Still Jaded

by Tijan

  I was aware of it all. Panic. Chaos. People ran and shouted. I felt gentle hands as they lifted me in the air and carried me inside. A moment later, I was laid down on my bed. All the while, those hands held mine and pressed against me in comfort. I yearned for those hands—they meant something that I couldn't feel at that moment, but I wasn't sure what it was…

  Then I began to feel the pain. It started slow, a tingling in the back of my spine. It filtered throughout my body, and then it slammed into me. A scream ripped from my throat as I arched my back off the bed. I had never felt anything worse.

  "Sheldon, Sheldon, Sheldon…" Bryce soothed as he tucked strands of my hair behind my ear. He kissed my forehead and rested his against mine. It was such an intimate touch that my stomach fluttered.

  "We called an ambulance. It should be here soon."

  I wanted to curse at Cadence. How dare she be here, much less be calm, when I'm bleeding everywhere?

  Someone pressed a towel against my skin and I screamed again. The pain was so fierce. I closed my eyes and saw white, not black. The pain brought me to another universe—not really, but I wished for it. I tightened my grip on Bryce's hand and whimpered, "Make it stop. Please, make it stop."

  "I'm trying, baby. I'm trying." He clamped onto my hand harder, and I started to feel some of that pain. I wanted that pain. It distracted from the other…

  "Holy shit. Is this what it was like with me?" Corrigan whispered.

  My eyes were closed, but I heard the stricken note underneath. I cried against the piercing headache that doubled when I opened my eyes, but I needed to see him. I needed to know he was okay, reassure him that I'd be fine. As I managed to focus on my surroundings, Bryce's shoulders were almost trembling, but he was holding my hand and kissing my forehead. Corrigan sat on the couch across from us, pale and shaken. He seemed to be in shock.

  I caught his gaze and knew that neither of us was really in that room, not at that time. We both remembered a different time, when it was his blood on the floor.

  "I'm fine, Cor. I'm fine. I'll be fine…"My voice was so hoarse.

  He took a deep breath and then folded over to press his forehead against his knees. Then I looked at Bryce. "Help him."

  He didn't look at Corrigan but narrowed his eyes and studied me more closely.

  "What?"

  Someone applied pressure on my body, and I choked out a scream. The pain blinded me and then everything started to fade. Finally, the pain dulled and it wasn't long before it stopped completely.

  "You say that she fell face-first into the table?"

  I heard a voice and groaned at the pain. I didn't want to be interrogated and that voice sounded angry. I couldn't handle that right now, not when I was so sleepy and so…achy. Groaning again, I lifted a hand to my face and squinted to see where I was. The light hurt my head so I closed my eyes again.

  "Sheldon?" Grace touched my hand gently. "Are you awake?"

  "No. She just groaned because she's having sex dreams," Corrigan snapped.

  Bryce cursed under his breath.

  With another groan, I opened my eyes and forced them to stay open this time. That damn light didn't help. "Can someone please shut off the lights? Migraine."

  Corrigan chuckled, "I think it's the twenty-six stitches that are causing your migraine."

  "Corrigan," Grace shushed.

  "It's the truth."

  "You're not helping." Bryce's hand rested on my arm.

  I moved closer to that touch. I needed more of it.

  "Sheldon? Are you awake enough to answer some questions? Can you do that?"

  I recognized Officer Patterson's voice and grinned, or tried to grin anyway. "If it isn't Officer Sheila. Long time no see, Officer."

  I heard the amusement in her voice. "Can you answer some questions? We were called because your blood alcohol level was high and you're a minor. You want to tell me about your injury?"

  She was right. I winced against the pain and struggled to lift myself in bed. Holy hell. It sucked to be in the hospital, at least that was where I figured I was. Simple single bed. Plain gown that tied behind my neck with my bare ass hanging out. Pathetic television set mounted on the wall. A table beside me with a basin and a dull pink throw-up kidney shaped bucket. Yep. I was in the hospital.

  "Go ahead. Ask away," I croaked. When I lifted a hand to my hair, Grace shot forward and swept my hair into a ponytail.

  Officer Sheila was dressed in jeans and a white blazer. Her blondish brown hair was pulled back into a loose braid and she looked tired. The wrinkles around her eyes told me she'd been up for awhile. "How are you feeling, first?"

  "I have twenty-six stitches. I've been better."

  "Do you remember what happened?"

  "I started to fall, but someone pushed me to the side. I was shoved into that glass table."

  I held my breath. I expected someone to say I was crazy. They all thought I fell, but no one said a word. Bryce barely held his anger in check as he glared at a wall with his hands clenched into fists, tucked underneath his arms. Corrigan cast a wary look over him before looking back to me.

  Grace held my hand. "You heal now and get better."

  "Am I already on pain pills?" I asked her. She seemed nervous as she patted my hand repeatedly. I moved my hand away because it was starting to throb, but I didn't look away. Grace wouldn't meet my gaze. She stared at the wall as she kept patting my arm. Weird.

  "I don't think the doctor has prescribed anything yet." Corrigan looked apologetic.

  "Sheldon, you said that you were shoved?"

  I focused on Sheila again and nodded. "Yeah, someone shoved me. They wanted to hurt me."

  "You think they wanted to push you into the glass table?"

  "Yes." I didn't mince my words. I knew it. I felt it in my gut.

  Officer Patterson closed her notepad, moved forward, and touched my arm. "If you remember anything, you call me. I'll come back to finish up with our questioning, give you some time to think, if you remember anything else."

  I nodded.

  Bryce ground out, "There was a Dorothy girl there. I think she's Marcus Donadeli's cousin. She was serving food; some of it was catered from their restaurant."

  Sheila's eyebrows shot up. "You ordered food from Donadeli's?"

  "We ordered food from Sparky's. They took the place over."

  Bryce further explained, "The Donadeli family sold it to the Rossi family. Dorothy Rossi is their daughter. She's cousins to Marcus Donadeli."

  "And you know this how…?" Officer Patterson eyed him up and down.

  He rolled his eyes. "When your girlfriend continues to go to the restaurant of the guy she killed and who stalked her, you do some investigating to make sure she'll be safe. I wanted to know what I was dealing with, what Sheldon was dealing with."

  "And that Dorothy girl is weird." I shuddered.

  "Rossi?"

  Bryce answered again, "They're related through the sisters. Helena Donadeli is sisters with Selene Rossi."

  Sheila nodded. "I got it. Any particular reason why the Rossi family decided to take over the restaurant? You got that card in your back pocket too?"

  He grimaced and looked away. "I have no idea. I just wanted to know who owned it since Sheldon goes there. I didn't know if anyone was trying for revenge."

  "That's what you think this is? You think this Dorothy girl wanted revenge on Sheldon? For killing her cousin?"

  Bryce stared at her long and hard. "That's your job to figure out. Mine is to protect my own."

  Protect my own. I'd said those exact words to countless numbers of people. That's what I did when I took care of Bryce and Corrigan. I protected my own as they were doing for me right now.

  "I think we need to take a time out. Sheldon is in a lot of pain. I'm sure the doctors want to talk to her." Grace started to pat my arm again.

  Officer Patterson gave her an odd look. "With all due respect, I don't think you know Sheldon that well." But she sighed and grabbed h
er coat. At the door, she turned back. "Sheldon, if you remember anything, you let me know. You have my number. And if you know of anyone in particular that might want to hurt you, you let me know that too. Shoving someone into a glass table where they could've been killed is a serious offense in my book, especially someone I care about."

  When the door closed behind her, Grace laughed. There was a nervous tremble in it. "Care about? Since when do cops care about people?"

  I looked at her with my eyebrows raised. Corrigan looked shocked, but Bryce blasted her, "She's the cop who helped us when Marcus tried to kill Sheldon. Remember that?"

  "Oh…"

  Grace was an idiot, but this wasn't normal behavior, even for her. She wasn't this big of an idiot, which made me wonder what else had happened tonight. She was usually strong, but now she was spineless.

  Then a stabbing pain seared through me and I lifted a hand. "Can we please get some meds for me? I have to poop, and it's killing me."

  Corrigan laughed.

  Bryce didn't. "Who do you want here?"

  "Uh…" I hoped he wasn't going where I thought he was going…

  "You want Corrigan here or do you want me? You have to choose, Sheldon."

  I swallowed over a knot. Bryce had gone exactly where I thought he was going.

  "Sheldon," Corrigan started.

  I didn't look at either of them. I couldn't. Grace had quieted, and she pulled her hand away from my arm. I wasn't ready for this, not yet, but something had happened that I wasn't aware about. I knew what choice I had to make.

  Bryce demanded again. "Choose, Sheldon. You can't have us both. I'm not stupid enough to not know that something happened. You're bleeding on the floor but want me to comfort him. That's not normal. That's not…right… You have to make your decision."

  Oh. Fuck. "When did this happen?"

  "You might've been pissed at me, but I wasn't doing anything with Guadalupe. I was holding her back from doing something stupid. I was trying to tell her to leave me alone. Then I go to your place and what happens?! You fall into a table, bleeding, and you cry for me to help him!"

  Corrigan sucked in his breath.

  Bryce turned on him. "And you! You let her get that drunk? Are you kidding me? You hand her the bottle when you know I'm trying to stop her? Are you helping or hurting her?"

  Grace's eyes widened and she looked out the window.

  Not me. I held Bryce's gaze steady. I wasn't at fighting strength, but I'd be damned if he mistook a Marcus flashback for something worse. "You're not stupid. Don't start acting like it right now. I was bleeding, but I heard Corrigan and a part of me went back to that night when he was the one bleeding. I remembered that awful feeling. God forbid, but I didn't want him to feel the same way I had that night. So don't get your panties all twisted up. There's nothing going on with me and Corrigan. The opposite, actually. We're barely friends, and now you're coming in with all these accusations? You can't give me five minutes to get some morphine?" I was starting to hate him. I was starting to hate him so much…even though I loved him so damn much. That was the problem…

  Regret flashed in his eyes, but he looked away. Then Corrigan cleared his throat as he looked between us. "I'll be going if you're okay, Sheldon."

  There was nothing in me. I was drained as I gave him a weak nod. He shouldn't have to go, but I was too tired to argue.

  Grace squeezed my arm one last time and gathered her purse. "I should be going too… Unless you want me to stay? I can stay. I can stay all night if you want."

  I shook my head.

  After she left, it was just me and Bryce. He sighed and took the spot by my bed. He didn't pat my arm like Grace did. He stared at me, long and hard, like he always did when he wanted answers. "You need to tell me the truth about you and Corrigan. Don't try some bullshit on me that nothing's going on. I know something happened, and I want to know what."

  CHAPTER TEN

  The doctors came and went; the nurses followed suit, and finally, a nurse aide brought me some food. She tripped in the doorway when she saw Bryce, but after the tray was put on the lap table, she hurried out. It would've been laughable if I hadn't known I was about to face a firing squad. Bryce fumed behind me. He hadn't moved since everyone left. Now he circled the bed to stare at me from the end.

  I let out a slow dramatic breath. It was time for the talk. To be honest, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. A part of me knew I'd been lying to myself about a lot of things, but another part of me didn't want to deal with this.

  "You're not funny." Apparently Bryce could read my thoughts.

  "I wasn't trying to be." I reached for the pudding. "What nutritional value does this have? I'm in a hospital. Aren't they supposed to be about health and wellness? I doubt I'm going to get my daily dose of vitamins from vanilla pudding."

  "Shut up. Just…shut up." Bryce groaned as he held his head in his hands. He bent forward and cursed. "Why are you always like this? Why does everything have to be such a fight with you? Why can't you tell me what I want to know?"

  I dropped the pudding and regarded him. "You want me to be honest? Are you sure?" Once that gate was open, everything would flood out. I doubted he wanted to hear it.

  Bryce lifted grave eyes to me. They were so clear and blue that they took my breath away. I loved his eyes. At times I felt they were the only ones that could see the real me. Sometimes I didn't think he could handle the real me.

  He stared at me, long and hard, and then sighed. "Why do I feel so distant from you?"

  "Because there is distance."

  That was the beginning of the truth. I had wanted to deny it for so long, but it was there. I pushed Corrigan away because I wanted to pull Bryce back in, but I couldn't force it anymore.

  "How did this happen?"

  I looked at him with hope for once. It was so glimmering, so slight, but it was there. But so much needed to be said, and I didn't think Bryce could cope with it all. I didn't even know if I could cope with it all. "Europe. Soccer. I needed you and you couldn't handle me—"

  "—Corrigan was there."

  I nodded. My throat had closed off.

  "Can you please tell me what happened with you and Corrigan? Did you have sex with him?"

  I looked at him. I really did. I gazed into those crystal blue eyes that seared me to the depths. This time I needed to see inside of him. When I did, I didn't like what I saw.

  He raked a hand through his hair. "I know things haven't been normal, but we're trying. I'm trying. You're trying. I moved back. You're getting help for your anger, but I really feel like something's going on with you and Corrigan. I want to know what happened between you two."

  He really felt? He wanted to know? He was all hard and badass when people were in the room, when Corrigan was in the room. Now that we both acknowledged feeling distant from each other, he was different. He pussyfooted around the truth. Who was this guy? That's when I really looked at him, and I saw that he wanted to hold onto his lies as much as he wanted to hear mine. Everything he said was bullshit, and that enraged me.

  I launched out of the bed at him. I wanted him to hurt like I hurt.

  "What the hell, Sheldon? Sheldon! Stop!" Bryce batted me back down and held me off.

  I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. He was right. We were distant, but it was more than that. Once I acknowledged the first truth in my head, everything flooded me. I couldn't stand him any longer. "You don't want to know the fucking truth. You can't handle it." I panted and struggled against his hold, but he kept me down. "The truth is that we broke up when I came back here. It's why I came back, but a month later you called and pretended nothing had happened. That's the truth. You dumped me, Bryce, and now you're asking why we have distance? Are you kidding me?!"