Ice Cold Blood

by David W. Millar

  ‘It’s not a big deal Bill.’

  ‘That’s really kind of you. I will try and make sure it doesn’t happen again.’

  ‘How did it go when you met Alison. I didn’t want to pry but I hope it went well.’

  Tosh lent over and kissed her tenderly on the lips. He’d told her that he was going to meet with Alison in Glasgow, but he’d been putting off any discussion, not wanting it to spoil their little time together by talking about his past. The truth was, that although that meeting had gone well, it had not dislodged her from pole position in his thoughts. Every day he still wondered what had happened, was it his fault, had he missed something that might have allowed them to patch things up and still be together.

  ‘It went well. I was nervous, but she’s got her life now with someone else and I’ve got mine. She knew I was seeing someone and seemed genuinely pleased. In the end we wished each other well and left.’

  Shona snuggled under the covers, putting her arms around him.

  ‘It’s so good to be with you.’

  ---oOo---

  Euan Hunter opened Ellie’s next letter in the pile. When it had arrived, all those years ago, he knew then what to expect. There had been no communication from her for almost four months, despite his calls, texts and emails. He had been hesitant about opening it then as he was now, letting it sit on the table while he ate his breakfast. Ellie obviously knew what had happened and the letter would be full of rage.

  Euan

  I am disgusted with you. I cannot find the words to describe how I feel. I mean how low can a man sink. Well obviously for you it’s pretty low! Fucking rock bottom I would say! How long did it take for you to decide you would use Annabel to get back at me? Did you just pop round and say, ‘Oh Ellie and I are going through a bad time can I fuck you instead?’ We have an argument, like lots of couples do, and we have a cooling off period to see where we are. That’s not unusual, just to take stock and work out the best way forward. I’m not saying we would have sorted out things between us. But you never gave it a chance. No, you decide you’ll take the opportunity to fuck my best friend. Jesus my best friend Euan! Surely you could have found someone else to fuck. But no, for then you can get at me by destroying two relationships, because I will not be speaking to her again either and I valued her friendship and I thought she valued mine. Christ what happened to fucking loyalty.

  Maybe you can tell me if you always fancied my best friend, maybe you can tell me if you were fucking her when we were going out, maybe you can tell me if you thought about her when you were fucking me?

  Well I hope the two of you get what you deserve. I hope she finds out how useless you can be in bed and I hope you find out that she whines continually about life instead of embracing it. And she doesn’t climb mountains, ski or even hill walk so what are you going to do when the novelty of screwing someone else wears off? Are you going to take up fucking painting?

  I have a few things at your place that I would like back, my salopettes and a pair of crampons that I left in your cupboard. If you have anything at my place that you want back let me know. I should also remind you that you still owe me for your share of the flights to France so send me a cheque asap. Once all that is sorted, we can just stay out of each other’s lives.

  Ellie

  The letter was so far from the truth it didn’t seem real. He had phoned, emailed and texted Ellie on several occasions asking to meet to see if they could make up their differences. But there was never a reply. And when she had booked the flights to France, she told him she was claiming them as part of her business expenses. He had said then he still wanted to pay but she waived away payment. And as for loyalty he knew Ellie was having sex with other men when they were seeing each other.

  He had thought of going to see her in person, maybe catch her coming out of the office at her work, but that was fraught and might lead to another screaming match. So he had written her a letter saying how sorry he was at their rift, that he still cared for her but if she felt there was no way forward then they should go their own separate ways. He never heard back.

  And he had bumped into Annabel completely by accident. Having heard of their rift she had suggested a coffee and a chat.

  ‘She’s mentally unstable Euan.’ It was the first words Annabel spoke when they sat down in the café. ‘When her mood’s down you won’t be able to do anything right and when her mood’s up you won’t be able to do anything wrong. It’s what happens with manic depression or bipolar as it’s now called.’

  It had seemed to sum the situation up entirely. He felt emotionally exhausted with the effort of the past few months and was close to tears.

  ‘I realise that at times I can’t do anything right.’

  ‘I met her a week ago for lunch and she told me the two of you had split up because you were, quote, “a complete arse”.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s how she sees things. I’ve written to her, sent texts and emails but she never replies.’

  ‘I tried to reason with her Euan, reminded her of the good times you’d had together and how she said she loved being with you, but she was having none of it. Then she started to get fractious with me and I changed the subject.’

  ‘I think she stopped the prescribed medication and went back to the homeopathic stuff. I know my mum said that’s never a good idea as getting the dose right is really important. Then again she wasn’t Ellie’s favourite person.’

  ‘I love Ellie, she’s been really good to me and encouraged my art, but she is unpredictable, and I’ve sailed close to the wind with her temper.’

  ‘I suppose I just have to try and live my life without her. It’s easy to say though a lot more difficult to do.’

  They talked a bit about his work and her paintings before he looked at his watch.

  ‘I’d better be going my train’s in twenty minutes.’

  ‘I’ve got an exhibition in Glasgow this Saturday evening if you’re interested,’ she smiled as they shook hands. ‘There’s other artists exhibiting but I’m always nervous no one turns up.’

  He noted down the time and place and promised he would try and go.

  ‘Bring your friends if you want. There’s wine and nibbles.’

  ---oOo---

  ‘Are you keeping anything back?’ Andrea asked him. She had arrived at Serafini’s house for another informal chat. Katie had taken the morning off work and was sitting beside her husband at the table.

  The question took him by surprise.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Maybe trying to protect someone.’

  ‘Who would I be trying to protect?’

  ‘Well I doubt it’s Euan Hunter or Joe Flint, but I wonder if it might be Ellie’s family or even Ellie herself, some part of the counsellor’s charter that stops you revealing what she told you in confidence, even if she is now dead.’

  ‘Why would I do that?’

  ‘Like Andrea said, maybe you don’t want things to come out about her that might get in the papers and make her look bad. It’s something you would do; I know you well enough.’

  ‘I’m not holding anything back that’s got any relevance.’

  ‘Maybe it’s the word relevance that’s the problem. Any new information just might give the police other leads to follow. There could be links to people who knew her or who might know someone that would have wanted to harm her. That’s so important for us. Now admitting to the spanking of former clients was probably necessary otherwise it would have looked bad had these people agreed to testify in court. This information gives yet more ammunition for the prosecution. It will be implied that you hit women for your own sexual gratification.’

  I’m pretty sure I don’t have anything that would change things.’

  ‘We need to consider all possibilities. At the moment you’re the only suspect.’

  ‘Did you destro
y the record of the counselling sessions you had with her?’

  ‘Yes,’ Serafini replied hesitantly.

  ‘But maybe before that you made a copy?’

  ‘I’ve got her details on a memory stick that I hid in the garden shed.’

  ‘Have you done that with all your clients?’

  ‘No, just with Ellie.’

  ‘Oh John, If the police find this out it will look like you’ve lied to them again and the prosecutor will also use that against you in court.’

  ‘I said I’d deleted her records on my computer. They didn’t ask if I’d made a copy.’

  ‘That’s just semantics and it would still look pretty bad in court. Anyway, I suggest you look at her file again maybe on a different laptop and see if there’s anything there that might be useful? Then destroy it. I don’t know how much detail’s in the file but maybe there’s people she spoke to you about, names that were mentioned, colleagues she had trouble with, maybe she had to fire someone who might have borne a grudge - that sort of thing.’

  ‘I’ll have a look, but I doubt there’s much there that would be of any significance. It would be pretty unusual for someone to commit a murder just because of a fall out at work.’

  ‘Well, we need something, or you might end up in prison, and visitors could be few and far between,’ Katie declared ominously.

  Chapter 33

  ‘Let me get the address from him first,’ Joe Flint pleaded. ‘Does the fact she was pregnant twelve odd years ago really have any bearing on who killed her? I’ll tell the police you knew nothing about it.’

  He was back in Edinburgh sitting in the same café speaking to Annabel. The mystery regarding Ellie’s child now disturbed his waking hours and haunted his dreams at night. He had booked his flight to New Zealand.

  ‘It’s a tangled web you weave…’

  ‘I know that, but God knows what will happen if the police find out. They might have to move investigations to New Zealand and…’

  ‘Why won’t Euan give you the address now? It doesn’t make any sense and where did Ellie get it from to give to him? And why did she give it to him when he’s not the father?’

  ‘I don’t know the answer to either of these questions, all I know is that I might have a chance to see this boy who might be my son. My flight to New Zealand leaves in a couple of days so I don’t have much time.’

  Annabel reached out and touched him lightly on the hand. She had her daughter Eilidh, someone who had enriched her life, giving meaning and joy. Flint might have nieces and nephews, but no child to take skiing or climbing. Now there was a chance that there might be someone out there that was his flesh and blood, someone who might eventually learn to call him dad.

  ‘Ok, you get the address and then we can discuss things later, maybe when you get back. There’s no guarantee this boy will still be living there.’

  ‘Thanks, without the address I don’t have much hope. I know the family may have moved but I might be able to get their new address from who’s living there. I can’t make any official contact, but I might be able to just see him leave home on his way to school.’

  ‘You’re not going to stalk him?’

  ‘Oh God no,’ he answered hurriedly. ‘I know that sounded a bit creepy there, but if I saw him the once, at least I’d know what he looked like.’

  ‘Would that be enough?’

  ‘It might have to be.’

  Annabel nodded, as a mother she understood his feelings completely. And she knew he wouldn’t march in and announce himself as the boy’s father. His only chance of prolonged contact was that this boy knew he was adopted and might decide to trace his biological parents later, but even then, it would be unlikely Flint’s name would be on the birth certificate.

  ‘If you got a name then there’s always Facebook to check. You’d get photos and snippets of his life at least.’

  ‘It might come to that although I’m not sure if I want to follow his life on social media. That seems even creepier than just wanting to catch a glimpse of him in New Zealand and it might lead to an obsession on my part and maybe then I’d be tempted to message him. But if nothing else works out…’

  ‘This is all so complicated and unfair on you.’

  ‘Yes it’s messing with my head, but if I can see the kid the once, then maybe I can draw a line under it all and just get back to climbing and skiing, well maybe…’

  ‘I’ll call Euan and tell him I won’t say anything to the police.’

  ‘Thanks, I appreciate that.’

  ---oOo---

  There weren’t that many left now. Glancing at the clock in the kitchen he realised it was now Monday morning. And there was still no sign of the police. He made another coffee trying to remember the events leading up to receiving the shortest letter Ellie had ever sent.

  He had gone to Annabel’s exhibition; a last-minute decision that had changed his life forever, adding layers of complication to his existence. He knew that union resulting in his daughter Eilidh was the best thing he had done in his life.

  The studio had been busy, and Annabel sold three paintings which she had said was three more than she expected. There was the usual collection of artistic snobs who talked in loud voices, but he managed a decent conversation with a man who had come up from the Borders with his wife. The guy was clearly bored and when he heard that Euan was also in construction, they had talked for an hour on the latest developments in the industry.

  Throughout the evening Euan had secretly hoped that Ellie might appear to tell him he was forgiven, and they should get back together again. He would glance up anxiously when someone new entered the studio. That never happened, and in the end, he enjoyed Annabel’s company staying on to help with the tidy up. By eleven o’clock he and Annabel found themselves alone finishing the last of the red wine and cold sausage rolls.

  ‘You’ve missed your train.’

  I know,’ he shrugged. ‘Can I sleep on the floor at your place?’

  He slept in her bed after she had taken his arm on the walk back and they had started kissing on entering the flat. They had both had a lot to drink and he had fallen over while taking his underpants off giving Annabel a fit of the giggles. He had held her close for hours, stroking her hair and feeling comforted, while wondering if this was what people called ‘being on the rebound’? They had made love. It was tender and passionate. In the morning they had breakfast together, easy conversation that meandered along different routes. It was all so different from the conversations with Ellie where he was always on edge that he might say the wrong thing. They hugged at the door before he left for the train and he said he would call - and he did. But he knew he didn’t love her.

  They met regularly after that and Annabel fell pregnant six months later. He knew she’d had a reaction to the pill and swapped to a lower dose equivalent. Maybe the transition period had not been long enough. He wondered if it had been deliberate on her part but felt it mean to ask. She was thoughtful, kind and loving though he knew any long-term relationship between them would never work. She loved him but he was still in love with Ellie. He knew she wanted to have the baby and he did too. They continued leading separate lives through the week while meeting up at weekends. He went with her to the clinic for both ultrasound scans. Finding out it was a girl they both settled almost immediately on the name Eilidh. They both knew it sounded like Ellie.

  ‘Have you seen or heard from Ellie?’ she asked when they had gone for a coffee after the second scan.

  ‘No, what about you?’

  ‘Not a thing.’

  ‘I know you don’t love me Euan, I think I knew that when we got together. Maybe you’ll grow to love me though. Whatever happens I don’t regret anything. I know you’ll look after me and make sure our daughter has a good life.’

  Her statement took him by surprise. It was a coded message that she k
new he still loved Ellie. He took her hand nodding; I want to play as big a part in Eilidh’s life as I can.’

  ‘My mum’s knitting loads of stuff and my dad’s putting up a swing in their garden for when she’s bigger.’

  He liked her parents; they loved their daughter and had been very welcoming to him.

  ‘I’ll check it out later for load-bearing capabilities,’ he laughed.

  ‘Your mother was on the phone to me yesterday asking how things were going.’

  ‘Yes, she phoned me as well.’

  ‘I like her a lot; she’s been very kind.’

  ‘I know you do and that’s great. She’s excited and wants to help. Even my dad is animated about Eilidh coming into the world. It might even drag him off the golf course.’

  His knew his mother couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t get married or at least live with Annabel. He knew that part of the reason for this was a fear he would get back with Ellie. She had told him she knew Annabel would be a great mother and it was important that he did all he could for her. It felt good to know that his parents would be there for Eilidh and Annabel, for that would take the pressure off him.

  It was about five months after Eilidh was born; and completely unexpectedly Ellie sent him the letter.

  Euan

  I suppose some form of congratulations is in order with the birth of your daughter. I have sent a card to Annabel. I know you are not together and living separate lives. I knew the two of you were not right for each other even if it was not my business to interfere. You went out with her on the rebound from me and that sort of thing never works out.

  Anyway, it will be hard for you to see your daughter on a regular basis, but I hope you will be there for her. It’s important for a child to have two parents when they are growing up. I remember happy times with my parents until that little shit of a brother came along. Well at least I got back at him after you and I split up, so I feel some sort of justice has been done.