clive,’ he said. ‘My God...I suppose I have to ask your uncle’s permission.’

  ‘Well,’ she said. ‘It would be correct. But you don’t have to. I’m twenty-one now. But Lewis...he might threaten to cut off my allowance.’

  ‘Your allowance is my problem now, May,’ he reminded her. ‘But I think I should see your uncle. And you stay right there in London until your cold is better. I’ll try to call you every day.’

  There was so much suddenly happening he felt in as much of a whirl as when he had been blown up at Jutland. But he simply had to keep plunging ahead, writing to Father, and he wrote to Lord Gerrard as well; to both he explained the situation as he had done to Captain Bolder, and from Lord Gerrard he requested an interview. Captain Bolder had to go along with that, and he was given a half-day furlough for the following day, to travel to Tonbridge and back. As the flotilla was expecting orders to return to the States at any moment, there was no time to wait to discover whether or not his lordship wished to receive him.

  It was not until, that same afternoon, he sat down to write to Brenda that his brain seemed to slow down. Brenda, so absolutely pure and innocent, and in her way, quite as lovely as May. Brenda, about whom he had spent some two years dreaming, and with whom he had one or two unforgettable moments. Brenda, who had already prepared her trousseau...so the other night he had in his cups reflected that she could never love him with the spontaneous sexuality that was May’s crowning glory, but she might have tried, and made him very happy while doing so.

  And Brenda, who would have belonged to him alone, and never known the embrace of another man. He realised that he had actually been in love with her. Was he in love with her. But that was an unworthy thought. May was what she was, and she had confessed it all to him. It was what she would be in the future that mattered, and that future was all his. As was his son.

  Would Brenda be crushed? He didn’t suppose Brenda Grant was easily crushable. But she would certainly be angry. His name would be mud in Annapolis, and in other places as well, he supposed.

  He told her, too, the facts of the case, trying not to make his turning to her seem too much of a rebound, but stressing the special relationship he and May had had ever since the Lusitania. He apologised most humbly and told her that she need not use the contents of the letter if she preferred not to, but could merely tell everyone that he had let her down. He could do no more than that. But when he had sealed the letter he felt exactly as if he had swallowed poison.

  *

  Lord Gerrard lived in an imposing mansion some three miles from Tonbridge, set in rolling Kent countryside. Lew had some difficulty obtaining a taxi from the station, and although he had left Portsmouth at dawn it was after twelve when he arrived, and rang the bell. He had worn his best uniform, with a new cap, and looked, he thought, very smart and very proper — but of course Gerrard would know differently.

  ‘Yes?’ inquired the butler, opening the door.

  ‘I’d like to see his lordship, please,’ Lew said.

  ‘Is he expecting you?’

  ‘Possibly not. But I imagine he’ll see me. My name is Lieutenant Lewis McGann, United States Navy.’

  ‘Have you a card, sir?’

  ‘No, I do not have a card.’

  The butler considered for several seconds, then allowed him into the house. ‘I will see if his lordship is free, Mr McGann,’ he said. ‘Smedley!’

  He had not actually raised his voice, but a moment later they were joined by a footman. Nothing more was said, but Lew gathered he was to be kept under surveillance all the time he was in the house. ‘Do sit down, Mr McGann,’ the butler said, and went up the stairs.

  Lew sat on a straight chair, feeling rather as he had done while waiting to be received by Admiral Sims, kept reminding himself that as May had reminded him, she was twenty-one; she was in fact two and a half years older than himself. As if that mattered, he told himself.

  The butler returned. ‘His lordship will see you, Mr McGann,’ he said, sounding vaguely surprised.

  ‘Thank you,’ Lew said, using the expression as a means of clearing his throat. He followed the man up the stairs, and was shown into a large book-lined study. Lord Gerrard wore a midnight blue velvet smoking jacket, and had changed little in the three-and-a-half years since last they had met.

  ‘By God,’ he remarked. ‘Your letter arrived this morning. You have the effrontery of a Hun.’

  Lew had already determined that his only mistake would be to let this man, who seemed to be an habitual bully, get on top of him. ‘Have I, my lord?’ he asked. ‘For wishing to marry the woman I love, the mother of my son?’

  Gerrard pointed. ‘Whom you deserted, and left to a life of shame.’

  ‘Inadvertently, sir. If you had given May my letters to read, instead of returning them unopened, this situation would never have arisen.’

  Gerrard glared at him for several seconds. ‘What are those ribbons you are wearing?’

  ‘The Congressional Medal of Honour, sir, and the Distinguished Conduct Medal.’

  ‘I read about them. You’re quite a hero. And the most lecherous bastard I have ever heard of. Sit down.’

  Lew sat down. He was knowing the delicious glow of victory.

  ‘I suppose you know my niece pretty well.’ Gerrard went to a cabinet in the corner and took out a bottle of whisky and two glasses. ‘Anything with it?’

  Lew calculated that would be unpopular. ‘As it comes, please, sir.’

  ‘Now I know you’re at least a man.’ Gerrard poured two, and gave him one, then sat behind his desk. ‘You haven’t answered my question.’

  ‘I think I know May as well as anyone, sir,’ Lew said, cautiously.

  ‘Now there’s the point. I don’t propose to discuss her morals with you, boy. They have been a sore trial to me. I would have put it all down to her ordeal on the Lusitania, save that I know it began before that. You know what I’m talking about?’

  ‘I do, sir.’

  Gerrard stared at him.

  ‘I also know that I love her, sir, and that what may have happened in the past is immaterial to me.’

  ‘Now I’m beginning to feel you’re a boy again, McGann. Romance is all very well, but it doesn’t often last.’ He gave a brief laugh. ‘Here I am, trying to talk you out of marrying my niece when I should be paying you to take her off my hands. But I’ve a reputation for honesty. She drinks.’

  ‘I know that, sir.’

  ‘Warts and all, eh?’

  ‘I love her, and she is the mother of my son.’

  ‘No doubts about that?’

  ‘Lord Gerrard, if you were not a much older man, I would punch you on the nose for that suggestion.’

  Once again Ge
rrard regarded him for several seconds. Then he said, ‘You are in love, it would seem. I will hope and believe that your love will last. You wouldn’t be marrying her for money, I suppose.’ He shook his head before Lew could reply. ‘Another punch on the nose, eh? Well, I will continue her allowance, and I will give the marriage my blessing. It will be a great relief to me to have May settled. You will be living in the United States, I imagine?’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘A great country,’ Gerrard observed, with feeling. Presumably, Lew thought, great enough to lose May in.

  ‘I am perfectly able to support May, sir,’ he said.

  ‘In the manner to which she is accustomed? Maybe you are, Lieutenant. But the time may come when you won’t feel she needs supporting any longer. I’ll not have my niece starve.’ He stood up. ‘This has been a queer old conversation. I feel like a devil’s advocate. But you’re doing the honourable thing, and I believe you even want to do it. So, welcome to my house, young fellow. You’ll stay to lunch.’ He held out his hands. ‘Allow me to congratulate you on your betrothal to my niece.’

  *

  The arrival of May in Portsmouth the following week, complete with Nanny, whose name was Rowena, and little Clive, was a great event. She came on board Carlton and was shown over the ship, and introduced to both officers and crew. They were as much in a state of confusion over their commander’s domestic affairs as everyone else; but they worshipped the deck he walked on, and that he should have a son more than a year old merely confirmed his larger than life status for them while to a man he could see that they fell in love with the beautiful, vibrant blonde. It was of course quite impossible for the pair of them to be alone together for more than five minutes, which disappointed her, but at least she seemed to be beginning to believe it was all going to happen, and devoured him with hungry kisses for the few minutes she had. So much so there was little time to talk about anything else, and he did not tell her of his interview with Lord Gerrard. He still wasn’t sure what to make of that himself, and for all the charm exuded by his lordship and Lady Gerrard at lunch was still vaguely angry about the opinion they obviously held of their niece, even if he was relieved that there was apparently not going to be any major family explosion.