by Sarah Riad
‘Oh please, it’s not like I haven’t seen it all before,’ she said.
‘What do you mean? AB, you promised me that you don’t follow me into the shower!’ I said, feeling exposed knowing she might have seen me naked.
‘And I haven’t, but it’s not the only place you have undressed, anyway, you go to sleep. I’ll get Maia to send your mum up in about half an hour. Think sick, be sick,’ she said as her voice grew more distant.
Not trusting that she had actually gone, I climbed under the covers and awkwardly began to undress underneath them before laying back with my arms behind my head and staring up at the blank ceiling. Even with the blinds shut, the light night sky was still able to pass through the cracks, lighting up the bedroom.
I was never going to be able to sleep at 7.30.
It was basically impossible.
31
Ab
The morning alarms began to ring as Cait slipped out of bed to wake her children. Jack had already left, leaving her to sort them for school, just like she did every day. Theo was already in the shower by the time she had woken Maia and next up was Finn. After watching him the night before while desperately trying not to laugh as he got undressed under his covers, he stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes, obviously eager to prove to me he couldn’t sleep so early in the evening. It took him five whole minutes before he was fast asleep. I thought at best he would have to fake it once Cait went up to his room after hearing from Maia that Finn wasn’t feeling well, but he was sound asleep.
Cait gave a look of concern, kissed him lightly on the forehead before saying the words I was desperate to hear. ‘Perhaps he should stay home tomorrow.’
All I needed him to do was play along this morning and we would be good to go.
‘Hey, Finn,’ Cait said after tapping on her door. ‘How are you feeling today, sweetie?’
For a moment he looked confused before he rubbed his eyes and croaked, ‘Not great, Mum. I think I might have a cold.’
I smiled proudly as he allowed Cait to touch his forehead. ‘I think it’s best if you stay home today, Finn. I’ll call the school before I drop Maia off.’
Finn nodded with heavy eyes. ‘Ok, Mum.’
‘I should probably cancel that hair appointment too,’ she said as my eyes darted over to her.
‘Finn, do something!’ I whispered as he carefully sat up, leaning on his arms.
‘No, you should still go. I’ll be fine here. I’ll just sleep until you come back anyway,’ he said, lightly coughing.
‘Well, it would be a shame for it to go to waste, and you can always call me if you need me,’ Cait said, talking herself into going.
‘Exactly,’ Finn mumbled as he laid back down.
‘Ok, fine. I’ll be back around lunchtime. Call me if you need me,’ Cait said before leaving Finn and me in his room.
‘Well, that was fun!’ I laughed as I flopped back into his chair.
‘You and I have very different definitions of fun,’ he said, looking like he had just been interrogated by the mafia.
‘Well, at least it’s done now. What do you want to do until Lea arrives?’
‘I don’t know about you but I am going back to sleep. It’s not every day I get to skip school and get a lie-in,’ Finn said, turning his back to me as he cosied himself back into his blanket.
‘Finn, you’ve been asleep for twelve hours. How could you possibly still be tired?’
‘I’m a growing boy that needs his sleep. Anyway, as you said, my eye bags will thank me for it,’ he replied, lifting his hand in the air, scooting me away.
I huffed and rolled my eyes before leaving him to sleep again.
I had steadily watched the clock change numbers for about an hour and a half before Finn came downstairs. I was excited but nervous too. Finn could be right; she could be a crook. She had believed my email, explaining I was a ghost, far too easily.
Oh dear, what the hell was I getting myself into?
Maybe I should get Finn to call her and tell her we aren’t available anymore. The last thing we needed was a weird woman pretending she can see me. It was too late though. As the doorbell rang, both Finn and I stared at the door.
‘Should I answer it?’ he whispered staying rooted to the spot.
‘I think so. I am right behind you,’ I whispered back as I followed him to the door. He took a deep breath before he pulled onto the handle revealing the same woman from the laptop.
‘Finn,’ she said with a smile, offering her hand out to him which he awkwardly shook.
I remained behind him as he allowed her into the house, already disappointed that she couldn’t see me.
‘And you must be AB,’ she said to an empty space in front of the stairs.
Finn snorted. ‘She’s not standing there.’
Lea turned back to him and faced him with a knowing smile. ‘Oh, I know. She is standing right behind you, but I thought it would be fun to have you think I was a little crazy.’
‘You can see me?’ I asked stepping forward.
‘Of course I can, and what a beautiful young girl you are.’ She smiled as I felt a surge of energy fly through me. It was like nothing I had ever felt before.
‘Ok, so how about we get this show on the roads’ she said, walking off into the living room and placing her bag onto the sofa before handing her coat to Finn. ‘I would love a cup of tea if you don’t mind, Finn. Two sugars and a dash of milk, please.’
Finn forced a smile before walking out of the room, mumbling something under his breath.
‘So, tell me, what does AB stand for? Every time I say your name, I feel I am about to break out into the alphabet song.’ She cupped her hands into her lap as she sat on the edge of the sofa, facing me.
I laughed before I said, ‘Aubree Bennett.’
‘Ah, so much better than AB. Do you mind if I call you Aubree?’
I shook my head.
‘Ok, well now I am here, and Finn has the kettle on, why don’t you tell me how I can help you?’ she said fluffing up her dark curls.
‘Well, I don’t really know,’ I said, suddenly unsure what the purpose of all this actually was. I was feeling overwhelmed with the possibility of finding answers that I had forgotten all my questions.
‘You’re stuck here, and you want to know how you can move on?’ she said as I tried to remember if she had used her psychic powers or if I had already told her in my lengthy email. She crossed her legs and placed her hands onto her lap, all while keeping her eyes on me.
‘Well, yes but not necessarily move on, but just leave this house. I want to see what’s changed in the world since I died. I want to see the places that I never got to visit,’ I said looking at the front door, imagining the moment I could walk out it.
‘Aubree, I am no expert but that’s not how this works. You’re stuck here for a reason and even when you are released, the only place you’ll be going is to the other side.’ She replied entwining her long fingers across her bent knee.
‘You mean, heaven?’ I whispered, asking myself what else I really expected.
‘I don’t like to label these things, but it’s a place where all the souls eventually go.’
I thought about it for a second—what the ‘other side’ could be like. Was it all white with floating angels, or could it be just another place like this, except we were all dead? I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness as I imagined a place without Finn and Maia in it too.
‘You said I was stuck here for a reason, do you know what it is? And don’t tell me it’s unfinished business.’
She chuckled. ‘Oh, it’s definitely unfinished business but not that of your own.’
‘What do you mean?’ I said, confused as Finn walked in slowly, watching the full cup in his hands.
Lea reached out for the cup before Finn sat opposite her, on the edge of his seat.
‘Aubree, sometimes souls stay earthbound because they’re not quite ready to go. They’re in so much grie
f that they are not ready to accept their death. And then sometimes, souls are stuck here because somebody else is not ready to come to terms with the death. That’s what I feel here. I feel regret, I feel grief and I feel a lot of pain and that is what is keeping you here.’
I remained silent for a moment as Lea took a sip of her tea.
‘Aubree, I assume you remember how you died?’ she asked as she placed the tea onto the coffee table. I was almost certain she wouldn’t be taking another sip.
‘Yes,’ I said, thankful that Finn couldn’t see me as he stared at Lea.
‘And was it at the fault of someone else?’
My eyes fell to the floor as I nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘Then it is them that is keeping you here. I could feel the guilt and grief as soon as I walked in here. It’s heavy and powerful, enough to keep a soul trapped.’
‘How does that even work? I mean, none of this seems remotely possible but let’s say it is for a second, how is it possible someone else can affect AB from leaving the house?’ Finn asked, looking as confused as I was.
‘Moving on is a mutual thing for both the deceased and the living. While we never forget someone that has passed, we do learn how to move on once the death has been accepted. The longer a person holds onto the death, the longer it takes for the soul to be released to the other side,’ Lea explained.
‘But what about when people cry at memorials years later, does that mean they are still stuck?’ Finn asked.
‘No, because they are simply feeling an emotion while thinking of their memories. A soul is only ever stuck when someone is stuck in the process of acceptance. I guess you could use the example of the stages of grief. A soul will not move on while someone is in denial or anger. A soul will only move on when it is free of all those things and finally it finds peace. Acceptance must be reached for all parties.’ Lea kept her eyes on me.
‘Is there any way I can get a person to release me?’ I asked hoping for the easiest solution possible but expecting the hardest.
‘Well, forgiveness from you is a good start, considering your death was the result of someone’s actions. After that, you have to wait. That or you try to get a message to them. Let them know that you forgive them, and they no longer need to feel regret. But, Aubree, just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean they will automatically forgive themselves.’
I nodded, allowing my gaze to fall to the ground. It was all beginning to sound very impossible.
‘Why here?’ Finn said and turned to me. ‘Were you—did you die here?’
‘No, I didn’t, but this was where they lived.’ I sighed as we all went quiet.
After a few more questions, Lea left her cold tea to pack herself up before we all walked to the door.
‘Lea, can I ask you a question before you go?’ Finn asked, tucking his hands into his jean pockets as Lea nodded with a smile for him to continue.
‘Why is it you and my little sister can see AB, but I can’t?’
I smiled weakly. I hadn’t realised how much it bothered him not to be able to see me.
Lea smiled and placed her bag on the table beside her. ‘Finn, there is no definitive answer to that question. But I can give you my opinion. I think it has a lot to do with how we think. When a child sees something, they see it at face value. They don’t try to explain it or reason it. They just accept what they see and carry on.’
I thought back to first seeing Maia and how open she was to seeing me.
Lea continued. ‘The same can be said with elderly people—they are less likely to dismiss something and just accept it as it is. People like me try to always be open-minded, but for someone like you, it’s always different. You have been brought up to believe the impossible is just that: impossible. I am sure you see things every day that are out of the ordinary, but your brain is programmed to give other reasons. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong, but it does stop you from seeing so much more.’
I glanced over at Finn. From his slumped shoulders and his gaze on the floor in front of him, I could see he was sad about possibly never being able to see me.
‘But I can hear AB so what does that mean?’ he asked.
‘Finn, just because you believe AB exists doesn’t mean you believe that others like her exist too. A part of you is still closed off to that possibility and always will be until you open your mind.’ Lea smiled and gently squeezed his arm. ‘I better leave now. I wish you all the luck in the world, Aubree. I truly hope you find the peace you deserve.’ She waved us goodbye.
‘Finn, I promise you, I am not hiding away, but do you mind if I had some alone time? It’s just a lot of information to digest,’ I asked as I picked up a small teddy belonging to Mitzi from the floor.
His attempt at a smile was full of disappointment.
‘Sure, you know where I am if you need me.’
I smiled and tapped him on the head with the teddy. ‘I know.’
My old friend darkness had soon arrived once again as I sat in the middle of the library floor staring down at the words I had written. It was a letter of forgiveness. It had taken several hours of anger and a dozen unfinished attempts, but I had written it all out. Somehow, I felt lighter.
I folded the letter and tucked into an envelope knowing full well that when it reached its owner, it could be the beginning of the end to all of this.
32
Finn
I hadn’t spoken to AB since the day before when Lea had left, and despite wanting to check on her, I knew she had to be alone. If Lea had been right, I couldn’t even imagine what that left AB thinking.
Was she really stuck here forever?
I already had my suspicions that AB had been killed, but hearing it confirmed made me feel sick. How could someone kill her? Why would someone kill her?
It was late at night, and I was sitting in the living room alone, half watching the football highlights and half thinking about AB. Maia was fast asleep, and Mum and Theo were in their bedrooms when my dad came storming into the house. He took one look at me and I knew he was angry. His face was the colour of an erupting volcano as he stormed right over to me.
Quickly I jumped to my feet. I was terrified. What the hell had I done?
‘Do you think this is funny? Do you think this is some sort of a joke?’ he roared as his fists clenched beside him.
‘I don’t know what you are talking about?’ I said, backing off into the corner, wanting to shout for my mum. It had been the first time since moving into the house that I had spent time in a room that wasn’t my bedroom and my immediate thought was that I was in trouble for doing so.
I had never seen him like this.
‘You don’t know what I am talking about? How about I remind you!’ he said shoving a piece of paper into my chest with a hard thump. ‘What do you get out of doing things like this, Finn? Is it just some kind of game to you?’
Mum and Theo came racing down the stairs.
‘What on earth is going on?’ Mum shouted at Dad, pulling him away from me. As they began to shout at one another with my dad hurling abuse at me, I began to read the writing on the paper.
Dear Jack,
I understand that this letter may come as a bit of a shock to you but it’s something I needed to do.
It’s Aubree Bennett. I know that this probably makes no sense given you haven’t seen me for over thirty years, but I know that you also know that I am still very much here.
When you first moved into this house with your family, I had no idea who you were, but I knew something wasn’t right. The day you saw the painting your wife had drawn of me and came to the library to tell me to leave you alone only made me more curious. How was it that you knew me, but I had no idea who you were? Truth be told, I didn’t recognise you one little bit, not after thirty years or so. You’re a completely different person to the Jack I knew before. It wasn’t until I found out your surname, that I remembered. Suddenly, I saw the younger Jack and it all made sense. You are Alex’s brother.
I have been stuck in this house ever since that day, Jack, and recently I found out that it was all because of you. The guilt you feel about that night is keeping me trapped here. I don’t want to be stuck here anymore, Jack. I’m tired of it. Before your family moved in, I was alone for so long that I forgot what it was like to exist and now that you’re all here, and I have made friends with Finn and Maia, it’s made me realise how much I shouldn’t be here. I don’t belong here. I deserve to be wherever it is that is next. I deserve peace. So, Jack, I write this letter to tell you that I forgive you for what happened that night. It wasn’t your fault, and you have blamed yourself for long enough. Please stop living in anger and let me go.
Let me go.
With all my forgiveness,
Aubree Bennett.
I read the signature twice before a rush of sickness hit my throat.
‘You killed AB?’ I said.
Everyone froze.
My dad’s face was a look of horror as his eyes began to fill up quickly.
‘Jack, what’s going on?’ my mum asked him.
He took a look at her before looking at both Theo and me, when suddenly he fell to his knees with a groan.
‘Jack!’ my mum knelt down and pulled him into her before looking at me. ‘Finn, what is going on? What is on that piece of paper?’
I looked back down at AB’s name wanting to cry, ‘Mum, the name AB that Maia keeps talking about belongs to a girl who died. She is a ghost that is stuck here and both Maia and I have been talking to her ever since we moved in.’
‘What?’ Theo said looking at me as though I finally had gone crazy, but I ignored him.
‘She never told me how she died but she was killed back in 1980 something. This letter is from her to Dad. He killed her, Mum. He killed AB,’ I said, furious as my eyes grew blurry from the tears.
My dad shook his head. ‘It was an accident, Finn. I didn’t mean it to happen. AB was dating my brother.’
