Louise de la Valliere

by Alexandre Dumas

  Chapter IV. The Rat and the Cheese.

  D'Artagnan and Porthos returned on foot, as D'Artagnan had set out.When D'Artagnan, as he entered the shop of the Pilon d'Or, announced toPlanchet that M. du Vallon would be one of the privileged travelers, andas the plume in Porthos's hat made the wooden candles suspended over thefront jingle together, a melancholy presentiment seemed to eclipse thedelight Planchet had promised himself for the morrow. But the grocerhad a heart of gold, ever mindful of the good old times--a trait thatcarries youth into old age. So Planchet, notwithstanding a sort ofinternal shiver, checked as soon as experienced, received Porthos withrespect, mingled with the tenderest cordiality. Porthos, who was alittle cold and stiff in his manners at first, on account of the socialdifference existing at that period between a baron and a grocer, soonbegan to soften when he perceived so much good-feeling and so many kindattentions in Planchet. He was particularly touched by the liberty whichwas permitted him to plunge his great palms into the boxes of driedfruits and preserves, into the sacks of nuts and almonds, and into thedrawers full of sweetmeats. So that, notwithstanding Planchet's pressinginvitations to go upstairs to the _entresol_, he chose as his favoriteseat, during the evening which he had to spend at Planchet's house, theshop itself, where his fingers could always fish up whatever his nosedetected. The delicious figs from Provence, filberts from the forest,Tours plums, were subjects of his uninterrupted attention for fiveconsecutive hours. His teeth, like millstones, cracked heaps of nuts,the shells of which were scattered all over the floor, where they weretrampled by every one who went in and out of the shop; Porthos pulledfrom the stalk with his lips, at one mouthful, bunches of the richMuscatel raisins with their beautiful bloom, half a pound of whichpassed at one gulp from his mouth to his stomach. In one of the cornersof the shop, Planchet's assistants, huddled together, looked at eachother without venturing to open their lips. They did not know whoPorthos was, for they had never seen him before. The race of thoseTitans who had worn the cuirasses of Hugh Capet, Philip Augustus,and Francis I. had already begun to disappear. They could hardly helpthinking he might be the ogre of the fairy tale, who was going to turnthe whole contents of Planchet's shop into his insatiable stomach, andthat, too, without in the slightest degree displacing the barrels andchests that were in it. Cracking, munching, chewing, nibbling, sucking,and swallowing, Porthos occasionally said to the grocer:

  "You do a very good business here, friend Planchet."

  "He will very soon have none at all to do, if this sort of thingcontinues," grumbled the foreman, who had Planchet's word that he shouldbe his successor. In the midst of his despair, he approached Porthos,who blocked up the whole of the passage leading from the back shop tothe shop itself. He hoped that Porthos would rise and that this movementwould distract his devouring ideas.

  "What do you want, my man?" asked Porthos, affably.

  "I should like to pass you, monsieur, if it is not troubling you toomuch."

  "Very well," said Porthos, "it does not trouble me in the least."

  At the same moment he took hold of the young fellow by the waistband,lifted him off the ground, and placed him very gently on the otherside, smiling all the while with the same affable expression. As soon asPorthos had placed him on the ground, the lad's legs so shook under himthat he fell back upon some sacks of corks. But noticing the giant'sgentleness of manner, he ventured again, and said:

  "Ah, monsieur! pray be careful."

  "What about?" inquired Porthos.

  "You are positively putting a fiery furnace into your body."

  "How is that, my good fellow?"

  "All those things are very heating to the system!"

  "Which?"

  "Raisins, nuts, and almonds."

  "Yes; but if raisins, nuts, and almonds are heating--"

  "There is no doubt at all of it, monsieur."

  "Honey is very cooling," said Porthos, stretching out his hand towarda small barrel of honey which was open, and he plunged the scoop withwhich the wants of the customers were supplied into it, and swallowed agood half-pound at one gulp.

  "I must trouble you for some water now, my man," said Porthos.

  "In a pail, monsieur?" asked the lad, simply.

  "No, in a water-bottle; that will be quite enough;" and raising thebottle to his mouth, as a trumpeter does his trumpet, he emptied thebottle at a single draught.

  Planchet was agitated in every fibre of propriety and self-esteem.However, a worthy representative of the hospitality which prevailed inearly days, he feigned to be talking very earnestly with D'Artagnan, andincessantly repeated:--"Ah! monsieur, what a happiness! what an honor!"

  "What time shall we have supper, Planchet?" inquired Porthos, "I feelhungry."

  The foreman clasped his hands together. The two others got under thecounters, fearing Porthos might have a taste for human flesh.

  "We shall only take a sort of snack here," said D'Artagnan; "and when weget to Planchet's country-seat, we will have supper."

  "Ah, ah! so we are going to your country-house, Planchet," said Porthos;"so much the better."

  "You overwhelm me, monsieur le baron."

  The "monsieur le baron" had a great effect upon the men, who detecteda personage of the highest quality in an appetite of that kind. Thistitle, too, reassured them. They had never heard that an ogre was evercalled "monsieur le baron".

  "I will take a few biscuits to eat on the road," said Porthos,carelessly; and he emptied a whole jar of aniseed biscuits into the hugepocket of his doublet.

  "My shop is saved!" exclaimed Planchet.

  "Yes, as the cheese was," whispered the foreman.

  "What cheese?"

  "The Dutch cheese, inside which a rat had made his way, and we foundonly the rind left."

  Planchet looked all round his shop, and observing the different articleswhich had escaped Porthos's teeth, he found the comparison somewhatexaggerated. The foreman, who remarked what was passing in his master'smind, said, "Take care; he is not gone yet."

  "Have you any fruit here?" said Porthos, as he went upstairs to the_entresol_, where it had just been announced that some refreshment wasprepared.

  "Alas!" thought the grocer, addressing a look at D'Artagnan full ofentreaty, which the latter half understood.

  As soon as they had finished eating they set off. It was late when thethree riders, who had left Paris about six in the evening, arrived atFontainebleau. The journey passed very agreeably. Porthos took a fancyto Planchet's society, because the latter was very respectful in hismanners, and seemed delighted to talk to him about his meadows, hiswoods, and his rabbit-warrens. Porthos had all the taste and pride ofa landed proprietor. When D'Artagnan saw his two companions in earnestconversation, he took the opposite side of the road, and letting hisbridle drop upon his horse's neck, separated himself from the wholeworld, as he had done from Porthos and from Planchet. The moon shonesoftly through the foliage of the forest. The breezes of the opencountry rose deliciously perfumed to the horse's nostrils, and theysnorted and pranced along delightedly. Porthos and Planchet began totalk about hay-crops. Planchet admitted to Porthos that in the advancedyears of his life, he had certainly neglected agricultural pursuitsfor commerce, but that his childhood had been passed in Picardy in thebeautiful meadows where the grass grew as high as the knees, and wherehe had played under the green apple-trees covered with red-cheekedfruit; he went on to say, that he had solemnly promised himself that assoon as he should have made his fortune, he would return to nature, andend his days, as he had begun them, as near as he possibly could to theearth itself, where all men must sleep at last.

  "Eh, eh!" said Porthos; "in that case, my dear Monsieur Planchet, yourretirement is not far distant."

  "How so?"

  "Why, you seem to be in the way of making your fortune very soon."

  "Well, we are getting on pretty well, I must admit," replied Planchet.

  "Come, tell me what is the extent of your ambition, and what is theamount you intend to r
etire upon?"

  "There is one circumstance, monsieur," said Planchet, without answeringthe question, "which occasions me a good deal of anxiety."

  "What is it?" inquired Porthos, looking all round him as if in search ofthe circumstance that annoyed Planchet, and desirous of freeing him fromit.

  "Why, formerly," said the grocer, "you used to call me Planchet quiteshort, and you would have spoken to me then in a much more familiarmanner than you do now."

  "Certainly, certainly, I should have said so formerly," replied thegood-natured Porthos, with an embarrassment full of delicacy; "butformerly--"

  "Formerly I was M. d'Artagnan's lackey; is not that what you mean?"

  "Yes."

  "Well if I am not quite his lackey, I am as much as ever I was hisdevoted servant; and more than that, since that time--"

  "Well, Planchet?"

  "Since that time, I have had the honor of being in partnership withhim."

  "Oh, oh!" said Porthos. "What, has D'Artagnan gone into the grocerybusiness?"

  "No, no," said D'Artagnan, whom these words had drawn out of hisreverie, and who entered into the conversation with that readiness andrapidity which distinguished every operation of his mind and body. "Itwas not D'Artagnan who entered into the grocery business, but Planchetwho entered into a political affair with me."

  "Yes," said Planchet, with mingled pride and satisfaction, "wetransacted a little business which brought me in a hundred thousandfrancs and M. d'Artagnan two hundred thousand."

  "Oh, oh!" said Porthos, with admiration.

  "So that, monsieur le baron," continued the grocer, "I again beg you tobe kind enough to call me Planchet, as you used to do; and to speakto me as familiarly as in old times. You cannot possibly imagine thepleasure it would give me."

  "If that be the case, my dear Planchet, I will do so, certainly,"replied Porthos. And as he was quite close to Planchet, he raisedhis hand, as if to strike him on the shoulder, in token of friendlycordiality; but a fortunate movement of the horse made him miss his aim,so that his hand fell on the crupper of Planchet's horse, instead; whichmade the animal's legs almost give way.

  D'Artagnan burst out laughing, as he said, "Take care, Planchet; forif Porthos begins to like you so much, he will caress you, and if hecaresses you he will knock you as flat as a pancake. Porthos is still asstrong as ever, you know."

  "Oh," said Planchet, "Mousqueton is not dead, and yet monsieur le baronis very fond of him."

  "Certainly," said Porthos, with a sigh which made all the three horsesrear; "and I was only saying, this very morning, to D'Artagnan, how muchI regretted him. But tell me, Planchet?"

  "Thank you, monsieur le baron, thank you."

  "Good lad, good lad! How many acres of park have you got?"

  "Of park?"

  "Yes; we will reckon up the meadows presently, and the woodsafterwards."

  "Whereabouts, monsieur?" "At your chateau."

  "Oh, monsieur le baron, I have neither chateau, nor park, nor meadows,nor woods."

  "What have you got, then?" inquired Porthos, "and why do you call it acountry-seat?"

  "I did not call it a country-seat, monsieur le baron," replied Planchet,somewhat humiliated, "but a country-box."

  "Ah, ah! I understand. You are modest."

  "No, monsieur le baron, I speak the plain truth. I have rooms for acouple of friends, that's all."

  "But in that case, whereabouts do your friends walk?"

  "In the first place, they can walk about the king's forest, which isvery beautiful."

  "Yes, I know the forest is very fine," said Porthos; "nearly asbeautiful as my forest at Berry."

  Planchet opened his eyes very wide. "Have you a forest of the same kindas the forest at Fontainebleau, monsieur le baron?" he stammered out.

  "Yes; I have two, indeed, but the one at Berry is my favorite."

  "Why so?" asked Planchet.

  "Because I don't know where it ends; and, also, because it is full ofpoachers."

  "How can the poachers make the forest so agreeable to you?"

  "Because they hunt my game, and I hunt them--which, in these peacefultimes, is for me a sufficiently pleasing picture of war on a smallscale."

  They had reached this turn of conversation, when Planchet, looking up,perceived the houses at the commencement of Fontainebleau, the loftyoutlines of which stood out strongly against the misty visage of theheavens; whilst, rising above the compact and irregularly formed massof buildings, the pointed roofs of the chateau were clearly visible, theslates of which glistened beneath the light of the moon, like the scalesof an immense fish. "Gentlemen," said Planchet, "I have the honor toinform you that we have arrived at Fontainebleau."