Inspired

by Jessica Florence

  My eyes glanced down to the mystery box. I quickly snatched it up and closed the door.

  I saw a little note on the top, tied into the blue bow.

  Thought you might need a new outfit for a night out on the town.

  P.S. No pantsuits.

  Logan

  “There is nothing wrong with a pantsuit!” I yelled, hoping Jay and Logan, even in Florida, could hear me.

  My fingers ripped at the bow and tore open the box with haste. But then they stopped after revealing what was inside. A pale pink shirt and a high-waisted, box-pleated skirt that had large watercolor flowers on it. It looked very pretty and feminine. The blues, reds, and pinks. Almost like cotton candy. Underneath, there were two small, pointed pink heels with a salmon-colored clutch.

  I didn’t know why, but Logan buying this outfit for me and knowing that I would need it made me feel some heavy emotions. I didn’t even know what the emotions were called, but they were something. The outfit was simple, not sexy or gaudy. More my style actually. I didn’t care to flash my cleavage to everyone or wear such short skirts that my vagina hung out if I bent over.

  It was almost scary how well he knew me, and while I knew I was paying him for this stuff, to make decisions and tell me what to do, this just felt … I didn’t know.

  Personal.

  Maybe it was my overactive brain reading too much into this, or maybe it wasn’t. Deciding I needed to talk to him, my so-called temporary bestie, I quickly pressed his name on my phone and listened to it ring.

  “Logan,” he answered cheerfully.

  “How’d you know?” I stared at the pretty outfit, wishing it would tell me all its secrets of how it had come to be here.

  “The outfit?”

  I nodded and then remembered he couldn’t see me, so I answered, “Yes. I was just standing in front of my closet, trying to figure out what to wear, and this showed up.”

  “I took a leap of faith, hoping you would seize the moment, but I also figured you weren’t prepared for that. So, I used part of your fee to make sure you had something nice. You’ll feel happier and more confident in a nice outfit instead of whatever you brought.”

  Okay, so I had just read into this way more than I should. He hadn’t even used his own money. It’d come out of what I’d already paid him.

  “Well, you were right. Jay and I are going out tonight. I want to eat greasy pizza and see a Broadway show. Hopefully, Jay can get it all set up for me. If not, we’ll do something else.”

  “Fantastic. Text me later or tomorrow to let me know how you’re feeling.”

  “Okay, will do. Thanks again for the outfit. I actually really needed it, and I like it a lot. Good choice.” I was feeling better and excited to wear the objects in the box.

  “Go be free, Mia.”

  “I will. Bye, Logan.”

  We hung up, and I quickly got dressed and touched up my makeup and hair.

  Jay had managed to score us two tickets to see The Lion King in two hours. Plenty of time for us to head out and eat some pizza.

  The outfit indeed made me feel better about myself and more confident like Logan had said it would. I felt strong and beautiful. While I still needed a haircut and had some being-stressed pounds hanging out on my hips, I felt amazing and didn’t care at all that I wasn’t perfect. I knew I never would be, but as I walked through the hotel lobby with eyes turning to look at me, I might have added a little bit of a sway into my hips like I was on the catwalk. Feeling like a new me.

  If one outfit made me feel this way, I was in need of a completely new wardrobe.

  As we hopped into the town car that was waiting for us, I looked at a very casual Jay in a gray shirt and nice jeans, who was excited to be getting out of the hotel for once on a business trip.

  “I think, when we get home, I’m going shopping. I like this look.” I smiled big, feeling like I’d taken a step in the right direction toward true happiness. Accepting what was and making each day have a sprinkle of joy.

  “Thank God. Good-bye, old and depressing pantsuits. Hello, bright and shiny Mia.” He laughed, and it was all I could do to keep from smacking him as we drove into New York traffic.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Mia

  Logan: Still alive?

  Mia: Yes. Last night was so much fun. Today’s gonna suck, but I feel okay about it.

  Logan: Good. Don’t forget to eat and drink. Remember, you are strong and capable of accomplishing anything you set your mind to.

  Mia: Do you get all your quotes from an inspirational calendar, Yoda?

  Logan: Celestial Seasonings tea boxes actually. This morning was, “Cinderella was proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.” *currently shopping for shoes*

  Mia: *And by shoes, Yoda means sandals.*

  Logan: Dis not the sandals you do.

  Mia: Can’t believe I hired you.

  Logan: Best choice you ever made.

  Mia: Best choice I ever made.

  The smile from my conversation with Logan earlier lasted throughout the whole day. Even after sitting while my New York general manager interviewed possible candidates for the new position of executive assistant manager.

  Two applicants with the best background experience seemed like the best options and would do the job required. Natalie, the GM, seemed to agree. Another interview would be scheduled, and we’d go from there. Things moved fast in my business. There was no time to waste when work was piling up.

  Jay and I were on my jet before nightfall, and I was honestly feeling great. Like maybe life was going to be okay. My first week with Logan would be done as of tomorrow, so after only five more weeks, supposedly, I would be back to taking over the world and feeling inspired by the end. Truthfully, I did see how that was possible. I’d learned so much in this first week that I had faith the next few would change me forever.

  By the time Jay and I got back to the hotel in Tampa. I was tired and ready to do that relaxing I’d desired yesterday.

  I had e-mails to check and a few phone calls to make now that I was back at my home base. Even though the tasks were monotonous, I got everything done and still felt okay. Not burned out, not sad. I did my job and survived without going down the dark rabbit hole of my mind. Even did a twenty-minute wind-down from the yoga video on Lindsey’s website. She was wonderful, and I hoped she took me up on my offer to teach some classes at my Tampa hotel a few times a week. I wanted to do yoga more often, so I was making an effort to do so after feeling mentally better after the one with her and Logan.

  With my mind cleared and my body feeling looser, I put my dirty clothes from the trip in my hamper and took a hot shower. Really focusing on the feel of my body and the droplets cascading down my skin. Trying to be present in this moment instead of letting my mind wander, as it liked to do.

  I wanted more days like this. Working and just an hour or so to focus on myself. This was something I felt I could accomplish. Hell, even just that twenty minutes of yoga or relaxing in the shower was enough.

  My bed was cozy and called to me, as did the book I had waiting for me on the nightstand. I’d set it there, hoping I’d glance at it before bed, but that was unfortunately weeks ago. Better late than never, right?

  ***

  It was just getting to a good fight scene in the book I was reading when my phone beeped, alerting me that a text was waiting. Maybe Logan was checking in to see how I was doing. I’d sent him a text earlier to let him know I was back and was ready for more life coaching or whatever he had planned.

  This text was from my sister though.

  Gia: I wanted to show you this before you heard it from anyone else.

  Under those words, there was a photo downloading. A nervous feeling settled beneath my skin, and my stomach started to feel heavy. That feeling of foreshadowing, that something bad was about to happen, crept up my spine, tensing my muscles and making my fingers shake, as I waited for the photo to show up.

  As soon as it popped u
p, that heavy feeling in my stomach dropped, like the sensation of a roller coaster diving down. Tears didn’t even threaten to cascade down my cheeks. They assaulted me without warning. I struggled for breath, and my chest tightened as my lungs refused to take in more oxygen.

  I knew I shouldn’t feel this way, but it didn’t make the sudden onslaught of emotions any easier to deal with.

  There HE was. Wallace. Black hair perfectly gelled, brown eyes bright as they gazed lovingly at the blonde-haired woman with the pregnant belly in his arms. Their smiles matching with complete happiness for the little bundle of love they’d created.

  I had known Wallace and Hollis had gotten married. I had even been nice and sent them a bottle of wine to show I was the bigger person. But this? This hit me on some level I hadn’t even known was possible. That was supposed to be me. Pregnant, looking up at the man I loved and who loved me back with a baby kicking me in the intestines. At least I wasn’t married to a cheater anymore, but maybe he wasn’t cheating on her. Maybe he had found his true love after all and didn’t need to find any other vagina to fall into.

  Maybe it was just me.

  I was the problem.

  I set the phone back on the nightstand. My fingers grabbed Baymax, my personal healthcare stuffed companion, and I followed my dark thoughts without abandon down the rabbit hole.

  Chapter Twenty

  Logan

  I was already on my way to the hotel when Mia’s assistant called me, letting me know I needed to get there quick. Mia was not okay.

  My fingers drummed restlessly against the steering wheel at every red light that kept me from getting to my destination quicker. Of course, the rain didn’t help. We were experiencing one of our lovely Florida rainstorms today, which made every person driving think that the rain was fire dripping from the sky instead of water.

  I was glad I’d put the cover on the Jeep this morning; otherwise, I’d be soaked right now. Wouldn’t do good to walk into that hotel, looking waterlogged.

  I hopped out of the Jeep, leaving the keys in the seat for the valet, and I walked with purposeful steps to the elevator that would take me to Mia.

  She had been fine yesterday. Everything had been going great in her path to being inspired. If she wasn’t okay, something big must have happened. Whatever had happened, I knew she’d be okay and come out of it. But I needed to see what had changed before deciding on the road to take toward healing.

  And I would admit, there was a part of me that didn’t like the thought of Mia being distraught in any way. She deserved to smile and feel that peace in her soul. I wanted that for her, and I’d do whatever I could to make it appear again.

  Jay was sitting at his desk, drumming a pen on a notepad, looking at his computer but not really seeing whatever was in front of him.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, walking briskly to his desk just as his head popped up, and his eyes widened with concern and helplessness.

  “No clue, but she has been a complete robot today. No emotions, except saying she’s fine. Something happened, and I have no idea what. I don’t even remember her being like this when her and the ex got divorced or when he married the woman he’d cheated on Mia with. She was her normal push through, I’m not bothered attitude.” His right pointer finger came up to his teeth, and he nervously chewed on his nail.

  “Okay, thanks for calling.”

  His words carried new information about her past. The ex was an asshole who had cheated on her and then married the woman. Mia having a not-bothered attitude about the situation showed that she was in denial and refused to deal with the emotions as they happened. Pushing them back into her mind instead of feeling them. That hurt never went away. It was just hiding in her mind until, one day, the dam broke.

  My fingers gripped the handle before I let myself in and closed the door behind me.

  Mia was sitting behind her desk, typing away on her computer. She glanced up at me, and the smile she gave me was utterly pathetic. Full of lies and uncommunicative emotions.

  “How’s it going?” I plopped into the seat, facing her directly, not a smile on my face to help cheer the mood.

  We needed to get to the bottom of whatever this was.

  “I’m fine. Everything is good.”

  “That’s good. You seem to be really coming along in the process. Letting things go, feeling the moment as is.”

  Her lips twitched slightly before she gave me that sad smile again. Most people, especially women, had a tendency to feel like they were drowning but would still say they were fine when asked. Like they didn’t wish to burden anyone with their troubles. They’d rather bear the brunt of the pain alone until it consumed them and only them.

  Mia was hardheaded and wouldn’t admit to me whatever she was dealing with right now. I’d hoped we had established more trust, but whatever this was, she was trying to push it far back into her mind, lock it in a safe, and then throw it into the depths of her head. It wasn’t healthy, and she would only make herself feel worse by not facing this right now.

  The rain battered the windows behind her, and while there was no thunder or lightning, the storm was still a sight to see.

  An idea hit me like I’d been struck by electricity.

  “Let’s go.” I stood and held out my hand for her to accept.

  She tried to grab her phone, but I told her to leave it on the desk. She did so and placed her warm and feminine hand in mine. Trusting me to lead her to what I had next. No doubt she was going to throw a fit, maybe even unleash her Italian fury on me with what I had planned, but any emotions coming from her would be better than this unfeeling woman holding my hand.

  The dam needed to be broken. She needed to feel whatever she was holding back.

  ***

  We neared the doors that opened a clear path to the outside pool.

  “Uh, Logan, it’s raining outside.” Her hand tightened on mine, and her feet slowed. Her fear of storms was about to go out the window in this moment.

  “Right. Your fear. I’ve got this.” I gave her a smile of comfort before letting go of her hand. Then, I dropped my shoulder down to her stomach and wrapped my arms around the backs of her legs. She was up and over my shoulder in a heartbeat before I kicked the door open and started running straight through the rain. I jumped into the pool, cannonball-style, with Mia screaming against my back.

  The water was refreshing, and the woman on my shoulder clung to me like a floatation device. We popped back up, and the raindrops picked up, falling onto our heads. The only noises echoing around the pool area were the droplets on the water surface.

  “What the hell is your problem? I fucking hate storms. They terrify the shit out of me, and I especially don’t wanna be in water while one is happening. This is how people die!”

  She tried to get off me, so I let her but not as she might have wished. I tossed her ass into the deeper side. She came up from underneath with murder in her eyes.

  This I could deal with.

  “There is no lightning around. It’s just rain. You’re safe. Now, tell me what’s really going on,” I demanded, moving slowly toward her. Carefully treading water.

  “Are you kidding me? This was completely out of line.” She tried to swim toward the ladder that would let her out, but I grabbed her, feeling desperate for her to let me in.

  I did the only thing that came to mind.

  My lips crashed against hers, and I pulled her body close to mine in the shallow side, only our heads above the water.

  Her movements to escape had left her, only wide eyes and shock at our connected touch keeping her in this pool with me.

  My hands ran up her back, soothing her as I kissed her again and again.

  When her lips began joining mine in finding comfort in one another, I felt unimaginable joy clench my chest. Just this woman’s kiss and sensual touch, as innocent as our touch was, lit me on fire inside. I wanted more. Like an addict, I craved her smile and, now, her lips. She was not without passion
in her life; it was all there. Locked away and was ready to be set loose.

  I pulled back and softly kissed her, letting her know we had to separate.

  “What happened, Mia?” My hand rubbed her back while the other kept her pressed against me.

  Her bottom lip wobbled as she looked up at the sky and then back at me. Droplets fell from her long eyelashes, and I wished I had a camera to capture how beautiful she looked right now. She was deciding whether or not to trust me and reveal emotions, all while having reddened lips from our gentle kiss.

  She wanted out of the rain as well as whatever she was dealing with in her head. It was easier to retreat back inside herself than face the unknown.

  “Best thing you can do when it rains is to simply let it rain, Mia. You can’t control anything but yourself. Open up to me, Mia. Share the pain.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Mia

  “I divorced my ex because I had seen him having an affair with my assistant. They ended up getting married a year later, and my sister sent me a photo that she had taken of them at the café she was at, embraced in each other’s arms with a big ole pregnant belly between them.”

  I didn’t wanna look into Logan’s eyes. I felt dumb as it was, just being upset over something like this. Life was great without Wallace. Truly, it was. But it still hurt, knowing that was supposed to be me.

  “You felt jealousy?”

  Shaking my head, I finally looked up at him. Those eyes, the color like the water surrounding us, made me completely forget that we were swimming in a rainstorm. Something I hated.

  “I was envious. Not of him or her. But that they were having a baby and looked to be in love. I thought that would have been us if he hadn’t cheated on me. I know I’m happy without him. I don’t regret it at all. It just hit something in me I hadn’t known there was a target for.”

  Shame and a combination of something else from that kiss Logan had shocked me with were overwhelming me. There wasn’t enough room in my head to even wrap my mind around what had just happened between us. There was just too much going on inside me to think about our lips connecting.