by Virlyce
As the carriage approached the outskirts of the city, a few dwarves came out of the tents and pointed. One dwarf with white hair and a wispy beard shouted, “It’s boss general sir! He’s returned!”
“What happened here?” Plumby asked as he dismounted from his carriage.
“Two dragons invaded,” the old dwarf said. “One silver dragon and”—his voice lowered—“a pitch-black one.”
“A pitch-black dragon?” Plumby asked, his eyes widening. “Did you kill it?”
“N-no,” the old dwarf said. “We hit it with a cannonball, but all it did was enrage it. Black flames spewed everywhere and our gunpowder exploded. We had to flee the city.”
“Those damned dragons. I knew we should’ve hunted them down,” Plumby said and ground his teeth. “Have you sent a report to the king?”
“Yes,” the old dwarf said with a nod. “The messenger should be halfway there.”
Plumby nodded before staring at the crackling flames burning away the city he worked so hard to govern and build. His hands clenched into fists.
9
Leila reached over and poked Grimmy’s side. “You burned down a city.”
Grimmy grunted and rolled over onto his back before nuzzling Leila’s neck with his snout. Lindyss watched the two dragons chuckle at each other with a blank expression on her face. The three of them were on top of a plateau, the rock surface above the clouds. Lindyss cleared her throat. “Before you two do anything, remember that I’m still here.”
“So?” Grimmy grinned at Lindyss. He sighed and rested his head against the rocky surface and stared up at the starry sky. “It’s been a while since I destroyed a city. I should do it more often.”
Leila pursed her lips and patted her mate’s snout. “Grimmy….” She sighed when he smiled at her. “At least do it at home instead of at my parents’ place. They wanted you to make peace with the dwarves, not wipe them out.”
“You say tomato, I say tomahto. Wiping them out and making peace with them leads to the same result—no more noisy dwarves.” Grimmy nodded. “Besides, you have to be at war before you can negotiate peace. Everyone knows that.”
“I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with that statement,” Lindyss said, her brow furrowing. “And that really means you’re going to declare war on the dwarves? Why did I even think you’d try to settle it peacefully?” She sighed. “You should learn a bit from Vur. He’s actually well-liked and not a bringer of death everywhere he goes.”
Grimmy rolled his eyes. “I’m a dragon of darkness. Bringing death around is what I do. And do you really have a right to speak, Ms. Necromancer?”
Lindyss snorted and crossed her arms. “Jerk. I’m a blessed warrior right now.”
Grimmy smirked. “The undead army begs to differ.”
“They’re not on this continent. So, for now, I’m a blessed warrior.” Lindyss frowned at Grimmy, who was still staring at her with an amused expression on his face. She blinked. “Right? They’re not on the continent, right?” A wrinkle appeared on her forehead as she stared off into the distance. A moment passed before she exhaled. “I don’t sense them. Why would you act like they were here? I almost panicked.”
“Why would you panic?” Grimmy asked with a glint in his eyes. “Would it matter if the undead came here?”
“Of course! The matriarch of this land is a holy dragon, and I haven’t sensed any hints of dark magic since we’ve arrived,” Lindyss said and looked at Leila. “Your mother’s really old-fashioned, isn’t she? Believing in the dark-and-light rivalry and all.”
“You’re right.” Leila nodded. “The last time a cult of black magicians rose up, she initiated a crusade against them. I think she really wanted to exterminate you after seeing you throw lightning around, but your halo saved you.” She smiled. “If she knew you were a necromancer, I wonder how she’d react.”
Lindyss lowered her gaze and placed her palm on her forehead. “Why the heck did you two bring me here…?”
“To fulfill our promise,” Grimmy said and flicked Lindyss’ forehead, causing her to fall backwards. “You wanted to travel to these lands, so here we are.”
Lindyss sighed and stared at the sky, lying on the ground like a starfish. Leila stared at the cursed elf for a moment before turning towards Grimmy. “I forgot to ask,” she said. “Did you recognize the dwarves? You didn’t seem surprised by their appearance.”
“They’re just little humans, aren’t they?” Grimmy asked. “What’s there to be surprised about? I’ve seen lots of them before.”
“Really? Lots of them?” Leila asked, raising an eyebrow. “When?”
“A few thousand years before I met you,” Grimmy said with a nod. “The little humans were good at making sharp weapons. One of them poked me with one once, and it actually hurt me really bad. So I retaliated and stole every weapon they ever made. Then they disappeared. I assumed they grew up to be normal-sized humans and came back later. Maybe it was the weapons that kept their figures small….”
“…You’re not serious,” Lindyss said, raising her head off the ground.
“What?” Grimmy asked. “An ant is an ant regardless of its size.”
Leila sighed. “So it really was you who terrorized the dwarves in their legends.”
Grimmy’s head perked up. “There’s a legend about me? I want to hear it.”
***
“A black dragon burned down Plumby’s city?”
Cold sweat ran down a dwarf’s back as he kept his gaze glued to the floor. It was a shiny one made of green metal that reflected the dwarf’s pale face. “Yes, Your Gloriousness,” the sweating dwarf said. “Boss general sir was away to attend the annual assembly, and the city was attacked in that time. I came here right away.”
In front of the kneeling dwarf, there was a massive throne made of orichalcum. A minute figure sat atop it with three different colored crowns on his head. A red beard covered the majority of his face, only exposing two big, round eyes and an even bigger nose. “Plumby still insists on being called boss general sir? Haven’t I told him that name is too long and unwieldy to say?”
“He likes it, Your Gloriousness,” the kneeling dwarf said.
The dwarf king sighed and shook his head. “Tell me more about the encounter with the dragon.”
“It was a day like any other. I was crafting in my house when my ceiling suddenly shook and collapsed. The next thing I know, a massive, dead roc with an elf riding atop it was in my living room.”
“A rock?” the king asked. “Or a roc? Like the bird.”
“The bird, Your Gloriousness,” the dwarf replied. “It was dead. The elf was in the process of eating it raw. Her hands and mouth were bloody—it was like she hadn’t eaten in days. I thought she was going to eat me too!”
“Aren’t elves vegetarians? Didn’t you see incorrectly?”
“No, Your Gloriousness. She was definitely an elf. When I was about to say something, my ceiling broke even further and two dragons landed on my house: a black one and a silver one, but the silver one wasn’t Leoniden. There was lots of screaming, and someone fired a cannon at the black dragon. It didn’t do anything except piss it off, and the next thing I knew, my beard was aflame.”
“The flames came after the cannon shot?” the king asked, raising an eyebrow.
“That’s right, Your Gloriousness.”
The dwarf king rubbed his chin. “I see.” He hummed and nodded to himself. “Alright. You’re dismissed.” The sweating dwarf scrambled to his feet and left the room without looking back. “A dragon of darkness…. Did it provoke us, or did we provoke it?” He sighed and shook his head. “Ah…, such a hassle.”
***
A brown golem groaned as it collapsed to its knees, shattering the earth beneath it. Even with its legs destroyed, it was taller than three fully grown trees. A relatively tiny figure by its kneecap kicked it, causing a series of cracks to travel up its stone thigh before breaking the golem’s limb completely. It groa
ned again as it fell forward, swinging its arm at its assailant. Before its hand reached halfway down to the ground, a block of ice formed on its shoulder, freezing its movements. With a shout, a girl with a massive shield leapt onto its hand and ran up its arm all the way to its head. She swung her shield and the metal weapon expanded to the size of a house before colliding against the golem’s head, breaking it into pieces. The golem froze and shuddered before dissolving into a massive pile of gravel that rained down with the sound akin to a waterfall.
Alice’s shield shrank as she stood atop it, using it as a board to surf down the golem’s remains. “Golem subjugation, complete,” she said as she took out a notebook from her bag. She crossed out a line before nodding at the page. Nearly all the items on the list had been crossed out. “At the rate we’ve been going, we’ll reach Fairy Drive in two weeks or so.”
Vur and Stella stared at the golem’s remains. Stella tilted her head to one side while putting a finger on her lower lip and asked, “Dinner?”
Vur stroked his chin and hummed.
“You can’t eat rocks, Vur,” Tafel said and rolled her eyes. “We—”
“Actually, you can,” Alice said, cutting Tafel off by placing her notebook in front of the demon’s face. “It’s called rock stew. You add the rocks to the stew to impart flavor on everything else.” Alice nodded and pulled out the pot from Tafel’s massive bag. Though it had been flattened by Vur previously, Alice had hammered it back into shape with her shield.
“Rock stew.” Tafel frowned. “You’re not serious. Maybe you mean roc, like the bird?”
“No. It’s definitely rock, like not the bird,” Alice said as she poured water from a leather sack into the pot. She lit a fire underneath it and placed a handful of the golem’s remains inside. “You’ll see. A fairy companion of mine told me about this once.”
“…You trust fairies?” Tafel asked as Vur took a seat on the ground across from Alice.
“Not all of them,” Alice said, shaking her head as she dumped a few potatoes into the pot. “Just the one. I wonder where she’s been; it’s been a while since I’ve last heard from her.”
Tafel made a face as her three companions stared at the pot. “There’s a city of sorts right there,” she said and pointed off into the distance. A wall could be seen peeking above the treetops. “Can we eat something civilized? Maybe a nice steak or a bowl of noodles. Or both?”
Vur tilted his head. “What happened to the spirit of adventure?”
Tafel sighed and closed her eyes while rubbing her forehead with her thumbs. Her horns glowed, and wind circled around the party as a faint outline of a silver circle appeared around them. A light flashed and the party disappeared, leaving behind a burning fire and the remains of the golem. By the walls that Tafel had pointed at earlier, a pillar of light appeared next to a line of people. They stared at the light as it died down, revealing four figures.
Tafel cleared her throat as Vur, Alice, and Stella frowned at her. “Adventurers don’t eat rocks—we just don’t, okay? I’ll eat raw gryphons, wriggling worms, crying bird babies, but I’m not going to eat a rock.”
“Quit cutting the queue!” a voice shouted at them before Vur or Alice could reply.
Alice’s frown deepened. She stood up and dusted off her skirt before marching to the front of the line, approaching the guards at the gate. The guard gulped as Alice glared at him. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her identification card. “Alice Lowenherz, SSS-ranked adventurer.” She gestured at Vur, Tafel, and Stella. “Those are my companions.”
“You…, you’re the berserk librarian?” the guard asked with wide eyes.
“Don’t call me that!” Alice said, stomping her foot. The guard fell over backwards as the ground shook.
“R-right! Ms. Lowenherz!” the guard’s partner said and saluted. “Welcome to Dupey’s capital. Have you come to take part in the bimonthly competition?”
“No,” Alice said. “We’re just passing through.”
“Of course,” the guard said and nodded twice. “For an SSS-ranked adventurer like you, the entrance fee is waived. Please enjoy your stay.”
Alice nodded and gestured at Vur and Tafel to follow her with her head. Tafel picked up her bag before tugging on Vur’s arm, leaving the carriage and pot of rock stew that had teleported with them behind. “Bimonthly competition?” Tafel asked Alice as they stepped through the city gates.
“It’s Dupey’s idea,” Alice said and shrugged. “He’s one of the dwarf king’s most trusted aides—a general of sorts. He likes recruiting strong people for his army, and the competition is held to find soldiers worthy enough to serve him. He provides them armor and weapons along with a salary. Anyways, we actually have a commission to help someone prevent an ex-boyfriend from winning the competition.”
“Didn’t you say we were just passing through?” Tafel asked, furrowing her brow.
Alice nodded. “Yes.”
“…And?”
“I lied. Is that an issue?” Alice rolled her eyes. “I’m not a dragon; spare me the lecture.”
Tafel pursed her lips. “You’re upset I didn’t let you finish making that nonsense stew, aren’t you?”
“Me? Upset? I’m never upset,” Alice said and snorted as she crossed her arms over her chest. Her footsteps left cracks in the road as she marched towards a building with a giant fork embedded in its wall. “Here’s the stupid civilized food place you wanted to eat at so much.”
“She does sound upset,” Vur said with a nod.
Stella nodded as well. “That’s three votes to one. Alice is upset.”
Alice sighed. “I hate all of you.” She entered the building and gestured at the waitress before occupying a booth in the corner of the shop.
“So what are the rewards for winning the competition?” Tafel asked as she took the seat across from Alice. Vur sat beside her while Stella alighted onto the table. “You said something about armor and weapons?”
Alice frowned as she accepted the menu from the waitress. “I know I said there were armors and weapons, but you have to realize they’re given out by a dwarf.”
“And so?” Tafel asked. The waitress smiled at her as she placed four cups of water on the table. “Doesn’t that mean they’re good? Someone was bragging about dwarven weapons before like they were prestigious.”
“Accepting a dwarf’s gifts is like accepting a favor,” Alice said. “You have to pay them back somehow. For Dupey’s competition, he’ll expect you to work under him.”
Tafel rubbed her chin. “I’ve been meaning to ask, is Dupey the name of a dwarf?”
“That’s right,” Alice said. She gestured for the waitress to come over and ordered a dish for the whole party. “The most recent dwarf king, E, is a very lazy fellow. He hates saying long words because they drain his energy. So he did the most reasonable thing and declared dwarven names have to be two syllables or less. He even has a general whom he refers to by clicking his tongue once.”
“His name is E?” Vur asked.
“He doesn’t want to subject his people to rules that don’t apply to him. And E tends to be the last syllable of most dwarven names now: Plumby, Dupey, Noody, Louis.” Alice shook her head. “Most people call him His Gloriousness, and a lot of dwarves have adopted extremely long titles for individuality. Dewey goes by Professor Doctor Mister Headmaster Surgeon Dewey the Second Junior.”
“And I thought fairies were strange,” Vur said.
“Just because dwarves are stranger doesn’t make fairies any less strange,” Alice said, staring at Stella who was doing handstands on the table. The fairy queen giggled when she lost her balance and fell over.
“That’s true,” Tafel said and glanced around the room. “Everything’s so strange here.”
“You’re actually the most unique person here,” Alice said, “but what exactly about this place is strange to you?”
“There’s a table of humans and elves sitting together over there.” Tafel poi
nted at a giggling human-elf couple. “Fairies are treated like customers.” She pointed at the miniature table and chairs designed for fairies that hung from the ceiling by ropes. “I’m not even sure what kind of creature is working at the counter.” She gestured towards the massive green humanoid creature with two heads. It was counting change with one hand while delivering orders to the chefs with the other.
“That’s an ettin,” Alice said.
“Do they taste sweet?” Vur asked.
“Why is sweet the first term that comes to your mind when you see something like that?” Tafel asked with a frown. “And you really shouldn’t eat sentient people. It’s not nice.”
“Ettins taste like pork,” the waitress said as she nodded at Vur while placing a plate down in front of him. “We actually have some in stock today. Would you like to try some?”
“Is, isn’t that wrong?” Tafel asked, glancing at the ettin. She was sure the waitress spoke loud enough for it to hear.
“Oh, no,” the waitress said and shook her head. She smiled at Tafel. “Ettins are cannibals. Mr. Twofer over there won’t take offense if you order some. In fact, he’ll probably be happy if you tip well.”
Tafel furrowed her brow and scratched her head. “That’s…”
“We’ll order some,” Vur said with a nod. “Actually, just bring us one of everything on the menu.”
“One of everything?” the waitress asked, her mouth falling open. She glanced at Alice and pursed her lips. “By any chance…, are you the berserk librarian?”
Alice heaved a sigh.
“You are!” the waitress said, her eyes lighting up. “Wait right here! I’ll have the chef bring out your orders as soon as possible.” She skipped away, humming something about a big customer.
“You two haven’t even turned in any commissions yet,” Alice said. “You have money?”
