A Vow Of Hate

by James, Lylah

  A breath lodged in my throat and I gripped her arm harder. “Calm the fuck down, Julianna.”

  My words had the opposite effect. Her tiny fists slammed into my chest. “You’re a brute. I hate you! I HATE YOU!”

  Her wails pierced through the air and I knew Gideon could hear them. The whole island could. I had finally broken through her walls and Julianna had lost her senses, letting her emotions swallow her whole.

  It would have been a sight to be seen, watching her break, if I hadn’t been so bothered by it. But I didn’t let myself question why because, at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. Julianna and I were poison together, as she said. There was no cure.

  Grasping her by the shoulders, I slammed her into the grassy walls of the labyrinth. “Shut up. Gideon will hear us,” I hissed.

  “Let me go,” she screamed, clawing at my face. “You’re hurting me, you monster. Let me go!”

  “Shut the fuck up!” I roared, gripping her jaw before I slammed my mouth over hers, silencing her screams and swallowing down her cries.

  Right over the fucking veil.

  Julianna gasped and went completely rigid in my arms.

  Her lips parted under the veil and I could feel her soft fucking lips. Her breath was warm and her hollow eyes flared with… shock.

  My body pinned her up against the wall of the labyrinth, and her balled fists came to my shoulders, as if to push me away, but she didn’t.

  Her fingers dug into my muscles and Julianna whimpered under my lips, through the thin veil.

  I didn’t move. She didn’t either.

  The kiss was barely even a kiss.

  One ruined moment.

  Two simple breaths.

  Three shattering seconds.

  I pulled away and Julianna’s legs gave out under her. Before she could crumble to the ground, I swept her up in my arms. She roved her eyes over my face, and without a word, she wrapped an arm around my neck and buried her face into my shoulder.

  How ironic. To surrender herself into the arms of the monster she so despised.

  It took me a long time to find our way out of this place, but I eventually saw the exit. With Julianna still in my arms, I walked out of the labyrinth.

  I found Gideon standing there, an expressionless look on his face. I walked past him without a word and carried Julianna back into the castle, up the stairs and into her room. She didn’t move once; her muscles barely twitching; she didn’t speak. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I was carrying her cold, dead body in my arms.

  Or maybe I am…

  She barely made a sound when I placed her on the bed. I straightened and she curled into herself. Her eyes blinked open and our gaze collided together.

  “There’s a fine line between love and hate, Killian,” Julianna muttered, her voice soft and broken.

  “Not for us,” I said.

  “Not for us,” she agreed.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Julianna

  A week later

  I walked into the stables to find Killian brushing Cerberus’s black coat. He ran his fingers through the stallion’s mane and he spoke softly to it. I slowly backed away when both Cerberus and Killian’s gaze snapped up to mine.

  Oh well, too late to make myself scarce now.

  His eyes rove over my riding outfit, from my black shirt, tucked into the waistband of my tight, brown riding trousers, down to my legs and boots. I ignored the way my stomach fluttered and I stalked over to Ragna.

  I still haven’t forgotten what he said to me a week ago, or what he did in the labyrinth.

  That… kiss.

  That stupid kiss.

  To this day, my lips still tingled and the kiss was still seared into my brain. Alright, it wasn’t a real kiss. My veil had been in the way, but I still felt his lips on mine.

  Over the week, we were courteous with each other. Sure, he still threw in a few insults here and there, because he was Killian Spencer, after all. He couldn’t be a gentleman without also being an asshole.

  But I knew the only reason he was being ‘nice’ to me was because Gideon was reporting, every second of our days, back to Killian’s father. So, we had to play a little game. A pretty lie and a perfect ruse.

  To show Gideon and William that we were finally getting along, slowly falling in love and finally acting like a real married couple.

  Except, the truth couldn’t be further from that.

  We were still very much volatile together.

  Killian’s hatred for me still simmered underneath his skin, waiting for the right moment to burst through. His rage still flickered in his dark eyes. His smiles were as wicked and as cold as the winter days. There was a darkness in him that called out to me. But there was nothing romantic about it, for I was neither his light nor his peace.

  In fact, I was the exact opposite. I was the reason there was darkness in him. His dead heart was my doing and I couldn’t undo it, not when Killian was still so hellbent on tormenting and exacting his vengeance.

  I led Ragna out of her stall by her bridle.

  Cerberus let out a loud breath and he perked up at the sight of Ragna. My mare strutted closer to Cerberus and they eyed each other with keen interest.

  Like the tease she was, Ragna brushed her body against Cerberus and the stallion let out a snort in response. But Ragna was already prancing away.

  My lips pressed together, holding back a laugh when my mare paused a short distance from Cerberus and Killian. Her attention was still on the stallion, but she was playing hard to get.

  “You’re being difficult on purpose, my love,” I whispered to her, running my hand over her white coat.

  “If your mare doesn’t stop teasing my stallion, I will have to do something about it,” Killian warned thickly.

  “It’s not Ragna’s fault that your horse won’t take a hint,” I said.

  Killian scratched his horse behind his ear and his voice had deepened when he spoke again. “Cerberus doesn’t play games.”

  “And Ragna just wants some loving,” I shot back. “Maybe if your stallion wasn’t as grumpy as you…”

  “Cerberus is fine the way he is,” Killian snapped.

  I rolled my eyes. I guessed he was protective of his horse. Like I was with Ragna. At least we had something in common.

  I took in the sight of Cerberus. He was almost twice as big as my mare. His black coat was shiny and he was imposingly tall. His mane was long and silky, as was his tail. “He’s a beautiful horse,” I praised and I meant it.

  “He is,” Killian agreed, still brushing Cerberus.

  I did the same with Ragna. “How did he come into your possession?”

  “I found him as an injured foal about ten years ago. His front leg was broken and he was left to die in the snow,” he explained, giving the stallion a look that could easily be described as adoration. “I fixed him up and he grew attached to me. Didn’t want to leave when I tried to send him away to someone else. So, I kept him. He was brought to the island about four years ago. I don’t have much time to ride horses, anyway.”

  Of course, he didn’t.

  Killian was the heir to all of Spencer’s foundations and businesses, including all the wealth that came with it. His father was slowly starting to retire and now that William was practically on his deathbed, Killian was already taking over. He was a busy man, after all.

  “Grace used to be scared of horses,” Killian said, his voice surprisingly soft. “You’re not.”

  I swallowed against the lump that seemed to lodge itself in my throat. The fluttering in my stomach ceased and my muscles tensed. Every time Gracelynn had been brought up… my somewhat peaceful moment with Killian would fall apart, disintegrate into ashes.

  And this time, Gideon was right there, tending to the other horses. He was within hearing distance and he was watching both us with keen attention.

  Ragna lowered her head to me, bumping into my shoulder. I rubbed the side of her neck, giving her a gentle smile. “If
you keep comparing Gracelynn to me, you’ll continue to find that we’re two completely different people,” I whispered.

  “I see that.” His hoarse baritone voice reverberated through my bones.

  I pressed my forehead against Ragna’s. She let out a small breath and I closed my eyes, my heart feeling heavier than ever. “We are both miserable in this marriage, Killian.”

  He made a sound in the back of his throat, almost dismissively. “Miserable or not, you’re stuck in this marriage, Beasty.”

  I hadn’t been talking about me though. Guilt charred inside of me, simmering like lava inside my belly. Killian deserved better than this fake marriage. He deserved a second chance at love… even though, that woman wasn’t me.

  A shuddering breath rattled through my chest and I finally had the courage inside of me to say the one thing I had been dying to say since the day of our engagement.

  “You’re not as unlovable as you make yourself out to be,” I finally spoke, feeling the way my chin wobbled and my hands shook. I peeked at Killian to see his nostrils flaring and his jaw tightening.

  “The man my sister loved is still there, hidden somewhere underneath your skin and that cold exterior of yours. True, me and you can’t ever be together. Not with our tarnished past. But I hope one day, you can find love again. The kind of love that makes you a soft person and the kind of love that makes you want to be a better man. You deserve a love that’s not stained with sins or ugly lies and horrible secrets.”

  He let out a chuckle, without any warmth, and so cold it almost gave me frostbite. “That’s a pretty speech you have there, Beasty,” Killian mocked. “Very well-practiced, I have to say.”

  Why was I even surprised that this was his response? I didn’t exactly hate Killian, but while I was trying my best to get along with him, he was just making it so damn hard. “Why do you have to turn everything I say into something ugly?”

  “Give me the heir I need, and we can go our separate ways,” Killian responded coolly, as if it was just that – a matter-of-fact and not a life-changing decision.

  I took a step away from Ragna and approached him and his horse. “Would you really let me go?”

  He tsked, cocking his head to the side. “We’ll live our separate lives, but I won’t give you a divorce,” he amended.

  “Why not?” I asked, genuinely curious why he could live his separate life but he still wanted to be attached to me, in some way, even in name only.

  “No divorce,” he deadpanned.

  “So, you can continue tormenting me?”

  His lips widened with a wicked grin, so malicious, so cold. “Exactly. See, you’re a smart girl. Why do you like to act so stupid sometimes?”

  “Why do you have to act like an asshole, all the time?” I shot back, tempted to snap at him but I reined in my anger. One of us had to stay cool, one of us had to hold back because the last time we both lost control…

  It ended up with my walls torn down, me sobbing in his arms… and him kissing me to shut me up. Whatever the outcome was, Killian Spencer always ended with the upper hand and I was left vulnerable.

  “It’s part of my charm,” he drawled.

  I rolled my eyes. “I don’t find it charming at all.”

  As I grew closer to Cerberus, he eyed me doubtfully. I was right to call him grumpy. He didn’t get along with anyone except Killian. Even Gideon was only allowed to bathe him and brush his coat. If the older man had as much as tried to mount him, the stallion would have bucked him off and not so nicely either.

  Killian’s eyes briefly darted to me before he went back to petting Cerberus. “When will you realize, Beasty, that I could care less what you think of me?”

  “Tormenting me has really become your favorite hobby, hasn’t it?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer. Bitterness dripped in my words and even I heard them clearly.

  My lungs squeezed the breath out of me.

  “It’s boring here, on this island,” Killian responded, his voice shockingly soft, but I didn’t let it fool me. Killian was a dangerous creature. “So, I had to find a new hobby.”

  “I’m pretty sure that was your way of calling me interesting enough to be Killian Spencer’s hobby.”

  “Only you would turn an insult into praise.”

  My lips twitched with a ghost of a smile. “It’s just a unique ability I was born with.”

  Killian let out a sound that sounded something between a laugh and an insult. Cerberus made a defensive snort, always angrily, when I got too close to him. I slowly started to back away, hands up in the universal surrender sign. “Easy boy, I’m not going to hurt you.”

  Killian paused. His eyes flickered past my shoulder and they widened, horror washing over his face. I dropped my hands, my heart dipping into my stomach as coldness washed over me, freezing the blood in my veins. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and…

  It all happened in slow motion.

  Cerberus let out a loud neigh, as if he could feel his master’s tension and fear. He threw his front legs up, before slamming them down.

  Killian ran toward me.

  I stumbled away from Ragna.

  A gunshot roared through the air, loud and clear, paralyzing me.

  My husband slammed into me, spinning us around, and I tipped over. My eyes squeezed shut and I let out a piercing scream, bracing myself for the fall.

  The moment I was flung onto the ground, my breath left my lungs with a loud whoosh and Killian collapsed on top of me. My back felt like it had been scraped raw and every muscle in my body tightened in pain.

  I laid there, for a second too long, unblinking, unmoving.

  I stared at the sky as my head spun and the world swayed.

  A short whimper escaped my throat.

  What… just… happened?

  There were more screams and Gideon rushed past me, as I tried to understand what was happening. The scene, from the moment Killian’s eyes widened to the moment he flung us onto the ground, each second of it flashed in front of my eyes like a black and white Polaroid picture.

  We were shot at?

  No, someone tried to shoot me from behind.

  And Killian… saved me.

  I brought a hand up to my face, my hand slamming over my mouth as I shivered uncontrollably. The pins holding my veil had come undone, with the lace fabric no longer covering my face. I panicked, a shuddering breath leaving my lungs, as my arm shot out and I blindly searched for my veil.

  It was then I realized that Killian was laying still on top of me, his body weight crushing me into the ground. “Killian?” I whispered, but I was met with silence.

  With all my might, I rolled him off my body. He let out a pained groan, his eyes clenched tightly. I ran my gaze over his face, before my eyes swept over his body to examine him. From head to toe.

  “Oh my God,” I gasped, when I finally saw the reason why he was in pain.

  His pristine white shirt was stained with… blood. “Oh God! No!”

  I practically ripped open his shirt, searching for the wound. The left side of his stomach was covered in blood. A bullet wound.

  Realization slammed into me and my body went so cold, my teeth clattered and I was shaking uncontrollably.

  Killian didn’t just save me from getting shot, he took an actual bullet for me.

  I was trembling from head to toe when Gideon came back, crouching down next to us. “Are you okay, Julianna?”

  “I – I don’t know… he… Killian got shot.”

  I could feel the panic rising, like a cluster of sparks going out, flickering in the pit of my stomach. Gideon grasped my shoulders, turning me to face him. “Help is on the way. Calm down, little one. You’re shaking.”

  I wrenched myself from his arms and collapsed on top of Killian. I gathered his face into my palms. “Killian, wake up. Open your eyes, please!”

  I begged, sobbing.

  I pleaded, wailing.

  The tears spilled down my cheeks. />
  My breathing came out more rapid, more shallow. I had to remind myself to calm down, but I couldn’t. Oh God! I tried to slow down the swaying, the spinning world, to do something my brain and my body could cope with. But the numbness took over.

  “Killian…”

  “He’s going to be okay.” The voice seemed to call out from far away, yet Gideon was right next to me. I couldn’t focus on him.

  “He’s hurt. I – he’s hurt because of me.” My stomach heaved and I felt sick. “No, no. No!”

  Frantically, I pressed my hands against Killian’s bullet wound. “I have… to… put pressure, right? Right? He can’t bleed too much. If he bleeds too much…. He can’t. Put… pressure. Need to…”

  My sentences were fragmented; my voice sounded lost and crazy even to my own ears. “Please… don’t die. Please. Please. Please. You can’t leave me too. Please. Killian… Killian. Killian.”

  I didn’t notice that more people had arrived at the scene until arms were grabbing me from behind, pulling me off Killian’s body. He out a small groan, his eyes finally blinking open, but they were glassy in pain. It was almost like he couldn’t see me, like he was lost somewhere else.

  “Killian!” I screamed.

  But the moment he turned his face toward me, Gideon spun me around. Later, I would realize why he didn’t let Killian see me.

  My body felt strange, too numb, too cold, shaking too much as the older man pinned my veil back in place. The pressure on my chest tightened, almost like it was squeezing the life out of me. That was exactly how it felt. Like the grim reaper himself dragging my soul out of my frail body.

  I watched as two men helped Killian stand. He said something to them, but I didn’t hear their whispering. They walked away with my husband and my gaze darted to the blood on my hands.

  Stained.

  Bloody.

  Tainted.

  Messy.

  I tumbled forward into Gideon’s arms, quivering and no longer in control of myself.

  My mind was just… empty. Numb.

  Darkness shrouded me.

  And my body seized up.