The Hearts We Burn

by Briana Cole

Now I was afraid, and I’m sure every degree of fear was so expressly written all over my face. Damn, had I really been that stupid, that comfortable, that I hadn’t even considered security cameras? Of course. No way he, Tyree and Kareem could keep eyes on me all the time.

  “Did she tell?” My voice came out in a whisper and I held my breath waiting for his answer.

  “I don’t think so,” Kareem said. “No way to be sure though.”

  I nodded and tried to convince myself that he was right. Because if Leo did know I was trying to escape, he wouldn’t sit on that information, would he? I had to find comfort in knowing my ass was still alive, so that required his ignorance. At least for now.

  “So,” I pressed, my words coming out slow as I tried to make sense of everything. “You saw me on the cameras.” Kareem nodded. “And Leo? Did he see me?”

  “To be honest, I don’t know.”

  Again, I had to believe he hadn’t. Or I would be dead somewhere.

  We were quiet again, both lost in our own thoughts. But all I could circle back to was, now what, now what, now what?

  “I’m not going to tell,” Kareem said as if reading my mind. “But you have got to be more careful around here.”

  He was right of course. “Wait,” I thought suddenly panicked. “Are there cameras out here, too?”

  “Yep.” Again, Kareem kept his eyes forward. “But no audio so we’re good. Just sit back and look like you chilling.”

  I did as I was told. The rain had let up and now a thin mist hung between us. A chill stung my arms and I shivered, or maybe it was just me. Now knowing that everything I did was being watched made me feel a little on edge. I take that back. A lotta on edge.

  “Why are you doing this?” I asked, quietly. “Telling me all this? Helping me?”

  Kareem glanced back to the house, probably confirming we were indeed alone, and rose to stand closer to the pool. I watched his body language, stiff for a while like he had retreated into his own world.

  “I know a lot about what’s going on around here,” he admitted. “Leo’s family. I’m his uncle. And I know all about you, Kimera.”

  Chapter 11

  Adria

  The headache woke me first. The shards of pain like nails grating across the length of my brain to the point tears stole from my lids and dribbled down my cheeks. I moaned and winced at the sting of raw tissue coating the inside of my throat. A chorus of beeps and buzzes echoed in the room and I blinked away the haze clouding my vision.

  A hospital room. I should’ve known by the stench of antiseptic permeating among the pale blue walls. The realization of my whereabouts had my eyes darting around the room, mentally sighing in relief when I saw I was alone. But not for too long apparently. I spotted the rumpled sheets thrown across the lap of the dingy sleeper sofa. Keon probably hadn’t strayed too far. I dreaded his return because I just couldn’t bring myself to face him right now. What had I done?

  The door opened and a man entered, adorned in a white lab coat and a pen tucked behind his ear to tangle in the graying edges of his hair. His eyes landed on me and his face creased into a smile.

  “Well, glad to see you’re awake,” he said, lifting a clipboard from the file basket on the wall. “We’ve given you something for the nausea. How do you feel?”

  I didn’t even bother opening my mouth to respond. I knew the question was more of a courtesy than genuine concern. My smile was weak. I turned my head as he checked my IV, my monitors, and all the noise makers by my bedside. I guess everything seemed to be in order because he just murmured while nodding and scribbling something on his little clipboard.

  “Vitals look good,” he commented. “You seem to have hit your head and suffered a little nasty bump there. Do you need some medicine for the pain?”

  Hell yes I needed something but right now, the thought of swallowing any more medicine was making me feel like I wanted to turn and splatter my insides on this pristine linoleum floor. So, instead I shook my head which only intensified the pain.

  I let my eyelids flutter closed and tried my best to remember snatches of the events that led up to this moment. Nothing.

  “What happened?” I asked. “Where is my husband?”

  The doctor glanced up at the empty sofa bed as if he were just realizing its occupant was gone. “They were just here so probably downstairs to the cafeteria. I’m sure they’ll be back soon. And as far as what happened—”

  “Wait a minute,” I said on a frown. “They? They who?”

  “I’m not sure who was with your husband but, like I said I’m sure they’ll be on their way back here shortly.”

  I nodded and weakly laid my head back on the pillow. “What happened?” I asked again, already dreading the answer. Being back here in this same hospital brought back way too many memories. Memories I wasn’t prepared to handle.

  “You overdosed.” The doctor’s voice broke through my mental anguish. “We found a great deal of prescription medication in your system, some things laced with . . . illegal substances . . .”

  I tuned out as he continued on his little spiel to bring me up to speed, picking past the medical jargon to understand that I would indeed be okay but they’d had to pump my stomach and run a battery of tests to make sure there was no internal damage.

  I heard the door open and what sounded like my husband’s hushed voice speaking to the doctor about any of my changes during his absence.

  I was too embarrassed about the situation so I didn’t even bother to look over, just kept my eyes closed and feigned sleep. Maybe if I pretended long enough, it would eventually come. What would he think of me now, knowing I was on the verge of suicide?

  It got quiet. So quiet that I risked lifting an eyelid. Not Keon like I had expected. Jahmad was seated right beside my bed his face filled with concern as he stared back at me. I sighed. The hell was he doing here?

  Months hadn’t aged Jahmad a bit. I had always thought he was handsome, of course he was no Keon, but decent enough I suppose. Kimmy thought the man was the black Adonis himself, that’s for sure. He had cut his hair nearly bald and grown out a thick beard that looked good on him. To make matters worse, he looked clean, well-kept and doing good for himself in his jeans and polo shirt. Not at all like me. Not at all like he had been grieving the loss of Kimmy and Jamal. That thought alone pissed me off even more. And it pained me. Just another reminder that life goes on, with or without people in it.

  Jahmad spoke first. “How are you feeling?”

  I shrugged, not bothering to answer. I was sedated in a hospital bed, sore and sick from an apparent drug overdose. How did he think I was feeling?

  “Where is Keon?”

  “He was here all night,” he answered. “I told him to go home, shower and get a change of clothes and I would keep an eye on you.”

  “Gee thanks.” I didn’t care the comment was dripping with sarcasm. I didn’t ever want to be around this man, let alone right now. When he made no further move to speak, I decided to hurry him along. “I don’t need you here looking after me. Don’t you have a pregnant wife to get back home to?”

  For a brief moment, irritation flickered across Jahmad’s face. But it was gone just as fast. “I don’t have a wife,” he corrected, his voice calm. “And I’ve already talked to CeeCee so we’re good. Didn’t know you were so concerned.” His turn to drop the sarcasm.

  I rolled my eyes. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? My friend hasn’t been in the ground but a few months and you have already moved on to your happily ever after with little Miss CeeCee. You’re probably wishing she had died and gotten out of your way quicker, huh?”

  Jahmad got up and started to the door. Good riddance. To my surprise, he stopped, his hand on the knob. On a sigh, he turned around and faced me once more. “Just get it all out, Adria,” he said. “Here. Everything on the table.”

  I squinted my eyes against the tears threatening to erupt. Not here. Not now. Not with him. “What difference does it make now,
huh?” I asked. “Kimmy and Jamal died. They don’t have tomorrow to look forward to. You’re not grieving. Hell, you don’t even seem upset. Don’t seem to care. It’s like, you just replaced her. And I guess because Jamal wasn’t yours, his little life doesn’t even affect you either. Especially because you have your new baby on the way. I don’t even see how you ever claimed to love her. I don’t see . . .”

  I clamped my mouth shut when I saw the first few tears glisten on Jahmad’s face. He didn’t speak, didn’t even acknowledge them and if it wasn’t for the angle of the light, I would have missed the outward display of emotion completely. The sight cracked my little tough exterior and as if they were just looking for permission, my own tears began to fall.

  “I get it,” Jahmad said finally after we both had cried silently for a moment. “But let me just say this Adria. I haven’t always been perfect. Other than Kimmy and Key, you’ve known me long enough. Do I strive to be a better man? Hell yeah, all the time. Do I fail? Hell yeah, all the time. But one thing I can say, is that I loved Kimmy with everything in me. That girl was my life. So when I found out about Jamal not being mine . . .” His voice cracked and he cleared it before powering on. “That shit cut a nigga deep. I didn’t even know anyone could hurt me like that. Did I handle the situation the best with her? Probably not. But like I said, I’m not perfect. Folks think men are soft and shit for having feelings but hell, we get hurt, pissed, and fucked up in the head just like women. So yeah, I was acting out of anger rather than actually being rational. Shit has been eating at me ever since.”

  Jahmad stepped forward and resumed his seat next to my bed. He was again, looking at me but his eyes had wandered somewhere else. Somewhere far from me. “Me and CeeCee had a onetime thing. She was there when I was going through the shit I was going through with Kimmy and yeah, we did some things we shouldn’t have. I have a lot of regrets about that. But still, she’s pregnant now, that’s my child, and I’m going to do what I need to do as a man and a father. Because I owed that to Kimmy and Jay-Jay and I didn’t give them that. And it’s because of them I want to be a better me. That’s all I can do, Adria.”

  I sighed, digesting the information. My heart ached for him because where I couldn’t see it before, it was more than obvious, Jahmad was grieving in his own way. I lifted my arms and he leaned in to give me a hug and my body relaxed into his.

  That’s how Keon found us when he pushed open the door moments later. He looked between us and we smiled at each other, that silent exchange of mutual understanding. Keon didn’t say anything, nor did he interrupt. Just let us have our little moment of healing.

  “I’m gone run home for a bit,” Jahmad announced. “You need anything, Sis?”

  The familiar name warmed my soul. “I’m good Jahmad. Thanks.”

  “Cool.” The men exchanged a quick fist bump before Jahmad left us alone. Keon crossed to put down the overnight bag he had in his hand before coming to sit next to me in the chair Jahmad had just left vacant.

  When the silence stretched longer between us, I said the only thing that seemed appropriate in this situation. “I’m sorry.” My voice cracked with the weight of the words and I saw Keon blink back tears.

  “Dria,” his voice was soft, compassionate and filled with so much loving fear that I almost sobbed out loud. “How could you do that? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t mean to. I just . . . wanted to get rid of the pain.”

  “You didn’t even tell me you were on any medication for all of that.”

  “You stopped going to therapy with me,” I murmured.

  Realization had Keon dropping his eyes to where his hands lay absently on the bed, mere inches from me. Yet still, he didn’t move. I wondered if I reached out to touch him, would he flinch, would he pull away? Was he now disgusted by me?

  “I guess I didn’t think—” he cut himself off, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry, Dria. For not being there when you needed me.”

  Now I did chance it, gingerly placing my hand on his. He was trembling and my heart wept.

  “I came back,” he said, almost as if he was talking to himself, reliving everything that he was speaking. “I forgot something and came back home. I found you in the bathroom, and I couldn’t do anything to save you.”

  I shuddered at the image. Keon coming back to find me unconscious. But even worse, what if he hadn’t come back? I would have still been back home, dead.

  “I’m sorry,” I said again. “I love you Key. You know I would never do anything to hurt you.”

  Keon looked at me, as if he was trying to believe that. “We need to get you help,” he said.

  “I’ll start going back to the therapist.”

  “No, I was thinking like psychiatric care. Maybe here or for a few weeks at a mental health hospital.”

  I sat up with all the strength I could muster. What the hell? “No,” I said. “That’s bullshit and you know it. I told you this was an accident—”

  “And how do I know there won’t be any more accidents, Adria?” Pissed, Keon got to his feet and began to pace in front of me. “They got your ass in here under suicide watch. We get out of here, how am I supposed to make sure you’re okay? That you’re safe and won’t try this shit again?”

  “What do you mean, how? You’ll be home with me. We’ll get through this together.”

  Keon shook his head, “You make it sound so simple. Shit ain’t simple. You damn near died.”

  I started to cross my arms in defiance, then realized the IV needle in my arm was keeping me from lifting it too much. Instead I just rolled my eyes and looked away. “Ain’t happening,” I said.

  Keon nodded and pulled his phone from his back pocket. I narrowed my eyes, watching him dial some numbers. “Who you calling?”

  Keon placed the phone to his ear. “Dr. Waller.”

  My eyes ballooned. “Wait, why?”

  “Because you’re going to this hospital whether you want to or not. And I’m pretty sure she’ll draw up some papers that force you to go after I tell her how you tried to commit suicide on the medicine she prescribed.”

  Shit. I couldn’t let that happen. My prescription ran out for those pills a long time ago and Dr. Waller would know something was up because she sure as hell didn’t prescribe the dosages I had in my possession. And if she told Keon, then shit would hit the fan about Barlow, the drugs, the affair, hell every damn thing.

  “Fine,” I agreed, my panic subsiding when he pulled the phone away from his ear.

  “I’m only doing this because I love you.” Keon’s voice was disgustingly reassuring and I began to feel my anger boiling under the surface. How could he do this to me? “And after rehab, we can go back to working on us.”

  I didn’t respond. Okay, I would have to play by his little rules for now. But he had shown his true colors. He wanted to lock me up in some psych ward, didn’t even trust his own wife. And for what? For him to go back to sleeping with everything in a skirt? Here I was, battling my own issues and my husband wasn’t concerned about me, about my welfare. He was trying to do everything under the sun to show me he was done with me. Hell, hadn’t he just packed his shit and moved out? Why was I hanging on so desperately? Was it really him, or the memories we shared I was clinging to? Hell, was this marriage even salvageable?

  My heart cracked under the weight of my own range of emotions. Anger, yes, that one was clear. But also fear. Anxiety. Hurt. I didn’t know how we could go on without each other. But I didn’t see how we could go on with each other either.

  Chapter 12

  Kimera

  “Leo’s father, my brother, is very powerful in Côte d’Ivoire,” Kareem explained. “He’s involved in some heavy-duty shit. And I don’t mean just drugs. I mean drugs, firearms, human trafficking, you name it and Obi has his hands in it. Being this kind of man, this kingpin, he has also gained a lot of enemies. However, with his alliances and the law enforcement on his side, he is basically untouchab
le.”

  I tried to steady my breathing as I listened intently. I felt like I was tumbling deeper down the Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole and I was nearly salivating in anxiety to hear it all. I had always wondered more about Leo’s father. I sure as hell didn’t expect any of this.

  “There are a lot of people Obi has fucked over to build his empire,” Kareem went on. “But for every one enemy, he has four allies. So no one would dare touch him.”

  Kareem paused for a moment too long and my eagerness got the best of me. “So how did you get mixed up in all of this?”

  Kareem returned to his seat on the lounge chair, almost as if what he was about to reveal required too much strength. “I was greedy,” he admitted. “I let money cloud my judgment. Make me turn my back on my family. I got involved with some people who wanted to take down my brother. So, I became an . . . informant.”

  Nice way to say a snitch but I didn’t voice that. Just let him keep talking. “I began filtering information to them and helped them to rob Obi. Also, some sabotaging to make sure we were destroying his whole operation. Of course, shit went south. Obi found out about all them niggas that was in on it and had everyone killed. And,” he added, looking me in the eye. “Just to show you how ruthless he is. Not only had them killed, but one immediate member of their family.”

  I gasped. “So, children too?”

  Kareem shrugged. “Children, grandparents, mothers, he doesn’t care about that. That’s what I’m telling you.”

  I was still in shock so all I could do was acknowledge I was listening with a nod. “But you . . .”

  “Yeah,” he knew exactly what I meant. Why was he still alive? “Obi didn’t know I was involved. I had kept my shit clean and nothing could be traced back to me. Plus, everyone that knew was dead so . . .” Kareem shrugged and looked again to the house. “At least I thought so until ole’ boy.”

  I frowned in confusion as my eyes followed him to the house. “Tyree?” I asked. “But how?”

  “I didn’t know it at the time, but his brother was one of the ones killed during the takedown. They probably talked, so Tyree knew shit I didn’t even know. He one-upped me. He approached me with evidence proving I was involved. So now, I’m basically being blackmailed.”