Butcherbird

by Cassie Hart

  After all, Will’s mother had only killed herself, and Jena’s father had killed his whole family.

  There was a tap-tap-tap at the window, as if her thoughts had been a summons. Jena pushed the file away and crossed the room, scowling out at the magpie sitting on the window sill. A shiver ran up her spine at its proximity, but there was a sheet of glass between them to keep her safe. It cocked its head, aiming one beady eye at her before tapping on the glass again.

  ‘Shoo!’ she said, flapping her hands at it. The bird didn’t so much as flinch, so she grabbed the red fabric of the curtains and yanked them closed.

  Tap-tap-tap.

  ‘Argh!’ Jena spun away from the window and scooped the files back into one bundle, then headed upstairs to stash them under her mattress. No sooner had she stood up from that task than there was another tap at the window, and another, multiple taps, different windows. She turned around, her legs going weak at the sight. She couldn’t even count how many birds there were outside her bedroom, could only focus on their black-and-white wings blocking out the light, casting strange shadows on the walls.

  Standing up on unsteady legs, she moved towards the windows, yanking those curtains closed before she ran downstairs, stepping on all the creaky ones on purpose so that she had something else to listen to. Something that wasn’t the tap-tap-tap, something that wasn’t the caw of magpies.

  She stopped in the hallway, her eyes falling on the table there. The old rotary phone was gone, replaced by a wireless handset. Jena stepped forward and lifted it off the base, flipping the little phone book on the hall table open and searching for the Mertenses’ number. If she spent much more time alone here, she was going to go insane, and he had said she could call ….

  She punched the number into the phone and waited while it rang, and then a woman answered.

  ‘Hello, Mertens residence.’

  ‘Um, hi, Mrs Mertens. It’s Jena. Jena Benedict.’

  ‘Oh, my Lord, Jena! Sweetheart, John said you might call but I didn’t know if he was telling me the truth. How are you, dear?’

  ‘I’m okay, I think. I mean ….’ It felt like her voice had raised an octave, like she’d shrunk back to her childhood. ‘It’s weird being here.’

  ‘Oh honey, I bet. Are you going to come for dinner? We’ve got casserole on for tonight, with mashed potato and fresh beans and peas from the garden. I remember when you and Joel used to come over and you’d eat those peas straight out of the pod with my boys ….’ Mrs Mertens’s voice trailed off, the joy seeping out of it. ‘Sorry. I know it’s hard.’

  Jena sighed, not sure whether to go or stay. Not sure which would make things worse. ‘I will come for dinner, if that’s okay. What time?’

  ‘Come on over at five thirty, Jena.’

  ‘Should I bring something?’ she asked. She’d never done this as an adult, never been in a situation where she went to someone else’s place for dinner, but she remembered her folks taking a bottle of wine, or some beer, or chips and dip.

  ‘Don’t you worry about that, sweetheart. Just bring yourself. I can’t wait to tell Jeremy that you’re stopping in. It’ll be – it’ll be nice.’ Mrs Mertens finished the sentence, but those weren’t the words she’d been going to use.

  Just like old times.

  Nothing like old times, though. Nothing at all.

  The sound of an engine drew her attention and she turned towards the door. ‘Hey, I’ve gotta go,’ she said. ‘Someone’s coming up the drive.’

  ‘Okay, sweetheart. See you later.’

  ‘Yeah, thanks. See you.’ Jena hit the button and hung the phone back up, focusing now on the sound of the car. It was familiar, like Cade’s car, and her heart leapt at the thought. He’d been gone for two nights now and she’d been sure he was never going to come back, but it had to be him. Didn’t it?

  She rushed to the door and swung it open in time to see the magpies take off as the car pulled up to the house. Jena had never been happier to see that pile of crap before, never happier to see Cade with his long blond hair as he stepped from the car.

  ‘You came back,’ she said, running down the steps and throwing herself into his arms. ‘I’m so sorry, Cade. I was a dick. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Well, I figured whatever bug crawled up your ass the other night must have died by now.’

  ‘You are such an asshole sometimes.’ She slapped his arm playfully, though his words stung. She couldn’t help that she was messed up, couldn’t help that being here seemed to trigger memories around every corner.

  Things she’d rather leave unremembered.

  ‘Yeah, but I’m your asshole, and I brought lunch with me. I thought maybe we could go for a walk, have a picnic … that river was nice.’

  The way his eyes widened slightly and his lips parted made her think it wasn’t the river he was remembering. And even though that was the last thing on her mind, she couldn’t handle being alone any more – and this was the perfect opportunity to check out the swamp at the back of the farm.

  ‘That sounds great.’ She kissed him on the cheek. ‘Let me grab my walking shoes and then we’ll go.’

  ‘Okay, but hurry up, I’m already hungry.’

  She rolled her eyes at him and ran back up the steps to the house.

  They followed the same track as before, though this time, instead of veering off, they took it all the way to the end. Jena slid through the wires in the fence and held the gap for Cade.

  ‘Are you sure we’re allowed through here?’ he asked. ‘It might be part of the leased land.’

  ‘Nah, Mr Mertens said it wasn’t,’ Jena said, choosing not to mention that he’d also told her not to come here. ‘Come on, I’m starving.’

  Cade pushed the backpack through first and then climbed after. ‘Lead on, little bird.’

  She snapped upright and glared at him. ‘What did you call me?’

  ‘Little bird. It’s what Rose calls you, and I looked it up, it’s the literal meaning of your name. Did you know that?’

  She’d known, and then managed to forget somewhere along the way; until Rose reminded her the other night. ‘Come on,’ she said, not wanting to talk about Rose now. She grabbed his hand and pulled him along. Soon they came to the top of a hill and the earth fell away to reveal the swamp.

  ‘Well, this is … macabre,’ Cade commented.

  Jena laughed and shook her head. ‘No, it’s cool. Trust me. We used to play here when I was a kid and it was like there was a door to another world. You can’t hear any noise from the rest of the farm down there, even when there’s a tractor or bike nearby.’ She could almost see Joel ducking between the reeds, could remember the many times he’d scared the crap out of her. He was so good at sneaking, and back then she’d loved the thrill of being scared.

  Not so much now.

  A shiver ran down her spine and the wind seemed to pick up, stealing the warmth of the sun. She started down the hill, making her way carefully. There was a time she’d have basically just rolled down the hill, but not these days. Too old for that. Too old and too broken already.

  Cade followed, though he left some distance between them. They hadn’t really talked on the way out, and it was hard to ignore the hurt she was still feeling over the way he’d left her – even if she had been a bitch. And she had. Why did she always have to be such a bitch? She’d driven him away and he hadn’t even done anything wrong.

  She’d need to find a way to make it up to him.

  Once they’d made it to the bottom of the hill, she picked a spot and sat down, patting the grass beside her. There was nothing around to show that any beast – cow or sheep, or other – had been pastured here for a long time; the grass was long and wild, but at least the hill protected them from the chilly wind. Jena lay back in the grass, ignoring the slight sting of it against her arms as she tried to flatten it out with her body. Then she looked at the clouds; they whipped across the sky, forming shapes and dissolving too fast to find any pictures in them.r />
  ‘Come on, I thought you were hungry,’ Cade said.

  She sat up to find him holding out a sandwich. She nabbed it with a smile, taking a bite. Bacon, lettuce and tomato, an old fav. He did know what she liked, mostly.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘For this, and for coming back. My phone ended up in a puddle the other night and I was freaking out a bit.’ She looked him in the eyes.

  He shrugged, but didn’t break her gaze. ‘What else have I got going on right now?’ The half-raised eyebrow and the playful tone in his voice didn’t dispel the feeling that maybe he was just being honest.

  Well, I’m pleased you did.’ She took another bite of her sandwich, trying to decide whether to let him in on what had happened since he left, but then, she was still waiting on confirmation herself, and it probably wasn’t the time to spout off crazy sounding theories; not when things were rocky. Not if she wanted him to stay. So instead she tried for the small talk approach. ‘What did you get up to?’

  It was a simple enough question, but his gaze turned dark and he looked away from her, out at the swamp. ‘Just kicked around the area a bit, hit some of the surf beaches, stayed in a backpackers last night. Made use of the free Wi-Fi.’ His tone lightened at that, and he turned back to her with a self-deprecating smile.

  ‘You and your Wi-Fi,’ Jena said with a laugh. She finished off her sandwich and rummaged around in the bag, coming up with a packet of cookies. Chocolate chip, nice and simple. They’d never beat Rose’s, but they’d do. She opened it and took one, savouring the crunch as she bit into it. ‘After this we should go for a walk.’

  ‘What, out there?’ He pointed into the swamp. Admittedly it didn’t look very appealing, but it had been so long since she’d been here and she wanted to see what had changed.

  ‘Yeah. When I was a kid there was a floating island, it used to move around. I’d like to see if it’s still there.’

  ‘Floating island?’ His disdain was barely hidden.

  She shrugged. ‘That’s just what we called it. It was like a chunk of land that had semi-detached and floated around the swamp. It was cool.’

  ‘Your childhood was so different to mine,’ Cade said, shaking his head. ‘But I guess I’ll give this whole farm thing a go, maybe if you promise a little nookie later? Make-up sex?’

  Her stomach clenched, but she nodded noncommittally.

  ‘All right then, lead on, fair maiden.’ He stood up, pulling her to her feet and bending in a sweeping bow. She giggled at his antics, and thought that maybe this would be okay. He was here. They were together, and they could make it work. She threaded her fingers into his and led him through the thick grass towards the swamp.

  The first sign that they had hit it was the gentle sucking of mud against her shoes, and then the grass gave way to the reeds, thick and dark. They pointed into the air, their sharp tips looking like tiny knives raised to the sun, the slant of the light making them almost the colour of blood. Jena wished she’d brought a jacket with her; the shorter ones spiked against her arms, and barbs from the longer ones pulled at her hair.

  This wasn’t the swamp of her childhood. It felt different, more menacing.

  The sky clouded over and she heard the caw of a magpie, then another. Several spiralled in the air above them, and now that she was looking, she could see more in the trees around the swamp, their beady gazes on her. She shivered, unable to stop the strange thought that they didn’t want her here, that they were trying to warn her somehow.

  Will’s theories were getting to her, but what if he’d been right and somehow the birds were watching out for her? In a good way.

  She pushed the thought aside and carried on, humming to herself to try and block out the sound of the birds.

  ‘You really used to play here as a kid?’ Cade asked, breaking her train of thought.

  ‘Yeah, all the time. We used to tie the tops of the rushes together to make doorways and we’d have little houses, or pretend that we were travelling to another dimension by stepping through them.’ She hadn’t thought of that for so long. Back then it had literally seemed like they’d stepped into other dimensions. All they’d needed was a story and she was away to another land, somewhere dark and scary, and other places less so, more like this world. The adventures they’d had were amazing, so fantastical that her parents would laugh with joy at their retellings over dinner. Even Rose had seemed amused, though less so than her parents.

  What if they were more than just wild stories, though? What if, like the scarf around her mother’s neck, they were just another way to interpret a reality that hadn’t made sense to her?

  She didn’t want to think about it so she turned to Cade and smiled. ‘Didn’t you ever play like that as a kid? There must have been something.’

  He shrugged the question off. ‘I don’t really remember. I guess we’d go to the playground and mess around, play sports, nothing like that though, I just ….’

  ‘You were just never really a child, were you?’ She poked her tongue out at him, laughing at the mock-shock on his face.

  ‘Take it back, now, or I’ll show you childish.’

  ‘No, you won’t, you just don’t have it in you.’ She turned and ran, pushing through the rushes, ignoring the sting.

  ‘No fair!’ he yelled after her, and then she could hear him chasing her, his footsteps dull in the muck beneath them, the swish of the rushes as they brushed together loud in her ears. It took her right back, the thrill that swarmed through her at the thought of being caught.

  At knowing her brother could find her at any moment.

  She grinned hard, pushing deeper into the swamp. She glanced back and saw that Cade had disappeared behind her so she ducked low, pushed through the reeds, burrowing in, the same way she used to as a child, making a little nest. Cade would have to look hard to find her, and he didn’t have those skills, hadn’t been raised on a farm like she had.

  It was quiet there, nestled in against the base of the reeds. She could ignore the way they poked at her because it felt like home, this, here in the swamp, reliving her childhood. One time she’d hidden so well that Joel couldn’t find her. She’d waited so long that she’d fallen asleep, startling awake when she’d heard her parents yelling her name.

  And she wasn’t sad at that memory, it wasn’t tinged with the insane sorrow that had burst forth when she’d set foot on the farm.

  More clouds drew in overhead, blocking out the last of the sunlight and emphasising the chill of the swamp. A bug crawled up her arm and she slapped it away, shuddering as adulthood swept back in and reminded her that she was sitting in a swamp at the back of the farm, and she couldn’t hear a thing.

  She stood, slowly emerging from her hiding spot. The reeds were too tall to see through; there was no sign of Cade and a sudden irrational fear struck her, forcing her mouth closed. She moved through the rushes more carefully now, heading towards the centre of the swamp. If she wanted to, she could find the floating island and hope that it was still raised, get clear of the rushes and spot Cade. It made the most sense.

  The sound of birds taking to the air startled her and she looked up to see the magpies spiralling above, their caws piercing the sky, jarring her nerves. Jena moved faster now and just hoped she was going in the right direction.

  She stumbled out into clear space. A gust of wind seemed to come from nowhere and it buffeted against her, making her smile.

  She’d found it.

  The birds cawed louder as she stepped up onto the island. It had always been strangely clear of rushes, and it remained like that even to this day. Jena turned in a circle and scanned the reeds for movement, but there was nothing there. The birds cawed louder and she felt the rush of wind on her face as one dipped down at her.

  No, no – this couldn’t be happening. She was an open target here, but they’d seemed to hold back from this space before, to not want to enter it. Why were they wanting to now?

  ‘Cade?’ she called.

  There
was no answer but the cry of the birds.

  Another one swooped down, tapping against the back of her skull. She resisted the urge to fall to her knees, to cover her head with her arms like she had as a child. No, she had a right to be here, whatever these birds thought.

  She walked further onto the small island and spotted something on the ground among the grass, its silver shining even with no sunlight to reflect off it. Jena moved towards it but another bird swooped down and then fell from the sky; another followed, its black and white body plummeting to the earth.

  ‘What ….’ Jena stopped, unable to move. Had those birds just died? She headed towards them, picked the first up and cradled it in her hands. It was completely lifeless; it had just stopped dead in its flight, no blood, no damage …. What the hell was going on? She laid it gently on the grass and picked up the other one; exactly the same.

  ‘Hey, Jena. Look what I found,’ Cade called.

  She whirled, clutching her hands to her chest, only then realising she was still holding the bird. She thought its heart beat once against her fingers, but then it was still. ‘Cade. I didn’t see you. Why didn’t you answer when I called?’

  ‘I didn’t hear you.’ He shrugged and then held out something silver. A pocket-watch. Probably the thing that she’d seen in the grass. It looked vaguely familiar. ‘Look what I found. I bet it’s pretty old. Might be worth something.’

  ‘I wonder why it was out here,’ Jena said. She laid the bird down, but didn’t take the watch. Now that she was closer to the object there was something about it that made her recoil. She was sure now that she’d seen it somewhere before, but she couldn’t put her finger on where.

  ‘Well, I bet I can sell it off for something,’ Cade said, not taking his eyes off the watch. ‘But maybe I’ll keep it. It’s pretty cool.’ He hefted it in his hand as though weighing its history. ‘Yeah, I think I’ll keep it.’ He slipped it into his pocket, finally looking up at her. ‘What have you been doing?’