The Kingdom Razed by Dragons

by Virlyce

  ***

  “Is it really okay to let them leave like that?” Alice asked, leaning against the skeleton standing beside her.

  Mr. Skelly stared up at the moon and sighed. His bony fingers ran through Alice’s hair. “Yes. They were just exploring for fun after all.”

  Alice pursed her lips. “Will I get to see them again?” she asked, turning her head to face the skeleton. “I don’t understand why they left so abruptly. We barely said goodbye.”

  “Why wouldn’t you get to see them again?” Mr. Skelly asked with a small smile.

  “Because they’re an ocean away?”

  “And?”

  “…Is that not enough?”

  Mr. Skelly laughed, causing Alice to huff and punt his shin off. She glowered at him before asking, “What are you laughing at? I’m really upset about this, you know? Tafel forced me to join their party, and then she abandoned me a few weeks later. Do you understand what I’m feeling right now? It’s not like I can just walk down the street and talk to her; she’s a literal ocean away.”

  Mr. Skelly fixed his shin before stroking Alice’s cheek. “Do you think Tafel and Vur are the type of people to abandon someone who joined their party?”

  “Vur wouldn’t,” Alice said. “But Tafel already abandoned me once to get that phoenix imprint. And doesn’t Tafel have Vur by his bal—”

  Mr. Skelly coughed. “Vur’s not whipped.”

  Alice raised an eyebrow. “He isn’t?”

  “Did he give you that impression?” Mr. Skelly asked and tilted his head. “If he wants to do something, even Tafel wouldn’t be able to stop him from doing it. It’s just that he doesn’t have many things he wants to do other than make his friends and family happy. He’s like a child that way.” He scratched his chin. “I feel like I’m forgetting something very important about the reason for Vur’s personality.”

  “The fact that he was raised by dragons?”

  “No, I remembered that,” Mr. Skelly said before shrugging. “Well, anyways, they’ll definitely come back for you. I think it’d take a month at most. We have a very capable and eccentric old man on our continent who can create permanent teleportation arrays.”

  “But can it traverse an ocean?”

  “Why not?” Mr. Skelly grinned. “We already have an array connecting us to the northern continent; though, it’s a bit infected. It’d be easy to connect our lands. In fact, there’s literally no reason not to. Why wouldn’t a monarch want to connect his territories?”

  “You have a point,” Alice said. A smile blossomed on her face. “That’s great. That’s really great.”

  “As are most things Vur decides to do,” Mr. Skelly said with a laugh. He wrapped his arm around Alice’s shoulder. “And I have a promise to keep to you too. While we wait for Vur and Tafel to return, why don’t we head towards the frostlands to find your parents?”

  “Heading to the frostlands isn’t my definition of a honeymoon, but yes, let’s,” Alice said, burying her face into Mr. Skelly’s collarbone.

  “Err, doesn’t that feel uncomfortable?”

  “I have thick skin; it’s okay,” Alice said, unmoving.

  “I see,” Mr. Skelly said and placed his hand on Alice’s head. He looked up at the moon and smiled. “It only took eight hundred twenty-seven years, but I finally found someone worth dying for.”

  “Please, no skeleton puns.”

  “Eh?” Mr. Skelly lowered his head. “But I live for puns! Aren’t they humerus?”

  “I’m going to hit you.”

  “Sorry.”

  Alice pulled away and placed her hands on her hips. “You backed down too easily,” she said. “What happened to your spine?”

  Mr. Skelly’s eyes widened. “Did you just…?”

  “Yes.”

  Mr. Skelly swept Alice off her feet, carrying her in his arms. He laughed as he stepped away from the balcony and towards the bed in the center of the room. “I’m in love all over again.”

  ***

  “Vur,” Grimmy said, turning his head towards the ocean-blue dragon flying beside him. “I know your body is yours and all, but, uh, don’t you think you overdid it a little with the elementals?”

  “Nope,” Vur said over the chatter of his three elementals squabbling with Stella inside his chest. “I want a water elemental too.”

  Grimmy scratched his chin. “Huh,” he said. “You sure? There’s a lot of noise coming out of you right now. I don’t think you’d be able to sleep if you added another one.”

  “Ignore him, Vur,” Lindyss said. She was lying on Grimmy’s head with her eyes closed. “He’s just upset since it’ll be harder for him to stuff souls into your body—which you shouldn’t let him do, by the way.” She frowned and opened her eyes. “Move to the side, would you? You’re blocking my sun.”

  “Me?” E asked. He was crouching beside her, shivering and clinging onto Grimmy’s scales as if his life depended on it.

  “Not you,” Lindyss said and swatted at the fairy flying over her face. “Her.” She glanced at E. “But why are you following me around again?”

  “Please, make me your disciple! I don’t care how many people I have to slaughter to make skeletons. I don’t care how much of my soul I have to give up to become a necromancer. As long as it’s for helping me become lazier, I’ll do anything!”

  “I think your priorities are a bit skewed,” Lindyss said, raising an eyebrow.

  “Are dwarf necromancers a thing?” Tafel asked Vur. She was sitting on his head with hundreds of fairies huddled around her, clinging onto her. Two phoenixes were perched on her shoulders, Emile and Susan.

  “E’s a magical midget,” Vur said. “He should be able to do it.”

  “They’re dwarves, Vur,” Leila said from behind him. She was flying alongside her reluctant mother, who had promised to see Nova at Vur’s, read Grimmy’s, request. “Calling them midgets is politically incorrect.”

  Vur snorted. “A midget is a midget. Who’s Politically and why does he define what’s correct or not? I’m the king.”

  Leila smiled at her mother and shrugged. “I tried.”

  Kondra shook her head, unwilling to speak. Her face was unusually pale, and droplets of sweat dripped down from her claws. A murmur escaped from her lips, “Why did I agree to this?”

  ***

  Prika hummed while lying on her belly. She flipped to the next page of the book that was the size of a food stand and giggled. Nova peered over her shoulder, paint smears on his face and snout. “You seem awfully happy,” Nova said and blinked. “Whatcha reading?”

  “The Godking’s Legacy,” Prika said with a nod. “It’s a romance between a squirrel and a sword. One of my prisoners finished writing it the other day.”

  Nova scratched his snout, spreading more paint on his scales. “One of those people you imprisoned for not wearing pink?”

  “No,” Prika said and rolled her eyes. “This one broke Prika Appreciation Monday. He didn’t create a sculpture of me and offer it to the skeletons, so what was I supposed to do? Not imprison him for breaking the law? Society would fall apart!” She laughed and flipped to the next page of the book. “I wonder how many people I’ll catch with today’s Rainbow Panties Wednesdays. Oh! That reminds me.” She placed a leaf in her book and closed it before facing Nova. “I caught this really weird blue thing. She could transform into different shapes: fishes, octopuses, birds; I had to evaporate her and store the vapor in a bottle to prevent her from escaping.” She reached behind her wing and pulled out a bottle with an unfortunate water elemental named Mistle inside of it. “Any idea what it is?”

  “That’s a water elemental,” Nova said, taking one glance at Mistle.

  Prika stared at the bottle in her paw. She blinked and met Nova’s gaze. “Think she can write romance novels?” She tapped the glass, but Mistle didn’t respond. Prika snorted and gripped the bottle, scratching the surface with the tips of her claws. She grunted and shook the bottle up and down and side
to side.

  Mistle screamed as she bounced off the walls of her glass prison. “Stop! Stop!” She sobbed as the bottle stopped shaking. “How can you be like this!? Who arrests someone for not wearing a hat!?”

  “Fancy Hat Saturdays are a serious thing around here,” Prika said and flicked the bottle. It shattered, but Mistle remained crouched, hugging her legs. Her body was in the shape of a droplet of water, but once the glass broke, she solidified into a blue rock. “You broke the law, so I arrested you.”

  “Who made that stupid law!?” Mistle shouted, tears dripping from her sapphire eyes. “I’ll beat him up!”

  “I did,” Prika said. “Like I made Animal Tail Sundays, Prika Appreciation Mondays, Three Coat Tuesdays, Rainbow Panties Wednesdays, Socks and Sandals Thursdays, and Pink Robe Fridays.”

  Mistle glared at Prika. “There’s something wrong with your head.”

  Prika’s lips drew together into an O, and she blew out a steady stream of fire right onto Mistle. The water elemental screamed as steam rose out of the cracks on her surface. “What did you say?” Prika asked, tilting her head. “I couldn’t hear you over someone screaming.”

  “You’re a monster!”

  Another jet of flames washed over Mistle. Prika swatted the vapor down and rubbed it into Mistle’s body, re-solidifying the screaming, watery rock. “Pardon?” Prika asked. “Someone screamed again, so I couldn’t hear you properly.”

  “…”

  Mistle shrieked as Prika puffed another breath of flames into her blue face. Prika tilted and lowered her head, bringing her ear next to Mistle. “What was that? It’s rude to ignore someone when they’re talking to you, you know?”

  Mistle sniffled. “What do you want from me?”

  “Romance novels.”

  Mistle’s sobbing stopped. “Romance … novels?”

  “Yup.”

  Mistle’s rocky surface crinkled as she furrowed her brow. “Like Domeo and Duliet?”

  “A who and a what?” Prika asked, raising an eyebrow. “Just write me stuff I want to read, got it?”

  “I think so…?” Mistle blinked and scratched her head. She nodded. “I’ll do it.”

  Nova scratched his chin before clicking his tongue. “Youngsters do things so strangely these days,” he said and sighed. He lumbered back towards his cave but froze after taking three steps. His back straightened as he stood on his hind legs, staring up at the sky. “An ice dragon, a darkness dragon, and two holy dragons. Sera, Grimmy, Leila, and…?”

  “What?” Prika asked. “Dragons?” She grabbed Mistle and stuffed her into a bottle before standing on her hind legs as well. “That’s Grimmy and Leila, but that’s not Sera. Wow. Is it just me, or is it hot in here?” She blinked and ran to a nearby puddle of water, checking her reflection on its surface. She wiped away a few smudges on her face and fluttered her eyelids a few times before practicing a friendly smile. As the four dragons in the sky approached, Prika ran over to Nova’s side. “How do I look?”

  Nova scratched his head. “Uh….”

  “You look great!” Mistle said, giving Prika two thumbs up from within the bottle. “Perfect!”

  Prika swallowed and nodded, staring at the ocean-blue dragon flying next to Grimmy. “I wonder where he’s from. Did Grimmy and Leila remember my plight and bring me back a mate? I really, really hope so!”

  “Prika! Grandpa!” the ocean-blue dragon said as it landed in front of the two dragons.

  Prika’s eyes widened to the size of a house. “You’re Vur!?” she shouted. Her red face flushed even redder and she hung her head, burying her face in her paws. “I’m…, I’m….” She slammed her paws against the ground and shouted, “Gah! I can’t believ—what the fu—goddammit! I give up.” She sighed and turned around, slinking away. Her tail dragged against the ground, leaving a line in the grass.

  “Prika?” Vur asked. “Are you okay?”

  “No. I’m not,” Prika said without looking back. “I’m going to disappear for a hundred years…. Yeah, a hundred years is appropriate….” She entered her cave and rolled a boulder in front of the entrance. The edges of the boulder turned red as she bathed it in flames. The boulder and entrance melted together, fusing into a solid wall.

  Vur blinked and asked Nova, “What’s with her?”

  “Died of embarrassment,” Nova said with a shrug. “More importantly”—he pointed at the trembling holy dragon hiding behind Grimmy and Leila—“what’s with her?”

  Kondra bit her lower lip as she poked her head out from behind Leila. “N-Nova,” she said. “We, we meet again.”

  “Ah!?” Nova gasped and withdrew four steps. “You’re the stalker! I already have children—stop chasing me!”

  “I’m not a stalker, dammit!” Kondra shouted. Her eyes shone white as she bared her teeth, shattering the ground beneath her feet. Leila and Grimmy stared at her, causing her to cough and look away. She shrank back and hung her head. “I mean, your, uh, grandson requested for me to come here as a quest reward. So here I am.”

  “Now why did you do that?” Nova asked Vur.

  Vur shrugged. “Grimmy told me to.”

  Nova stared at Grimmy.

  Grimmy grinned. “I thought I’d be able to see something interesting if you two met. And what do you know? Turns out my mother-in-law’s a creepy stalker.” He chuckled and nudged Leila’s neck. “We learn something new every day, huh?”

  “Get off my continent, woman,” Nova said, nodding at Kondra.

  Kondra snorted. “Fine. I’m leaving.” She pointed her snout towards the sky and closed her eyes. “Humph. I didn’t want to come here anyway.” Her eyelids trembled before shooting open. “And I have kids too! Why am I still a stalker in your mind!?”

  “After the initial surprise, it seems like they get along pretty well, don’t they?” Grimmy asked as he bent his legs and lay on his belly. One of his wings extended and draped over Leila.

  “Your definition of well is wrong,” Lindyss said. She climbed off of Grimmy’s head and sighed. “I need a vacation. Dealing with dragons takes up so much of my mental energy.” She clicked her tongue as Kondra tackled Nova. “This is why I asked you to drop me off at my home before coming here, but no, you didn’t want to. If I die during this random scuffle between two of the strongest beings in the world, I’m going to come back as a vengeful spirit and haunt you.”

  “Master!” E said as he fell off of Grimmy’s head and bounced to Lindyss’ side. “If you’re leaving, take me with you, please.”

  “Who the hell’s your master?” Lindyss asked and punted the dwarf over with her heel. “I never agreed.” Her head turned towards Vur. “Tafel, come here for a second.”

  Vur tilted his head, letting Tafel off, but the fairies stayed firmly pressed against his scales, unwilling to move. Susan also hopped off of Tafel’s shoulder and sat next to Rella and Bella. Tafel ran over to Lindyss, dodging a stray laser beam. The ground was trembling, and snarls filled the air. “What’s up?” Tafel asked Lindyss, frowning as E used her as a shield to approach the cursed elf.

  “Let’s go back to Konigreich,” Lindyss said. “Teleport us. Besides, you wanted to talk with Exzenter to set up a portal, didn’t you?”

  “You want to go right now?” Tafel asked.

  Lindyss raised an eyebrow. “You want to stay?” she asked in return and glanced at the two tussling dragon leaders.

  “Good point,” Tafel said with a nod. Her horns glowed silver as a circle engulfed her, Lindyss, and E. A second later, the trio disappeared.

  “One day, I’m going to learn a teleportation spell,” Grimmy said, rubbing his chin. “It’s just too handy.”

  “I loved you so much, you stupid oaf!” Kondra shouted. “How dare you make fun of me now!? Do you know what I had to go through? Why couldn’t you have just accepted me!?”

  Leila blinked twice, but she kept her mouth shut.

  “That’s because you’re crazy, woman!” Nova shouted back, spitting a poisonous pur
ple cloud into Kondra’s face. She snarled and shook her head rapidly, dispersing his breath. “I have a firm policy to avoid crazy women!”

  “But you mated with that slovenly ice lizard! Where was your policy then!?” Kondra roared before snapping her jaws at Nova’s neck.

  “Goddamn, you’ve lost all your marbles since I last saw you,” Nova said as he struggled out of her grasp, narrowly saving his neck. He glared at Grimmy while fending Kondra off with his tail. “You caused this; do something!”

  Grimmy pointed at himself and looked around before tilting his head.

  “Don’t act stup—igyah!? Keep your teeth away from the jewels, you crazy first-aid kit! You said you were vegan!” Nova swatted at Kondra, scratching her like a cat scratching a ball of yarn.

  “It’s not like you need them anymore,” Kondra said with narrowed eyes. She pulled on Nova’s tail and lunged at her target once again. “You said you already had kids! And just because I refuse to eat anything except for moonlight, that doesn’t mean I’m a vegan.”