I was scared to look at him, scared of the thoughts that would follow looking into those eyes.
“Mia.”
I wanted to be strong, and I was. But hearing him say my name stripped me. My body shuddered, and the tears began to fall. The brush in my hand fell to the ground, splattering green paint on the wooden planks of the gazebo.
“I can’t look at you yet. Please say what you have to say,” I begged.
I knew I’d survive whatever came next. But I wasn’t ready to see him. I’d thought I was, but just hearing him was wrecking me right now.
“Okay,” he agreed.
The sound of a piece of paper wrinkling in his hands filled the air. Maybe he’d prepared a speech. Although that didn’t really seem like his style.
“I wrote a hate/forgiveness letter. And I need to read it to someone aloud. You know the drill. I am hoping that you’ll be the person to hear it, to help me let go. Will you?” His voice was more confident and not pain-filled like the last time I’d heard him speak.
I nodded, knowing how powerful forgiveness was and hoping that whoever he was about to read about would help him move on.
“Yes.”
“Okay.”
He took in a deep breath, I heard the crinkle of his fingers gripping that paper so much that I thought it might rip in his hands. My own fingers dug into my yellow sundress with the same intensity as I stared at the painting before me, not really seeing it as he started reading.
“Dear Logan …”
Chapter Fifty-Three
Mia
I hadn’t been expecting this, and my attention was completely on his voice coming from behind me.
“I’m so fucking pissed at you. For what you’ve done to yourself all these years, for preaching love and letting go while repressing those things inside yourself.”
My heart ached for him, for these words. But I knew them, had felt them as my own.
“You let Katherine manipulate you, use you, make you into some asshat in a suit with no opinions or desires. You let love turn into something nasty in your eyes, like a virus or a plague upon mankind. Instead of those dreams of having a family and a happily ever after, you gave up. Wanted the simple love-free life instead.”
Tears started falling over my mascara-covered eyelashes, those fingers gripping my dress opening and flexing. Craving to reach out and soothe the hurt that was inside him. But this moment was for him to get out what he needed and not for me to save him.
“Then, there was the shit with your parents. They got their own letters from you, but I’m still angry with you for holding on to that hope that they’d be people they weren’t—loving parents. At the end, you let them be in control of your happiness, and no one but you is in charge of your happiness. You forgot everything. All your schooling, all that work with people you’d helped with Inspired. Your friends, your new love. You forgot who you were. You let yourself fall into despair where no one could follow you. Pushing away everyone who mattered, hurting those you cared about most.”
His breathing hitched slightly, like he was struggling to get these words out as much as I was struggling against going to him, to be there for him.
“Lastly, I’m so pissed at you for fucking things up with Mia. For pushing her away when you really needed to lean on her. To let her be the light in the dark for you. Instead, you yelled, and you made both of your hearts break in two. Then, there was that stunt with Alexa.”
My chest constricted, my throat refusing to swallow, and my eyes burned from the coming tsunami of tears that were about to crest.
“Your cousin Alexa came to visit you, to check in on you, and instead of telling Mia that she was your cousin, the truth, you let her think the worst. You not only shattered what was left of her cracked heart, but also pushed her into a place she should never have been. You love Mia with all your hippie, sandal-wearing heart. And you broke her. You don’t deserve her after this. You’d helped build her up, only so you could tear her down when you were feeling vulnerable and scared. That’s what you were. Scared. Scared of the unknown future, scared that you would end up with a broken soul or breaking Mia’s in the process. You turned too far into yourself that you lost sight of what you had and only focused on the negatives.”
My head fell, tears dripping onto the yellow dress, as I was unable to hold back the emotions I was feeling—the release of knowing he hadn’t betrayed me. He was an ass and shouldn’t have done what he had. I’d played right into my own flaws, and he’d merely taken advantage of that.
“But you know what, Logan?” His voice was closer, on the move.
Sandals peeked into the view to my left. He was here.
His soft fingers caressing my hair, then my jaw, and under my chin. Slowly lifting my head to look at him once and for all.
My heart skipped a beat and then became erratic. He was so handsome, smiling, and a gaze of hope beamed in my direction.
“I forgive you, Logan.”
I cried for him.
I cried for me.
“I forgive you, Logan, because I know you’re going to make this right. I know you’re going to let go of the past, of the hurt, and finally set yourself free from those chains.”
A smile began forming on my lips, pride blooming in my chest, as he kept going with his words, not even bothering to look at the paper he had, which was now discarded on the ground somewhere.
“I forgive you, Logan, because I know that you are going to find Mia, tell her the truth, and spend every second of the rest of your life gluing those pieces of her heart back together if you need to. I know you’re going to tell her every day how much you love her and how beautiful she is, even without the makeup and glam. That you’re going to tell her how brave and strong she is. Because let’s face it; she doesn’t need you. She can handle anything life throws at her by herself. So, you’re going to prove to her with every breath you take that you belong beside her.”
I could not stop crying, but those tears that had been sad and filled with hope were now tears of joy. My Logan was here, and he was confessing his love to me.
“I forgive you, Logan, because I know that you’re enough on your own and that you will live out the rest of your life, choosing happiness. Maybe Mia will even let you marry her one day and have a family filled with gray eyes, tan skin, and caramel-colored hair, so they can drive you crazy while they speak half-Italian and half-English around you at the breakfast table.
“I end this letter with a simple good-bye. Take care, Logan. Live free and go fix what you fucked up with the love of your life. Good-bye.”
Silence spread between us, the crashing of the waves in the background the only sound here. My tears fell quietly, no ending in sight for those.
“I’m sorry, Mia,” he finally said to me, not a part of his letter.
Although those words weren’t needed. I knew he’d felt them even before now.
“I fucked up, and I can’t take it back. Any of it. But I can promise you that I will never hurt you like that again. I’ll annoy you, tease you, but I will never break any part of you again, especially something as valuable as your heart. Forgive me, Mia.”
I didn’t know what to do first. My emotions were changing so fast that I couldn’t keep up. I wanted to tell him I’d forgiven him before he even stepped into the gazebo. I wanted to happy-cry some more from the intensity of the love shining in his blue eyes. And, lastly, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to leap into those strong arms and show him I was choosing him. Choosing us.
“You love me?” I questioned, my bottom lip pulled between my teeth as I waited for the words to come past his lips again.
“More than your Nonna’s special spaghetti sauce.”
I laughed and shoved him back in jest. His declaration spoke volumes because no one loved anything more than Nonna’s special sauce.
“I love you, Mia. You inspire me to be a better man.”
“So, what you’re saying is, you’ve been inspired?” I was playi
ng on his business name. I had been inspired by him, by his words, and by my own self.
“Okay, sassy ass. Either give me a kiss or kick me out of here.” He smiled, and I was off the stool in seconds, my arms wrapping around him like magnets connecting.
“I love you, Logan. If you ever pull that asshole Logan again, I’m feeding you to my family. I’m pretty sure Uncle Tony knows someone who knows someone who was in the Mafia, and you’ll be swimming with the fishes. Capisce?”
Our lips were mere inches away from each other, his breath tickling mine, flirting with the touch to come.
“Kiss me already, woman.”
I did, and the world was right again.
“You really should have held out a little longer. I was ready to sing ‘I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing’ again to you. I know it was my serenading skills that made you officially love me. I could still do it if you need extra proof that I love you.”
He pulled back, and I shook my head. I was good.
“’Cause even when I—”
I shut him up from singing with my lips. He’d said enough, and I was done with the talking. I was ready to live in the moment and all the moments to come with him.
I’d gone from barely wanting to eat and breathe to a woman who knew who she was and who could conquer anything she set her mind to. And it was all because of Logan.
Come what may, we were going to live, inspired, in our very own happily ever after.
Epilogue
Mia
Two Years Later
“Where is she? Where is my little bambino?” my mother yelled as soon as she walked into the house, knowing where everything was better than I did since we’d only moved into this place a few months ago.
Logan and I had agreed that we needed a house with a yard for the baby to play in, so he sold his house, I gave up my penthouse, and we bought something that was just us. No memories of our pasts, just future ones to come with our little bundle, who we’d had a month ago.
Eve Woodland.
I’d never known that I could love something more than I did until seeing my daughter with her sweet cheeks and brown hair. It seemed she’d taken after her father with those blue eyes and his long eyelashes.
Logan was, of course, meant to be a dad. He succeeded in everything he did in life. Need jewelry fixed? He could do it. Need a bench or table built? He could do that, too.
He’d helped put up the decorations in the wedding barn outside my hotel for our very special day, claiming that he wouldn’t let anyone fuck it up for me. That was all after he’d made me tea and told me to look for the handsome man at the end of the aisle.
It was a beautiful event, and I was beyond happy to have been the first to get married in the barn after its completion. Maybe I’d known that I was really building it for me and letting others enjoy it after the fact.
I’d come to believe that everything truly happened for a reason. Even the bad things.
I had been so go, go, go until life forced me to chill. I didn’t like it. I suffered and felt adrift. But then that led me to Logan. And, through him, I found myself again.
We’d found each other and love from the ashes. That beauty I had known would come.
It wasn’t always easy. There were days where we both retreated into ourselves. But then we’d remind each other of the good in our lives.
We kept each other grounded while reaching for the stars.
“Daydreaming of me?” Logan plopped down next to me.
Our daughter was no longer in his arms but had been snatched up my parents, who were over here almost every other day to see their newest grand-baby, but tonight, they were taking her home with them, so Logan and I could have a night to ourselves.
“Oh, yeah. I was thinking of that time we did something crazy.” I bit my lip, teasing him that maybe we could sneak up to our room and have a naughty bed session while my parents watched the baby.
“I like the way you’re flirting with me right now. Are you trying to make another baby?”
He knew I was tired and could probably pass out or have sex with him. I was leaning toward the sex idea, but he would keep playing with me just to keep a smile on my face for hours, even without it.
“Good Lord, let’s survive this one first. I was thinking about taking a nap. Maybe sleeping for a few hours with you.”
“I’ll sleep with you anytime, baby. In exhaustion and sickness, I promised to be by your side.” He leaned in to sweetly kiss me.
“I’m pretty sure that wasn’t what our vows said.”
That smile, that humor—all parts of the man I loved. We’d been living life to the fullest since we kissed in the gazebo after he read his forgiveness letter. I scooped it up afterward to read again, only to find out it had been blank the whole time. That only made me kiss him more after that. He’d spoken from the heart in that moment.
“I’m pretty sure it said that and something about giving up the booty anytime your husband requested it.” He stood and held out his hand for me to take, so he could help me up.
“All right, make it quick, so I can take a nap after,” I teased, but really, I was excited to have some one-on-one time with my lover.
We undressed quickly, and Logan stood there before me, still as sexy as ever.
“Ready to be inspired, baby?” He pounced, his lips moving over every inch of me he could touch.
“Make sure to put that on the brochure next time,” I murmured before our lips connected, and we found peace in each other, as we always had.
The End
A Letter to The Reader
Hellloooo!
I can’t express enough how much you taking a chance on my book means to me. Even if you hated it, you guys gave it a shot, and I am so beyond grateful for that! This book started as an idea I had over 2 years ago while I was in the depths of not being ok. I thought I knew what it took to be better and at that point in my life if I had continued to write Inspired this story would have gone a completely different direction. It was only recently that I learned most of the things in this book, and they changed my life for the better.
However, the advice that Logan gives and what Mia learns is strictly my own experiences. They are not 100% for everyone. People suffer from anxiety, depression, burn out, and mental issues differently. I have ADHD, and am a Perfectionist. I don’t suffer from chronic depression, but those two, especially put together cause acute depression. So, what works for me, does not work for everyone. BUT
Below is a list of more resources that you can try and see what works for you along with what I’ve given in the storyline.
First!! If you are feeling very low, and suicidal PLEASEEE call this number or chat with someone! It’s FREE! You are so worth living, please take that step, and let someone help!
1-800-273-8255
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/
Please do not be afraid to call your doctor if you are not feeling ok! I was feeling crazy, and I did not know what was happening to me and my mind. SO I called my doctor and told her I wanted all the tests, and the drugs to calm my shit. Turns out I had a silent UTI (not a big deal, but can actually mess with your mind) and ADHD. I was put on Ritalin, and it helped! I personally didn’t want to be on it for the rest of my life so I have been doing other things since I learned how to work with myself.
Don’t be scared to try the medicine to get you out of the depths. If you don’t want to be on it forever (Which many do and they are happy) there are many supplements and things in your life you can do instead but sometimes when you are too deep in the water, you need help to get your head back over the waves.
Some supplements I have been taking and they are helping a lot. Please consult a doctor before taking any of these though. This is just to open your eyes to more. I am not a doctor.
5HTP- this supplement has really helped me with my moods, and ADHD.
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/5-htp-benefits
https://www.
poison.org/articles/5htp-safety-concerns-173
https://www.verywellmind.com/5-htp-for-depression-1066521
B6 - https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/vitamin-b6-deficiency-symptoms
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/vitamin-b6-benefits#section1
B12 - https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/VitaminB12-Consumer/
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/vitamin-b12-benefits
Those are some of the supplements I have found help me, and have helped many others. But before taking them, do your research, and talk to a doctor.
~~
I have also found that meditating and yoga truly do help with how you feel mentally! I am a big fan of yoga, however, I don’t like doing it for a long time. ( I got things to do) and it’s hard to mentally cut myself off from thinking. But I have found someone who teaches yoga on Youtube, and I am obsessed. She has a yoga for everything. When you are stressed, sick, bedtime yoga. You name it. So, I pick which one I think I need whether it be for creativity, stress melt etc. And most of her videos are 11- 40 mins long. So perfect for me! I can truly see a difference in myself when I give myself this few minutes to check in. I put my daughter to bed, and go do yoga. My husband will help her if she needs anything. It’s 20 mins most of the time, they will be fine, and I get that time I need Then I go about doing what I do afterwards. You have to make time for yourself!! It’s crucial to mental health, and it is not selfish!
Yoga with Adriene- https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene
Meditation with Adriene (it’s on the same Youtube channel but here is specifically meditation) - https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene/search?query=mediation
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Inspirational quotes I have found help me, that I look at frequently, and repeat sometimes like a mantra. Many quotes in this book are inspired by them so if they look familiar, you’ve read them before ??
Inspired Page 19
