by Jacqui Penn
‘When did you know?’
‘When I saw her hair, it made me think, and then I could see.’
Simon looked down as Giorgia’s fingers folded around his thumb. ‘The boys are back with me on Thursday. Can I bring them over?’
Sophia felt like a weight had lifted. ‘That’d be lovely. I’ll get some pizza.’
‘No. I’ll bring the ingredients and cook us a paella.’
Sophia laughed. ‘Truly? Paella? You’ve turned into a chef have you?’
‘It’s actually quite easy when you know how… Sophia, we go back a long way, perhaps we can still keep in touch.’
She looked at him and for the first time in ages, she saw the Simon she used to know. Where had he been? Tied up in knots, just like her, she imagined. ‘I’d like that.
Chapter 32
Sophia stood at the front door, holding Giorgia as Simon climbed into his hire car. She felt rude not waving him off, she at least owed him that, but she itched to get to the letter. He finally pulled away, and Sophia heaved a sigh of relief. Then she suddenly faltered before going upstairs to retrieve the letter. Could she handle the disappointment of finding no address other than that of the Airforce? At the moment there was hope, in a few seconds, her hopes and dreams might be gone. She needed to delay just a few minutes longer. She went slowly up the stairs and put Giorgia on the bed to change her as a delaying tactic. The nappy was dry, she wasn’t thinking straight, she’d only changed her half-an-hour before; what was the matter with her?
She picked up the envelope, grateful that Simon had at least kept it for her, but a surge of anger went through her as she thought how long he’d kept it for her. It was history, there was no point looking back and from Simon’s point of view, when would have been the right time to give it to her?
With Giorgia on her hip and the letter tight between her finger and thumb, she went back downstairs and sat on the sofa. She put the letter on the coffee table while she secured Giorgia in her bouncy chair and flicked the sprung giraffe attached to the side of the seat. Giorgia was mesmerised watching the creature wobbling from side to side. Sophia went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. She took a large mouthful and looked out of the kitchen window for a moment, before venturing back to the letter.
She sat on the sofa, took a deep breath, picked up the letter, and with her hand shaking, she pulled the letter from the envelope and opened the folded sheet. Her eyes scanned to the top of the page, an address, yes, an address. She read the address twice: Lindells, Bramley Park Way, Spondon, Derby. She couldn’t contain her excitement.
‘Giorgia, we have an address. I can’t believe we have an address!’ Her eyes dropped back to the page and she read the letter.
My darling Sophia,
What can I say? I loved you and left you against my better judgement. You made a decision and who am I to say you should have chosen me, but here it is. I love you more than any other man ever could. Our time together has been so spasmodic and short in hours, but every moment spent with you is precious and unforgettable.
I wish you every happiness in your upcoming marriage, and I mean that most sincerely. I love you too much to try and stop you doing what you feel you must do.
I haven’t returned to the Airforce as planned. I’m staying at my father’s for a while and trying to get my head around losing you for a second time. I have to say, it doesn’t get any easier.
By now, you must be shaking your head with disappointment at my weakness, you. Does that sound weird? I think so. This is not a good time in my life, but I’m sure I’ll survive.
I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you if you should change your mind and want to get in touch.
I love you Sophia, always have and always will. Take special care and be happy in all that you do.
You mean the world to me,
Gio xxx
Sophia glanced down at Giorgia who was staring back up at her, a serious look on her face. She brushed her tears away with the back of her hand and smiled at the baby. ‘It’s alright, Mummy’s just a bit shocked… Let’s make a nice cup of tea and think about what we’re going to do.’
She hovered by the kettle, waiting for it to boil. There was no phone number, so she’d have to drive up to Derby. She knew it was hours away and it was far too late to go today. Moretti was his family name. She wondered if she would be able to find a phone number now she had an address. Her heart pounded, she flicked off the kettle, suddenly not wanting tea. She looked at the clock. ‘I’ll feed you Giorgia and then I have serious detective work to do.’ Imagine finding a number and speaking to him tonight; she surely couldn’t be that fortunate? She had been blessed finding her brother and grandmother, she might just have luck on her side one more time.
The directory enquires number rang four times before it was answered.
The voice was foreign. ‘How can I help you?’
Sophia’s heart thumped. ‘I’m looking for the phone number of the surname Moretti.’
‘How are you spelling that, please?’
‘M-o-r-e-t-t-i.’
‘Do you have a first name?’
‘Sorry, I don’t. I have an address.’
‘What is the address?’
Sophia said the address. She fumbled with the pen and started to scribble on the paper she’d got ready.
The woman said the number.
Sophia dropped the pen. ‘Sorry, I dropped my pen, could you repeat?’
‘Certainly.’
‘Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, can I just say it back to you, just to make sure I have it right.’
‘Yes.’
Sophia repeated the number.
‘That is correct. Is there anything else I can do for you today?’
‘No, thank you.’ She ended the call and brought her hand up to her mouth. She had to calm down before she made the call. Maybe a glass of wine would chill her a bit.
She took a glass from the cupboard and went to the fridge for the chilled bottle of white wine she’d opened to share with Nellie the previous evening. Was that only yesterday? Of course, Nellie had only gone home this morning, such a lot had happened since then.
She took her wine and sat, poised with her phone, willing herself to make the call. Giorgia was out of bed late tonight, but she was always so content, it didn’t matter.
Sophia tapped in the number and saved it, before going ahead with the call. She had to do that in case she lost it. She had it written down, but just to be sure. She read the numbers out loud, checking them off with the number she’d written down.
Here goes. She tapped on the name Gio and it rang. She couldn’t believe what she was doing; she’d waited so long for this moment. It rang and rang, the rhythm becoming methodical in her head. No answer. She’d let it ring a minute longer. Eventually, the call was automatically switched off. She’d give it half-an-hour and try again. She took Giorgia upstairs, bathed her and put her to bed before trying the number again. It was one thirty in the morning when she gave up making the calls and went to bed.
Sophia’s eyes snapped open at the crack of dawn. She hadn’t been able to sleep until what must have been the early hours and now she’d woken far too early to be making phone calls and waking everyone else up. She went downstairs, grateful for some time to herself before Giorgia woke up. She should think through her options. If she still didn’t get a reply this morning, should she drive to Derby? Would it be better to send a letter? Could she bear the wait, not knowing if Gio received the letter? She hadn’t even put the kettle on, she shook her head, and berated herself for losing her marbles over a man. As far as Gio was concerned, it wasn’t the first time. What was it with him?
As though on cue, Giorgia cooed. Sophia smiled to herself as she went up the stairs. No, it wasn’t just Giorgia, these feelings had been there long before their child.
‘Good morning, little Giorgia.’ She moved her arms and legs with excitement as Sophia bent over the cot to pick her up. �
��We have a big decision to make today. If Daddy answers the phone, we’ll be okay, but if not, I really can’t decide what to do.’ Daddy, she liked saying that.
Sophia looked at the clock. Seven thirty wouldn’t be too early. If he went to work, he’d be up by now. Strange that Gio and his father hadn’t been there last night. Anyhow, even if she did wake everyone, this was important. She followed the routine of the previous evening and sat Giorgia in her chair, and herself on the sofa. She must stay composed, she couldn’t have wine to calm her nerves at this time in the morning.
To her disappointment, the phone rang on and on. Her heart sank. That letter had been sent about a year ago, anything could have happened since then. They might have moved, Gio could have married. She felt sickened.
Nellie was surprised to hear from Sophia, so early in the day. ‘Is everything alright?’
‘Yes and no. I don’t know what to do.’ She went on to explain Simon’s visit and the letter.
Nellie hummed and said ‘oh’ several times as she listened. ‘Well, you did have an eventful afternoon. So what are you going to do now, just keep trying?’
‘That’s the problem. I could be sat here trying this time next week and still not knowing any more than now. If I write, I won’t know if it got there. Doing either of those is going to take so long.’
‘You’re so impatient. Why don’t you give it two weeks and—?’
Sophia felt her breath change to short gasps. ‘Two weeks! I can’t wait two weeks! Yes, I am impatient, I need to know today.’
‘Well, I don’t know why you rang me, you already know what you’re going to do.’ There was silence from Sophia. ‘Do you want me to come with you, it’s a long drive to Derby.’
Sophia smiled. ‘Yes, please. I know it’s a long way, but you can help navigate. We don’t have to rush. I’ll pick you up in about an hour.’
Nellie laughed. ‘Oh, no rush then?’
Sophia bit her top lip. Didn’t Nellie understand how important this was? ‘How about an hour and a half then?’
‘No, I’ll be ready in an hour. See you then’, Nellie said, and then as an afterthought. ‘I think we’d better take an overnight bag, just to be on the safe side. If you find him, you’re not going to want to turn around and come straight back.’
Sophia’s heart lifted. ‘Okay, yes, that sounds like a plan. See you soon.’ She disconnected the call and then realised she hadn’t said goodbye. Nellie would understand.
Sophia pulled up and stopped outside Nellie’s bungalow, precisely an hour after the call had ended. Nellie was in the bedroom packing some things into a holdall which was on the bed. ‘Hello, sweetheart, you didn’t hang around,’ she said.
‘I’ve left Giorgia in the car. She’s gone back to sleep. Is there anything I can do for you? What about Mutley? Have you got his stuff ready?’
‘No. He’s staying overnight with Trish next door. He often has a wander into their place through a hole he’s made under the fence out the back, so he’ll be fine. I thought if we do have to find a hotel, it might be difficult with a dog.’
‘Good idea. Where is he now?’
‘Already there. He went after his breakfast. That’s what gave me the brainwave and I don’t get a lot of those these days.’
Sophia raised her eyebrows. ‘Rubbish! You’re spot on.’
Nellie zipped up the bag. ‘Right and we’re off.’ Sophia picked up the bag and took it to the car, sliding it next to her bags in the boot. Stupid! She’d forgotten about the wheelchair having to go in the boot. She quickly moved the bags to one side of the back seat and the floor behind the driver’s seat. Nellie was on her way down the path and Sophia felt a surge of nervousness go through her chest. She took a deep breath and helped Nellie from the chair into the back of the car, before folding the wheelchair and placing it in the boot and slamming it firmly shut.
She climbed into the car and started the engine. She turned to face Nellie. ‘I am doing the right thing. I just have to know if he’s there.’
‘I know you do, and there’s only one way to find out. So stop worrying and drive or we won’t get two miles before I need to pee.’
Sophia giggled. Nellie always managed to cheer her up. She’d been in such a rush to get organised and out of the house this morning, and yet now, she felt like stalling for time. She accelerated away.
‘You know, I felt just like this when we were going to find Joe and Susan. I wanted to know, but something inside was frightened of finding out.’
‘That’s normal. It is scary to go in search of something when you’re not sure what the answer will be and let’s face it, this is the most important thing in your life at the moment.’
Chapter 33
They drove onto the motorway in comfortable silence. Nellie clutched the map book Sophia had left in the back of the car. She’d already found the page for the road they were on and looked ahead making a mental note of the rest of the journey. She looked out of the window at the green fields with cows, sheep, and horses, as they whizzed past. She really hoped they found Gio and it worked out between him and Sophia. She deserved to be happy and settled. Nellie had no idea how Sophia would cope with another rejection in her life. She put on a brave face, but Nellie could tell from little comments she made, that every setback had taken its toll and still played on Sophia’s mind. She believed she wasn’t good enough, and that was why no one wanted her. Nellie always reassured her and rammed home that she wanted her, but although Sophia was grateful, Nellie knew that an old woman’s love wasn’t enough, and rightly so.
Sophia stopped twice for short stops at service stations en route, and as they carried on up the motorway, Sophia made Nellie jump.
‘Oh my God! Look at that sign. Derby.’
They shot past the sign before Nellie had seen it. She’d been dozing off in back. ‘How many miles?’
‘It didn’t say. I just need to get in the right lane, but it means we’re getting closer.’
It was way past lunchtime when they arrived in Derby and Sophia had another fit of nerves, ‘I think we’ll stop for lunch and have a drink before we find the town we need. I could do with something to settle my stomach.’
‘I should think you could do with a bit of a break from driving too. We’ve been going for about four hours.’
Sophia turned off the main carriageway and followed a sign for a town. Any town would do. She needed to pluck up some courage and brace herself for finding, or not finding, Gio.
They’d finished lunch, Giorgia had been changed and they sat with the map book Sophia had fetched from the car to establish the best route to follow. It looked pretty straightforward and did nothing to stifle her nerves.
An hour later, Sophia stopped the car a short distance past the house they had come to find. She needed to walk a few steps and take in some fresh air before knocking on the door.
Nellie turned to watch out of the back window as Sophia unlatched the gate and walked up the path to the white front door. A while later, Sophia strolled back down the path, looked back at the house several times, and then opened the door next to Nellie.
‘There’s no one there,’ she said. She looked up and down the street as though expecting Gio to appear at any moment, which although unlikely, was a possibility. ‘We could go and have a walk and come back later.’ Nellie nodded, and Sophia pushed the back door shut and climbed back into the driver’s seat. They went on in silence until Sophia turned into a car park and pulled into a space.
‘Oh look,’ Nellie said. ‘A nice park. We can walk Giorgia in the pushchair, then sit for a while and do some people watching.’
‘I don’t know if we’ll be lucky enough to find Gio taking a stroll through the park at the same moment as we’re there.’
‘No, but all the same, you never know. We have to stay positive.’
Sophia smiled and undid her seat belt. ‘Sorry. I know I’m being weird.’ She got out of the car, went to the boot and lifted out Nellie’s wheelchair a
nd Giorgia’s pushchair, opening them both. She helped Nellie first and then strapped Giorgia into her chair.
‘You’re not weird, just a bit strange.’
‘Hey!’ Sophia giggled and feigned a hurt look which she changed to a smile. ‘You’re right. I need to snap myself into a positive mode or even if I do find him, he won’t want to know.’
‘I don’t think there’s much chance of that according to what he wrote in the letter.’
Sophia screwed up her nose. ‘But that was a year ago and a lot could have happened since then.’
Nellie fished her purse out of her bag and opened it. ‘We’re on holiday.’ She shoved a five-pound note into Sophia’s hand. ‘We’ll wait here while you go to that kiosk and buy us all an ice-cream.’
As Sophia walked towards the kiosk she wondered if Gio had been to this park. Had he stepped up to the counter and bought an ice-cream here? Had he stayed in this area or moved on again? Her reasons for letting him go had seemed so right and important at the time, now she could only regret having made the wrong choice for herself and her daughter, even though she didn’t even know about Giorgia at the time. All she could do was hope that she found Gio before Giorgia was old enough to know any different. She wanted a fairy-tale ending. A happy ever after. Who didn’t, but things had to work out for her someday soon. Until now, she hadn’t had much luck in the romance stakes.
‘Can I get you something?’ The voice was bored and Sophia saw that she was standing a few feet from the counter. The people who had been in the queue in front of her had already gone.
She apologised, ordered two cornets and hurried back to Nellie, the ice-cream already starting to drip and run down the side of the cones. A woman was hovering over the pushchair looking at Giorgia and chatting to Nellie. Trust Nellie; she’d talk to anyone.
Nellie took the proffered ice-cream. ‘Thanks love. This lady has lived in the area—‘
