Great and Precious Things

by Rebecca Yarros

  “I’m not a replacement for Sullivan!” I shouted at her. At the world. At God. At whoever cared enough to listen.

  The breeze carried the steam away just long enough to see her stricken face. “No,” she whispered, but it carried. “Sullivan was the replacement for you.”

  What did she just say? I stopped treading water and immediately sank as she turned her back on me and swam toward the other side.

  I dove underwater and shot across the pool, coming up in front of her. We both gasped. Me for air and her with surprise.

  “Say it again,” I demanded.

  “Do you hate me?” She flattened her lips between her teeth as tiny droplets of water slipped down her face. “It would fit, since I hated myself. You were home for the summer after your freshman year of college, and I saw the girls hanging all over you in Julie’s hot tub, and you didn’t push them away, and it hit me that you never would. Not for me. You didn’t see me like that.”

  But I did. I’d just never acted on it.

  “Sullivan found me crying, and he kissed me, and I let him because it dulled the pain. I used him, and he let me, and I grew to love him for it, and eventually for everything else, but I knew I couldn’t love him like he loved me. Not when I didn’t have a whole heart to give him.” Her mouth trembled. “Not so bright and shiny now, am I?”

  How could she not see that her vulnerability, her honesty, made her that much brighter?

  “Say it again,” I repeated, my tone bordering on a plea. I needed to hear it more than I needed my next meal or my next breath. Her words could sustain or destroy me.

  She looked away, waging an internal battle I couldn’t fight for her. When she brought her eyes back to mine, the fear there was laced with a resolve that had me holding my breath.

  “It was always you, Cam.” She closed the inches between us, resting her hands on my chest, on the heart she didn’t realize only beat because hers did. “I’ve loved you since forever. I’ve been in love with you since I was old enough to understand what that meant. No one else ever had a shot of getting close. How could they, when you took my heart with you?”

  She loved me. She’d always loved me. She’d wanted me, and I’d been too scared to put myself out there for her, to risk her rejection or her acceptance. I had the strength not to act on my own feelings, but I could never reject hers.

  One of my arms wrapped around her waist as I propelled us back to the shallows. Apprehension still lined her forehead, but she laced her fingers behind my neck. When we reached the ledge, I hoisted us up until I sat where I had a few minutes ago, more than ready for a do-over. She didn’t look away as I gripped her thighs in my hands and lifted her so she straddled my lap, one knee on each side of my hips.

  If she could be brave, then so could I.

  “I’ll probably never be good enough to believe that you could be mine,” I said softly, splaying one of my hands over the bare skin of her back. “I made peace with that years ago. But I’ve always been yours.” Her eyes widened, and I knew I owed her the full truth, the same as she’d given me. “Only yours. Always yours.” Holy shit, I’d finally said it.

  Her mouth collided with mine, and I lost myself in her. Her hands tunneled through my hair and held me as she poured her love, her joy into a kiss I never could have imagined.

  It felt like coming home.

  I gripped her hip in one hand and the base of her neck in the other, tilting her head so I could kiss her deeper. Our tongues danced and tangled; our lips caressed and lingered. I kissed her until I knew her mouth as well as I did my own, until she whimpered and rolled her hips over mine.

  I kissed her slowly, with tenderness, and then I took her mouth with greed and pure need. Every nerve in my body was alive and tingling, electric with her nearness. Each of my senses filled with her. Just Willow. I was never going to get enough of kissing her. Not if I did it every day for the rest of my life.

  When she arched for more, I slowed our pace, sucking on her bottom lip. Her nails bit into my scalp, and I gave her control until her tongue, her teeth, her damned hips had me harder than the ledge we sat on.

  It would only take two seconds, the movement of two pieces of fabric, and I could be inside her.

  The thought sobered me faster than a bucket of cold water could have. I changed the tone of the kiss, slowing until I pressed my lips against hers softly.

  “We have to stop or I’m not going to,” I told her as I rested my forehead against hers.

  “I’m okay with not stopping.” She kissed me again, and we fell back into it, because how the hell could I not? I’d dreamed of kissing Willow for years, almost decades, and she was in my arms. No secrets. No lies. “Not stopping would be awesome.”

  “I’m not okay with not stopping,” I finally managed between kisses.

  She startled, looking at me with raised eyebrows and parted lips I immediately wanted back. “What?”

  I grinned and stroked my thumb up her jawline. “Contrary to popular belief, sex isn’t all a guy wants.”

  She scoffed. “Really.” She wiggled her hips over the evidence that sex was definitely on my mind. “Because I really want you, and it feels like you’re in the same boat.”

  “I didn’t say I didn’t want you. Because I do. God, I do. But I’m not taking you in the mineral pool. At least not the first time.”

  “My house is five minutes that way.” She nodded toward her car.

  I laughed. “I’m not rushing this.”

  “Can I rush this?” she asked.

  “No.” There was no force on this earth that could make me take this for granted.

  “Because you’re scared I’ll change my mind? Or because you will?” Her hands slipped to my shoulders, and she started to pull away.

  I locked my arms around her waist.

  “I saw you that night. When Sullivan kissed you in the gazebo,” I admitted.

  Her eyes widened, but she stayed silent.

  “I saw you leave and knew you were upset, so I went searching for you. If I had to guess, I would say that I was about five minutes too late. Instead of manning up and telling you how I felt, dealing with all the shit we were going to get in town because I’m me and you’re you, I watched you kiss my brother. It fucking killed me. That was why I joined the army the next day.”

  “Oh, Cam.” Her fingers soothed the back of my neck.

  “I couldn’t stay there and watch it happen, even if I thought it was probably what was best for both of you. I was afraid I’d lose it one day and beat the shit out of him—my little brother—for having the only thing I’d ever wanted for myself.” I let my thumb graze her lips, and she kissed it lightly. “I was mean to you that summer because I had another month until my basic report date and couldn’t let you get any closer than you already were. Couldn’t let you see and couldn’t take the sight of you with him.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  “That’s not your fault. It was mine. My point is that five minutes changed the course of our lives. Five fucking minutes and my inability to get out of my own way kept me from kissing you that night. And it wasn’t the first night, either.”

  Her brow wrinkled, and I leaned forward, gently kissing the lines just because I could. Because she loved me.

  “By the time you were old enough for kissing, I was a senior in high school, and I didn’t want to take the chance that you didn’t want me.”

  “I always wanted you,” she argued.

  “And I probably knew it, if I’d just thought about it hard enough. But I wasn’t just scared that you’d reject me. I was scared that you wouldn’t. That I’d hurt you like I did everyone else. That the town would turn on you.”

  “I don’t care about the town’s opinion, and you’d never hurt me.” She shivered, and I brought us to the edge of the ledge, then lowered us so she was immersed
in the water while she wrapped her arms around my neck.

  “Hurt you physically? Never. But I wasn’t the most trustworthy with your emotions, and the thought of ruining you?” I shook my head. “Besides, I was leaving for college. What was I going to do? Leave you brokenhearted and lonely? How selfish would that have been?”

  “I was anyway.”

  I kissed her lips, letting the touch soften the memories, trying to trust that this was real and not some fucked-up dream I’d wake from. “Our timing was off. It was always off.”

  She grinned. “You’re saying you couldn’t find the pika.”

  I laughed, and it felt great. God, to have her in my arms, to kiss her, to laugh with her. It was beyond my wildest dreams.

  “Right. I knew how to sit quietly with you. I knew how to be patient, and that’s why I knew the timing wasn’t right. Then you were kissing Sullivan, and I realized the time had passed and I hadn’t been brave enough to grab it. Five minutes, Willow.”

  “And this all goes back to you not wanting to take me back to my house because…” She kissed my jaw, and a little of my resolve drifted away with the steam.

  “Are you scared you’ll change your mind? Or I will? Is that why you’re rushing?” I asked.

  “No, I’m rushing because I’ve wanted you for so long that I’m about ready to combust with it, and if we’re finally on the same page, I’m done wasting time.” She nibbled my ear.

  Shit, her reasoning was sound. But so was mine.

  “I’m not rushing,” I said, tipping her chin up so I could see her eyes. “Because our timing is right for the first time in our lives. I’m not rushing through something I’ve wanted my whole life just for instant gratification. I’m going to savor every single step I get to take with you. I’m going to date the hell out of you, Willow Bradley.”

  She grinned. “Dating, huh?”

  “Yeah. I’ve messed up just about everything in my life, but this?” I kissed her gently. “This, I’m going to get right.”

  So help me God, I was not going to screw this up.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Willow

  The doorbell rang, and my heart leaped, just like it had the last three times Cam had picked me up for a date. The last three and a half weeks, he’d taken me to dinner down in Buena Vista and a traveling art show in Salida and held my hand as we hiked the trail that led up to the falls, where I lay with my head in his lap as he read to me.

  The snowpack had melted pretty much everywhere but the shaded patches, and I couldn’t help but sigh like a lovesick teenage girl when I thought about Cam’s defenses melting right along with the snow.

  “Got it!” Rose called out, already at the door.

  “Hi there, Rose. How’s it going?”

  Cam’s voice slid over me like sun-warmed silk, and I walked out of the kitchen to find him crouched down just inside the living room, talking to my niece.

  “Hi.” Awesome. My voice was all breathy and awkward.

  “Hey, Pika,” he replied with a wink.

  Hate to break it to Mrs. Barstrom, my freshman biology teacher, but she was wrong. That wink right there was how babies were made.

  “So it made me think of you!” Rose finished saying as I shook my head free of the Cam-induced fog. She handed him a black T-shirt with a toothy grin.

  “Oh yeah? You really bought it for me?” he asked, holding the T-shirt out in front of him to inspect it. “Wow, that’s amazing! Thanks, Rose!”

  “You like it?” she asked, hopping on her toes.

  “Love it!” He turned it around to show me.

  I bit my lip to keep from laughing at the glittery unicorn that adorned the front of the shirt.

  “I saw it when I was shopping with Mom, and she said I could get it for you,” Rose finished with a nod.

  “Well, that was really nice of your mom.” Cam stood to his full height and unzipped his black jacket. “You know, I can’t remember the last time a girl gave me a present.”

  That gave me pause. He’d been pretty open about his past over the last few weeks. Of course there had been women, just like I’d dated a handful of guys. And I knew he kept his relationships brief, but none of them had given him a gift?

  He dropped his jacket on my couch, and I picked it up, holding it to my chest as he pulled the T-shirt over his long-sleeve Henley and straightened it out.

  “What do you think?” he asked Rose, spreading his arms wide.

  I buried my nose in his coat to keep my laugh under wraps. It smelled just like him, all mint and pine.

  He wasn’t fooled, cocking an eyebrow at me as I tried to stop my shoulders from shaking.

  “It’s perfect,” Rose declared.

  “I think you chose perfectly. Thank you.” He bowed his head to her like he was a knight with a princess, and I fell in love with him all over again.

  How easily those words slipped through my mind now that I’d admitted them out loud. I would have thought I’d feel weird or insecure, having said them when Cam hadn’t, but instead the words were incredibly freeing.

  “Rose, why don’t you grab your coat so we can get going?” I suggested.

  “Okay!” She bounced down the hallway to the guest room, her braid swinging behind her.

  “Thank you for being so easy about this,” I said as Cam closed the distance between us.

  “It’s no problem,” he promised, tilting my chin up with his thumb.

  “I just promised Charity that she could finally get a weekend with her boyfriend, and then Rose’s dad didn’t show.” I dropped that last part to a whisper so Rose wouldn’t hear.

  “Willow, it’s no problem,” he repeated, then brushed a kiss across my lips. “We could probably use a chaperone anyway.”

  A chaperone was the last thing we needed. What we needed was a week with no phones, no distractions, and a very large bed. Any minute I expected this dream bubble to burst. To wake up and find that we were where we’d been a month ago. Years ago. A decade ago.

  And I knew that was exactly why he’d kept his hands PG for the last three weeks. I had to trust this as much as I trusted him.

  “I’ve missed you this week,” I admitted, stealing another kiss.

  “I’m so sorry. Dad had a rough day on Thursday, and yesterday I got tied up in work.”

  “You don’t have to apologize. I can miss you; that’s allowed. It’s not like we’re back in high school, when I could sneak a peek at you between classes every day.”

  “Every day?” he asked.

  “Every. Day.”

  He smiled, and I echoed the expression.

  “It’s okay. You can kiss her,” Rose said from the hallway, and I ducked my head, laughing.

  “Some chaperone you are,” Cam drawled.

  “I helped Aunt Willow make lunch!” She lifted the small day pack we’d filled with a picnic this morning.

  “Then, I guess we’d better get going so we can eat it, huh?” he asked, crossing over to her and taking the bag from her hands.

  She nodded enthusiastically, and we piled into Cam’s Jeep once she was all zipped up for the breezy spring weather.

  Cam took us out of the driveway and then turned onto the road that led to the mine. “I thought you might want to see the progress before we picnic.”

  “You thought right,” I confirmed.

  Five minutes later, we pulled up to the entrance of the mine. Two construction trailers with the contractor’s name sat parallel to the road with various pieces of large equipment parked around them, blocking my view of the tunnel I knew lay beyond.

  I hopped out of the Jeep and then helped Rose down. “Stay close, okay?”

  “You got it,” she promised, already staring at the construction equipment.

  “Your coat, my dear.” I handed Cam’s jacket over as we met in
front of the Jeep.

  “I like the sound of that,” he said quietly, taking it.

  “My dear?”

  He nodded, then slipped the jacket on and zipped it up. I noticed the label and laughed.

  “What?” he asked, looking down like he’d spilled something.

  “It’s silly.” I shoved my hands into my purple North Face.

  “Oh, now I definitely want to know.” He adjusted his hat, pulling the stretchy material down to cover his ears.

  I snuck a peek at Rose, who was already examining rocks about twenty feet away. “You call me Pika.”

  “Right?” He reached over and tugged at my hat, then swept his hand down my unbound hair.

  “You know how they like to live with other animals? Well, beneath other animals?” My cheeks heated, and I wished I’d kept it to myself.

  His brow furrowed. “Yeah. Sometimes they make burrows under the homes of ones that will alert them to predators.”

  I nodded and dropped my gaze to the label on his jacket, then ran my fingers over the embroidery. “Marmots.”

  He looked down where my fingers traced those very letters and laughed. “Guess that’s pretty fitting.”

  When I was sure my face couldn’t flush any hotter, he cupped my cheeks in his palms and kissed me with warm, closed lips.

  “We have a chaperone,” I reminded him but reveled in the contact. It still floored me that I was allowed to kiss Cam whenever I wanted. That he was mine in every sense. Well, at least when we were alone. We hadn’t exactly gone outright public, both content to stay in our little happy space.

  “A bad one at that,” he said with a smile. “Hey, Rose, what do you say we check out your namesake?”

  “Can you bring the bag?” she asked, her arms already full of rocks.

  “I’ll do you one better,” he replied. “Wait right there.”

  A minute later, he returned from the first construction trailer with a canvas backpack. “What do you think?” he asked as he handed it to her.

  “Cool! Can you unzip it?”

  “You bet.” Once they had Rose’s rocks secure, he showed me the bag, which had the logo I’d designed for him embroidered across the back.