‘Why don’t you ask Dan that.’
She turned her head. ‘That was peculiarly nasty. So I guess you’re still a shit.’
‘I didn’t mean to be nasty. What have I got that he hasn’t?’
Now she turned right round, leaned against the wall, arms folded. ‘The Congressional Medal of Honour.’
‘Anyone can get a medal. It’s a matter of luck.’
She continued to study him in the gloom. Then she said, ‘I think we had better go back inside...or I might just start pushing you.’
‘I’d probably enjoy that,’ he said without thinking, and was disturbed by a lot of noise from inside. He turned round and looked into the ballroom, Brenda coming to stand beside him, and he felt her fingers suddenly biting into his arm. The music had stopped, but everyone was on the floor, gathering round two people. One was Longbridge, looking utterly embarrassed. The other had to be May, but for the moment Lew could not see her...because, he realised, she was stretched on the floor at Longbridge’s feet, apparently unconscious.
He shrugged off Brenda’s arm and ran forward, and heard a woman say, contemptuously, ‘My dear, anyone can see that the bitch is drunk. Dead drunk.’
Chapter Nine
Tokyo, 1923
Lew pushed men and women aside to reach his wife.
‘She just...just slid down,’ Longbridge stammered. ‘Had no idea...my dear fellow, I am most terribly sorry.’
Lew knelt, raising May’s head. He was at the moment oblivious of the comment swirling about his head, was aware of a mixture of concern and anger. And the anger was slowly gaining control as he realised that she was certainly not hurt by her fall, and was breathing quite normally.
He adjusted her bodice, which had shifted sideways, and discovered his father stooping beside him. ‘You’d better take her home,’ Joe McGann said. ‘And call a doctor.’
‘I don’t think she needs a doctor,’ Lew said.
‘You call one anyway,’ Joe told him.
Lew nodded; clearly if everyone believed she had had some kind of seizure it would be best for them both. But he could still hear the contemptuous tone of the woman who had discerned the truth.
He got one arm round May’s shoulders, thrust the other under her knees, and straightened. People stepped back to let him through, and he walked to the doors, which were being solicitously held open for him. As he reached them the band struck up again, clearly everyone wanted the unfortunate incident forgotten as rapidly as possible.
One of the hat check girls hurried forward with May’s wrap, and he found Brenda at his elbow.
‘I picked up her handbag,’ she said.
‘Thanks. Can you put it in my pocket.’
She hesitated. ‘Would you like me to come with you?’ She met his gaze, and flushed. ‘I just thought you could do with a hand.’
‘Maybe I could,’ he said, because the anger was growing all the time. He had never been really angry with May before; whatever her excesses, she had never let him down before. She had been saving it all for the biggest occasion of their lives, with the admirals of five navies present, and half of Washington’s top people; there had even been an expectation that President Harding had been going to be there, but he had had to cancel at the last minute.
But why involve Brenda? Only as someone to vent his anger on. And he was afraid to think of that.
He went down the stairs and carried May into the car park. Brenda opened the door for him, and between them they laid her on the back seat. She stirred, and sighed, and gave a little smile.
‘Is she...’ Brenda asked.
‘You heard that woman.’
‘Oh, my God!’ She sat beside him as he started the engine.
They drove over the bridge in silence. Then she said, ‘I hope you don’t think I’m butting in.’
‘You are butting in. But I presume you want to.’
‘Do you hate me that much?’
‘Right now I hate the world,’ he said.
‘It could have happened to anyone,’ she pointed out.
‘Sure. But it didn’t.’
He drove into the garage beneath the apartment, dragged May out of the back. ‘Oh, Lewis,’ she said, without opening her eyes. ‘Oh, Lewis.’
He carried her into the elevator, Brenda at his side. They looked at each other as the car went up; May had draped one arm round Lew’s neck and had apparently gone back to sleep. He carried her along the corridor and said, ‘If you put your hand in my pocket you’ll find the key. Or,’ he added, when she hesitated, ‘if you ring the bell, Karen will let us in.’
Brenda rang the bell, and a moment later the door was opened by the maid, who had been babysitting.
‘Oh, Mr McGann,’ she gasped. ‘Has there been an accident?’
‘Nothing serious.’ Lew carried May through the lounge and laid her on the bed. ‘Kids okay?’
‘Oh, yes, Mr McGann. They’re both fast asleep.’
‘Great. Okay, Karen, you can call it a night now.’
‘Thank you, Mr McGann.’ Karen glanced at Brenda, standing like a statue just inside the door. ‘You’re sure you don’t want me to stay?’
‘Quite sure, Karen. Good night.’
‘Good night, Mr McGann.’ She gave Brenda another glance, then left, closing the front door.
Lew went to the telephone, dialled.
‘Would you like me to undress her?’ Brenda asked.
‘If you can. I’ll be there in a moment.’
She went into the bedroom, while a sleepy voice was answering the phone. ‘Hello, Jim,’ Lew said. ‘Look, I’m sorry to bother you at this hour, but May has had some kind of a dizzy turn. In fact, she’s just about unconscious...’
‘I’ll be right over,’ the surgeon-commander agreed.
‘Thanks a million.’ Lew replaced the telephone, stood in the bedroom doorway. Brenda had rolled May on her side and was wrestling with buttons.
‘She weighs a ton,’ she gasped. ‘Oops, I didn’t really mean that.’
‘Let me help you.’ Between them they got May’s gown off. She wore only drawers and stockings beneath. Brenda carefully avoided looking at him as they took off those as well.
‘Where are her nightdresses,’ she asked.
‘May doesn’t wear nightdresses.’ He turned the coverlet and sheet back, rolled her beneath, got her on her back, and pulled the sheet up to her chin. Brenda had left the room. He followed her into the lounge. ‘Care for a drink?’
‘I wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee.’ She was still not looking at him. He filled the percolator, and she said, ‘She is quite incredibly beautiful.’
‘Yeah.’
She sat down, on the settee, back straight, hands on her lap; for all her efforts she was not the least dishevelled. ‘Is she often like this?’
‘Yes. If not so obviously.’
‘I’m so sorry, Lewis.’
‘Did you come here to tell me that?’
Her head started to turn, then straightened again. ‘No.’
He watched the water begin to bubble. ‘Then tell me why you did come here.’
‘Must you always be...so direct?’
‘It’s my nature. One lump, or two?’
‘No sugar, thank you.’
He placed the cup on the coffee table before her, sat beside her. ‘How do you find married life? Oh, I forgot, you haven’t been able to sample it long enough.’
She sipped her coffee. ‘I think I had better leave.’
‘Well, you can’t, Brenda. Not until Jim Grayson has been.’
‘I can call a cab,’ she said. ‘You couldn’t drive me home, anyway. You can’t leave your wife and children.’
‘So call a cab.’
‘You really do hate me, don’t you?’ she asked.
‘I told you...’
‘Oh, sure, you hate the world. I’m sorry for you. I really am. And I’m sorry I butted in.’ She got up, picked up the telephone book, flicked to the yellow pages. He got up i
n turn, took the book from her hands, dropped it on the table, took her in his arms, and kissed her mouth. He knew he was about to commit a very great crime, which was going to tear apart the lives of at least four people — but he also knew that nothing was going to stop him now: it was the same feeling he had had when he had discovered Carlton under the guns of the German U-boat — there was something that had to be done, regardless of the consequences. Brenda never moved, and neither did he, until the bell rang.
He left her standing there while he opened the door. James Grayson had obviously dressed in a hurry. ‘Where is she?’ he asked.
‘In the bedroom,’ Lew told him.
The surgeon-commander looked at Brenda.
‘Brenda Walsh,’ Lew said. ‘Dan Walsh’s wife. She came back to give me a hand.’
‘Mrs Walsh.’
‘Commander.’ There were pink spots in Brenda’s cheeks, but no other suggestion that she was anything but utterly relaxed.
Grayson went into the bedroom. Lew looked at Brenda, and she looked back. Then she returned to the settee and sat down. She made no effort to pick up the phone book again.
Heart pounding, mind a confused jumble of emotions, Lew followed Grayson into the bedroom. The surgeon had taken May’s pulse and was now opening an eyelid, while he lowered his head to sniff her breath. May moved, restlessly. ‘You were at the ball tonight,’ Grayson remarked.
‘Yes,’ Lew said. ‘She just fell down.’
‘You know why?’
‘Yes. But I’ve never seen her just fall down before.’
‘But she drinks this much quite often, does she?’
‘As I said, this hasn’t happened before.’
‘If it’s cheap hooch, God knows what she’s doing to her gut.’
‘Should you pump her out?’
‘Nope. That’s an unpleasant business, and she isn’t ill at the moment. Her pulse is surprisingly steady, and her colour is good. But I’d like to give her a proper examination, Lew. There could be another reason, which just triggered the alcohol. Think you can bring her in when she wakes up, tomorrow?’
‘I’ll do that,’ Lew said. ‘Sorry to drag you out. It was a cosmetic job more than anything else.’
Grayson grinned: the two men played golf together regularly. ‘Sure. So bringing her into hospital for a check-up will make it look even better.’ He stood up, suddenly serious again. ‘She’s going to have to cut it back, Lew. Or preferably, out.’
‘Yeah,’ Lew said.
Grayson looked at the woman on the bed. ‘So much beauty. If you let her destroy herself you need your head examined.’ He went into the lounge. ‘Can I give you a lift anywhere, Mrs Walsh?’
‘I...ah...’ she looked at Lew, eyes suddenly as big as May’s could be.
‘We’ve already called a cab,’ Lew said.
‘Oh. Well, good night.’ He closed the door behind himself, and they looked at each other.
‘He’s a good friend,’ Lew explained.
‘And do you always lie to your friends?’
‘I once said something to you...’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘But you didn’t come back. From hell or anywhere else.’
‘My mistake.’
She stood up. ‘It’s too late now. Think I can catch the doctor?’
‘No,’ he said.
‘Lew,’ she said. ‘You can’t be serious. Your wife is lying in there...’
‘As you once said, I’m a shit.’
‘Oh, Lew...’
‘My wife is lying in there, pissed out of her mind. She is the most lovely woman I have ever seen, and she is the mother of my two children. And I thought I loved her, until tonight.’
‘You don’t fall out of love that quickly.’
‘Only if you were never in it. Tell me about you and Dan.’
She sat down again as if her knees had given way. ‘Are you trying to make me miserable too?’
‘Aren’t you miserable? You wouldn’t have come back here with me if you weren’t.’
Her shoulders hunched. ‘I guess the fault is mine. So you see, I wouldn’t be much good to you as a mistress, either. And I’ve never really contemplated adultery, anyway.’
He sat beside her. ‘So what ties you up?’
‘I...’ she bit her lip. ‘I just got...tied up, our first night. Danny had never attempted to touch me before. Not like you. And I thought...’
‘That once it was legit it’d all be fine.’
She sighed.
‘Then you lost your nerve?’
‘I just got scared. No, I just started thinking. I don’t want this to happen. I don’t want that huge ugly thing pushing into me. I don’t want his hands all over my body...God, why do you and I have such intimate conversations? I haven’t even said that to my mother.’
‘Because we love each other.’
‘We can’t. You can’t, anyway. You couldn’t love a woman who can’t...enjoy sex.’
He kissed her again, and while he did that, unclipped her neckband. ‘How did Dan take it?’
‘Oh, God!’ She shuddered. ‘He...got angry. He said I was thinking of you.’
‘Were you?’ He eased the gown from her shoulders.
She shrugged. ‘I guess I was. Anyway, he...he hurt me. I guess he was in a hurry. God, Lew, it was everything I had always been afraid it would be.’
The dress was about her waist, and he kissed her shoulders. She hadn’t moved, herself, as yet. But she was making no effort to stop him.
‘So what’s happened since?’
‘Oh, Danny demands his male prerogatives, from time to time. He beats me.’
He raised his head. ‘Beats you?’
‘Sure. That’s a male prerogative, too. At least in Arkansas.’
‘Why don’t you take this off?’ he asked.
She stood up, slightly shook her hips, and the gown slid about her ankles.
She turned away from him, stepped out of it. He caught her thighs and sat her on his lap. ‘Then why are you doing this?’
‘Oh, God, Lew,’ she turned in his arms and a moment later they were lying on the settee, with her on top. ‘Is it that terrible, with everyone?’
‘It’s the most wonderful thing in the world, Brenda, with someone special.’
She kissed him, then hid her head in his epaulette. He felt the tears dripping on to his flesh, as he slid her knickers down from her thighs. Now he was back to where he had been, that January night four years ago. If only he had persisted then, so much might have been different.
But nothing could have been different, because by then May would already have borne Clive.
He eased her off him, and she lay on her face, refusing to look at him, while he undressed. He took off her shoes and stockings and kissed her feet, and kissed her right up to the nape of her neck. Then at last she rolled over.
‘I prefer beds,’ he said. ‘I’m a little large for settees.’
She was looking at him for the first time. ‘Touch me,’ he suggested.
She raised her eyes to look at him, then obeyed, hesitantly, and let him go again.
‘Don’t you want to?’ he asked. He put one arm under her shoulders and the other under her knees and lifted her from the settee, carried her along the corridor to the spare bedroom.
‘Are we both mad?’ she asked.
‘Utterly and completely.’ He laid her on the bed, and kissed her some more, this time from her neck back down to her toes, in front. Then he stood up and looked at her, so long and slender and white, so inexpressibly fragile, and even after two months of marriage, so utterly virginal. And he was about to take that fragility and that virginity and tear it apart. But there was no way he could stop himself now.
She was very tense, but he was very gentle, and gradually she relaxed, more and more, until she sighed softly as he climaxed. He knew she hadn’t, but he still guessed it was the best one she had ever had.
*
‘What are we going to do?’ she asked.
‘What do you want to do?’
She got up, went to the bathroom, and came back. ‘Nothing.’
Lew sat up. ‘Nothing?’
‘There is nothing we can do, Lew. Not now. So we’ve committed adultery. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I think May is going to need you now, more than ever. Or she is just going to drink herself to death. And there are your children. And your career. To divorce your wife to marry the wife of a brother officer would really put the cat amongst the pigeons. Besides, you’re a Roman Catholic, aren’t you?’
‘That’s all me. What about you? You just going to go back to being beaten whenever Danny feels like it?’
‘Maybe I deserve that? But I’ll have a memory.’ She kissed him. ‘A glorious memory.’
‘Do you seriously suppose I can ever look at you again without wanting to take you in my arms, Brenda?’
‘Well, we’ll have to arrange things so you won’t have to look at me. You’re in Washington, we’re in Norfolk?’
‘The Conference has ended, in case you didn’t notice. I could be sent anywhere.’
‘Then we’ll have to keep our fingers crossed.’ She went into the lounge, dressed herself. He stood in the doorway to watch her, and this time she did dial a cab company.
‘Just like that,’ Lew commented.
‘Not just like that.’ She put down the phone and came back to him. ‘I love you. I always did. I always will. But...I guess the cookie doesn’t always crumble the right way.’
He held her shoulders. ‘It can’t be just like that. There’s tomorrow.’
‘We go back to Norfolk, the day after tomorrow.’
‘I said, tomorrow.’
‘Lew...’
‘Just for a chat. Just...for five minutes. I’ll meet you in the park. By the statue. No funny business. Just...just talk.’
She sighed. ‘That would be crazy, and stupid, Lew. You must see that. But Lew...could I look at your children before I go?’
He took her into the nursery, where Clive and Joan slept peacefully, as if it was the most normal night of the year. She sighed. ‘How I wish they were mine,’ she said, when the doorbell rang.
*
‘Sit down, Lew,’ Joe McGann said.
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