Broken Beats

by D. Kelly

  I haven’t been to the bar since he died. I’m going to have a good time for both of us. Grabbing my leather jacket and purse, I lock up the house just as my ride arrives. With one last deep breath, I get inside the car and prepare myself for the evening.

  The driver lets me off right outside the door, but I walk around the building and check out the artwork before going inside. Just an Illusion is in an industrial park, and the outside of the bar is spray painted with some of the best artwork in the area. From what I’ve heard, there’s a waitlist to be one of the featured artists. Jordan, the owner, switches out the art every six months and showcases the artists on the bar’s website. It’s such an eclectic way to let other people shine.

  The bar is packed. Before I left the house, I checked the website to make sure they didn’t have live music tonight. It’s usually loud enough without the band; I didn’t want to say my goodbyes at a concert.

  I need to eventually get to the pool room, but for now, I work my way to the bar. Jordan’s eyes meet mine, and he raises a finger to give him a minute. I scan the bottles behind the bar trying to decide what I want to drink when someone taps my shoulder. I turn around slowly and am quickly engulfed in one of Jordan Weston’s famous hugs.

  “Haddie, I didn’t think you’d ever grace my bar with your presence again. How are you?”

  He pulls back from our hug with his hands on my shoulder and looks me up and down.

  “That’s new.” I point to his wedding ring. “Well, maybe not new, but new to me. Last time I was here, you guys were engaged and expecting.”

  Jordan smiles, whips out his phone, and opens the photo gallery. “Sebastian is almost four now. Allie and I were married … not too long after your last visit.”

  Jordan and Richie talked often, and he and Allie came to see me in the hospital.

  “He’s adorable! You and Allie must be proud.”

  “Haddie!” Allie nudges Jordan with her hip and squeezes in for a hug.

  “Is that—?”

  Allie backs up with a huge grin on her face. “Yup, it’s a baby bump. We thought it was time Sebastian has a brother or sister.”

  Jordan puts his arm around Allie’s shoulder. “What can I say? We Westons like to multiply. Do you think you’ll be coming in more often? We’ve missed you around here.”

  “I’m not sure. I’d love to say yes, but tonight is about saying goodbye. This was the last place we were … you know, before …” I take a deep breath and exhale. “Anyway, I’m hoping to put my life back on track. Maybe date a bit? I’m not sure.”

  Allie squeezes my arm. “It’s okay. Take it one day at a time. We’ll take you when we get you. If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom. It was lovely seeing you, Haddie. Don’t be a stranger.”

  Jordan watches Allie wade through the crowd and turns his attention back to me. “Unfortunately, we’re working tonight, so we have to get back. I’ll make your drink first. What can I get you?”

  “Vodka on the rocks, please.”

  “You got it.” Jordan says before he maneuvers his way through the crowd to get back behind the bar.

  “Do you want a double?” he asks, popping the ice into the glass.

  “Yes, that’s a good idea.”

  When I pull out a twenty, he shakes his head. “This one is on me.”

  “Don’t be silly.” I slide the money across the bar.

  “I’m not being silly,” he replies, ignoring my offer. “I’m being a friend. Use it to do something nice for someone else.”

  “Thank you.” I put the money back in my wallet, and he waves as he works the bar. Taking a deep breath, I grab my drink and walk around the club. I look up at the pool room, but I’m not quite ready yet.

  When I finish my drink, I’m on the opposite side of the venue. The bar over here isn’t quite as crowded.

  “As I live and breathe … If I blink, will you disappear?”

  “Hey, Sasha, long time no see.”

  Sasha is one of the bar managers and always good for a laugh. She leans over the counter, boobs front and center, and pulls me into a one-armed hug.

  “Vodka rocks, huh? Some things never change. Want another?”

  “Sure. How’s life? Are you seeing anyone special?”

  She winks at me as she grabs the bottle of vodka. “Ha! You know my motto: too many dicks and not enough time. One day I may find the elusive magical cock, but until then, I’m having a blast test driving different makes and models.”

  I laugh as she passes me my drink. “Good for you.”

  “So … first time back, huh?”

  “Yeah, I’m about to go up and relive some memories and bring myself back into the present if I’m lucky.”

  Sasha squeezes my hand. “Luck has nothing to do with it. Life gave you the shit end of a stick, but now you’re going to close the door on that chapter, remember it with love, and reclaim your life like the badass bitch you are. You’ve got this, Haddie.”

  “Thanks.”

  I reach into my purse, and she shakes her head. “Jordan would kill me if I took your money.”

  “How does he expect to stay in business if he won’t let patrons pay?”

  Sasha laughs. “He won’t take your money. The rest of these people are all going to pay. Plus, we’ve got an awesome tipper in the house tonight, and that makes J happy.”

  “It’s now or never. Thanks for the drink, Sasha.”

  She waves. “You’re welcome.”

  I walk around to the end of the bar and head up the stairs. With each step, my heart slams against my chest. I swear I hear his laughter in the air. It’s impossible, I know, but it’s a nice thought.

  I lean against one of the tables and look at the pool table in the corner. Instantly, I’m lost in the memory of our last night together.

  5

  Darren

  Wyatt left a few minutes ago because his kids are sick and he felt bad for leaving Anna alone. I get it; I wouldn’t have wanted to leave Cadence if she were sick either.

  Now, I’m hitting balls and debating about moving on to something harder to drink. My Spidey sense goes off as I chalk the cue. After so many years of surveillance by fans and press, my self-awareness sensors are on point.

  After sinking the eight ball, I raise my eyes to meet the gaze of a woman nearby. Since Belle, my type has been anyone who doesn’t remind me of her, and this girl fits the bill. Her eyes hold a deep intensity, and I can’t help but be intrigued. I don’t think I’ve fucked her in the past. She’s nothing if not memorable.

  “Wanna play?”

  She startles as if just noticing me, and her bright-green eyes sweep over my body. I’ll forgive her for staring because she’s hot as fuck.

  “Nah, it’s cool. Thanks though,” she answers with a bit of uncertainty in her voice.

  Setting the pool cue on the table, I step closer to her and lean against the table. “You sure? You’ve been keeping an eye on me for a while now. If you don’t want to play, there’s only one other thing I can think of. You wanna bang?”

  Her pouty lips separate as she gasps. All right, maybe banging isn’t what was on her mind, but it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever said to a woman.

  “Is that how you come on to women? I mean, I’m not judging, but that kind of shit doesn’t work with me.”

  “So why are you watching me? I’m guessing you know who I am. Do I intimidate you or something?”

  Her eyes grow wide. “I’m sorry.” She picks up her drink and downs it quickly. I don’t know what it is about this girl, but she intrigues the fuck out of me.

  “May I?” I motion to her table. She bites her bottom lip but nods. “Can I get you another?” I flag down the waitress before she can reply.

  “The usual, D?” she asks with a smile.

  “You know it, and my friend will have …”

  “Double shot of vodka on the rocks, thanks,” she adds softly.

  Once we’re alone again, I reach my hand across
the table. “Let’s start over. I’m Darren, and you are?”

  Her cheeks flush a light pink, and she reaches her perfectly manicured hand across the table and shakes mine. “Haddie. Nice to meet you.” The server promptly delivers our drinks, and once again we’re alone. “Wow, that was fast.”

  “The owner is my friend, more like a brother, so I don’t ever have to wait long.”

  She squeezes the lime into her drink before taking a sip. “Jordan is a good guy. I’m pretty sure he must know the whole city.”

  I flash her a grin. “I’m sure he probably does. Do you come here a lot?”

  She shakes her head. “Not anymore. I used to come here a lot to play pool.”

  “Did you? Now I feel slighted you didn’t want to play with me.” I wink.

  “It’s not you, I swear. My fiancé … ex, I suppose … he taught me here. At that very table, actually. I wasn’t looking at you … not that you’re not nice to look at or anything,” she mumbles. “Anyway, I was lost in memories and didn’t really notice you, just what you reminded me of.”

  The best thing about meeting people in bars is being able to be myself and never seeing them again. People tend to open up, and for a few hours, I can push past the lingering ache in my chest.

  “How long have you been separated?”

  Sadness crosses her face. “We aren’t. It’s been three years now.”

  “Well, Haddie, you’re a gorgeous woman. You must have men beating down your door. What gives?”

  “Ha!” She blushes and begins to shred her napkin. “I’m far from gorgeous, but thanks for trying to make me feel better.”

  “I’m not.” Haddie is beautiful. Her blond hair cascades past her shoulders in bouncing curls. The green of her eyes pops against her eyeliner. Her full red lips would be better served wrapped around my cock. She’s rocking the curves, and I can’t help but picture myself buried between her thighs.

  “He died,” she spits out rapidly.

  “Oh.” And the ache is back. Nothing has ever hurt as much as losing Belle and Noah. Even though six years have passed, it’s still fresh.

  “We were here that night. Playing pool and having a good time. He was the designated driver, and I was wasted. It was raining, our car hydroplaned, and that’s pretty much it. I survived, and he didn’t.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. She’s a kindred spirit.

  “Me too. Tonight is the first time I’ve been back to this bar. I wasn’t going to come, but I felt like I had to. I missed his funeral, and I need closure. I felt like this is the place I would get it.”

  “I hope you do.” I toss back the rest of my drink and meet her sorrowful gaze. “I lost my fiancée six years ago, and that ache never seems to go away. I got to keep a piece of her though. My daughter was only four months old when the accident happened.”

  She gasps and covers her mouth with her hands. “I’m so sorry.” Her sympathy is genuine, but I find it hard to believe she doesn’t know this already, especially since she knows J.

  “Haddie, do you know who I am? It’s okay if you do. I’m just curious.”

  She finishes her drink and looks back at me. “Should I? Are you an actor or something?”

  I laugh. “Or something. I’m the drummer for Bastards and Dangerous, or I used to be.”

  “Oh my God.” She gasps again. “I … um … I know your story. Who doesn’t? It was national news, but I’ve never been the kind of person to pay attention to … How do I say this without sounding like an asshole?”

  I chuckle. “I like assholes. Just say whatever you want to.”

  “I don’t follow pop culture or celebrities and stuff. It’s never been my thing. Don’t get me wrong, I love movies and music and stuff, but …”

  “But what?”

  She shrugs, “Well, it’s just your job, right? I’d hate to have people following me around at work, down the street, or wherever, so I’ve never seen the appeal of knowing someone’s business like that. I don’t need a window into the life of a stranger, you know? I’ve got enough stuff of my own to deal with.”

  This girl just went up about ten notches.

  “That’s a good answer, Haddie. You sure you don’t want to bang?” I give her an exaggerated wink, and she finally laughs. It’s a beautiful sound, and it momentarily stuns the pain in my heart.

  “You’re funny. I’m going to ask you something, and you don’t have to answer, but … I don’t know any other younger people who have lost someone. How soon did you start having relationships again?”

  “I don’t. Not real ones, anyway. I had sex just shy of a year after, and I wish I’d waited. Sex fills a need, but it doesn’t fill the void. A relationship might. I’m not sure though. So … you haven’t moved on?”

  “No,” she replies, shaking her head. “No sex, no relationship. At first, I couldn’t, but lately …”

  “You miss being intimate with someone.”

  She nods. “Not just that. I miss sharing interests and making memories. I was standing there watching you play and remembering, but I was also missing that connection. I wonder if the pain will go away or be less intense if I make new memories with someone else. It’s hard to wrap my head around the idea though.”

  It’s like she’s plucking every word from my deepest thoughts.

  “Haddie, I’ve never been one to let an opportunity pass. You’re a cool chick, and for some reason, we were meant to meet. I think you should give me your number and we should go out. On a date … or … you know, as friends. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

  She points back and forth between us. “You want to go on a date? With me?”

  “You’re the only Haddie I see.”

  She starts to smile but bites her lip. I reach up and gently pull her lip from her teeth with my thumb. “You’ve got a beautiful smile. Don’t hide it.”

  “Give me your phone,” she says, and I pass it to her. After adding her number, she hands it back to me, and I hit the call button. Seconds later, her phone rings. “You didn’t believe me?”

  “I did, but now you have my number. Call or text me anytime. I’ve got a sitter tonight, so I need to get home. Do you need a ride?”

  “I’ll catch an Uber, but thanks.”

  “You sure? I don’t mind.”

  “Yeah, I want to stay a bit longer to try to let go of some of these memories.”

  “Good luck. It was nice meeting you tonight, and I will be calling you soon.”

  “It was nice to meet you too, Darren. I’m looking forward to our … night out.”

  I let my hand graze over hers as I walk away. I want to kiss her, but there’s something about her that keeps me in check. I haven’t felt this kind of connection since the night I met Belle. Thinking about that will only make this harder. I have to move forward and make new memories for Cadence and me. It’s what Belle would want, and Cady deserves it.

  Over coffee the next morning, Mel and Sawyer keep giving me funny looks. At first, I try to ignore it, but with my guilt about Rory weighing heavily on my mind, I can’t ignore them for long.

  “What?”

  Sawyer snorts. “You don’t realize it, do you?”

  I wipe at my mouth. “Do I have something on my face?”

  Sawyer laughs and nearly chokes on his coffee.

  “A smile,” Mel answers with a grin. “You look truly happy, Darren. Want to share?”

  “Do I always look like a miserable son of a bitch or something?”

  “Pretty much,” Sawyer says and then grumbles when Mel smacks his shoulder.

  “Did you meet someone?” Mel presses.

  “Or did you get some really hot sex?” Sawyer wags his eyebrows, earning a glare from his wife. Sawyer leans forward and kisses her. “Don’t give me that look, Princess. We have hot sex all the damn time.”

  “No sex, but I did meet someone last night. Well, I got her number. We’re supposed to go out. Maybe as friends or maybe more, I’m not exactly sure.”
<
br />   Sawyer’s jaw drops. “Holy shit, you’re nervous. You must really like her. Is she hot? Does she look like Belle?”

  This time, Mel shoves his shoulder hard. “Darren, you don’t have to answer any of that.” She nails Sawyer with a death glare. “None of her physical attributes matter, do they?”

  Sawyer blushes. “No, sorry. Damn, I sounded like a dick, didn’t I? I think I reverted back to the days where we were tag teaming girls.” Sawyer cringes. “Sorry, Princess. You know what? I’m going to make some more coffee; I think I need it.”

  When Sawyer comes back to the table, I address his questions. “Maybe I’m nervous. Dating as a single dad isn’t something I’ve given much thought. Moving on from Belle has never been a consideration. Lately, I’ve been sad about nothing, and I think it’s because I’m lonely. Random fucks just aren’t cutting it these days. Hell, they’re not even appealing.”

  Mel nods. “This girl appeals to you?”

  “She does. She lost her fiancé a few years ago.”

  Mel gasps. “Oh, how sad.”

  “I guess I felt a connection to her when she said that, but I felt something before too. She didn’t even know who I was at first. She’s gorgeous. She has long curly hair and these big green eyes. She reminds me of a blond Ashley Graham. She’s fucking sexy. I’m not calling it a match made in heaven or anything, but she’s the only person I’ve wanted to take on a date since Belle. That has to mean something, right?”

  “I think that means a lot,” Sawyer answers.

  Mel’s eyes meet mine. “It means everything. I’m happy for you, and Belle would be too.”

  Sawyer promised the kids he’d take them to the studio today. As much as I love music time with the kids, I head home instead. I sit on the couch for thirty minutes and write texts, only to delete them. Other than Belle, I haven’t dated since high school.

  With Haddie, I’m completely out of my element. I don’t want to play games and wait to text her. If I want something, I’m going for it before someone else snatches it away from me.

  Finally, I decide on simple and blunt.