Road to Nowhere

by Christopher Pike

  “Can I close my eyes?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Poppy said.

  “Just don’t die on us,” Free said.

  Teresa closed her eyes. She saw many things in the space inside. How good her life had been. The gifts she had been given, what with her voice, and her writing, and yes, even her parents. She saw how devastated they would be to return home to find her dead. They had sacrificed a great deal to have and raise a daughter.

  Bill was there inside her heart as well, where she had left him when she had fallen in love with him. It was possible that she had to let him go, maybe even never see him again, but that was OK. He had enriched her life. He had not come to destroy her life. He was in love and love was always good. He, too, would be devastated to learn she had committed suicide.

  And Rene? That mischievous little devil. Well, girls would be girls, just as boys would be boys. Teresa found she couldn't hate her. She couldn’t hate anyone, not even herself. Life was wonderful, it was terrible. It was both things together and that was what made it so special. She was only sorry she had tried to throw her life away.

  Teresa felt a great weight lift.

  It caught her by surprise. It was just gone – the dread.

  Such a blessed relief.

  Poppy and Free caught her as she fell.

  They carried her to the couch where they laid her on her back.

  Teresa opened her eyes. “I’m going to die,” she whispered.

  “Are you afraid?” Poppy asked.

  “No,” she said honestly. “I’m just sad that I was so stupid. I was having a good time, really. Another few days, weeks, I would have felt better. I let my emotions carry me away.” She coughed weakly. “I just wish I could let them carry me back.”

  Poppy stroked the side of her face. “Do you want to go back?”

  “Yes,” Teresa said. “More than anything, I want to live again.”

  Poppy turned to Free. “What do you say? Don’t you think, between one novice angel and one experienced devil, we could bring a spark back into Teresa Chafey’s life?”

  Free was serious for a moment, staring down at Teresa. “I think it's possible, anything’s possible.”

  Poppy smiled a radiant smile. She leaned over and kissed Teresa on the forehead. “Close your eyes and you will see that spark.”

  “I will live?” Teresa asked.

  “Yes,” Poppy said.

  “But how?”

  “Shh. You will see,” Poppy said.

  “But why are you helping me? I mean, why you in particular?”

  “Why did God send me?” Poppy asked, amused. “Let’s just say you’re important to someone very important to me. Right now, you have no idea how much you’ll be seeing of him.”

  “But?” Teresa began.

  “Sleep.” Poppy reached down and gently shut Teresa's eyes. “Dream of living. The dream goes on and on.”

  There was space, there was time – they existed as they had always existed. Yet it seemed as if she could go anywhere in either of them – for she had changed. She didn't seem to have a body, yet she felt someone nearby. This person, this being, was thinking of Bill, and so she thought of him as well. Then suddenly she was in Bill’s family room as he slept in front of the fire with Rene beside him. Teresa could see that they were both fully dressed. She was happy to see them and felt none of the crushing pain she had felt earlier in the night, yet at the same time she felt strangely distant, disconnected from the scene. Something was about to happen, and it was important, but she wasn't at all worried about how it would turn out. Most of all she experienced great peace. The being she had noticed by her side a moment ago was still there, even though she could see no one besides Bill and Rene.

  Her attention was drawn to the fireplace. The logs had long ago given up their fuel to the flames and all that was left were a few glowing embers. But a strange alchemy was taking place in those ashes. As she watched, a miniature cyclone spun in the midst of the burnt remains and the embers glowed brighter at the sudden gush of air. Their orange light changed to a bright red, and the ash chased up the chimney as if called by an old man in a sleigh. Then came a loud crack as one of the few remaining pieces of wood exploded. A spark flew out of the fireplace, through a split in the grill, and landed on Bill’s arm.

  He bolted upright from his deep slumber and looked around him anxiously. He peered directly at the point from which Teresa was observing him and rubbed his eyes. If he saw her, he didn’t indicate he had – she certainly couldn’t see herself. He brushed painfully at the spot where the spark had landed on his arm. Then he suddenly stopped and looked in the direction of the front door. A breeze stirred his hair, it came in from the outside. He stood and walked towards the door. Teresa followed him effortlessly.

  The door was lying wide open. There was a key stuck in the lock. It was Teresa’s key – Bill had given her one for no good reason. He had painted it gold as a joke, telling her it was the key to heaven. She must have left it in the lock when she had come over to see him earlier in the night.

  Bill pulled the key from the lock. He glanced out the door at the street, back in the direction of sleeping Rene. Comprehension crossed his face – and horror. He ran into his bedroom and grabbed his shoes and his car keys. He didn’t shut the door as he ran out of the house. Teresa wasn't sure where he was going, but she had a good idea. She wasn’t totally indifferent to the proceedings. She hoped he made it in time.

  She hoped they both did.

  EPILOGUE

  Sunlight poured in through an open window. She saw it even before she opened her eyes. Someone was calling her name. She rolled over in bed and looked at who it might be. The handsome face of a young man with dark hair came into her focus. It was funny how her vision was blurred like that, she thought. The guy was sitting in a chair beside her.

  What is he doing in my bedroom?

  That was just the thing – it wasn't her bedroom. She instantly recognised the anesthetic decor. A hospital – she was a patient in a hospital. She must have driven into a tree or something.

  “Hi,” the guy said.

  “Are you a doctor?” she asked. He was dressed in white, but seemed kind of young.

  “No, your doctor wanted me to sit with you. He thought you’d be coming round soon. How are you feeling?”

  “I have a bummer of a headache. And my wrist…”

  Teresa saw the bandage on her left wrist.

  It all came back to her in a flash.

  All the earthly parts.

  “God,” she whispered.

  The young man stood up quickly. “I’ll get your doctor.”

  “No, that’s all right,” Teresa said, surprised at the calm in her voice. It wasn’t every day you tried to commit suicide; it was certainly a first for her. Yet she didn’t feel overwhelmed by the immensity of what she had tried. She just felt slightly embarrassed and silly. She swallowed painfully. Her throat was dry. “Could you please get me a drink of water?” she asked.

  “Sure.” The guy was happy to do something for her. She seemed to make him uneasy. Another nut case, he probably thought. She would have to reassure him that she was not your normal attempted suicide. He handed her the glass and she drank gratefully.

  “Who brought me in?” she asked.

  “I think it was your boyfriend. Bill?”

  She nodded. For some reason, the news did not surprise her. “He used to be my boyfriend. He's going with my best friend now.”

  The guy lowered his head. “I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, it’s a drag, I know. It really pissed me off when I found out. I wanted to cut them up into little pieces. But they’re probably better off together. Do you know what I mean?”

  She was confusing the guy. She must sound way too philosophical considering what she had just done to herself.

  “Yeah,” he said. “Bill and a girl are waiting outside to see you. Your parents are here also. Should I tell them you’re awake?”

  “In a min
ute. If you’re not a doctor, what are you?”

  “I’m a college student. But I plan to be a doctor.” He gestured to their surroundings. “This is work-study for me.”

  She smiled. He was pretty cute. “I hope I wasn’t too much work for you.”

  “You were no work at all. You slept the whole time I was here.”

  “I tried to kill myself,” she said suddenly.

  His dark eyes were sympathetic. “I know. You must have been through a lot lately.”

  She shrugged. “It’s been rough. But it gets that way sometimes.” She added, “I'm never going to try it again. I just wanted you to know that.”

  The guy smiled with relief. “That’s what I wanted to hear.” He stood. “I’ll go get your parents.”

  “Fine.” He was at the door before she spoke next. “Wait.”

  He stopped. “Yes?”

  “Why do you want to be a doctor?” she asked.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Come on, tell me,” Teresa said.

  “Well, I want to help people, and doctors make lots of money. I like wearing white.” He shrugged. “My mother wanted me to be a doctor.”

  “You don’t look like a mommy’s boy to me.”

  “I’m not.” He added, “She died when I was very young.”

  Teresa felt a pinch. “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, she was a great mom.” He opened the door. “I'll be back in a few minutes, Teresa.”

  “Wait,” she called.

  He stopped. “Yes?”

  “You know my name. I don’t know yours. That’s not fair.”

  “You’re right. My name is—”

  “Wait!” she interrupted.

  He laughed at her. “What is it this time?”

  “You’re Johnny!”

  He frowned. “How did you know? I’m not wearing a name tag.”

  Teresa was also puzzled. “I don’t know. I must have met you somewhere before. You look familiar.” She glanced at the open window to her left, glad that the sun was out and the storm was finally over. She smiled suddenly. “You look like someone I know,” she said.