Still Jaded

by Tijan

  years if you were the old Sheldon. You're different. You denied it for a long time, but once he came back, you couldn't deny it anymore. Barely two weeks and you already left to regroup."

  My body felt numb. "What are you talking about?"

  "You were falling apart because you knew Bryce was up to something. The old Sheldon would've slept with Denton right away. You didn't. You went to his home, but you did that to clear your head. You didn't screw the guy."

  My mouth had gone dry, but I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. I felt my hand trembling against my leg and I sat my coffee down.

  "I know you, Sheldon. Yes, I do. I know you better than you know yourself. I know you better than Bryce sometimes. And you've changed, for the better. But give me two minutes to catch up. Please. I'm not like you. I like hiding. Sometimes hiding can be good."

  I narrowed my eyes and stalked closer. "You don't hide from anything. Any challenge and you're tearing at it. You're saying I don't hide, neither do you."

  He rolled his eyes and finished the rest of his beer. "I like to hide. You're wrong, Sheldon. I like to hide a whole lot, but I'm not in a position where I can anymore. That's what you're talking about. This is why I don't have girlfriends. I don't like dealing with this deeper shit."

  "I'm not your girlfriend! Stop treating me like I am!"

  Corrigan closed his eyes for a moment and I waited. Tense.

  Then he lifted his eyes and I gulped. There was the pissed off Corrigan with a different glow in his gaze. He seemed to come alive; like he'd been in black and white and now he was in color. "You want to talk truth? Fine. Why'd you lie to Bryce?"

  "We never slept together. We stopped right away."

  "That's not what you lied about and you know it. Don't treat me like I'm stupid. I'm the one who's here."

  I held my breath. "What are you talking about?"

  "Nothing. Nothing." He turned away.

  "No! What are you talking about?" I jerked forward. Corrigan stepped away, but I brought him back. My hands were on his shoulders, my face next to his. "What are you talking about?"

  "Why did we go to Sparky's today? Tell me the real reason." His eyes searched mine.

  "What are you talking about? Like you said, I like to face things head on." I was so confused. What were we really talking about?

  "Don't bullshit me. What's the real reason? I thought that at first, but now…that's not why. You went there to rub it in their faces. One of theirs tried to kill you and you didn't die. You go there as much as possible because you like it. And you wanted to go there with me. You enjoyed that. You watched her. From the second you saw her, you watched that girl's reaction. Not only to you being there, but to me too. You liked that she's got some weird crush on me. Why? You want to feel superior to her or something? Is that what this is about?"

  "Yes!" I exploded. Was I wrong? I didn't think so. "I'm sorry if I take some satisfaction in the fact that I didn't die. I didn't die!"

  Corrigan's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything. Then he reached up and unwound my hands from his shoulders. I waited for him to push me away, but he didn't. He just held my wrists in his. My body was still pressed against him.

  He breathed out, "You lied to Bryce."

  Everything was held on pause. I wasn't even sure if I breathed in that moment. "Yes…"

  "He knows you lied."

  I whispered my admission, "I know."

  "He knows why you lied."

  "I know." Everything inside of me broke down. I felt the fight leave me and slumped against Corrigan. He caught me and then brushed some hair from my eyes.

  "Corrigan," I murmured against his shoulder. My lips brushed against his shirt.

  His arms tightened around me. "Yeah?"

  "You're my best friend." Wrapping both of my hands in his shirt, I pushed back with enough strength to look him in the eyes. I saw they were full of concern and knowing. I wanted to look away. Corrigan was wrong on some stuff. I didn't like people knowing me better than I knew myself. I wanted to hide from those people and I wanted to hide from him in that moment. Corrigan was looking inside of me. He always did, always would.

  Something switched in his eyes, and he nodded. "I know."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Someone dropped their books on the seat beside me, and I looked up in surprise. I hadn't thought anyone would be brave enough to sit next to me, especially with Grace and her newfound family at the back of the room. This girl smiled before placing her bag on the floor. Another four girls filed behind her. Two sat on my other side and the last sat on her empty side. They seemed to all sit down at the same time and stare straight ahead. Even their chests lifted as one as they breathed.

  That's when the first girl flashed me a smile and held out her hand. "I'm one of Leah's sisters. You're Sheldon Jeneve. My name is Carolina."

  I eyed her pink sweater and yellow skirt when I shook her hand. "You're a sorority sister?"

  She flipped her brown hair over her shoulder and glared once towards the back of the room. "Anyone who is friends with Leah is friends with us. If they want to fight, they've got a fight. Leah finally told us everything. We hadn't known the righteousness of Cadence's bitchiness, but we do now. You're going to be witness to a whole other phenomenon."

  "Oh…kay." I looked back and saw Grace swallow. She looked around, saw that her other sisters were glaring back and squared her shoulders. When she lifted her chin in a challenge, I smirked back at her. Grace seemed to wither.

  My newfound friend laughed. "She's about ready to piss her pants. Nice. The stories of your rage and power have not been exaggerated. We could use a sister like you."

  My eyes snapped to hers. "Ah—what?"

  Carolina's eyes sparked in warmth. "Leah told us everything about you or she filled in the empty spaces from what we'd already heard. When there's a girl who is best friends with the up-and-coming President of Alpha Mu, we take notice. Plus, your ex being one of the hottest soccer players in this century already makes you infamous around these parts."

  It wasn't often that I was lost for words, but somehow this Carolina had done just that. I couldn't figure out how she did it, but she did it nonetheless. Anything else that might've been said was interrupted when Miss Connors walked into the room. She paused when she sat that I was in the front row, then her eyes jumped to the back, and I could already see the questions in her mind.

  "We can swarm her with questions about the presentations."

  "Huh?" I looked at Carolina and saw her watching Miss Connors, a pink pen between her teeth. She grinned, reaching into her bag. "You can escape that way. She won't weigh you down with soul-searching questions. That's what you're worried about, right? She was your high school counselor? Did I not get that right?"

  Who the hell was this girl? "How do you know all this?"

  "Unlike Cadence the Bitch, I do my homework. I'm faster and I'm smarter than her."

  The confidence that rolled off this girl took my breath away. No one did that. Ever.

  When Miss Connors started class by assigning presentations to groups, Carolina winked at me and raised her hand for a question. When she was called on, Carolina had a comment for every discussion that Miss Connors raised soon after that. The rest of the class passed by, but I tuned it out.

  To be honest, I hadn't come to learn anything. Corrigan had made me uneasy so I figured the best way to be distracted was a fight. I knew Grace would be in the class, and I knew some of her newfound friends would be too. I had been ready for them until Leah's sisters flanked me. And, honestly, I wasn't sure who I should be more wary of, Cadence or this Carolina girl. I understood Cadence. I knew what made her tick, but this new girl was an alien to me. Then I remembered all my problems and figured she was the last thing I'd need to worry about.

  At the end of class, Carolina squeezed my hand once. Then the girls shot straight towards Miss Connors and kept asking questions. It was almost amusing to watch because I saw the surrender in my old c
ounselor's eyes. She looked at me and then saw that I had no intention of sticking around. I almost felt her sigh in defeat.

  Then I turned and found myself face to face with Grace…and four of her sisters. They all glared.

  My shoulders rolled back and something settled in me. This was the fight I had come for. "What's up, Grace?"

  "I'm surprised you came to class."

  "And why wouldn't I?" I remembered how she lifted her jaw, like she was meeting me in a challenge. I lifted mine now and stepped closer. Two could play at that game, girl. Let's not forget who'd been the master.

  She looked down, but then glanced at the girls around her. "I…"

  "Don't look at them for cues. They don't know what to say either. You're the one who's going to know. You know me the best. Lesson 101 on fighting: look for your enemy's weaknesses. What are my weaknesses, Grace?"

  She jerked her gaze away, but then her jaw hardened and she swung back. "Your weakness is Bryce and Corrigan. You don't have any other weakness."

  I grinned. "Now you're getting it. What else? How would you use those weaknesses?"

  "You're crazy."

  I looked behind as Carolina drew beside me, her sisters behind her. They squared off against their enemies.

  I focused on Grace and repeated, "Tell me again. How would you use those weaknesses?"

  Grace opened her mouth, but shut it. Her eyes darted from Carolina to me and then to her comrades. She couldn't do anything. I stepped forward. "Don't freeze, Grace. It's fight or flight time now. Don't be one of those who let it happen. Fight it. Run away. Choose. Pick what you're going to do. What are you going to do?"

  I felt Carolina's gaze, but I ignored it. Instead, I zeroed in on the girl that I used to think was a friend. She was faltering. She was trying to be something better, but she was glued in place. I wanted to shove her forward, out of place. So I stalked forward and whispered, though everyone could hear, "Out of all these years, you haven't picked up anything? Why are you with these people? Why do you need their friendship? They're fake to you. They're in it for themselves. Cadence didn't want you. She wanted me. I made her take you. How's that feel—?"

  "You're nothing without Bryce!" she shrieked.

  Finally.

  I grinned and let it soak. Then I was in her face. "How does it feel? You threw the first gauntlet. Now I get to throw one back, right? But I'm going to wait, Grace. I'm going to let you savor this moment. This is when you bested me. You won. Now you can walk away breathing easy because you'll win the next round, right?" When she paled, I grinned. I savored that too. "No, seriously, Grace. I'm not coming back at you, not yet. Find your way. Find your footing right now. I'm giving that to you." Then I saluted her with a finger. "Good luck, Grace."

  No one seemed sure how to react. When one of her friends opened her mouth and readied a snooty comment, Grace clamped a hand on her arm. "Let's go." Her eyes never left mine, but they turned and left. As they went around a corner, she stopped. Her eyes were still on mine, searching, but then disappointment flared in her depths before she followed behind them.

  "That was…unexpected." Carolina rotated on her heels so she stood facing me.

  I shrugged. "I'm not completely heartless. I'm turning a new leaf. Someone told me how selfish I can be today."

  "That was your first act of kindness? She still feels humiliated, though she doesn't understand how. You screwed with her mind."

  I grinned and turned to leave. "Maybe I just didn't want to hurt her anymore. She was a friend, you know."

  As I left, I felt her eyes on me. I'd just met the girl and I could tell how she smart, maybe smarter than me. But I didn't feel like she was after any of mine. Maybe we'd get along. Maybe not. It wasn't something I wanted to focus on. I had worse things to deal with, and as I headed to where Corrigan had parked, I knew his words were a few of them.

  He'd been right with what he'd said. I didn't think before I acted. Sometimes I didn't want to because they would pick up the pieces. They always had. It wasn't that I put that responsibility on him and Bryce in the past.

  When I spotted Corrigan's car with no Corrigan, I sat at a picnic table nearby. Then my phone rang and everything went haywire inside of me.

  Bryce.

  "Yeah?" My voice sounded hoarse, and I cursed at myself. There'd been a hitch in my throat.

  He didn't say anything for a moment. "Officer Patterson called me. She said there was an intruder last night at your place?"

  I shot to my feet. "Are you kidding me? She called you?"

  "She wanted to know where I was. For some reason," he bit out, "she thought I might've been the intruder. What'd you tell her?"

  Oh. I sat back down. That was almost laughable. "I didn't say a word. She's a cop. She's not stupid. You're always there and the one time you're not, both Corrigan and I clamp down on where you are. He told her you were busy. You left me, remember?"

  Bryce took a deep breath. He gentled his voice. "Are you okay?"

  I gripped my phone hard when I heard the concern in his tone. He cared, and for a second, I felt my heart skip a beat. The old schoolgirl crush was coming back, but I gritted my teeth. He couldn't have that power over me. "You have no right calling me and asking me that. No right, Bryce. You can call her. You can worry about her. Don't call me again."

  "Sheldon—"

  I'd been about to hang up, but something stopped me.

  Then I heard him continue, "Please listen to me. Please."

  I choked out, feeling the threat of tears, "What? Say it quick."

  "I don't know what I want to say. I'm sorry. I should have it planned out. Are you okay? Did the intruder get inside? Is someone with you? Is Corrigan there?" He paused for a moment. "I have to know that you're okay and that you're safe."

  I heaved a deep breath. "Corrigan's with me, yes. We're fine. He got a new security system for me, and it worked. The intruder didn't get in, but I saw him—them—whoever at the window. It looked like Marcus."

  "Marcus?!"

  "I know. I know. He's dead. It wasn't him. I know, but…" It looked like him so much.

  Bryce sound choked up. "Who is the security system through? Your other ones sucked."

  "Hoodum did it."

  "Oh. Good. He'll do a good job. Corrigan will make sure of it." His voice hitched on a note.

  "He will." I nodded. More tears threatened to spill out. I hated that they came so easily for him. "What do you want, Bryce? Did you call because of the intruder? I'm fine. Officer Patterson knows that. She shouldn't have called you. I'm sure she just wanted the gossip on us."

  "She didn't want gossip, Sheldon. She was just doing her job. It makes sense that a recent ex-boyfriend might be the stalker. We both know that. She grilled me, and I was honest about everything I knew."

  "About Guadalupe? Did you tell Officer Patterson about her?"

  His voice was quiet. "I did. She needs to know everything. I told her about Guadalupe and I explained to her what happened with us. She's trying to protect you. She needs to know my frame of mind."

  "Too bad she didn't ask about mine," I bit out without thinking. "And aren't you the perfect citizen."

  There was silence on his end.

  My heart skipped a beat. I closed my eyes. I shouldn't have said that. I could've said something else. Wait—who was I? I don't doubt my words for anyone, but this was Bryce. He wasn't just anyone. I heaved a deep breath instead.

  I didn't know what to say so I said nothing.

  "Are you okay?" Bryce asked. He sounded genuine.

  I closed my eyes and sucked in the pain. I didn't want it, but it was there. His words, his tone felt like a knife stabbing me in the throat. He cared, and I could hear the concern in his voice. He wasn't allowed to care anymore, right? Right? Could I care about him? What were the rules now? Had they changed?

  "Sheldon?"

  I took too long to answer. I mumbled, "I'm fine."

  "Are you sure? I—"