The Bucket List

by Douglas Black

  “Where’s your bedroom?” Blake asked as he started to wrench open Kade’s fly. Kade was pretty sure a single touch from Blake’s fingers would be enough to set him off, so he pushed the man away, forced oxygen back into his lungs and rid himself of his shirt before swinging away from Blake. He made it to the bedroom with Blake hot on his heels, stroking down his back with big, strong hands.

  Kade let Blake push him onto the bed and he scooted up toward the pillows, losing his jeans and boxers to Blake’s coaxing fingers as he did so. Blake chucked them unceremoniously across the bedroom. Rather pleasingly, they took out the stupid standard lamp Niall had insisted on buying when they’d first moved into the flat. Kade heard it smash against the wardrobe and he started laughing.

  “Sorry,” Blake whispered against his lips as he crawled up Kade’s body. “Were you awfully attached to it?”

  “No,” Kade whispered. “Hated the fucking thing.”

  “Good,” Blake said as he straddled Kade’s thighs.

  He ran his hands across Kade’s chest, massaging the skin and the muscles there. Kade reached up to do the same but Blake pulled away. He sat, his cock beginning to swell rapidly once more, and looked down at Kade. Kade felt embarrassed, scared that even under the blanket of darkness in the room, Blake wouldn’t like what he saw, but he couldn’t look away from those beautiful eyes.

  “Fuck,” Blake said, causing a little prick of panic to stab deep in Kade’s chest. “Fuck, Kade, you look good. Naked suits you.”

  Kade panted out a thank you as he leaned back into the pillows. Blake crawled off his thighs and Kade spread his legs so Blake could lie between them. He shivered when Blake’s erection rubbed against his own.

  Kade usually didn’t like being on his back, but he wasn’t done looking at Blake yet, and he wanted to be able to touch the man’s chest again. He ran his fingers up and down, teasing over Blake’s piercing as Blake pressed one strong thigh against his groin.

  He was cupping Kade’s head, leaning in to kiss him once more. Kade wanted to kick himself when, instead of enjoying that kiss, he gave in to a tremor of fear as he considered how long it had been since Niall had last fucked him.

  He didn’t think he was going to be able to last very long. He thought about trying to communicate that thought to Blake, maybe see if he couldn’t get the man to ease off a bit so he could catch his breath, but then Blake’s thick, hard cock brushed against his again, and Kade didn’t think he was up for much more thinking, which was probably a very good thing. He let his body take over from his brain and he handed control to Blake.

  Blake didn’t flip him onto his stomach like Niall had always done. Instead, he hauled Kade into his lap. Blake’s erection stroked across the sensitive skin behind Kade’s balls, and Kade let out a noise he didn’t think he’d ever made before. He was aware of one of Blake’s hands disappearing from his hip, and when he looked up, he saw Blake suck two fingers into his mouth. Kade groaned. He knew exactly where he wanted them, and he dropped his legs open even wider, hoping Blake would get the hint, if he hadn’t already.

  Blake entered him with his fingers, moving roughly but expertly inside him. Kade arched and tried to stop himself from saying anything stupid while he still had some semblance of control over his senses.

  The Aussie moved deep and hard inside him, pumping his fingers in and out, stretching him and combing inside until Blake found his gland. He pressed down and Kade launched himself up as much as he could into Blake’s lap, letting Blake take his weight and pull him close, holding him tight.

  “Christ, you’re so tight. Are you okay? Am I hurting you?”

  The only hurt Kade felt came from Blake stopping, but he couldn’t make his mouth work enough to form a sentence to answer the question. He shook his head instead and reached for Blake’s shoulder. Kade used Blake’s strength to lift himself up so he was straddling Blake, forcing the man to change the angle of his hand so he could keep up that perfect stroke deep inside.

  “Want to fuck you now,” Blake said. “Do you want it? Are you ready?”

  Kade couldn’t remember Niall asking if he was ready in the whole time they had been together. Kade didn’t know if his body was, but he needed this. He needed it now.

  He nodded, but with the hand that wasn’t digging into Blake’s shoulder, he grabbed Blake’s wrist and held him in place a little longer, forcing the Aussie to keep touching him until his balls were so tight and the heat in his belly was so intense that Kade thought he might die from it.

  When Blake pulled free, Kade dropped onto the mattress and pillows and reached over to open the top drawer of the bedside table. When he rolled back, he shoved an unopened packet of condoms and a bottle of lube into Blake’s hands. He had never once allowed Niall not to use protection. He wasn’t stupid. Niall had a reputation when they’d first met and Kade’s suspicions had lurked in the shadows throughout their relationship.

  “You want it like this or…?” Blake asked, determining if Kade preferred to stay on his back or turn onto his knees.

  Kade didn’t need to think about it. It might hurt him a little more if Blake went hard, but he wanted to see Blake’s face when he pushed inside him. He needed to see that.

  “Like this,” he said, his breathing rough. “Want it like this.”

  Blake nodded. “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. If it gets to be too much…”

  “Just do it. I want it.”

  Blake crawled between his thighs once more. He surprised Kade by reaching for the bedside table and snapped on the lamp.

  Kade slammed his eyes shut at that sudden shock of light. He was able to pick out Blake’s face just fine in the semidarkness. Now, on his back, legs spread, his cock leaking against his belly, he felt too exposed. He could still feel where Blake had touched inside him. It was enough to make him want to pant out Blake’s name.

  The light made him feel self-conscious, but he tried to shut out the negative thoughts as he watched Blake roll a condom down his swollen length, groaning as he did so, before slathering himself in lube. He pushed more lube into Kade with rough and purposeful fingers. Then, slowly, Blake moved forward—no ceremony, just that beautiful face contorting as he pushed inside, his neck and chest flushed red beneath his heavy tan.

  Kade groaned. Blake felt a lot bigger than he had when he had been stretching Kade’s jaw. Kade bit down on the side of his hand as Blake pushed slowly but firmly inside. When Blake realized what Kade was doing, he pulled his hand away, leaning up and over him to stretch both of Kade’s arms above his head into the pillows. The change in position lifted Kade’s hips, driving Blake in at just the right angle. Kade was panting, trying to stop himself from crying out from the overwhelming fullness.

  “Want to hear you. Need to know if I’m doing it right,” Blake said.

  Blake’s cock pulsed inside Kade. “I think you already know you’re doing it right,” he replied.

  Blake shrugged and smiled then started to move. It had been a while, but there was no pain as Blake rocked in and out, going slowly at first but pushing deeper with every thrust. There was a lot of him to take inside, but all Kade felt was a reassuring fullness in his ass that spread quickly to his belly.

  Kade’s cock started to leak as Blake pressed their torsos together. Blake’s breath was hot and heavy against his neck, his tongue wet as he sucked and bit on Kade’s too-sensitive skin.

  Blake picked up the pace until he was slamming into Kade and Kade was crying out every time Blake bottomed out inside him. He’d never been with anyone so big, felt so full or ever made so much noise in bed. He wasn’t doing it consciously. It was necessary. Impossible not to. He had to release some of that heat and want and need and fucking desperation he felt every time Blake thrust inside him—every time he heard Blake groan and pant and moan his name like it was the only word he could remember.

  In the few seconds he could manage to keep his eyes open, Kade saw Blake’s damp hair flying as he panted and gasped, taking K
ade right to the edge and over. Blake found his release inside Kade, filling the condom moments after Kade’s orgasm had ripped through him.

  Blake wrapped his strong arms around him, cradling his hips and thighs so gently that it was like he was being worshipped, then that big cock was sliding out of him and Blake was wrapping them together tightly, leaving the light on as he forced the covers awkwardly over their hot, sweaty bodies.

  “Fuck. I might have to do that again,” Blake whispered against Kade’s neck.

  “Yeah. But maybe wait until the room stops spinning…”

  Blake’s laughter felt good pressed with kisses against Kade’s skin.

  Chapter Six

  Glacier Surfing?

  Kade woke up with a head that hurt almost as much as his thighs. He hadn’t gotten much sleep. After his first taste, his first time losing control with Blake inside him, he hadn’t wanted to let the man go. If Blake’d had concerns, he hadn’t voiced them. They had woken up, turned off the light and fucked in darkness, moving more slowly the second time around, the emphasis on tasting and touching and kissing, until Kade’s second orgasm of the evening left him senseless and so tuned in to Blake’s touch that it was almost painful.

  Just before dawn, Blake slipped his fingers inside Kade again and held him, touched him and left him begging for more.

  The fact that he’d woken up alone put a tightness in Kade’s chest that felt like nothing he had ever experienced, not even when Niall had left. He was alone. The apartment sounded silent, and the sheets around him were cold.

  The cloudy, gray November sky sent hazy light into the bedroom. He had forgotten to close the blinds the night before, but then he had been a little distracted.

  Kade could see no trace of Blake in the bedroom, just the remains of Niall’s standard lamp, now leaning against the wall amid a puddle of broken glass—the frame buckled under the weight of his denim jeans. He tried not to think about Blake sneaking out so he didn’t have to say anything more to Kade. Part of him—most of him—knew that was a stupid way to feel.

  It had been a one-night stand, and despite it being Kade’s first such encounter, he was fully aware of the rules, appreciated that there was no need to hang about before embarking on the walk of shame home just to say goodbye to someone whose name you could barely remember. Still, he was disappointed.

  Those sweet, dirty little words Blake had whispered into his ear at dawn while his fingers were doing such wonderful things inside Kade’s body had made him hope. Hope for what, Kade didn’t know, but he had felt safe with Blake—secure and wanted and blessedly distracted from reality. It just went to prove what the voice in his head told him on an almost daily basis—that he was a fucking useless, clueless idiot. Kade was not entirely surprised by this revelation.

  Kade got slowly out of bed and headed for the en suite. He showered, reluctantly washing away the smell of sex and Blake from his skin, then went back to the bedroom to pull on an old T-shirt and a baggy pair of tracksuit bottoms. The fabric felt rough and cold on his still-damp skin.

  Kade was pulled up short on his way to the kitchen in search of coffee by the sight of Blake on the couch, shirtless but wearing his baggy jeans, hunched over a few sheets of paper. Kade felt a punch of excitement in his belly, which was quickly tempered when he realized that Blake was reading the bucket list Ian and Paul had typed for him.

  “Erm, morning,” Kade offered, feeling ridiculously on edge. Whether it was excitement or nerves, he couldn’t tell.

  Blake looked up. He swung around on the couch, tucking one leg underneath him. He smiled and Kade knew he definitely wasn’t feeling nervous.

  “Hey, you. Sorry. You looked so sweet sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you.”

  Kade thought about that for a second. The voice in his head told him that he was not a man designed to look sweet while sleeping, but if Blake wanted to think that was an appropriate description, then fine. Flip-flops in November and all that.

  “This is one hell of a bucket list.”

  “Huh?”

  “Your bucket list.” Blake brandished the papers. “This is yours?”

  “Oh, erm… Yeah, it’s mine.” Kade flushed.

  “So cool,” Blake said, and he looked like he meant it. “I’ve always wanted to make one, but I get so carried away every time I try that I think I’d need more lives than a cat to get through everything I want to do. You’ve got everything on here, though.”

  “Yeah, it’s very thorough.” Kade hadn’t paid much attention to most of the things on that list. It had felt so ridiculous, and now Blake was reading it and Kade wanted him to stop. Needed him to stop.

  He wanted to grab the list from Blake and make Blake look at him instead. He wanted those bright blue eyes on him. If the color did come from contacts, Blake must have slept in them, but his eyes didn’t look red or sore. Kade hoped they were natural. Everything else about Blake seemed to be.

  “Right, yeah. Lots of stuff on there,” Kade said while Blake continued shuffling through the loose pages. “Do you want a coffee? Or tea? I have some herbal stuff if you don’t like caffeine.”

  Blake looked up at him and grinned. “I love caffeine. After last night”—Blake paused to do that thing where he undressed Kade with his eyes—“I love caffeine all the more. Coffee’d be great.”

  As Kade headed for the kitchen, he heard the crinkle of paper and the sound of Blake shifting around on the sofa.

  “Have you done a lot of this?” Blake asked.

  Kade stopped walking again. “A lot of what?”

  Blake gestured to the papers. “A lot of this.”

  Blake was staring at him. He looked excited. Kade fought off a wince. He opened his mouth to tell the truth, to explain what the list was really for, but found that he couldn’t do it. Maybe it was because he wanted to get laid again and didn’t think that admitting to being the most boring asshole under the sun would help him with that plan or maybe it was because he didn’t want Blake to think badly of him, but either way the words that came out of his mouth were a lie.

  “Yeah, quite a lot. Just don’t ever remember to tick stuff off, you know?”

  Blake nodded. “That’s so cool. No, really, I think it’s amazing. So, what have you done?”

  Kade wandered over to Blake, reaching out a hand as if he wanted to stroke through Blake’s hair, which he did, but really he also needed to see the list. He didn’t have a bloody clue what was written on it. Leaning in close and pulling Blake to him, Kade couldn’t fight the urge to lean over the back of the sofa and rest his head on Blake’s shoulder. He breathed in Blake’s scent, more familiar now and mingled with the smell of sex and perspiration still clinging to his skin from the night before.

  “Well,” he said, quickly trying to scan what he could see of the list. “On that first page, pretty much all of it.”

  “Wow.” Blake’s face was childlike with glee. He turned his head and caught Kade’s lips in a fast, chaste kiss. “That’s so cool. You really speak Russian?”

  “What? Oh.” Kade glanced down at the bottom of the first page. “No. Well, I mean… I’m still working on that.”

  Blake nodded then turned his attention back to the list. “It’s a hard language to learn, I think. I went on the Trans-Siberian railway years ago—back when I was on a gap year—and I was useless at the language. The phrasebook I bought was beyond pointless. I ended up just being a stereotypical traveler, pointing at stuff and shouting loudly in English, hoping for the best, you know?”

  Kade nodded against Blake’s shoulder, panic spiking in his belly. Of course he didn’t know. He had only ever been as far as Ibiza.

  It felt wrong to lie, but hearing Blake so excited, so happy to talk, made Kade want to keep the lie going. He wanted to curl up on the sofa with Blake and listen to him all day, listen to that beautiful accent and deep voice. It sounded like a perfectly pleasant and novel way of spending a Sunday afternoon. Plus, that nagging voice was back, holding court in hi
s head, telling him that he needed to lie if he wanted to make Blake think well of him.

  “I, uh, haven’t done the last thing on that page either or the one above it, but the rest of it… I’ve done all of that.”

  The last item on the first page read Go glacier surfing. Kade made a mental note to kill Ian in the most imaginative way possible. He had no fucking idea what that even was.

  “Come on,” he said, shoving at Blake’s strong shoulder. “Coffee. You did mention something last night about wanting breakfast, didn’t you?”

  To Kade’s relief, Blake got to his feet, dropping the list on the coffee table before following him into the kitchen.

  Blake took up far too much room in the small space, more room than anyone else ever had, and Kade found himself constantly running into him, having to brush past him or lean around or over him as he assembled mugs, cream and sugar and set the kettle to boil.

  He was beginning to wonder if Blake was getting in his way deliberately when he turned and Blake grabbed hold of the hand Kade was using to reach for the cafetière. He brought it to rest on his hard, muscled stomach and Kade turned to him. It was crazy how much he liked the feel of Blake’s body—liked all those hard, straight lines that were so different from Niall’s much more ‘lived-in’ body.

  “What?” he asked finally when Blake didn’t seem about to say anything at all. He could feel that heat again, the heat that came from Blake, coursing through him from the touchpoint of his palm on Blake’s bare skin.

  Blake smiled at him, a beautiful smile that showed off perfect white teeth. He leaned in and kissed Kade, stealing the breath from Kade’s lungs with each stroke of his tongue. Kade groaned into the kiss, but Blake pulled away. He moved to perch at the breakfast bar that served as the main dining room table in the flat.

  “It’s so hard to stop kissing you, Kade.” Blake shrugged and winked. “That’s all.”

  Kade shrank back against the kitchen countertop as the kettle started to boil. He wished Blake would stop saying things like that. He didn’t like the effect those words were having on him.