by Virlyce
Erin kicked the back of Lindyss’ head. “This is why you don’t have any friends,” she said and crossed her arms over her chest. “But luckily for you, I’m not a petty person and such an immature way of insulting people won’t get to me.”
Lindyss shook her head before heading down the road that led to the dwarves’ palace.
“Hey, where are you going?” Erin asked. “What are you going to do now? Find Vur? I have a better idea. Why don’t we go to an amusement park? The dwarves are really good at building strange rides that only have a 20% chance of exploding. There’s things they call rollercoasters, and there’s these giant rotating wheels. It’ll be fun. That’s why they’re called amusement parks and not boring parks.”
“How about … no,” Lindyss said. The guards at the palace saluted her before stepping aside while opening the gates. “But you can go by yourself. Send me some pictures of your time there. I’ll be with you in spirit.”
“Why are you such a boring person?” Erin asked with a sigh as she floated behind Lindyss. “You have to smile more, or your face is going to be permanently stuck like that. Learn to enjoy life: dance in some festivals, have a summer fling, roast marshmallows over a bonfire, participate in a race, read a bo—actually, don’t read anything. Do something interesting. If you don’t want to go to an amusement park, we can always go to the zoo. Or the aquarium. Or even the museum of mushrooms. I heard they found a new mushroom that makes people laugh uncontrollably when they eat it.”
Erin sighed again as Lindyss ignored her, marching down the hall and up a flight of stairs. “Hey, E,” Lindyss said, kicking open the door to a small room. “I need the keys to your dungeons.”
E groaned as Lindyss yanked open his curtains, letting sunlight stream into the room. “Dungeons?” he asked. “What dungeons? And close the shades. I can’t laze about properly if there’s sunlight.”
“You’re not even sleeping,” Erin said, staring at the dwarf who was lying on a bed. He had a tray with a half-eaten meal on his lap.
“The sunlight burns my eyes,” E said as he rubbed his face.
“You’re both stupid,” Erin said, glaring at Lindyss, who adjusted her sunglasses.
E yawned before clapping his hands. A set of armor appeared beside him and rummaged through a trunk by his bed. It pulled out a key before handing it to E. He looked at the key and nodded before tossing it to Lindyss. “Master key to everything. I don’t know what dungeon you want to see, but this should open all of them.” He tossed the tray off his lap and lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling while sighing with a smile on his face. “It feels good to have no responsibilities. Vur promised me you’d take care of my kingdom.”
Lindyss glanced at the key before frowning at E. “What are you going to do now that you have no responsibilities? Sleep all day?”
“Sleep?” E asked, raising an eyebrow as he sat up. “Don’t be silly. A real slacker never sleeps. Sleep takes up so much time that can be spent slacking off. How am I supposed to accomplish doing nothing if I sleep all day?”
“So sleeping counts as doing something,” Lindyss said, her expression blank.
“Correct,” E said. “You have to be awake to relish the time you’re wasting.”
“I’ve seen plants with more motivation than you,” Lindyss said.
“Hey, did you come here to criticize me, or did you come here for that key?” E asked with a scowl. “I gave you what you wanted, so if you could kindly let me slack off now, I’d appreciate it.”
Lindyss nodded before closing the curtains and leaving the room. “At least he’s dedicated to his hobby,” she said after closing the door. “But how did he manage to run a kingdom with a personality like that?”
“That’s just the way he is,” Erin said. “Efficient at everything so he could have more time to do nothing. And what do you need keys to the dungeons for? Dungeons are boring places filled with misery and suffering. You shouldn’t go there.”
“Where else am I supposed to find sacrifices that no one will care about?” Lindyss asked, rolling her eyes. “Dungeons are perfect.”
“Hey…,” Erin said and squinted. “You said the human sacrifice thing was a joke.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Lindyss said, waving her hand dismissively. “Just joking. Now, where’s my sacrificial knife? Oh, here it is.”
***
“Is this the place?” Tafel muttered to herself. “It should be, right? With all the guards and fancy buildings, this definitely has to be the palace.” She nodded and took a step forward, nudging Emile out of the way. He squawked and flapped his wings before glaring at Tafel.
Tafel rolled her eyes at him. “Didn’t I tell you to stop sitting on my feet?”
“But they’re comfy!” Emile said and jutted out his beak. Then he glanced around at the dwarves milling about. “Why are we here?”
“To see my husband,” Tafel said. She approached the gate of the palace, and two dwarven guards stepped forward to intercept her.
“Halt. State your business, stranger.”
“I’m here to see Vur,” Tafel said. “He told me he’d be waiting for me here.”
The guards frowned. “Vur? His Gloriousness?”
“His whatness?” Tafel asked, raising an eyebrow.
“My brother-in-law sounds very narcissistic,” Emile whispered to Tafel, cupping his wing over his beak. He flew up onto her shoulder and preened himself. “He suits you.”
“How does a narcissist suit me!?” Tafel asked, her head turning towards Emile so fast that her hair whipped him across the chest. “What part of me matches a narcissist?”
Emile coughed and looked away. “Well, I mean, you spend so much time putting stuff on your face to try to look prettier,” he said. “If it’s not because you love looking at yourself, then why do you do it?”
Tafel pinched Emile’s wings and spread them apart as she held him up in front of herself. “What do you mean try, huh?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. “And putting on makeup is a very normal thing to do. Almost all women do it!”
Emile tilted his head. “Almost all women are narcissists?”
“You’re coming to the wrong conclusions!” Tafel said with a snort. A ball of lava formed in the space between her and the baby phoenix. “You were much cuter when you used four-word sentences to communicate. Drink your lava like a good boy and reflect on your actions.”
Emile drank the lava while the two dwarven guards stared on with baffled expressions. One of the guards whispered to the other, “She really might be looking for His Gloriousness. Didn’t he say his wife might come visit? And isn’t she just as barbaric as he is?”
Tafel’s eye twitched. “If you’re going to gossip about someone, make sure she can’t hear you first.”
“Y-yes!” the dwarf said and saluted. “I’m also sorry to inform you, but His Gloriousness is currently not available. He went on a journey to find Zilphy, the leader of the wind elementals.”
Tafel furrowed her brow. “How about Lindyss?” she asked. “She was supposed to be here as well.”
“His Gloriousness’ aunt?” the dwarf asked and frowned. “I think I saw her leave yesterday. She was going to one of our dungeons with Erin.”
Tafel scratched her head. “Then they’re both not here? Do you have Zilphy’s location?” she asked. “Or Vur’s.”
“No,” the dwarf said. “Zilphy is difficult to track down, so His Gloriousness is searching all the likely places she’d be. It shouldn’t take long, maybe three weeks at most. Why not wait here for now?”
Tafel sighed. “How about Lindyss then? Do you know which dungeon she went to?”
“That, I do know,” the dwarf said with a nod. “She’s currently at the Abyssal Alley of Alliance-breaking Anti-Allies.”
Tafel and Emile blinked at the dwarf. “Right,” Tafel said. “And which way is that? Do you have a map?”
“I’ll get one for you right away,” the dwarf said and gestured for his companion to go i
nside the palace. “But can you prove your relationship with our king? If we sent an enemy after his aunt, even if we were tricked, we’d be executed.”
Tafel bit her lower lip. “Proof….”
“Anything,” the dwarf said and furrowed his brow. “A matching wedding ring perhaps.”
“Our rings weren’t teleported with us when we came to this continent,” Tafel said and sighed. Her eyes glinted. “How about matching suits of armor?” She lifted her shirt, revealing the blue leviathan-scale armor the fishmen had crafted for her. “Does that work?”
“Uh, His Gloriousness doesn’t wear armor,” the dwarf said and scratched his head. “Or a shirt, for that matter.”
Tafel’s expression darkened. “Didn’t he tell you some way to identify me?”
“His Gloriousness is not that responsible,” the dwarf said, lowering his head. “We were given no way to identify you.” He raised his head. “Ah! E might know. I’ll ask him.” Before he could leave his post, the guard that had went to fetch the map returned. With a silver dragon in tow.
“This is the person claiming to be Vur’s mate?” Lulu asked, a grin on her face.
Tafel retreated a step, the hairs on the back of her neck stiffening. A chill ran down her spine as Lulu leaned forward, her neck extending towards Tafel. Lulu’s nostrils flared as she sniffed Tafel before frowning. “Are you sure, dwarf?” Lulu asked, looking at the trembling guard. “She smells like a phoenix. Dragons and phoenixes don’t mix well.”
“S-she said she was,” the dwarf with the map said. The map dropped to the ground as his hands stopped working, his whole body freezing under Lulu’s scrutiny.
Tafel crept forward and picked up the map while holding her breath, careful to avoid drawing Lulu’s attention.
“So, little phoenix person?” Lulu asked, turning her gaze onto Tafel. “What do you have to say for yourself? Are you Vur’s mate or not?”
Tafel stuck her chest out, her knees trembling. “That’s right,” she said through gritted teeth. “I’m Vur’s wife!”
Lulu’s eyes narrowed as she chuckled, taking a step forward. “Vur’s a very fine dragon, you know? I’ve set my eyes on him,” she said. “So fight me for him.”
“Vur’s not property we can fight for,” Tafel said, biting her lower lip. A bead of sweat rolled down her back. “Vur chose me as his wife. It was his decision, and even if you beat me in a fight, it won’t change the fact that he loves me.” She took a step forward. “B-besides, his parents also approve of me. They’ll definitely fight you if something happens to me.”
“It seems like you don’t understand how dragon customs work,” Lulu said, standing on her hind legs. Silver flames leaked out of the corners of her mouth. “We don’t fight with words. We—”
Tafel’s horns glowed silver. “Ah! It’s Vur,” she said, turning her whole body to the side.
Lulu blinked and turned her head, following Tafel’s gaze. There was nothing on the horizon. She squinted and shielded her eyes from the sun, but she still couldn’t see anything. Her head turned back towards Tafel, but the demon was gone. Lulu blinked, the flames in her mouth dispersing. “Uh, where’d she go?”
“S-she teleported away while you weren’t looking,” one of the guards said.
Lulu stared at the space Tafel had occupied. “The heck? How rude. Well, if I stick around Vur long enough, I’m bound to meet her again.” She scratched her head as she lumbered back towards the palace. “But why did Vur fall for someone so weak?”
***
“We’re here,” Lindyss said, stepping on the brakes, causing the car to screech to a stop while leaving behind black streaks on the road. A few dwarves turned their heads at the sound, but Lindyss ignored them as she hopped out of her seat and onto the ground. She looked behind herself and frowned at the fairy sitting in the passenger seat. “What? Not going to get out?”
“You call that driving!?” Erin shouted. “I’m tiny; I can fly; I’m most likely not going to be injured in a car crash, but I nearly pooped myself because of you!”
“If you died, you would’ve came back from your flower anyway,” Lindyss said and rolled her eyes. She squinted at the dwarven prison. “What’s there to be scared of?”
“Dying is unpleasant!” Erin said, stamping her feet on the seat. She huffed and flew into the air, leaving the car. She frowned and looked up at the same time as Lindyss. A silver light flashed, and a person fell from the sky, landing on Erin. “Gack! What the potatoes!?”
“Tafel?” Lindyss asked, raising an eyebrow. “Is that you?”
“Auntie!” Tafel said, raising her head. She shifted her weight around before furrowing her brow. “What am I sitting on?”
“A fairy,” Emile said as he arched his back while lowering his head to inspect the pair of tiny legs sticking out from underneath Tafel’s butt. Erin’s legs thrashed up and down. “She’s still alive.”
Tafel jumped up and stared at the ground. Erin raised her head and glared at Tafel while pointing with her tiny hand. “Polymorph!”
“Redirect!” Tafel said, waving her hand. The air in front of her shimmered, and Emile squawked as he turned into a pig. Tafel’s face paled as Erin blinked and turned her head to the side. “S-sorry, Emile. You were the first person I saw to redirect the spell towards.”
“Why not her!?” Emile asked, pointing at Erin with his hoof.
Erin stared at Emile. “You can talk like that?” Her anger disappeared as she flew up and inspected Emile, tugging on his ears and tail. “Say something else.”
“Turn me back!” Emile said, snapping at Erin. “I’ll tell my mother!”
“Didn’t your mother tell you to never bother Erin Koller?” Erin asked, raising an eyebrow as she hovered just out of Emile’s reach. He stood on his hind legs, trying to bite Erin’s legs.
“It wasn’t even me,” Emile said. “It was her.”
“That’s right,” Erin said, turning her attention onto Tafel. The demon was talking with Lindyss. A strange expression appeared on Erin’s face as she flew forwards, ignoring the whining pig beneath her. “Who is she? Do you know her? Did you purposely tell her to fall onto me?”
“This is Vur’s wife, Tafel,” Lindyss said, clapping her hands on Tafel’s shoulders and spinning her around to face the fairy. She pointed at Erin. “That’s an insignificant bug. Feel free to ignore her.”
“Hey!” Erin said, putting her hands on her hips. “I’m actually Lindyss’ bestest friend.”
Tafel blinked and raised an eyebrow at Lindyss. “I thought you hated fairies. Does Grimmy know about her? I’m not sure how’d he feel about his bestest friend position being taken away.”
“Who’s Grimmy?” Erin asked, leaning back and raising her chin into the air. “I’ll show him why I’m a better friend. He can back off that bestest friend position.”
A crooked smile appeared on Tafel’s face. “He’s—”
Lindyss covered the demon’s mouth before she could say anything else. “Don’t tell her. I want to see her reaction when she meets him.”
Tafel pulled Lindyss’ hand down off her mouth. “You’re evil.”
Lindyss smiled. “Why, thank you. Anyway, what are you doing here? Where’s Vur?”
“I went to find Vur at the palace, but he’s chasing a wind elemental or something,” Tafel said. She bit her lower lip. “Then … I got challenged by a dragon. A dragon! I distracted her and managed to teleport over to you, but still, what the hell am I supposed to do? How did Vur attract a dragon!?”
“Mm, by dragon standards, Vur’s a very handsome dragon when he transforms,” Lindyss said with a nod. “Lulu describes him as an eleven out of ten in looks and a twelve out of ten in personality. Ah, Lulu’s the dragon that you met at the palace.”
“Auntie.”
“Yes?”
“Whose side are you on?” Tafel asked, pursing her lips.
“Don’t be stupid,” Lindyss said, flicking Tafel’s forehead. “Of course, I’m on y
ours.”
Tafel exhaled. She hugged Lindyss, causing the cursed elf to yelp and stiffen. “Thanks, Auntie. You’re the best,” Tafel said. She pulled back and lowered her head. “You wouldn’t happen to, you know, have a way to fight a dragon and win?”
“Are you stupid?” Erin asked before Lindyss could respond. “You can’t win against a dragon, you fake fairy. Why do you have horns like mine?”
Tafel squinted at Erin before nodding at Lindyss. “You’re right. She’s an insignificant bug.”
“Wow!” Erin said, shaking her fist at Tafel. “If it weren’t for your husband being such a freak, I’d teach you a lesson you wouldn’t forget.”
Tafel snorted. “I don’t need to hide behind Vur,” she said and glared at Erin. “Try teaching me that lesson.” Her forehead blazed with a blood-red light as her imprint appeared. “I might have to run from a dragon, but I’m more than enough to deal with you.”
“Oh, a phoenix imprint?” Lindyss asked, raising an eyebrow. “Not bad, squirt.”
Erin’s eye twitched as she retreated back by a foot. She wrinkled her nose at Lindyss. “Why are all the people you know so … violent and aggressive?”
“Anyone would be violent and aggressive towards an annoying fairy,” Lindyss said and smiled. She patted Tafel’s shoulder. “Keep her occupied here. I have to perform some sacrificial rituals inside of that dungeon.”
“Huh?” Tafel asked, the light on her forehead dimming. “Sacrificial rituals?”
“Yeah, Vur wants to increase his mana regeneration,” Lindyss said. “I can make a necklace out of souls to help him with that. He needs all the help he can get. I have a feeling he won’t get along very well with the dragon matriarch of this land; they’re probably going to fight.”
“You said the human sacrifice was a joke!” Erin shouted.
Lindyss raised an eyebrow. “Did I say something that made you think I wasn’t joking? Calm down. It’s just a prank to rile you up.” She patted Tafel’s shoulder again. “Anyway, keep her occupied, yeah? Don’t let her enter the dungeon.”
Tafel and Erin stared at Lindyss’ back as she sauntered into the dwarven dungeon, opening the gates with the key E had given her. Emile made grunting noises as he repeatedly leapt and fell, trying to bite Erin. Erin ignored the jumping pig, turning her attention onto Tafel. “She’s joking, right?”
