Broken Beats

by D. Kelly

  “The thing is … I don’t ever want to have another child.”

  Her eyes widen before her expression falls. Haddie lets herself slide down the back of the couch until she’s sitting on the floor and covers her face with her hands and sobs. With each anguished cry she releases, my gut tightens until I can’t take it anymore and I sit beside her and pull her into my embrace. What was I thinking letting this go on so long?

  “I’m so fucking sorry. I should’ve told you sooner. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but this is a deal-breaker for me. We have to talk about it before … it gets harder to say … goodbye.” I’m barely able to speak the words over the lump in my throat. I don’t want to lose her—I just found her.

  She finally looks up at me, and I brush away her tears. “It’s not that. Darren …” She pauses to catch her breath.

  “Take your time, gorgeous.”

  Haddie leans into my shoulder, our heads touching, and regains her typical calm demeanor. Eventually, she scoots back a bit and turns to face me.

  “I’ve been keeping something from you as well. I justified a thousand reasons not to tell you. I told myself this was a fleeting moment in time. You’re sexy and famous, and I’m just—”

  “Beautiful. Haddie, you leave me fucking breathless. I wish you understood how much.”

  The redness that flushes her cheeks brings a smile to my face, and I lean forward to kiss her briefly. Damn, I wish she could see herself the way I do.

  “Thank you,” she replies softly. “I guess I wasn’t the only one feeling things shift between us. The truth is, the car accident didn’t just steal my fiancé; it stole my ability to have kids.”

  She pauses and my heart drops. I can’t imagine her suffering though that alone.

  “I’m sorry, Haddie.”

  “Thank you. I didn’t think I’d move on after Richie. Once we started dating and I understood how important Cadence is to you, and how amazing you are with her, I’ve felt so inadequate.”

  “You could never be inadequate.”

  Knowing she can’t have kids flips a switch inside me. Haddie would be an amazing mother and deserves to have babies. Even though I don’t want them for myself, I’d give anything to make it possible for her, even if it means I’d have to let her go.

  “But don’t you see?” Her eyes light up. “You don’t want more kids. You have no idea how much of a relief that is. I don’t have to worry about letting you down. You have Cadence, and I have my students.”

  Damn. This isn’t at all what I expected, but I still can’t help wanting to fix this for her.

  “Is there a procedure you can have to help? Maybe you can freeze your eggs and hire a surrogate?”

  Haddie shakes her head. “There was a lot of internal damage. They removed my uterus. Fortunately, I was able to keep my ovaries but now there are lots of adhesions. On the plus side no more monthly periods.”

  In a way I’m not surprised. Haddie’s scars are pretty intense and sometimes she still has pain. She tries hard to hide it but I’ve caught her wincing a few times with certain movements.

  “What about adoption?” I ask, needing to know why she’s so accepting of her fate. If it’s a money issue I’ll help her.

  “There’s nothing wrong with adoption – it’s a beautiful thing for everyone involved. If we’re laying all our cards on the table, I’ve never wanted to have kids. I love children but I’ve never had the desire to have one of my own.”

  Fuck

  “If you never wanted kids then why would you want to be with me? Cadence and I come as a pair, you know that, right?”

  Haddie places her hand over my heart. “You’re an incredible father Darren. Being Cadence’s dad is a huge part of who you are and I … love that about you. I love kids and even though I don’t want biological children that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be happy having stepkids in my life. You guys have a great family structure, Cady looks up to Mel as if she were her mom already.”

  I caress her cheek and rest my head against hers. “There is more than enough room in Cadence’s heart to love you too. If you want her to.”

  “I’m scared I’ll hurt her if this doesn’t work out.”

  I brush my lips against hers. “Then stop acting like we’re going to fall apart. You were on board when we talked about being exclusive. Ever since then, you refuse to go out in public, and you talk like we’re about to implode.”

  “Darren, I was terrified not being able to give you babies was going to be a deal breaker. I was just trying to protect my heart and yours.”

  “It’s too late for that. If we’re past all the secrets—”

  “We are.”

  “Then you have to become part of my world. All of it. No more dancing around the hard stuff. Sunday, we take Cady and Nate to the movies. The two most important ladies in my life need to meet. You’re my girlfriend, Haddie, not my dirty little secret.”

  “Okay, on one condition,” she whispers as my lips hover over hers.

  “Name it.”

  “Don’t break my heart, Darren. I won’t survive it a second time.”

  Fear, anger, possessiveness, lust, and need swirl around inside me like a tornado. I hate everything she’s been through because I know how hard it is to fight through the pain. As my mouth crashes down over hers and our tongues meet, all I want to do is prove to her how much I care. It’s as if I hear Noah’s voice whispering in my head that fate brought us together—Haddie and I are meant to be.

  She grips my shirt in her fists as I caress her curves. With a groan, I pull back and stand, bringing her with me.

  “Bedroom, Haddie, now.” I pull her behind me, determined to make it to my room in record time and never more thankful Cadence is with V tonight.

  I close the door behind us and push her up against it. Growling, I lower my lips to her neck and kiss a path to the shell of her ear.

  “There’s no fucking way I’ll ever break your heart. If I did, mine would break right along with it. I’m never going through that again. Are you still all in, Haddie? After tonight, there’s no turning back.”

  The rise and fall of her chest speeds up as I take her earlobe between my teeth. She moans softly and drops her mouth to my neck. Haddie blazes a trail of slow, decadent kisses against my skin, sending a flame of desire straight to my cock. When her mouth meets mine once again, her words are so full of heat, I’m surprised they don’t catch fire.

  “I’m all in, Darren. Falling in love with a rock star is by far the scariest thing I’ve ever done though.”

  “I love you, and I know you’re scared, but we’re taking this leap together. From here on out, it’s you and me.”

  She slides her hand inside my shirt and explores my body as I press myself against her.

  “I love you too. It’s crazy how fast it happened, but nothing has felt this right in a long time. You brought me back to life.” Haddie pulls off my shirt and throws it aside. “So many tattoos,” she says, tracing my ink with her fingers.

  “Does that bother you?”

  “Not a single bit. They’ve never been my thing, but they add to your sex appeal.”

  I laugh and pull her shirt over her head, tossing it next to mine. “Do you ever think about getting any?” I tease her nipples with the tips of my fingers and admire her breasts.

  “I’ve never thought about it before,” she hisses as I flick her taut nipple.

  “We could get couples tattoos one day.”

  Her eyes widen. “Have you ever done that with someone?”

  “Nope, you’d be my first.”

  Lowering my mouth to her chest, I flick her nipple with my tongue through the silky material of her bra. She arches toward me and weaves her fingers through my hair.

  “When we have a … significant event where it would be appropriate, maybe we can.”

  I lift my head and trace the exposed skin of her breast near her heart. “My name would look pretty good right here, don’t you think?” I ask, with a smirk
.

  She looks at the same spot over my heart which is already filled with ink. “I’m not sure that would be fair. You don’t get my heart if I can’t have yours.”

  “Babe, it’s already yours.” I crash my lips against hers and reach behind her to flick open her bra. She whimpers as our tongues meet, and I make quick work removing her bra.

  She unbuttons and unzips my pants before pulling away from our kiss with a gasp. “You’re not wearing boxers.”

  I take off my pants so she can have the full view. “I was hoping we’d end up right where we are.” I bring her hand to my dick, and she wraps her fingers around me.

  “Fuck, Haddie.”

  Lifting her eyes to mine, she strokes me and swipes my pre-cum with the tip of her finger before bringing it to her mouth. Instead of sucking it, she sticks out her tongue and licks it like an ice cream cone. Groaning, I push her hand away.

  “You have far too many clothes on. It’s not fair you get to taste me and I can’t return the pleasure. Strip.”

  Her eyes widen as I take a step back. When I reach for my cock and stroke myself, she shimmies out of her pants and moves to the bed and crooks her finger at me in a come-hither motion.

  I shake my head. “Underwear too. Take them off, lie down, spread your legs, and let me feast on you.”

  She sucks in a breath, stands, hooks her thumbs into the sides of her panties, and pauses. I know this is a huge step for her, so I take a few steps closer. I swipe my thumb through my pre-cum and bring it to her lips, and she sucks me into her mouth. Our bodies are now flush, my cock pressing into her belly, and when she sucks my thumb deeper, I can’t hold back my frustrated groan.

  “I love you—every beautiful inch—and I’ve seen your scars. I didn’t run then and I’m not going to run now. But so help me, Haddie, if I have to stand here a minute longer and smell your arousal without knowing what it tastes like, I will bring you to the brink of orgasm again and again and never actually give you one. At least, not tonight.”

  Her nostrils flare as she blinks repeatedly. I expect her to come back at me, but she surprises me by removing her underwear instead. Before she has a chance to get back on the bed, I slip my hand between her thighs. She gasps as I slide my fingers over her clit and into her pussy.

  She digs her fingers into my shoulders and cries out against my neck. “Darren, please,” she begs, and my cock twitches.

  “Please what, baby? What do you need?”

  “You, always you.”

  I guide her to the bed and climb in next to her. “I’m not going anywhere,” I say, brushing her hair away from her face. Our lips meet, and we kiss until we’re both breathless before I begin moving down her body.

  Her curves feel like perfection in the palms of my hands. As I slide my hands over the swell of her hips, my cock jerks at the thought of holding on to them as she rides me. I shift her hip and let my hand trail over the globe of her ass. When I imagine spreading her apart and taking her from behind, I can’t suppress my groan. But as my lips meet her pussy for the first time, all I can think about is how she’ll sound when she explodes in my mouth.

  Haddie hisses and arches her body off the bed when I flick her clit with my tongue. I could ease her into this more, but I’ve been waiting a month to hear her scream my name. With each stroke of my tongue, she pushes against me, eager for more. I lick and suck my way to her entrance and enter her with my tongue as I pinch her clit.

  “Oh God!” she screams, and I groan as I devour her essence.

  Pausing, I pull back. “Not even close. I want to hear my name on your lips, Haddie – mine.”

  She grips my hair and bucks against my face as I dip my tongue back inside her. Haddie fucking my face is exactly what I wanted. I press against her hardened nub, and she comes with a force I’m not sure I’ve experienced before.

  “Darren!”

  She mutters incoherently and thrashes against me as I lick and suck my way through every pulse of her release. She sighs and relaxes as her orgasm subsides. I kiss my way up her body, paying extra special attention to her scars. There isn’t a single part of her body that’s off limits to me.

  As I make my way up to her breasts, she rubs my shoulders. Pushing her tits together, I take my time learning what type of breast play turns her on.

  She squirms beneath me. “Darren, please …”

  I move to her mouth and kiss her lips. “Please what?”

  “Fuck me,” she says, eyes blazing.

  “Now that would be my pleasure. Did you go over my test results?”

  We emailed our test results to each other last week but never talked about them.

  “I did. Did you go over mine?”

  “I did, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to use a condom, Haddie. It’s up to you. I want you to be comfortable with this choice.”

  She bites her bottom lip. “Have you been with others without protection?”

  “Only Belle, and you?”

  “No one.”

  “Not even …”

  She shakes her head. “We were extremely cautious. I didn’t want kids, and back then, it was still possible.”

  “Let me grab a condom. We don’t have to decide this right now.”

  Haddie wraps her arms around my neck and pulls my mouth to hers. “Don’t. I want this with you. It feels like this is the way it’s supposed to be.”

  “You’re sure?”

  She answers by kissing me and spreading her thighs wider. Our tongues meet, and I slip my hand between us to guide myself to her opening. When the head of my cock presses against her, she whimpers.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes. Give me more, Darren. Please …”

  I push into her slowly, groaning as her body adjusts and welcomes me. She’s so tight and wet. I cup her cheek and lower my mouth to hers as I push all the way in.

  “You’re incredible,” I whisper.

  Our tongues meet slowly, and I match the rhythm with my hips. I want us to enjoy every second of this moment. Soon, our kiss turns frantic as Haddie meets me thrust for thrust. I raise her leg over my shoulder and angle her to take me deeper as her cries fuel my desire. She laces the fingers of my free hand with hers, and I slam into her hard. Each time we connect, her pussy becomes wetter and her walls clench me tighter.

  I’m barely holding back my orgasm when she screams my name again.

  “Darren, yes!”

  “Fuck!” I shout as my body jerks violently through my release.

  Haddie laughs as I collapse on top of her.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumble into her glorious tits.

  “I’m not. That was amazing.”

  I roll to the side and pull her into my arms. “It was pretty damn fantastic. Give me thirty and I’ll be ready to go again.”

  “Thirty minutes, huh?”

  “Woman, I haven’t had sex in … damn, seven months. That’s my second-longest drought since high school.”

  “What was the … right, never mind.”

  And then it hits me. “Hey, I’m sorry. I feel like an ass. Are you okay?” I lace our fingers together and kiss her hand.

  She sighs and scoots closer to me. “I’m fine. I waited a long time so I’d be ready. I’ve got no regrets. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to fall in love with the first guy after Richie, but I’m glad it happened this way.”

  “Can I take you to dinner?”

  She laughs and kisses me. “You are so random sometimes.”

  “I’m hungry. Hunger depletes brain cells, it’s a fact.”

  She arches a brow. “Is it?”

  “If it’s not, it should be.”

  “Do you mind if we order in?”

  If this is about her not wanting to go out with me …

  “Oh my God, Darren. Stop with whatever you’re thinking. I’ve got sex hair, need a shower, and have nothing here to fix myself up.”

  “We can change that. Let’s go shopping tomorrow.”

  S
he sits up and pulls the duvet over her. “What in the world are you talking about?”

  “Spend the weekend with me. All weekend. No more trips to your house to get ready or grab clothes. I’ve got more than enough space. Take over my bathroom, take over my closet, I’m not even sure I keep anything in my dresser – take it.”

  “I think you’re right. I think your brain cells are depleting at a rapid pace and you need food ASAP. If you’re still thinking crazy after dinner, we’ll talk about this.”

  I get up and head toward the kitchen for take-out menus.

  When I open the door, Haddie yells, “You’re naked!”

  “It’s my house. I can freeball if I want to,” I call back to her, and the sound of her laughter follows me.

  15

  Haddie

  “Now can we discuss going shopping tomorrow?” Darren asks as he opens a bottle of wine.

  We took showers, ate dinner, and are now getting comfortable in front of the fire.

  I turn toward him with a smile. “You do realize I’m a grown woman with a job, right?”

  “Yes, and I’m very proud of you, but of my favorite things to do is make people happy. Taking you shopping is going to make my day.” His eyes light up.

  “What are you thinking, and can you explain why it’s going to make you happy?”

  He grabs my wine glass and sets both glasses on the coffee table.

  “I want more of you in my life. I’d also prefer to spoil you when it’s my idea to go shopping.”

  I could get lost in the depths of his eyes, especially when he’s being vulnerable. “Okay, what things are going to cost money?”

  “Haddie, I want you to have a second set of anything you need here. Extra clothes, toiletries, books, glasses … Wait, do you wear glasses?”

  “Contacts and glasses.”

  He groans. “I bet you look sexy as fuck when you wear your glasses.”

  I laugh. “Go on.”

  “Well, shoes and lingerie … Seriously, so much lingerie. I’m hard even thinking about it. But also simple things like your favorite coffee or ice cream. I want you in my home more, and I’d like you to be comfortable while you’re here.”