by Bawdy Bloke
He was used to his effortless racism, and while he didn't share many of Carl's views, he would listen to them, but his attitude towards a child who was suffering from cancer was simply too much. Adam wondered what he should do; his attitude and behaviour had been getting more and more extreme since he had started going on the marches but knew he wouldn't listen to any voice trying to moderate him.
Adam didn't know what to do for the best. If he confronted Carl about his attitude, then his wild friend would kick off and maybe start a fight, but he wasn't comfortable gloating and revelling in the fact that a young child might be seriously ill.
Adam washed his hands and rubbed them on the back of his trousers; he had no option but to try and talk some sense into Carl.
He heard raised voices from the other side of the pub and he wasn't surprised when he saw Carl shouting as he walked around the bar. Carl was standing aggressively, shouting at the students and took a step towards them when he slipped on the wet floor and fell back, crashing into the table and sliding off of the flimsy furniture on the floor. Adam ran over and knelt down beside his friend who was crying out in pain. “I'll get the fucker,” Carl shouted and started getting to his feet when the barmaid arrived.
“You can get out,” she told him, looking at the broken table.
“He hit me,” Carl lied and pointed a finger at the student who protested vehemently.
“Carl, you're drunk,” she told him. “Go home.”
Carl swayed and looked at her in the eyes. “I ain't,” he grunted. “I ain't. Only had five or six.”
“You've had enough,” he was told firmly and she looked at Adam. “Get him 'ome. And don't come back today.”
Adam nodded and got up from the chair to point towards the door. Carl shook his head and pointed at the smiling student. “I'm gonna fuckin' get you. I'll fuckin' 'ave you.”
“I'm shaking in my boots,” came the response.
“Come on,” Adam muttered, tugging on his friend's arm but Carl pushed it away as they strode towards the front door of the pub. Carl fell down the step as he landed onto the street.
“Let's look at that wound?” Adam offered. “It looks nasty.”
“It's fine,” Carl scoffed, dismissing him and felt the back of his head, bringing his bloodied fingers in front of his face and gently shaking his head. “It hurts, but it's fine. Let's go get Jamie and beat that fucker right up.”
Adam stared at his friend's incandescent expression. “No,” he said firmly. “You need to get some medical attention.”
“Like fuck. I need ...”
“To got to the 'ospital.”
“I fuckin' do not,” Carl shouted and gestured wildly at his friend. “I fuckin' do not need to see any quack.”
“Carl. Listen, you have just hit your head,” Adam told him.
“I wanna kick that fuck into next ...”
Adam grabbed hold of Carl as he tried to enter the pub who swung wildly at his friend. Adam moved out of the way of the wild swing and pushed him up against the pub wall. “Don't fuck with me Carl,” Adam spat. “You're pissing me off.”
Carl's head swayed slightly. “You what?”
“Oh the constant going on, just chill. Or get laid.”
Carl sneered and pushed Adam away. “I'm nobbing some bird, so fuck off. I only fight for us British. Us English people against scum.” Adam shook his head and let go of Carl who threw his arms out in front of him and waved his finger towards his friend. “You should come on a march. Fight for ya country.”
Adam sighed and went to speak when Carl groaned and rubbed his forehead. “Are we going to the hospital?” Carl shook his head and Adam pointed down the street. “Go home then.”
Adam had to spend the following three hours, as Carl sobered up sitting on the couch, to make sure that the bang to his head didn't have him collapsing. Carl wasn't tired, just angry about everything and in the end Adam put on a film as Carl ranted about his gun license being revoked; he simply didn't want to listen to Carl's prejudices any more.
He didn't get to walk home until nearly midnight, and it was then a thirty minute walk across the town centre as Adam wearily trekked past the beggars, the drunken students and the copulating couple of teenagers in a back alley he used.
Adam closed the front door quietly and put his coat on the hook. It was late and there was barely a sound in the house; everyone must be in bed. He glanced up the stairs and noticed a slither of light coming from under the lounge door; the girls were always leaving lights on.
He walked to the door, and opened it, expecting it to be empty and gasped in shock.
Impaled on the end of a strap-on dildo attached to Tabitha's waist was Sarah, who was grunting lustfully in the throws of her orgasm. Tabitha rammed the black rubber phallus deep into her house mate.
“What the …?”
The two naked girls spun their heads to look at the door to see Adam standing there, his cheeks red and his face shocked. “Adam,” Sarah cried from the couch. “Ahh … shit.”
Chapter VIII
“You two muff munchers?” Adam cried. “You mean you two. Do you, you know?”
Tabitha groaned and got up from the chair, using both of the arms for leverage to pull her bulk up. “I'm going to bed,” she told her partner and the Sarah nodded, watching the thick eight-inch long sex toy, glistening in the half-light, swing between Tabitha's legs.
Adam winced; it looked massive. No wonder the girls said he wouldn't measure up if they thought that was normal.
“I'll be up shortly,” Sarah promised and turned to Adam as Tabitha left the room. “We are in love, yes,” Sarah said firmly. “And we didn't want you to know, it's not any of your business.”
“Well I didn't mean to find out, you were just doing it as I walked in.”
“You weren't supposed to be home,” Sarah thundered. “Staying at Carl's?”
“He had an accident and got very annoying,” Adam told her and then grunted, staring at the primary teacher's erect nipples. “But I had no idea. You two don't look like lesbians.”
“Well I am sorry we weren't wearing dungarees to make it obvious for you,” Sarah quipped. “We blend in so well.”
Adam nodded, his eyes now focused on the skirting-board. “Yeah, ya hide it, real well. I mean which one of you is the butch one? It's her I guess, it must be.”
Sarah crossed her arms. “Is your entire life ruled by stereotypes?”
“No,” Adam replied indignantly. “But it is weird. I can't be expected to see that when you hide it like that.”
Sarah sighed and she glared at him. “No it isn't weird.”
“But she's pregnant. That baby isn't yours, is it?” Adam thought for a moment and then shook his head. “Well what I mean is …”
“I know what you meant,” Sarah snapped with her arms crossed. “And no, I had nothing to do with the baby. Well, I was there at conception but that's a different story.”
“Ahh wow, a threesome,” Adam muttered and then smiled with a glint in his eye.
“Not a fucking chance,” Sarah spat in annoyed tone and Adam held up his hands in a mock surrender motion.
“I wasn't suggesting, owt?”
Sarah cocked her head to one side and gave a grin. “Well actually, I mean Tabitha loves to use her strap-on. If you want a threesome, I'm sure she could find somewhere to put it.”
Adam shook his head. “Oh no,” he spluttered and Sarah licked her lips, before running her hands over eyes.
“Now I want you to promise not to tell anyone.”
Adam grunted. “Why?”
“Cos we don't want anyone to know, why the fuck do you think?”
“Is Natalie a muff-muncher too?”
Sarah sighed and stared at him. “Will you stop calling me that?” She glared angrily at him who shrugged and pulled a moue. “Cause, neither Tab or I have a muff, as you can well see. We are nudists, we shave and you still call me a muff-muncher.”
“OK, is Natal
ie a dyke also?”
Sarah groaned. “That's her business.”
“She is, all three of you get it on, don't you? I've moved in with a bunch of raving …”
“Don't even think of finishing that sentence,” Sarah interrupted and waved her finger towards him. “No, Natalie is not in a relationship with us, and her sex life is her business, not yours. As you well know. Not for the want of trying, I can see. Now I don't want you to tell anyone.”
“OK,” Adam said with an air of indifference. “No-one I know will care.”
“Especially my Dad,” Sarah pleaded. “I mean it no-one. I don't want him to be told by you or by you mouthing off to your Dad and it getting back. No one, ya hear?”
Adam closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, of course. But surely, my silence should be rewarded and …” He tailed off with a smirk on his face and Sarah scowled at him furiously. “OK maybe not. Maybe you just never met the right guy. Perhaps if you ...”
“Adam, you ain't gonna convert me. I like women. I love Tabitha.”
“OK. OK,” Adam said dismissively. “But if you two want to lez up, don't mind me.”
Sarah rolled her eyes. “Good night, Adam,” the young teacher said firmly and left the room, leaving a slightly tipsy man staring after her bare ass.
* * * * *
Natalie glared at him, standing in the kitchen doorway. “Yes, Adam. I know.”
“Ohh,” he muttered. “It's just. Well they don't.”
Natalie sighed, clearly exasperated. “Is this really a problem for you?”
“No,” Adam cried. “I'm not … you know.” He writhed a little and looked at her with a longing look. “I just didn't … well it's not …”
“It's affected your speech,” Natalie teased and pushed past him to get to the kettle. “Are you embarrassed?”
Adam spluttered and picked up his drink. “No,” he said quickly and loudly. “It's just … ya know.”
She glanced at him and shook her head with a wry smile. “It's not anything to be ashamed of. It's very sexy, don't you think?”
Adam puffed out and grabbed his toast from the side, taking a big bite out of it. “Oh yeah. I told Sarah, I didn't mind, ya know … if she wanted to.” He made a gesture with his hands and Natalie shook her head.
“You wanted to watch?” She waited for Adam to protest and smiled at him. “Of course you do. Dirty little basket.”
He shrugged, blushing. “If she was going to offer.”
Natalie shook her head and poured hot water into a bright red cup containing a tea bag. “They aren't in love with other just so they can have sex for men.”
“Hey …” Adam interrupted. “If they want to do girl-on-girl …”
“Do girl-on-girl?” Natalie's eyes sparkled and she glared at him. “They may make love, or even have sex, but they do not do girl-on-girl,” she hissed. “This is them living their life, not acting out a porn scene.”
Adam rolled his eyes. “I didn't say that,” he replied with an annoyed tone and met the voluptuous girl's eyes.
“They are in love, Sarah and Tabitha has found their soulmates, and occasionally, they have sex. Well every fucking night, don't you hear them when you go to the bathroom?”
“Not often,” Adam replied instantly and shrugged. “I mean, the odd time but then I guess they got jillin' off.”
Natalie sighed and shook her head. “Ya so fuckin' naïve. Jillin' off doesn't often produce banging headboards, well not like they do anyway. Sarah and Tab have both found the person they want to spend their lives with, just 'cause they are the same sex doesn't make that any more intense or real for them.” Adam nodded and she raised her eyebrows. “I know you might find that hard to believe but it's true. I've not seen a couple more into each other than those two.”
Adam nodded at her seriousness and she snorted. “So how is your racist friend, the one that you ran off to instead of watching a film with me and having a massage?”
Adam snarled. “You didn't say anything about a massage.” Natalie shrugged and he continued. “Carl's Carl: he kicked off in the pub as his gun license is being reviewed by the Cops,” Adam muttered. “So he ain't happy.”
Natalie shook her head. “He's the last person that should have weapons,” she told him firmly. “Although if we had proper gun control in this country.”
“He only uses it as his gun club over Morecambe way,” Adam interrupted. “And I know you don't like him but it's not as though he shoots people. It's just the Police picking on 'im 'cause he is in the anti-immigrant rallies and his football conviction.”
Natalie sighed and looked at him. “Do you believe that?” Adam nodded and Natalie looked at him. “Really? You would trust him with a gun.”
Adam hesitated and crossed his arms. “Yeah, I think so. I mean, he's not going to go toto in Morecambe and start shooting women and children or owt; he's sound in the head. Ya just got something against him.”
Natalie shook her head, sniffed and pushed past him. “Off to work,” she said tersely.
“Is this still about last night,” Adam shouted after her, but Natalie ignored him and went into the lounge. “Moody witch,” he said under his breath about the naked Scottish girl and strode upstairs to get ready for work.
* * * * *
“It's not as stupid as it sounds,” Adam told him as he took a sip of his drink.
“It's fuckin' mental,” James replied as Adam grinned. “But ya a fuckin' lucky cunt. I mean, livin' with three girls, that's shit, but three nudists. Ahh man, and you got promotion. I want to buy some of that lucky heather you got.”
Adam laughed out loud and James looked at him. “They are a bit moody at times.”
“Yeah, time of the month,” James spat back. “I reckon Teri's lasts for 27 days each month.”
“Yeah, Tabitha doesn't like me too much, I can tell that. Sarah's OK and Natalie's a bitch at times, but pretty cool other times. But I tell ya, ya hardly notice them in the buff after a couple of days. It's just normal.”
James watched Adam out of the corner of his eye as he drank half of his beer and shook his head as he swallowed. “Ya doin' it too?”
“They made me,” Adam muttered in defence and waited for James to take a deep breath.
“I don't know how ya do it,” he said airily.
Sensing further questions, Adam changed the subject. “What happened at work?”
“Ahh, well I went for the disciplinary and got done, so I appealed, I told you that, right?”
“Yeah, ya did.”
“Yeah, well the union 'elped me and said that as the manager who I offended did the disciplinary it wasn't fair so they moaned at the company who agreed, chucked me on another disciplinary and I got off. One person's word 'gainst 'nother.”
“Oh, that's good. So you got off?”
“Better. Manager got a bollocking and moved onto 'nother store. I got a bit of compo as well for hurt feelings.”
Adam laughed and James shrugged his shoulders. “Teri's still pissed at me, but we got a new sofa out of it. Comes tomorra, so she's shouldn't be too pissed off all told.”
“And you call me lucky?” Adam muttered.
“What's ya work like?”
“Ahh good. Still running the factory, had to let someone go 'cause they on the fiddle but not too bad. The Old Man, he wants his son to take over 'ventually but he ain't ready yet and the Old Man ain't got the 'ealth to stick around too much, so I'm just running the workshop. It's cool.”
James snorted and finished the rest of his pint. “Another?”
“Yeah, in a minute. Is Carl not joining us?”
“Nah, he's over gun club, 'fore the cops take his license off of him.”
Adam yawned and finished his pint of beer. “Sorry, tired,” he muttered. “Busy day at work.”
James snorted. “Girls not wearing you out?” He teased and Adam shook his head.
“I fuckin' wish. Glad that we got Christmas comin' up. Need a break.”
“Going over to see family,” Adam replied instantly. “But tell her, cheers.”
“You want that pint now?” James asked and Adam nodded.
“Yeah, Old Goat or Bomber please.”
“Sure,” James said and gathered the two empty pint glasses. Adam watched his overweight friend walk up to the bar and politely catch the barmaid's eye.
It occurred to him that his two friends – James and Carl – was so different and a night at the local pub with James had been civilised, watching the football game before having a good chat. Why did Carl always seem to get himself into trouble?
“She's nice,” Jamie said as he sat back down and nodded towards the student barmaid. “She's doing Biology at the Uni.”
“Oh right,” Adam said, taking a sip of the beer.
“And she said, she had to chuck you out last week.” Adam spluttered into his pint and looked at Jamie grinning at him. “Carl, right?”
“Yeah,” Adam sighed. “Yeah, it was Carl.”
Chapter IX
“Misteltoe?” Adam asked as he entered the kitchen to see a nearly-naked Sarah and a completely naked Tabitha kissing.
“It's OK,” Sarah said as she broke the kiss, her sheer negligee riding up as she swung around. “We aren't stopping. Just doing the breakfast.”
Adam pursed his lips and rubbed his nose. “I can give you two some space,” he told her and Sarah looked back.
“We are fine.”
“I spoke to Natalie,” Adam admitted. “She got to her parent's at eleven thirty last night.” Tabitha and Sarah looked at each other and Adam continued. “Said the roads weren't quite as clear as she hoped.”
Sarah licked her lips and smiled. “Well it was Christmas Eve,” she muttered and ran her hands through Adam's chest hair. “Shall we open presents.”
“I want my breakfast,” he muttered but Sarah dragged Adam into the lounge as Tabitha poured three bowls of corn flakes and made three cups of tea. The Christmas tree, purchased by Sarah a few days previously was sparsely decorated. Tabitha was off to her friend's house for Christmas dinner and Sarah were going to have dinner with her family while Natalie left at lunchtime on Christmas Eve to drive to Scotland and Adam was planning to walk to his family's house, so no-one really saw the point in having much of a tree.
Sarah had purchased it from a local garden centre for a couple of pounds as the holidays approached and she had gleefully erected it in the corner of the room with a handful of baubles. Adam watched as she moved the chair in front of the tree and beamed at the handful of presents underneath it. “It makes the room look Christmassy,” she told him and Adam didn't have the heart to disagree; one three foot tree and six red baubles did not make a room look “Christmassy” in his opinion.
