Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  “You're a fucking teasing little slut, you don’t come out dressed like that and not be looking for a hard fuck and…” Before he gets the chance to even finish is vile spew at Lucy I bulldoze my way through and interrupt him.

  “Finish that comment and I’ll break your fucking legs.” I’m seething with anger. It’s taking everything I have not to kill the bastard. I know Lucy has heard me, she’s standing stock still. Whether it’s it in shock or anger, I’m not sure but she’s staring at me. That’s when I realise I may have just dropped myself in it. She still didn’t know this place was mine. Will she automatically think I’ve followed her here, or that I’ve been stalking her.

  Then the dweeb makes his most monumental mistake of the night…

  “Fuck off mate, find yourself another pussy for tonight, this one is mine.” That’s when I lose it altogether, I grab the loser around his throat, rapidly cutting off his air supply that has him turning a lovely shade of purple. I see Gavin out the corner of my eye rushing over to me.

  “You ok boss?” I don’t answer him, instead I spit my words at this prick who thinks he can maul my Lucy.

  “I suggest you apologize to the lady, then fuck off and don’t come back here again.” I drop the knob head to the floor, as he makes his apology known, then I finally acknowledge Gavin. “Get him out of my club now Gavin.” My order is simple, and I get the straight answer I expected from him.

  “Yes boss.” With that he picks him up by his cheap shit shirt, then proceeds to escort him from my establishment. With him now gone I turn back around and focus on Lucy, only she’s not moving or saying anything.

  “You alright?” I ask her. But I still get nothing from her. It’s like she’s frozen to the spot, she’s off in her own little world. So I try again, only this time sounding more frantic.

  “Lucy… answer me will you? Are you ok baby girl?”

  Straight away I realise my mistake. I called her the name I always used to call her again, it’s just an instant reflex where she’s concerned.

  That’s when I see something switch in her eyes, she’s pissed off.

  She comes at me full force before I even have a chance to stop her, slapping and punching at me.

  “You have no right Kane, no right whatsoever to call me that. You gave that right up years ago.” She’s screaming. The people around us are clearly enjoying the show. This needed to happen though, she needs to get all her anger and hatred out, maybe then we can talk properly.

  “How fucking dare you? You can’t just rock up like some knight in fucking shining armour, thinking you can save me. You’re nothing to me now.”

  The fight seems to have left her as she just stands there, her hands go to her face, which I know are covering tears she doesn’t want me to see.

  I’d be a liar if I said her words didn’t hurt me, they did. It was like a knife ploughing straight through my chest, but I deserve them, in fact I deserve a lot worse.

  I left her… but I’m back now and all I want is her.

  When will she see that all I want is her?

  She may have been my best friend when we were kids, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t want her. I’ve always wanted her, I was just never good enough. I’m still not good enough, but I’m hell bent on not ever letting her go again. She needs time, I get that. To her I’m a ghost, someone she thought she would never see again and now I’m in her face like a raging bull.

  Taking the opportunity whilst she’s not looking at me, I place my hands on her shoulders, she doesn’t pull or push me away like I expect her to do, instead when I wrap my arms around her, she sighs heavily, her head resting on my chest. Even though we’re in my club and the music is pounding out the speakers, with people surrounding us, it feels like it’s just us two here.

  “Come on Luce. Give me five minutes alone with you, then you can carry on hating me.”

  Lucy

  “C ome on Luce. Give me five minutes alone with you. Then you can carry on hating me.”

  Oh how I want to carry on hating him, but it’s getting harder with every minute I spend near him. And I’ve only seen him twice, I can’t just crumble at his feet, I’m not that person anymore.

  Why did he have to come back into my life?

  I was getting on with my life just perfectly. Liar. A voice in the back of my head tells me.

  I don’t answer him, I can’t. I’ll break down more if I do.

  Tucking me under his arm, he leads me through all the people who just witnessed me going insane on Kane. I’m so embarrassed, this isn’t me. It’s him. He brings the worst out in me. I’m on autopilot, and before I know what’s what he’s guiding me up some stairs, leading me into an open office space. He lets go of me, instantly I miss the warmth of having his arm around me. Leaving me standing in the open door way, he goes and plonks his arse on what looks like a very comfortable leather sofa.

  “You can come in Luce, I don’t bite. Drink?” He offers. Waving a bottle of Grey Goose vodka at me. I shuffle forward on my heels, feeling rather foolish about my behaviour at the bar, when all he’s done is be nice to me. But that’s Kane, he doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. Well the old Kane never did, I’m still unsure about the new Kane at the moment.

  I take a seat on the opposite sofa from him, handing him a glass from the lovely oak coffee table that’s between us, as my way of an answer to his offer for a drink. I stay quiet whilst he pours our drinks, I’ve envisioned seeing him again so many times and in my head there’s always been a million and one questions, but now I can’t think of any except one.

  “Why did you leave me?” I just blurt it out. I can’t stop myself.

  His body goes stiff and he places the bottle of vodka back on the table as if it’s going to bite him.

  “Luce…” He trails off, leaving me hanging.

  We sit in silence again, staring at each other. I notice his eyes are still as beautiful as they were when we were kids, only now he looks like he’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s keeping something from me, I know he is I just have to find out what. Maybe then we can actually be friends again, because despite my initial shock of seeing him again I don’t want him to walk out of my life now he’s back in it.

  He passes me the drink he’s done for me and I lean forward taking it from him, our fingers brush against each others and all of a sudden I get this warm feeling in my tummy, with goose bumps breaking out all over my bare skin.

  How is it possible to be hot, yet cold all at the same time?

  He’s avoiding my question, but I’m not just going to sit here and let him think he can just swan back into my life with no explanation as to why he left it in the first place. All of a sudden anger is simmering through me again, I can’t be here anymore.

  But before I go I’m going to make sure he understands one thing… no one, not even him can walk all over me.

  I won’t allow it.

  Slamming my glass down onto the table, vodka spills out onto the wood. I shoot up out of my seat pointing my finger at him, I sternly tell him.

  “Look whatever your piss poor excuse is, nothing you could say can make me forgive you. You broke me. I won’t ever let you do that to me again.”

  With them last words from my mouth I make my way to the door and just as I get there I’m yanked backwards by the arm.

  What the fuck.

  I’m wedged between the wall and a pissed off looking Kane, and like I told him earlier in my rage he has no right to be mad at me, he’s not the one who got abandoned.

  I am.

  “You have every right to be fucking angry at me Luce, but don’t come all Miss high and fucking mighty with me. Especially when you have no idea what you're talking about.” He actually looks like he’s going to burst a vein, if it wasn’t for the fact I know he’d never actually hurt me, I’d think he was about to kick my arse. His pulse is raging in his neck and all his muscles have gone taught beneath his shirt. And what mighty fine muscles they are. All I
want to do right now is rip his shirt off and lick him everywhere.

  What has gotten into me? I’m never like this over a man.

  I lift a shaky hand and place it on his stubbly jaw, for some unknown reason I have the urge to touch him. Even though I’ve seen him in person twice now, I have to reassure myself that he’s real. That he’s actually standing here in front of me.

  “Kane…” I say on a breath.

  “I never wanted to leave you Luce, you have to believe that baby girl.” I see him wince slightly when he realises what he’s just called me, I don’t blame him, especially after the reaction he got from me last time. Only this time I don’t react. In fact it warms me from the inside out, making this all the more real to me.

  “I know you were always my best friend, but I’ve always loved you Luce and that didn’t stop even when I left. Trust me.”

  Oh sweet lord. My knees have gone weak, if I wasn’t being held up by a wall and Mr muscles, I’m almost certain I would be in a heap on the floor.

  “I know that doesn’t explain everything, and believe me I know I owe you an explanation.” He continues.

  I’m confused though. If he knows he owes me an explanation then why won’t he just tell me?

  Before I can stop myself I voice that very question.

  “Then why won’t you tell me? For hours I waited for you to show and you never came. I thought you were dead. No one would tell me anything when I asked about you, it was like you just disappeared. Never to be spoken of again.” I tell him. My heart is beating so fast, I’m actually afraid it’s going to jump out of my chest at any given moment.

  He pushes back my hair with his hands, taking my face in his hands, he looks me straight in the eye, his own eyes blazing, what with I don’t know but I have a feeling I’m about to find out.

  “If I told you, you’d hate me even more. I can’t handle that Luce. If I told you where I was, I know you’ll want to know why I was there and I can’t tell you that yet, not when I've only just got you back in my life. Please understand baby girl, when I tell you I had no choice in leaving you.” He looks desperate for me to believe him, and I want to. But he’s right I will want answers, answers he’s not ready to give me. So I have two choices except what he’s willing to give me for now, or walk away and lose him again for a second time. Knowing in my heart of hearts I couldn’t bare for him to leave me again, I tell him.

  “Just give me what you're willing to give, I’ve waited thirteen years so what’s a little bit longer?” I try to lift the mood with a bit of sarcasm, and it seems to work when he gives me a small smile.

  “Ok I’ll tell you where I was but that is it, but just in case you bolt I need to do something first.”

  Once the last word is out of his mouth, his lips are on mine. I don’t deny him the entrance he’s seeking with his tongue, I give him exactly what he wants.

  We’re doing some sort of dance duel with our mouths, he nips at my bottom lip sucking it into his mouth. A moan comes from the back of my throat, I don’t even try to hide it. I don’t know who I am right now.

  Kane is kissing me.

  Oh boy, this is amazing. If this is how he kisses my lips, I know I definitely would let him kiss me in other places on my body.

  He reluctantly pulls away from me, leaving me a hormonal panting mess.

  “You have no fucking idea how long I’ve wanted to do that Luce.” The way his voice is thick with lust, it tells me the answer in an instant. He’s wanted to do that for a bloody long time. And right now I’d let him do it again, but he said he’s going to tell me where he’s been, so now I just have to listen and hope I can handle what he’s about to tell me.

  “Come.” He commands.

  Taking my hand in his, he leads me back to the sofa he vacated when he came after me, he pulls me down to sit beside him and not once does he let go of me.

  Keeping a firm grip on my hand, he holds it between us, as if he’s scared I’m going to run of. Now unless he’s actually murdered someone, I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere. I can't, my body and mind are telling me I need to stay, I have to give him the chance to explain. Before he came back into my life I wouldn't have even considered giving him the time of day. But now, I can't see myself walking away from him. From us. I need to know why. After all these years, there's got be a reason behind him leaving me, and whatever reason that maybe I want to find out why. So I ask him.

  “Please Kane, just tell me. I’ve waited long enough for this, don’t make me wait any longer.” I plead.

  Running his free hand over his face, I take a look at his eyes, they always give him away, he knew I could always tell if he was lying about something, anything, and right now, they tell me so much about him and at this moment in time he looks like he’s in pain.

  “Just remember Luce, what I’m about to tell you isn’t so cut and dry as you will think. There are reasons behind it all, reasons I can’t handle sharing with you just yet. But I will one day, that I can promise you.”

  I just nod my head, happy that he’s willing to share something with me.

  “Right here goes nothing.” He sighs. “I was in prison baby girl.”

  Holy mother of Mary.

  Kane

  I had to give her something, she would've left if I hadn’t. I’m not willing to divulge just yet the reason why I served time, it will either make her hate me more than ever or she’ll love me for it.

  And that’s not a chance I'm willing to risk right now, I’ve just got her back. I meant what I said when I told her I’ve always loved her, if I didn’t love her then I wouldn’t of done what I did.

  It’s been a good five minutes since I uttered the words to her, and she’s not said a word back to me. So I decide to give her a little nudge.

  “Luce… what you thinking baby girl?” I ask her. Hoping she doesn’t run from this room. Because now I’ve finally had a taste of her, I couldn’t let her go again even if I was dragged from this room kicking and screaming.

  Finally she opens her mouth, she’s going to want some answers I know that much, so I’ll give her what I can without breaking her.

  “Y...Y...You went to prison? As in an actual prison? With a six by four cell and everything?” She asks me.

  And if I’m honest, I’m glad they are the first questions out of her pretty little mouth. I have no doubt she’ll be asking why I was in there any moment now.

  “Yes baby girl, as in an actual prison. At first I was in a young offenders prison, but then I got moved to an adult prison when I was eighteen to finish my sentence.” Them answers are all true, which is a relief. I didn’t want to have to start this conversation off by having to lie to her, and she doesn’t need to know the reason I was moved, not just yet anyway, I’ll give that information up when it’s needed to be.

  She leans over the table and takes the drink I poured her when we first came up here, I don’t blame her, it’s a lot to take in. I’d be drowning in Vodka if I was her.

  She swallows it all down in one go, I guess she needed it.

  Again, I don’t blame her.

  Placing her empty glass back on the table, she turns back to me and I know what’s coming before she even asks me. So I get in there first.

  “And before you ask why I was in there, I'm just about to tell you. But this is the part where you can’t ask anymore questions Luce. Not for now at least. You have to promise me, that just for now, that it is what it is and you have some answers as to why I left you. And you know I had no choice.”

  “No… I need to hear the full story Kane. I mean you’ve just dropped this bomb on me, even though I asked for it, I’m going to need the full story if we are to have a fighting chance of ever being how we were before again.” She states.

  My stomach falls through my arse at her words, because what she’s saying is true. Yet I know if and when I tell her the full story of everything I’ve done, there won’t be a me and her. She’ll never come within two feet of me again.

&
nbsp; My lips and mouth have gone dry, so darting my tongue out I try to add a little moisture back to them as I prepare to tell her what I promised her I would. I sigh in defeat, I’ll give her a little bit more but not the whole truth, she isn’t ready for it, and I’ve just got her back, I’m not ready to let her go again, not yet. Not ever.

  “I got convicted of GBH with intent Luce, my sentence was for seven years but I only did five due to good behaviour. The night I was supposed to meet you at our spot I fucked up big time, and before the police could come knocking on my door I handed myself in. I knew I was going down, it was inevitable. I had a shit lawyer who wore a cheap suit and couldn’t give a shit about me. So I told them I didn’t want bail, and I made my dad promise not to tell you anything. I wanted you to think I had just left, I didn’t want you to see me as some sort of monster baby girl because of what I did, it wasn’t pretty at all. I nearly killed two people, and I would’ve if I hadn’t stopped when I did.” I finish telling her the bits I can share with her for now, sending a silent prayer to the big man upstairs, hoping that she can get past this information.

  “Oh… wow. I wasn’t expecting that at all.” She tells me on a shocked whisper before she carries on. “This conversation isn’t over though, I have so many more questions Kane. But I can tell that by the look on your face, that just telling me that bit of information caused you pain, and I don’t want to be the reason you're in pain.” I smile as she throws my own words back at me from when I was in her office the other day.