Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  “Firstly… I need you to calm down, secondly… breath and last but not least I need you to tell me the rest. Even if you have to pretend you don’t know me.” I tell him straight faced.

  “As much it’s going to pain me to tell you this, I will, but only because I have no choice.” He huffs in frustration but starts to tell me the rest.

  “We went to a couple of bars and clubs on the Vegas strip, I’m not going to name them because it’s irrelevant. One drink turned into two, then three, and so on.

  Before I knew it, it was coming up to 3am. We’re both pissed, in fact we’re more along the lines of paralytic. The more I drank, the more I was convinced she was you. Stupid I know, so save me the lecture Luce, I’ve had it more than once from Marcus. Anyway next thing I know we’re standing outside The Little White Chapel, finding myself asking her to marry me. She could tell she was onto a good thing, it’s why she wanted to see me after she finished work. Plus people don’t tend to stay in that kind of hotel unless they have money, and lots of it. So yeah… I married her like the dickhead I am, it also seemed like a brilliant idea at the time… I could have a piece of you without it actually being you… fucked up I know. Warning bells should’ve been going off at how quickly she accepted my shitty proposal, only they didn’t because I was neck deep and whiskey and missing you so much it hurt to even breath most days.” He pauses. His last words warming me a little. Again though I know what’s coming next, I cringe on the inside not really ready to hear the rest, but for some unknown reason I don’t stop him or look at him, I just stare at the paper in front of me.

  “Jesus…. when I woke up the next day and she was lying next me, both of us stark bollock naked, I hadn’t a clue what the fuck I’d done. The worst part of it was I couldn’t even remember her name, I got up to take a shower whilst she was still asleep... and that’s when I noticed the ring on my fucking finger.” I risk a glance at him, he’s got his head resting in his hands, shaking it side to side as if he’s ashamed of himself.

  So he bloody should be, that’s not normal behaviour for anybody. I do feel quite sorry for him, but that’s only because it’s Kane…. My Kane. If it was anyone else, I’d tell them exactly what I think. With Kane I don’t, I hold it back. Something tells me that’s not what he needs, right now he needs a friend.

  So that’s what I’m going to be.

  His friend. Just like he use to be for me.

  If it wasn’t for him in school I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be here now, so in a sense I owe him my life, along with some gratitude.

  Kane

  When I walked into her office this morning, not once did I think it would turn out like this. God knows what she must be thinking of me. But that’s just it, it isn’t me. I’m not that type of person, she of all people should know this about me. I wouldn’t blame her if what I’ve just told her makes her look at me differently, she hasn’t known me for the past thirteen years.

  I’m currently sat with my head in my hands, feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself.

  “If you didn’t really want to marry her, then why didn’t you just get it annulled straight away when you got back?” I hear her ask me. Believe it or not it’s the same question I’ve asked myself a million times over the last two years.

  “I don’t know, I suppose a part of me felt I couldn’t do that to her, after all she didn’t ask for any of this, it’s not her fault I fucked up…” She cuts me off.

  “Let me stop you there, first off it’s not just your fault. She played an equal part in it. After all, they do say it takes two to tango.” She laughs. “Come on… I’m starving and need food.”

  “Shit, my meeting… I’ll have to call my assistant and get her to re-arrange it for me I’ll never make it back on time.” I’d completely forgotten about it. As much as I’ve hated telling Luce all the nitty gritty of my fucked up marriage, it’s actually felt good to let it all out. It’s like talking to her makes everything ok, just like it used to. She was always my calming balm, seems to me she still is.

  Twenty minutes later were sat in an Italian restaurant about to order food. Somethings never change, she used to love her pasta when we were younger, always having penne pasta in a carbonara sauce. I wonder if she’ll order it now. It also used to amaze me how she would inhale the carbs and not put a scrap of weight on, she was slim and slender no matter what she ate.

  A waiter comes to take our order and she does not disappoint, just like I knew she wouldn’t. I guess somethings never do change.

  “Ladies first, order whatever you want." I tell her, and I wait for it...

  “I’ll have the… erm…. Spaghetti Carbonara but with penne pasta please and with the chicken.” She hands the waiter the menu back, folds her arms in her lap and looks at me.

  I can’t help myself, I have a little chuckle. I knew it. She’s looking at me like I’ve lost my bloody marbles, laughing in a restaurant full of people.

  The waiter is still standing there ready to take my order. I haven't even looked at the menu, I haven't took my eyes of her since we left her office. I can’t physically stop myself. How she is still single I don’t know, then again I haven’t asked her. I’m just assuming she is seeing as she let me fuck her on my car. Just thinking about that night is making my trousers go tight, causing me to shuffle around in my seat, hoping she, nor the waiter notice my discomfort.

  “I’ll have the same please, and a bottle of White Zinfandel please, if you have it.” I hand him my menu.

  “Certainly sir.” He nods and turns to Lucy. “Ma’am.” Then he walks away leaving us alone again.

  “What was that all about?” She asks me.

  Please tell me she didn’t see me trying to hide my raging hard on?

  “What was what?” I say, acting like everything's ok.

  “You! Having a giggle fit, chuckling to yourself, that’s what. What are you, a bloody teenage girl?” She’s laughing, so I know I’ve not been busted for my situation. Blowing out a sigh of relief I tell her what I was laughing at.

  “You haven’t changed much have you? I knew the minute we walked in here what you would order.”

  She scrunches her nose up, at the same time she sticks her tongue out at me. There goes my hard on again, standing to attention just like it used to when she pulled that face.

  I guess I haven’t changed much either.

  How I’m going to sit here and eat my lunch with her is beyond me, from where she’s sitting across from me I can see straight down her blouse which isn’t helping me either. She always had a fair rack on her when she was younger, but now they’re even bigger. I didn’t get the chance to make friends with them the other night, but I have every intention of becoming their best friend very soon and introducing my mouth to them.

  “Excuse me… Pervy Peterson, my eyes are up here, not down there.”

  Bollocks… she caught me.

  I’m not one bit sorry though. I won’t apologise for admiring something so beautiful.

  “I know where your eyes are baby girl, their just as amazing as your rack.”

  That got her. She chokes on her own saliva, sputtering whilst at the same time trying to compose herself.

  She finally gives me a ‘Don’t start with that shit’ look, making me laugh.

  “Don’t look at me like that Luce, or I’ll be forced to fuck you right here, right now over this table. I don’t give two fucks who watches. Do you understand me?” My voice is deadly serious. She gulps that hard I see the lump in her throat go down… that’s right baby girl I mean every word I’ve just said. She isn’t used to this side of me, all she ever saw was me looking after her, protecting her when she needed me to. Not once when we were kids did I ever let on that I wanted her, I always hid it from her, well I’m not going to hide it from her anymore. She was always meant to be mine. I won’t tell her all this yet, I’ve already told her too much in regards to how I feel about her. For now that’s enough.

  “Right… ok then, if that’s
not being honest with me then I don’t know what is.”

  Shortly after that our food arrives so we eat whilst we talk about nothing of importance.

  Once we finish our lunch I pay the bill, even though Luce argues about paying for her half. Silly woman, does she not know how much money I make, everybody else does. There was no way I was letting her pay for lunch.

  It may sound big headed off me, but I have more money than I know what to do with.

  “I’ll get Cole to arrange you another appointment with your assistant once I’ve heard from Sophie's solicitor, it should take about seven to ten days give or take.” She tells me as I guide her out of the restaurant. Then it hits me, I’ve got to wait to see her again. Well that just won’t do.

  I’m just about to walk through the restaurant’s door when she stops dead in her tracks, luckily I stop myself from crashing into the back of her just in time. Then I hear the one word, that almost sends me crashing again, only to the floor this time.

  “Mum.” I can hear the alarm bells ringing in her head, she sounds just as shocked as I am.

  My body’s stiff, my stomach currently falling through my arse as I look up, confirming it’s no other than Fiona Kennedy, albeit she looks a hell of a lot different than the last time I saw her. Long gone is the curvy yet voluptuous lady I once knew, now it’s replaced with a stick thin pale faced wrinkly woman, who looks twice her age. It seems the years haven’t been kind to her.

  “What do are you doing here?” Luce asks her mother.

  “I… I called your office, that Cole guy said you were here having lunch. I needed to see you.”

  She doesn’t see me straight away, Luce is blocking her view of me. I suck it up like a real man, because judging by the fact Luce is visibly shaking, she also needs my help. She must forget I’m there, because when I step around from behind her I hear her gasp.

  “It’s ok Luce, I’m here, I’ve got you baby girl.” I whisper in her ear.

  She steps forward, my hand leaving the small of her back.

  “What do you want Mum?” She grates out between her teeth. She clearly doesn’t get on with her mother anymore, which is good news for me.

  Fiona ignores Lucy’s question, as she eyes me up and down, a small smile forming on her wrinkled face.

  “Who’s your friend Lucy?” Her mother spits out, yeah the real Fiona is still in there somewhere. The fact that she doesn’t recognize me hasn’t gone unnoticed, it’s going to shock the shit out of her when she cottons on to who I am, well it makes me smile and shit myself all at the same time.

  “It’s Kane mum, you remember him don’t you? My best friend from when we were kids.”

  If I thought she was pale before, she now represents Casper the friendly ghost.

  “Hi Fiona.” I grate out. It takes everything I have not to kill this woman, it makes me so happy that Luce is nothing like her. She looks at me like she could kill me, at the same time I can see her mind doing over time, she’s reliving the memories. Memories I want no part of, but unfortunately I am. The thought of them makes me break out in a hot sweat.

  “This is Kane Williams? As in the Kane Williams who abandoned you? The same Kane Williams who you spent months crying after?” She sneers at Lucy.

  “Mother not now please? You don’t know what he’s been through so don’t pass judgement” She defends me.

  Oh Luce… you have no idea what she knows.

  I want to die on the spot, or have the ground open up and swallow me whole, it doesn’t. I feel like complete shit, this can’t be happening right now. My lunch is threatening to come straight back up. I’ve just got Luce back in my life, and with one wrong word from She Devil herself and I’m going to lose her all over again. I can’t… I won’t let that happen.

  Fiona has that look in her eye, the look that tells me now she knows I’m back, I’m not going to hear the last of her.

  “Are you going to tell me what you want or shall I hazard a guess?”

  She sounds like she’s used to this from her mother, showing up when she least expects it and wanting something from her.

  “Well I did want to see you, but something else has just come up right in the nick of time.” She says that last bit whilst looking at me. That's when I know I was bang on, this woman is going to screw me over, she’s going to take advantage of me… again.

  “Look mum I know what you want, so I’ll send you the usual over later when I’m home from work.”

  The usual? What’s she been giving her?

  “No... no, there’s no need my darling girl, you keep it for yourself. I’ll get going but I’ll speak to you soon.” Her last words aimed at me as she walks of down the busy street.

  Luce instantly relaxes, her shoulders sag and her head drops.

  “Ok… that was so unlike her, she was acting really weird. Normally I’d have to put up more of fight to get her to leave without her kicking up a fuss. Something is wrong and I’m going to find out what she’s up to.” She says, sounding determined.

  Now I’m determined, more than ever. Determined to keep that woman away from her.

  No matter what it costs me.

  Lucy

  A fter my lunch and the unexpected run in I had with my mother, Kane walked me back to my office building before heading back to his own. He was awfully quiet the whole way back. When I asked him what was the matter with him, he just said the divorce was getting on top of him and he wanted Sophie gone and fast. I can believe that, divorces aren’t the nicest of things, he should count his lucky stars that kids aren’t involved, that’s when it can get really nasty.

  I spend the rest of the day sorting out the paperwork for his divorce and have a meeting with another client. My head for the first time in a very long was not on my job, it was filled with all things that is Kane Williams. I could kick myself for it. Knowing it’s going to be at least a week before I see him again, well let's just say it’s not sitting well with me at all. My mind then drifts off to the brief encounter with my mother, she was not her usual self. She obviously came to me for money, but then left with none. Which contradicts her coming to find me in the first place, her phone calls and visits always result in me giving her money. I just don’t get her at times. To say I’m confused would be an understatement. Before I can think more about why she was the way she was Cole interrupts me.

  “Oh Luce… Donna phoned whilst you were out at lunch. She said she’ll be at yours for seven with wine.” He informs me.

  Oh fabulous… just what I need. That’s my plan just gone out the bloody window. All I want to do is have a hot bath, put my baggy t-shirt on and watch crappy tv. Now I can’t.

  Oh well , I suppose if anyone can bring me out of this funk I've been in all afternoon, she can.

  Ok… so I may have the best friend ever. Not only did she turn up at mine with two bottles of wine, she also brought me Chinese food, my absolute favourite. I didn’t even have to see it because I could smell it the second I walked through my door.

  You’d think we live together, that she doesn’t have her own place. She’s here more than I am just recently. Good job I love her.

  As I throw my bag and kick my heels of by the door, I sigh in relief. That's when I hear her.

  “Yo, bitch you’re just in time. I’m just about to plate up. You better be hungry, I think I brought half the shop.” She shouts at me just I walk into the kitchen.

  “Yo bitch… you’re early. What happened to being here at seven?” I say sarcastically. She just gives me a shoulder shrug. “Actually, I had a big lunch sorry, but I’ll still have some, you know me when it comes to Chinese.” I grab my plate off her as she passes it me, there’s enough on my plate to feed the five thousand, and there’s still more left over after she plates her own up.

  She grabs the two glasses along with her plate off the side, leaving me to grab the wine, as her hands are now full. We make our way into the living room both sitting down on the same sofa. She pours us both a glass of wine whil
st I turn on the television. It’s just turned six o’clock so the only thing on at the minute is the news, this gives Donna time to ask me about my day.

  “So… how was your day at work? Anything exciting happen?” I freeze, my fork just inches from my mouth. Is she fucking psychic? Does she know I’ve seen Kane? Or my mother for that matter. I play dumb.

  “What do you mean?” Just before she has chance to answer me there’s a knock at the door. We both just sit and stare at each other, no one showing any signs of speaking.

  Both a little dumbfounded as to who could be knocking, not that it’s late, it’s just no one comes to see me after I finish work. The only person that would is sitting next to me, looking just as confused as me. Unless it’s Cole, but I’m pretty sure he said he had a date tonight.

  “Are you expecting anyone?” She finally asks. I shake my head at her. I was going to ask her the same bloody thing.

  “Are you?”

  “No, it’s not my bloody house, and if I did I’d tell you.” She gets up and puts her plate on the coffee table before she continues. “Seeing as I’m such a good friend though, I’ll get it.” With that she’s gone and I hear the door open.

  “Oh my….” That’s all I hear her say from where I’m sitting.

  “Bitch face who is it?” I say around a mouthful of my chow mein, whilst I have a look at what else can be on the tele now.

  “Ermm Luce… you might want to come here… literally right now.”

  What the hell. I’m trying to eat.

  “Just get rid of them, I’ve just found friends on the tele.” I tell her.

  “Will you please just get your skinny dairy air up of the sofa, I don’t care about friends right now.” She sounds like she’s about to lose it… big time. What’s rattled her cage?