The doc watches me with narrowed eyes as I almost sit on Nik’s lap as soon as he comes in the room. He concludes in his report that I need further consultations to come to a suitable diagnosis. But off the record it could be schizophrenia. He prescribes meds that can turn me into a potential zombie.
Nik is a helpless spectator to my descent into a world of paranoia. I’m not a believer but I drag him to the nearest Hindu temple and get the priest there to bless him and tie colourful threads that can protect him from evil. I sincerely hope because Nik is a believer, the threads will do their magic.
It takes time but I gain some foothold and let him go about his daily life. I continue to shower him with multiple calls whenever he’s not around.
I try to analyse my behaviour from an objective point of view and I know I need to get a grip on my insecurity about Nik if I want to lead a normal life. It takes me weeks but I manage to calm down. I’m almost my normal self and it makes Nik happy. He has no idea of the turmoil under my otherwise perfect façade. I have decided to keep my fears to myself for now.
I try doing some research online but I’m unable to find anything remotely similar to what I’ve been experiencing. There are people who speak about what they’ve experienced but no one mentions a purple eyed ghost who can manipulate the senses. Not to mention give threats. I run a blank and turn my attention to folk lore and myths.
There is one mention of an entity that is somewhat like the one I’ve been seeing. She features in several mythologies under various names.
Greek mythology: Aphrodite, an ancient Greek goddess associated with love, beauty, pleasure, passion and procreation.
Egyptian mythology: Qetesh, goddess of love, beauty, and sex
Aztec mythology: Tlazolteotl, goddess of lust, carnality, sexual misdeeds.
Chinese mythology: Wutong Shen, a group of five wanton deities from Southern China who ravished and possessed beautiful women.
Hindu mythology: Rati, goddess of passion and lust.
But there’s no record of the kind of haunting I’m experiencing or have experienced almost my entire life. Nor is there mention of a purple haze. These are entities not ghosts or spirits.
My mind is beyond exhausted, searching for answers that aren’t there. I had married Nik hoping for a beautiful life together and here I am crumbling under the burden of my unknown sins. I don’t want Nik harmed because of me.
My aimless pacing takes me to the backyard to find the pool beckoning me into its folds. I swim in it sometimes but haven’t in while now. There is no one around so I remove my clothes and dive in.
The water is cold making me shiver as I break through from under its depths. The late afternoon sun glitters off the water cascading down my body. I’m empowered, rejuvenated and fooled by the normality of it all.
Her tug on my foot pulls me under. I know it’s her because of her icy grip. I try to scream but I’m already under water. I hold onto my breath, whirling around to see where she is.
My heart slams in terror as she appears before me. In the light of the rays of the sun filtering through the water, I can see her clearly.
She twins my stance and my features except she has silver hair, purple eyes and a mirthless evil smile.
‘Do you really think you’ll find the answers you’re looking for?’ I can hear her question in my mind.
Because it’s daylight and I’m wide awake, I have my senses around me. ‘Who are you? What do you want from me?’
She flashes me an evil grin, moving closer. One of her hands moves to rest its frigid palm against my belly. ‘The promise of tomorrow. You can’t save him, pet.’ She disappears in a swirl, churning the waters around me.
Noooooooo! I scream, drowning myself.
One, two, three, four…the continuous pressure on my chest is intense and insistent. Then he breathes his life into me and I come spluttering up.
I gasp and choke as the water gushes out of my lungs. Nik throws his arms around me and pulls me into his lap. “Risha! What the hell were you doing? You almost drowned!” I can tell he’s crying. “I almost lost you!”
I hold onto him, trying to gather my scattered senses. I have received another warning and I still have no idea how to protect Nik.
Nik employs a housekeeper to be around the house with me when he’s away at work. I know she reports to him about me but I don’t care. I’m worst off than before and lost to the world.
I spend most of my days searching for answers to my questions but I keep drawing a blank. Months go by but I still have no idea what I’m up against. I have no idea where to turn for help.
Nik does his best to keep me happy. We jog together, swim, go for movies and dinners. I don’t let him make love to me again. I’m petrified the ghost will appear. I can’t tell him this but he’s content in letting me sleep in his arms for now. He knows something happened the night we made love.
~ ~ ~
December creeps in on us with cool evenings and chilly nights. I’m still getting used to the weather here. Bombay was never this cold. I don’t hate the cold but I don’t like it either. It reminds me of her.
The New Year is almost upon us as is New Year’s Eve. Nik wants to celebrate it in style as it marks the first anniversary of his proposal to me.
He watches me with pride as I dress in a halter-neck black dress that falls just beyond my thighs. I’ve lost weight again but he doesn’t comment on it. He helps me put on my simple jewellery, I grab my clutch and warm shrug and off we go.
The party he’s chosen is on a luxurious yacht. I’m nervous being on water but once I’m on the yacht I actually like being on it. It offers spectacular views of the shinning harbour and the night sky. The dance floor is huge, covered with couples enjoying their evening.
I laugh as Nik pulls me in his arms, kissing me soundly. We lounge at a table by the upper deck, overlooking the glittering black sea below. We link arms as we take a sip of sparkling champagne. If he wasn’t around, I wouldn’t be drinking.
“Happy?” he asks, squeezing my cold hands with his.
I nod, drinking him in with my eyes. I can’t believe how fortunate I am to have someone like Nik in my life. He’s my best friend and I love him. I love Nik! The realisation takes me by surprise. I snuggle in closer to him, raising my lips to his. I need his love back which as always he gives without a grain of hesitation.
When we surface from our kiss, I’m breathless and needy. His long lashed eyes watch me with an intense longing. I know if we weren’t on this boat right now, we’d be heading home to fall into each other’s arms. For this moment in time, I set my fears aside. A movement behind him catches my eye.
I can sense his presence before I actually see him. It can’t be! My eyes widen to focus and adjust my long distance vision across the distance. At first, I see a woman with an unknown man. Then they move aside, laughing as they go, revealing him behind them.
Ajaz!
Seeing him knocks the breath out of me. Memories of him coming rushing at me from every corner. Their assault is agonising. He has matured. He looks darker, determined and dangerous. He looks like a man who has nothing to lose.
Dressed in a blazer that does nothing to hide his rippling muscles, I see Ajaz just as he sees me. The intensity of his gaze hits me hard. He stares at me with stunned disbelief. Nothing has changed and yet so much has. I can feel what he feels for me and vice versa. How is it possible?
The colour drains from my face. Nik notices it. He twists to follow my gaze instantly aware of the identity. He covers my hand again. “Risha, you okay?”
I shake my head. I can never lie to Nik. “Come here.” He gathers me in his arms. He can feel me quiver and he knows it’s not the cold. I finger the amethyst nestled in the groove of my neck. Its weight is excruciating.
I squeeze my eyes close. I don’t want to see Ajaz. Not now. Not when everything is so right.
Nik presses a kiss at my temple. I sag into his strength, his support. Taking a deep breath
in, I open my eyes. Ajaz has disappeared. Nik is with me. My hallucinations seem to be growing stronger.
10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..HAPPY NEW YEAR!
~ ~ ~
We leave the party in the early hours of the morning. I’ve had one champagne too many to dull the pain of seeing Ajaz. I thought he couldn’t affect me anymore. I was so wrong.
I didn’t see him again on the yacht. If he really was on it, he was hiding well. I didn’t want to see him and he didn’t want to be seen. All is well after all.
‘Seatbelt, Risha,” Nik cautions me, even as my head rolls back on the head rest. I’m drunk. I’ve never been drunk before. He snaps it on for me, then reverses the car to take us home. I fall asleep in an uneasy slumber.
She rises above me, suffocating me with her presence. I choke as she squeezes my neck. She laughs, dripping ice water on me.
“‘So, pet? Who will it be? I have two souls that I need.”
“No! No!” I struggle against her in vain.
Her laugh is mirthless, dripping with evil intent. “Don’t panic, pet. Not your soul. We need his and the one you call your father.”
I register the horror of her words even as I choke. It can’t be! It can’t be!
“Choose, pet, who lives and who doesn’t?”
“No! Please no! Don’t hurt them!” Don’t take them from me!
“Late for that, pet. If only you hadn’t dragged this one in. I would’ve spared him. But he’s tied to you and we need you free.” She releases some pressure off my neck as my eyes turn into my sockets. “Time to pay the price, pet. I’ll make you happy. You don’t have to choose. I’m taking the man you call your father too. His time is up.”
No! No! Noooooo!
My shriek is too real, too loud. In a fraction of a second, I see Nik take his eyes of the road to regard me with concern. Then he sees her too! She’s still choking me but in a split second she has both our necks in her deathly grasp.
He slams on the brakes in reflex, his hands going to his neck.
“Nik!” I scream but it’s too late. The brakes are too sudden. The car skids out of control, flies over the dividers and flips upside down. My head bangs violently on the air bag before hitting the door.
“Nik! Nik!” I call out weakly. I turn my head to see him battered, blood pouring out of his wounds. We’re both hanging upside down in the car. I can smell gas but there’s nothing I can do.
The wailing sounds of emergency services play at the fringes of my conscious mind. I can feel hands reach out and drag me clear of the crash. I’m bloodied, my eyes swollen. I can’t see clearly but I can see Nik, still in the car as it bursts into flames. The realisation sends me in a wild frenzy, struggling against the restraining hands.
Noooooooo! Nik! Nik! Nikkkkkk!
I lose consciousness just as the car explodes.
~ ~ ~
They keep me sedated. I can’t tell how many hours it has been or days or weeks. I can hear the steady beat of the life support machines, I can sense people around me, checking my pulse, my pressure, shinning a light into my eyes, cleaning me, sponging me, changing bandages. I lie comatose. I’ve lost the will to live. I know I’ve lost Nik.
Sometimes I feel hands squeezing mine. I think they belong to Nik’s mother. I can hear her sobs. I can’t face her. I’m the reason her only son is dead. I don’t want to wake up, ever.
Fight, damn it! You can’t give up, baby, I won’t let you! I know that voice. I know that touch. Ajaz! I feel his lips on my forehead, sometimes his tears on my cheeks. I know he’s here for me. But it’s not him I want, it’s Nik.
Twelve
Don’t let go.
Prisha – 1997.
No more memories. This is the life I’m living.
I have no idea how many days I’ve lain on this hospital bed but I’m finally awake. The doctors worked hard to make me survive when I didn’t want to.
Nik’s mother is here but no one from my family. I’m told my father died of a heart failure the same day as my accident. I know it wasn’t a co-incidence. She made me pay the price. Lost memories inform me, I had once bargained for my father’s life. She took Nik in return. I have no idea why she took Dad too. I know she did. Was it to teach me a lesson I’ll never forget?
I don’t care. I’m too broken.
Nik’s mother, Kavita hugs me and cries. There’s nothing more she can do. She informs me I’ve been out close to a fortnight. Nik’s been long gone. I break down all over again and they need to sedate me once more.
When I come around next, Nik’s mother informs me that her visa has run out. She needs to go back to India within a couple of days. There’s no one to be with me after she goes. I’m told I suffered trauma to my back and some internal injuries. I need to spend another week or so at the hospital. I’m not deemed fit to travel in my current condition. Lucky for me, Nik had us covered with a solid medical insurance that will take care of the medical bills. Just as it took care of his funeral.
I keep getting hysterical every time I think about Nik. I don’t even get to say a proper goodbye to Nik’s mother. When she leaves, she takes Nik back in an urn. I’m all alone in a country that isn’t really my home.
Home. Where am I headed from here? I don’t want to go back to my parents and I can’t face a life with Nik’s mother as a reminder of her son’s luckless widow. I don’t have a job, I have nothing besides a need for vengeance.
Fifteen days later, I get released from the hospital. Nik’s cousins take me to our home. That’s all they can do. They can’t uproot their lives to be with me although to their credit they do ask me to move in with them while I sort things out. I politely decline their gracious offer. I need space. I need time to mourn Nik.
“You’re going to kill me someday.” His words spoken on our wedding day came true. I did kill him. The guilt is overwhelming.
Everything in our home reminds me of him. I spend hours crying in his closet surrounding myself with his scent. His mother has left the decision upon me to do as I please with his belongings. I can’t bring myself to part with any. I drag all his clothes to the bed, bury under them and lie there forever. I have lost my will to live.
On my second night alone, I climb into bed with his clothes and slash my wrists with a sharp kitchen knife.
~ ~ ~
911. What’s your emergency?
I have a suicide attempt at 8, Westford Drive. Female, 26.
We’re dispatching emergency services right away, Sir. Can you identify yourself?
Ajaz. Ajaz Markos.
Hang in there, Mr. Markos, they’re almost there. Stay on the line. What’s the victim’s name? Prisha Sanghvi.
~ ~ ~
‘You can’t die, pet. We won’t let you.’
She’s back, tormenting me with her frigid talons that she runs across my bare skin. She has me suspended in a never-ending emptiness, naked save for a soft sheet covering my body. It floats across my form on both sides, making me look like a stunt from a magician’s show. Only this isn’t a stunt and there’s no magic. There’s hate, terror and evil. And I’m somehow a part of it.
~ ~ ~
My eyes feel tired and itchy when I regain consciousness. The room is dark, but I can sense his presence. I see him stir in the chair next to my bed. He knows I’m awake.
He rises to come take my bandaged hand in his. I can see he’s crying. His heart is breaking for me. I must look terrible. I stare at him with blank eyes. I don’t really know what he’s doing here. Once I had needed him more than I needed Nik. Now it’s different.
I turn my face away from him, soft sobs racking my weakened frame.
He rings for the nurses to come check on me. The hospital staff go about their business. They speak in hushed whispers with him before injecting me once again with a medication that sends me into a dreamless sleep.
~ ~ ~
In the light of day, everything seems clear. The world is brighter even if it’s not. I lie awake but motionless st
aring outside at the sun rays filtering through the drapes. He comes to stand beside my bed. I refuse to look at him. He’s my weakness. He will make me survive this if I let him.
“Prish, you can’t run from this forever.” When I don’t reply, he comes closer, taking my hand in his. “If I hadn’t reached you on time…” He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence. I don’t ask what he was doing at there in the first place.
Warmth from his hands seeps into my cold bones. This is the healing I need but I don’t want.
True Rising: Mark of the Defenders Page 11
