A Tale of Two Ghosts

by Sarah Riad

  ‘Not true,’ I protested as I sat up and roughly moved the pillow away. ‘I think it’s a good idea that I just stay away on Saturday and let Theo do his thing,’ I replied, waiting for her to reply with something sarcastic but she didn’t.

  ‘Are you listening to me?’ I asked.

  ‘No.’ I heard her reply from somewhere in the hallway.

  I flopped backwards with a sigh forgetting the pillows had been moved and instead smacking my head against the headboard. I winced as I rubbed the back of my head quickly.

  Party on Saturday it was.

  25

  Ab

  I bounced into Finn’s bedroom long before he had even woken up. For a few moments, I just watched him. He always seemed to be frowning, no matter if he was happy or sad, but when he was asleep, it was like looking at a different Finn. A Finn that didn’t overthink every little thing or was so insecure in himself that he no longer saw the good in him.

  There were times that I wished he could have seen what I did or that I could have given him some of the confidence Theo had, just so that he could see all the good he had already.

  As long as I was his friend, I knew that I would spend my time trying to get him to see that. Somehow, that felt like the reason we had become friends, not that either of us particularly wanted one. I was going to help Finn become whoever it is he really wanted to be.

  He moved slowly, eyes still closed reaching for his eyebrow before giving it a rub. For a split second, I wondered what his skin felt like to touch. It looked soft and warm.

  ‘It’s weird to stare at people when they are asleep,’ Finn mumbled as he turned his head to face the other side.

  I wondered how he knew I was there. I hadn’t made a single noise.

  ‘How many times have you done that, and I actually haven’t been in here?’ I laughed, guessing it had just been a lucky guess.

  ‘What do you want AB? It’s too early for your wittiness.’ He groaned, moving to get comfier as he laid on his stomach and tucked his hands under his pillow.

  ‘It’s your birthday. You’re eighteen!’ I said hitting the bed beside him.

  ‘And it’ll still be my birthday in an hour when I wake up.’ He groaned again.

  ‘I don’t know why I expect you to be more enthusiastic about stuff like this.’ I sighed.

  ‘You and me both,’ he mumbled into his pillow.

  ‘You know, this party is going to be perfect for you. Theo has invited most of the people from your school so you might even be able to make a friend or two,’ I said with a wink. ‘I think that was the first time I have ever winked since I have been dead. Anyway, what do you think?’

  ‘About your winking? I’m very happy for you, can I now please go back to sleep?’

  ‘No. The party I mean!’

  Finn sighed, turning back towards me with only one eye open. ‘I have friends.’

  ‘No, you have a friend, and she’s not even alive.’

  ‘Good enough,’ he replied, closing his eyes and pulling the cover over his face.

  Irritated, I stood up and yanked the cover off him, leaving just his boxer shorts to cover him.

  ‘What the hell, AB?’ he said grabbing for the blanket while I stood back surprised by his chest. It wasn’t at all how I had imagined it to be. Instead, it was toned, not like Theo-kind-of-toned, but there was definite definition and the shadows of muscles.

  ‘You’re going to the party, Finn, and you’re going to meet people and not just slip into the background pretending that you’ve tried. If you don’t, I will break your stupid game box,’ I said sternly.

  I knew he’d hate it, but he had to try. He had spent far too long trying to hide away from people. There was so much of Finn that people needed to see. The caring side of him that was always the first to check on Maia when she had a nightmare. The thoughtful side of him that had joined a library just so that he could get me new books. There was just so much of him that I needed people to know existed.

  ‘Fine. Whatever. Just let me sleep,’ he shouted safely hidden underneath his covers.

  I smiled and watched him for a few minutes. My actual life didn’t have much purpose, but my ghost life could.

  He began to start snoring softly as I left the room thinking fondly of the first party I had gone to. It was a few months before I had died and shortly after my eighteenth birthday. I decided to change my style a little from the plain Jane I fell into being, to the person I knew I wanted to be. Madonna was my inspiration, just like every other girl in the ’80s. She was effortlessly cool with her red lips and messy hair. My gran would spend most mornings tutting and telling me about how they covered up far more in her day, but I didn’t care. I had felt good—especially when I began to get attention.

  In school I was quiet, just like Finn had been, so no one ever bothered with me. I was the weird kid that lived with her gran because her mum had run away, and even when school had finished and people went off to college, I remained the weird chick. It wasn’t until I changed my look, which in turn changed my attitude, did people start to see me.

  Starting with Jessie Davies.

  Mid-school year, she infamously quit college to pursue a singing career. With none of her old friends around, she found me—who had given college a miss altogether. I knew she was using me until her friends returned to the town in the summer, but I played along. Once summer did arrive, she gradually distanced herself from me until I caught the eye of Alex. He was the guy everyone lusted over when we are at school. He played every sport possible, charmed the socks off all the teachers, and still managed to be kind of smart. It was like he was a unicorn. For me, even more so. A boy like him was never going to pay me any attention, but he did that summer. It was at Jessie Davies’ party that we first kissed. My first ever kiss. The more I got to know Alex, the more I realised there was more to him. He was kind and thoughtful, just like Finn, but he had this hunger for life. He wanted to do everything he possibly could for as long as he could, and I was addicted to him. After a few months, I was convinced I was head over heels for him, and I knew he felt the same way until it came to a crashing end.

  I shrugged the memory away. That wouldn’t happen to Finn, not for as long as I existed.

  I headed downstairs to find both Cait and Jack in the living room, packing their suitcases. They were going to a wedding which was why they were allowing Theo to throw the party. I highly doubted the party would be going ahead if either of them were staying in the house.

  ‘Do you think it’s a good idea to leave the boys alone to have a party?’ Cait asked as she zipped her case shut.

  ‘They’re eighteen. If not now, then when can we trust them? Plus, it’s only Theo—Finn will be in his room all night,’ Jack said.

  ‘I just worry that we should be taking them with us.’

  ‘What choice do we have? We can’t exactly afford to pay for two more rooms at the hotel and there’s more chance of me winning the lottery than getting them two to share a room. It’s just like Denise to not think of others when planning stupid parties like this.’ Jack moaned, stuffing clothes into his duffel bag.

  ‘Jack, it’s not just a party. This is my best friend’s wedding. How is she to know things are tight for us? It’s not like any of this makes sense to me, I can’t explain to her why we are breaking our backs to fix this place up.’

  He shot her a look. ‘Cait, the boys will be fine. Theo is sensible, Finn won’t leave his room.’

  I hated the way he dismissed Finn by constantly comparing him to Theo, as if he was some lead example.

  ‘Talking of Finn, have you noticed a difference in him lately?’ Cait asked.

  Jack shook his head, swinging the bag over his shoulder.

  ‘He seems happier. He even cut his hair.’ Cait smiled, but Jack’s face remained in a frown. ‘I’m a little worried though because there have been a few times I’ve overheard him talking to someone in his room and at first, I thought it was someone on the phone but then on
e day last week, I found his phone downstairs and went to talk to him when I heard him having a conversation. I walked into the room and he just sat there. No TV, no laptop, it was the weirdest thing.’

  ‘Cait, what are trying to get at here? You think our son shares the same imaginary friend as our five-year-old daughter?’ His tone was off, he was trying to sound light, but it came out sounding more of a mixture of anger and fear.

  ‘Jack, I have heard them both call it by the same name and admittedly things have been going on in this house that can’t really be explained.’

  ‘Cait!’ Jack shouted loud enough for both Cait and I to jump. ‘Enough. You sound ridiculous. Next, you’ll be telling me that fairies have been cleaning the house. Let’s just leave it and let Finn do whatever it is Finn does.’

  Cait bit her lip before pulling the suitcase to the floor with a thud. ‘Jack, you really want to watch that mouth of yours otherwise you’ll find I’ll be leaving you to do whatever it is single men do.’ She left the room with the suitcase rolling behind her.

  Jack mumbled once she left then glanced around the room.

  I wondered if he was looking for me. I walked in front of him so that we were inches apart as I stared into his dark eyes.

  ‘I’m gonna find out how you know me, Jack, even if it’s the last thing I do.’

  26

  Finn

  Boys, we are putting a lot of trust in you, so I expect to come back tomorrow and find the house as I left it. Is that understood?’ Mum said looking at both Theo and me with concern.

  ‘Mummy, why can’t I stay here with Theo and Finn?’ Maia moaned with her tiny arms crossed and a sulky face.

  ‘Because you’re too young,’ Mum said, leaving Maia in a huff.

  ‘Look, Mum, we’ll be fine, and I promise the house will fine too,’ Theo said placing his arm around her. The look of concern on her face faded and was replaced with tears.

  ‘I can’t believe my boys are eighteen,’ she said, pulling me to her side so she could force us into a little huddle. Theo threw his arm over my shoulder, causing me to tense immediately.

  ‘I remember the day I went into labour with you both like it was yesterday.’ She reached out to gentle stroke both of our faces. ‘You were both so tiny and now look at you both—towering over me since you were fourteen. You’ll always be my babies though.’ She placed a kiss on each of our foreheads before letting go of us.

  I took several steps back.

  ‘Cait, we had better get a move on,’ my dad said and picked up the last bag to put into the car.

  I stood frozen as Mum threw her arms around me for a hug as though she was leaving forever before doing the same with Theo.

  ‘Be nice to your brother, Theo,’ she whispered, probably thinking I couldn’t hear, before he nodded.

  Once they had gone, Theo and I took a quick glance at each other before I went to walk away.

  ‘Finn,’ Theo called me back causing bile to suddenly rise to my throat, threatening me to wretch. ‘So obviously there is a party tonight and I wanted you to know that you can come.’

  I waited, scanning his face for a sign that he was joking around and just trying to tease me. His face remained still, perhaps with even the slightest sign of a smile.

  ‘Why?’ I asked, not falling for any of his traps.

  He shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Because it’s your birthday too, and you live here. Just don’t be weird, ok?’ He said with a pat on my back as he walked past me to the stairs. I stood, rooted to the spot, trying to figure out what was going on. I barely spoke to Theo unless we were arguing about something. Now he was inviting me to his party with his friends? I couldn’t help but feel cautious as though this was part of some setup to make me look stupid.

  ‘Did you do something to him?’ I said to AB once he had disappeared.

  ‘Nope. His girlfriend did. I overheard their conversation last night, and she told him to invite you. Seems you’ve made quite an impression on her,’ AB said as I watched the piano cover open with a creak. I wondered if she could have been jealous before wondering why I thought anyone would be. India was just being nice—she was also Theo’s girlfriend.

  I stood in front of the mirror looking back at my reflection. Originally I had gone for my usual hoodie and black jeans combo, but after an argument with AB, I settled for a black and white t-shirt with my trusty jeans.

  The pit of my stomach felt like a twisted knot, growing tighter with every shaky breath I took. I could already hear people beginning to arrive, trying to hear each other over the loud music that shook the house with every beat. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and I wondered when I should go downstairs and join them. Was there a good time? Was there a bad time? I didn’t want to make an entrance. I wanted to just simply slip in without anyone seeing. I’d stay for ten minutes and then leave. What was the worst AB could do? She couldn’t force me if I didn’t enjoy it, and I knew I wouldn’t. These were the people that avoided me on a daily basis. They’d give me a quick smile or acknowledging nod before allowing me to become invisible again. I didn’t know how to talk to them. They were cool and popular, and I just wasn’t. The sick feeling in my stomach was beginning to rise, reaching my throat and leaving a burn.

  ‘AB, I don’t think I can do this,’ I said sitting down on my bed and throwing my head into my sweaty hands.

  She sighed and moved the pillow beside me to show me where she sat.

  Just as I was about to prepare myself for a telling off, I watched a white feather begin to float in the air.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I said, itching my arm, watching as the feather floated against it.

  ‘I do this to Maia sometimes when she’s had a bad dream, or she’s upset. It helps calm her down.’ She brushed the feather against my arm once more causing every hair on my body to stand. It was nice, and I allowed myself to close my eyes, pretending it was her fingers.

  ‘Finn, you can do this. It’ll be awkward and uncomfortable at first, but then someone will speak to you and you’ll relax, and before you know it, you’ll find it all comes naturally. Remember when we first started talking—how awkward we were?’ she said as I wished I could see her face.

  ‘AB, it’s not really the same, is it? You are a ghost.’ I said catching my reflection in the mirror and wondering if I should change my outfit again.

  ‘But once you got over that bit, we began talking, and it was uncomfortable. I felt it and so did you, but after a while, it just became normal.’

  I sighed. She didn’t understand, how could she when she always had the option of not existing.

  ‘Look, give it a try and if you don’t like it then come back here, and we’ll hang out like we normally do. Deal?’ She pulled the feather away, letting it simply hover in the air.

  ‘Will you come with me?’ I asked, feeling my heart race against my chest.

  ‘Finn, I’ll always be here,’ she replied.

  No matter how scared I was, I knew with her beside me, I could be that little bit braver.

  I nodded as I stood up and brushed at the invisible fluff on my shirt before there was a knock against my bedroom.

  ‘It’s India,’ AB said as a surge of nerves flew through me like an electric shock.

  ‘Finn, are you there?’ India said through the door as I felt a push behind me towards the door.

  ‘Oh, yeah, one minute,’ I called back. ‘AB, stay with me, ok?’ I whispered as I reached out for the door handle and opened it to find India standing there with a smile. She wore more makeup than she normally did, and her eyelashes looked extra long touching her eyebrows every time she blinked.

  ‘Hey.’ She said glancing me up and down before offering me a dimpled smile.

  ‘Hi.’ I awkwardly smiled back.

  ‘Are you coming down?’ She took a sip of her beer leaving some of her red lipstick on the bottle.

  I nodded, trying to steady my breathing, ‘yeah, let’s go.’

  She turned and walked ahead of
me downstairs.

  I imagined the party coming to a halt as I showed up. Each step I took, my face seemed to grow hotter and my hands sweatier. I could no longer make out my heartbeat as it seemed like a car engine being revved. At some point, three or four steps from the bottom, it felt like I had completely lost the ability to know how to breathe. Some inhales had been too long, others far too short. I wanted nothing more than to run back up the stairs and back into the safety of my room. I didn’t belong here.

  ‘Finn, breathe,’ AB whispered in my ear as I realised that I had made it to the last step and to my surprise, not one single person had looked up at me.

  ‘Come on, let’s get a drink,’ India said taking my hand into hers and pulling me into the kitchen.

  I had stopped breathing for a second as my eyes stayed on her hand. It seemed so small in my own.

  ‘Guys, do you know Finn? It’s also his birthday today!’ India said walking us into a group of people I vaguely recognised.

  ‘Happy birthday,’ they all said at once with smiles as my chest thumped away.

  ‘Hey, you’re Theo’s brother, right?’ one of them said, holding a beer in his hand with his other arm wrapped around a blonde girl beside him.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘So, who is older? You or Theo?’ the blonde girl asked.

  ‘Me, by twenty minutes.’ I replied becoming aware of my arms just hanging beside me and not knowing where to put them before shoving my hands into my pockets.

  ‘So, how come we don’t see you around the school? What lessons do you take?’ another one asked as he passed me a beer.

  I took it from him like he had just handed me a gun.

  ‘He’s usually in the library with me,’ India said, pushing her dark hair away from her face.

  ‘Take a gulp. It won’t kill you. And stop holding it like it’s going to explode,’ AB whispered into my ear like my mum would tell me to smile and be polite when we were around her friends.