by Bawdy Bloke
“Yeah,” he muttered and sat down on a towel in the chair as Sarah pulled out the presents. “I've already given Natalie hers to take up to Scotland,” he told her and Sarah scowled.
“Why didn't I think of that?”
Adam shrugged and had Sarah pass him two packages as Tabitha gave him a bowl of orange cereal floating in a sea of milk, followed by an impossibly strong cup of tea. “Cheers,” he muttered as Sarah put three presents on the chair for Tabitha and six on her chair.
“You first,” Sarah excitedly told Tabitha as she sat down around the small pile of gifts and took a sip of her drink.
Tabitha glanced up at the expectant face of Sarah and unwrapped the biggest present – a giant cuddly toy from Natalie. Sarah wrapped her arms around the three-foot high bear and then watched as she unwrapped Nelson Mandela's autobiography from Adam. Tabitha glanced up at him as he nervously ate his cereal. “Thanks,” she said genuinely. “That's um … cool.”
Adam breathed a sigh of relief as she smiled at him and then she nervously unwrapped the smallest present, cooing as she did. “Oh Sarah, thank you,” she said, removing a gold chain from a box and holding it under the light, before wrapping it around her wrist. She looked down at her partner and held her hands out, hugging and then kissing her girlfriend. “It's beautiful,” she cooed. “Wonderful.”
Sarah was next to unwrap her gifts, getting two bottles of wine and a box of chocolates from her school, followed by two tickets to see a comedian in Preston from Adam, a sex toy from Natalie, and a silk dress from Tabitha. She beamed at her “haul” and felt the dress against her skin before standing up and putting the red garment on, replacing the sheer nightdress she was wearing.
Adam licked his lips, the dress showed off Sarah's cleavage nicely and whereas he barely noticed her breasts when she was wandering around naked, the shortness of the dress and cut of the garment, made her look sexier and he felt his loins stir. “Very nice,” he muttered tactfully as he finished his tea and leant forward to open a two foot wide box.
Sarah's eyes sparkled and he unwrapped an Indian cookery set from Sarah and Tabitha – containing spices, bowls and sauces. “We thought it is something you could do with Natalie. Get her to teach you how to cook a proper curry.”
“Instead of always buying them,” Tabitha added.
“Be healthier,” Sarah told him and Adam smiled, thanking them both. Natalie's present felt light and he tore off the gold wrapping. There was a post-it note wrapped around a DVD and he read it out loud.
“You said you wanted to watch. Love, Nat.” He tore off the note and laughed – it was a lesbian porn film and Sarah burst into hysterics.
“Can we borrow this?” Sarah teased and Adam laughed.
“Maybe later,” he promised and took the DVD back. “When I've finished with it.”
Sarah giggled at his expression. “Finished, eh?”
* * * * *
Sarah grinned as her brother took a swig of his beer, leaning against the wall. “So where's the love of ya life,” she teased. “She's not been 'round all day. Expected at least a phone call.”
Liam grinned. “Well … I sort of haven't told Mum yet but I'm going 'round Boxing Day.” He hesitated and Sarah tapped the brickwork.
“Parents going out?”
“Oh yes,” Liam replied in a silly voice, copying an advertisement on the television with a grin. “House to ourselves all afternoon and evening.”
“You do know you are going straight to Hell,” Sarah teased.
“Of course, wouldn't have it any other way,” he replied nonchalantly and then looked at his sister. “Don't tell me you didn't do things you didn't want Mum and Dad to know about when you were a teenager?”
Sarah shrugged. “I do things now that I don't want Mum and Dad to know about.”
“I know. I've seen, remember.”
Sarah laughed and looked into the eyes of her brother. “But you are happy, aren't you?”
Liam nodded and Sarah cocked her head to one side. “Yes,” he said quickly. “Very.”
Sarah looked at his expression and he took another swig of his drink. “You sure?”
“Yes. It's fun and Olivia, well she likes it too.”
Sarah touched Liam on the arm and wrapped her arms around him. “Well as long as ya happy,” she told him. “And Olivia is.”
“Yes,” Liam replied exasperated.
“Well I do worry about you. You just seem too young and I don't want you to go off the rails. Remember ...”
“You have important exams coming up,” he finished for her and Sarah licked her lips and nodded.
“Well yes.”
“Honestly, I'll be fine,” he told her. “Really fine.” He looked at his sister glaring at him and he grunted. “OK, so I drink a bit more than I should but I'm top of me class for most of me subjects now,” he said firmly.
“Except English,” Sarah teased. “Me? You mean 'my'.”
“Oh … whatever. But since 'Livia and I,” he said with a flourish and waited for his sister to approve of his grammar. “Since we've been together, I've just been relaxed and school's easier.”
Sarah licked her lips and rubbed her hands. “Well if you're sure.”
“Yeah. I am. Olivia's parents are never there, it seems really weird the relationship they have and even when I've stayed the night, her Mum's often not there in the morning, so it's good Olivia has someone.” He waited for Sarah to respond but his sister just took another swig of her drink.
“So what's it like without Mary?”
“Good,” Sarah murmured. “No I mean it. Tabitha's a bit cut up at times, but Mary and I didn't always get on, well I thought she led Tab astray.”
“You sound almost jealous.”
“I s'pose I was,” Sarah muttered. “Tab and I shared intimate moments but Mary was always around to spend fun-time with my lover. It was like having a third person. I think Tab needed her more than she needed me at times and Mary not being there has brought Tab and I, real close.”
“Where is she? It is Christmas and all that?”
“We spent the morning together but her friend invited her 'round for an African Christmas and she agreed so I am here and she is there,” Sarah answered with a detached tone.
The two siblings were interrupted by a sound behind them and opened the door to the conservatory. “Ahh, there you are, wine?”
“I'll have a top up,” Sarah replied and held out her glass to her father.
“What ya doing out there?”
“Just chattin',” Sarah blurted out quickly. “I hardly ever see him, he's always with that Olivia.”
Liam blushed. “Yeah, don't we know it. He's hardly in his own bed,” her father said with a smile.
“Ya know young men, out there sowing their oats,” Sarah said with a smirk and Liam blushed a little more.
“Yeah well as long as there is crop failure. We don't want that girl of yours getting up the duff, do we?” Liam did his best to rearrange his face and got a funny look from his father as he trundled back into the house, jabbing his sister as he caught up with her.
“You and your big mouth,” he hissed and Sarah took another sip of her wine.
“What's on the box?” Sarah asked as she dropped down into the chair in the lounge and picked up a TV guide. “Or we could watch my Eddie Izzard DVD,” she replied and rummaged around for her Christmas present from her brother. “He is so funny.”
“Isn't he the queer? Like Julian what-not?”
Sarah snorted and picked up the case. “He's funny.”
“He's a freak show,” her father replied and picked up his beer. Sarah shook her head and threw the TV guide to her father.
“Well you find something to watch. Something without gay people in it,” she thundered and looked at her brother with a strained expression. “There must be something the Daily Mail won't object to.”
* * * * *
Natalie straightened Adam's tie and cocked her head. �
�Hey, he almost looks presentable.”
“I'm not sure about this,” Adam moaned. “I mean, I ain't been on a blind date for ages.”
Natalie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well Bella's a nice girl. Bit unlucky in life.”
“Like how?”
“Just … unlucky. You'll be fine,” she sighed and cocked her head. “Now remember, don't mention anything about porn, wanking, toilet habits, football, Carl, driving,” Adam groaned. “Right, it's that attitude you need to work on. Praise her. All women like praise.”
“I have been on dates before,” he told her and she rubbed her hands.
“And look where it got you.” Natalie looked at her watch and hummed. “You better go.”
“What? I've got loads of time. It's only down the road. Two minutes tops”
“You are not going on your bike,” she told her forcefully.
“Why?”
“Because it's down the road and you will want to wear your leathers and then have to faff about. Just take a taxi. It's five quid for fucks sake.”
Adam shook his head when there was a knock at the door and Natalie looked at him. “Your taxi.”
“What?”
“Well don't be late. We shan't be waiting up for you,” Natalie teased and watched as Adam left the lounge. She waited for the door to close and Sarah shook her head at Natalie.
“You are either up to something to extremely nice,” she told her Scottish friend. “And I haven't worked out witch.”
“Oh,” Natalie murmured in annoyance. “You have a cynical mind.”
Chapter X
“Bella?” Adam asked a girl holding a red rose outside the small Chinese restaurant in the town centre and she nodded.
“Adam?” she asked with a girly giggle and held her hand out for Adam to take.
“Shall we?” Adam asked, and when she nodded chivalrously opened the door to the bright restaurant. “We have a reservation, name of Adam Hodson,” he asked the waitress who ushered them to a small table in the window of the eerily quiet restaurant.
“Bloody quiet,” his date muttered and Adam shrugged.
“'Tween Christmas and New Year,” he told her with a grin and took her coat to put on the coat-stand behind him. Bella's eyes twinkled as he sat down and he looked her up and down.
Bella was a big girl; not fat, or at least not very fat but big. She had long brown hair that stretched below her shoulders and sparkling brown eyes, as well as a cheeky smile that oozed playfulness rather than seduction. Adam's eyes glanced down to her cleavage, Bella was big-breasted and she shook her head as his eyes flicked down. “40FF,” she announced loudly and shrugged. “Every guy wants to know how big me assets are.”
Adam spluttered and passed her a menu; her breasts was almost straining at the tight lycra like red material of her red dress that was emblazoned with a red heart in the middle. “I wasn't going to ask,” Adam admitted truthfully.
Bella spluttered. “Yeah right. Ya were,” she said confidently. “But ya know I don't ask how big ya cock is on a first date. But you ask how big my tits are.” Adam stared open mouthed at the girl who laughed as she spoke and then buried her face into the menu.
Adam could smell alcohol on her breath and knew that she had been drinking before meeting him but scanned the menu and waited for his date to make her mind. Bella was too busy moaning about the injustices in life. “Cause, if I shag a hundred blokes it's all slut this and loose cow. But if you shagged a hundred lasses, it's well done mate, jack the lad and all that. It ain't right.”
Adam peered at her over the top of the menu. “What dya want love?”
“Love?” Bella giggled and looked at the list. “Pint of lager.”
Adam ordered two pints of beer and sat back as they ordered when the drinks came. Bella took one sip and then continued drinking, downing two thirds of her drink in one go. “Thirsty?”
“Drier than a Nun's chuff my throat,” Bella announced and sighed. “Did twelve coaches today. Me back's killin'.” She stretched in her chair, and leant forward and she pushed her bum into the corner her seat, affording Adam an excellent view down the top of her dress. “Hey, you've barely touched it.”
“Yeah,” Adam told her. “I was ummm … well I ain't planning to do a session tonight.”
Bella snorted and held onto her glass. “So Nat says you got a bike and work in a factory.”
“Yeah,” Adam told her. “We make security products – alarms and stuff.” He waited for a moment and looked at her. “Nat said you worked on the coaches.”
“Yeah, as a cleaner. Crap job but pays the bills.”
Adam shrugged and she rubbed her eyes, finishing the last of her beer and ordering another one when the waiter asked what they wanted to order. “So go on,” he told her. “What else?”
Bella shrugged. “No boyfriends for six months. Last one Pete. He was a dirty bugger.” Adam looked around the small restaurant and was a little embarrassed as two women turned to look in his direction at him and his date, who was bellowing instead of chatting. “Always wanted it up the shitter. I mean I ain't gonna get knocked up back there, but it ain't right doing it in public.”
Adam gasped and she snorted. “I mean, I've had a few one-night stands since then, who hasn't? Ya know everything they say about black blokes is true.”
Adam nodded. “Right?”
“Yeah, and men with big feet.” She giggled as a few people turned to look at the obscene girl. She drank half the glass of beer, her hands shaking and put the drink down. “However, that Pete, he nicked from me. Stole money from my purse. And he was always banging on 'bout me and callin' me stuff. Mean, I fixed his car for him. Paid tons of money to get some belt fixed or owt and he fucks off.”
She took a few more gulps of her drink and put it down on the table with a start. “And as for work. Well Nat is a right demanding cow. She always on at me as well. I've 'ad to stay behind for six nights this month and I ain't had any extra cash for it. She's a mean fuckin' bitch and I know she's ya friend and all that, but fuck me, she could screw over a Jew.”
Adam pursed his lips and Bella clicked her fingers at the waiter. “Same again, love,” she told him and finished her pint of beer and passed him the glass.
The waiter clicked his heels together. “Certainly Madam,” he told her and Bella leant forward and look into Adam's eyes, passing wind loudly as she did.
“Hey, better out than in,” she said with a smirk. “Ahh dain't tell me that ya ain't dropped one in public.”
Adam blushed and she rocked back on her chair, giggling. “Once or twice,” he admitted and Bella thanked the waiter as he put a third drink in front of her.
Adam was a little surprised when their starter arrived so quickly but Bella tucked into the meal, shovelling the spring rolls into her mouth and washing them down with a pint of beer.
She staggered to the toilet and returned a few minutes, sitting down and clapping her hands. “Oi,” she yelled across the restaurant and held out her glass as Adam slid down in his chair. “Same again, Pedro.”
Bella was loud as she openly discussed private matters candidly and without any measure of discretion. Adam was getting embarrassed and already had heard how her previous boyfriend never made her climax; it was too much information to broadcast around the small restaurant on a first date.
Adam rolled his eyes and was, again, surprised how quickly his meal arrived. They seemed to have been served before most of the other diners and Bella picked up the chopsticks. “I am well good with these,” she told him and sized up a piece of beef on her plate.
She brought the two sticks either side of the meat and raised it higher, before one of the sticks slipped and she managed to flick a piece of beef across the dining area so it hit a woman a few feet away. “Sorry,” Bella called out. “Got a faulty chopstick.”
Adam held his hand over his mouth, laughing at Bella who giggled at the annoyed face of the woman. “Faulty chopstick?” Bella nodded. He picked up the cho
pstick and drove it into a piece of beef, holding it up as if it was a lollipop stick. “See?”
Bella tried to do the same but she drove her stick into the meat and then brought it up to her face, flicking the stick with a flourish. The grey piece of meat left her stick and Adam, desperate to catch it, knocked the waiter into the unoccupied table next to him. “Sorry,” Adam muttered as the young waiter got to his feet and Bella burst into uncontrollable laughter.
For the first time, Adam was enjoying himself and Bella smiled at him as she swapped her chopstick for a fork and began stuffing the food into her mouth. She certainly had a bit of trouble with her hand-to-eye coordination and Adam finished long before she did.
“Need slash,” she told him as she got up and Adam watched as she staggered towards the toilets at the bottom of the restaurant. Adam shook his head and stretched; Bella wasn't an awful date companion but she was far from being good girlfriend material. She was too drunk to really know what she was like and whereas Adam was still technically sober enough to drive, Bella would probably still be over the legal limit the following morning.
Bella stumbled out of the toilets and pulled her dress down, grabbing hold of the sides of the material and tugging forcefully. Adam heard the tear from six yards away and Bella shrieked. Her dress had torn where the straps met the dress and it was falling down to her ankles. “Aaaaggghhhh.”
A dozen faces turned to see Bella frantically scrambling to pull her dress around her pendulous bosom back up towards her neck but the garment, already having been charitably stretched around her bust was not an easy fit and the waitress had to guide Bella back to the toilet so she could make herself presentable.
“I think sir, it is time to take your companion home,” the waiter told Adam with a solemn look.
“Yeah,” Adam muttered and looked at him. “Blind date, you know.”
He nodded and clicked his fingers. “The bill please, for Mr Hodson.” Within seconds a bill for over ninety pounds was given to him and Adam grunted; Bella had drunk a lot and begrudgingly put his credit card down on the paper.
