Healing Him

by Laura N Andrews

  I scowl but try to keep my voice calm. “Don’t you dare blame yourself, Ryan. This is not your fault.” Unable to help myself, I lean over the side of the table and take his mouth in a gentle kiss, running my fingers through his hair.

  “I like your kisses,” Ryan murmurs.

  I release something between a chuckle and a cough. I knew he was abused, but raped? Fuck. I’ve never wanted to kill someone until now. Murderous thoughts are a new thing for me. How could someone do that to him? To anyone?

  Our food is delivered and we pull apart. The waitress seems flustered. “Sorry for the wait. It just got crazy busy in here.”

  We glance around and realise she’s right; the café is crowded. I hadn’t even noticed. “No worries. Thank you.” When she leaves us and we start to eat, I say to him, “It must’ve been difficult, but thank you for telling me. I’m glad I know.”

  He scoffs. “You mean, how I was weak?”

  “No!” I place my cutlery down and grab him by the back of the neck, imploring him with my eyes. “You listen to me. You were never weak. He did something to break your trust, to try to break you. He was the weak one.” He’s a criminal. He should be in jail. He should be suffering.

  “I…” Ryan bites his lip. “I feel better after telling you. As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt lighter. Like there’s a weight off my shoulders. When I said I spoke to Derek, I meant that I told him Luke became abusive. I didn’t tell him everything. It feels good to tell someone, and I’m glad it’s you.”

  I caress his nape before letting go. Picking up my knife and fork, I speak quietly. “And, boy?” With the pet name, I have his attention. “I don’t ever want to hear you call yourself weak again.”

  Ryan shudders. It’s not fear; it’s just emotional for him. “Yes, Sir.” With a shared smile, it seems as though we’ve taken a huge step forward together. We start shovelling food into our mouths, starving after the morning’s activities. It’s nice like this. Eating together in peaceful quiet. Well, we’re quiet, but the room is loud with chatter and various noises. Luckily, we both seem to enjoy people-watching.

  Once we’ve quenched our hunger and thirst, we buckle up in our seats, and Ryan faces me before I can start the car. “What did you want to do? How did you want to move forward together in order to heal me?”

  By his sudden animated behaviour, it’s as though he sees a light at the end of his tunnel. As if I’ve shown him a possible future for us, for him to embrace who he is in a safe environment, and he’s clinging to it.

  “I want you. As my sub. As my boyfriend.” His eyes snap to mine and gazes at me intently. “I don’t live the twenty-four-hour lifestyle. I won’t dominate you or control you anywhere besides the bedroom. Unless the situation calls for it, the only place I’ll demand control is the bedroom.”

  “Eventually, you’ll want to top, right?” There’s sadness in Ryan’s eyes.

  “I don’t mind bottoming,” I say, tilting my head. “There are many things we can do, Ryan.”

  He shakes his head. “I just…. I can’t. I can’t do it.”

  Between my thumb and forefinger, I capture his chin. “It’s okay. A limit is a limit. This is why we set them, so no one does something they’re not comfortable with.”

  Ryan takes a minute to consider what I’ve said. “So, I still have control outside the bedroom?”

  “Yes. Outside the bedroom, we are equals in everything. Again, unless your needs require me to dominate you. But, Ryan?” I wait until he meets my eyes. “In the bedroom, you have none. You hand it over to me. Yes?”

  He shudders. “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?”

  Ryan gives me the smallest, but no less beautiful smile. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good boy.” I stroke his jaw. “It could take some time. But I’m proposing we write up an agreement for a three-month contract.” I want to say that if it doesn’t work out, we can try for a vanilla relationship. But, at those repeated words, his whole body seems to sigh in relief. Ryan’s chocolate eyes fill with a timid hopefulness, and he’s as beautiful as ever. “I accept your proposal, Sir.”

  My breath hitches and I gaze into his eyes. I’m going to have a contract with Ryan Scott . Ryan Scott is going to be mine . “Are you sure?”

  He nods. “Yes. I want to do this. With you, Henry. I mean, Sir .”

  “Then we’ll do this.” I grin widely. “You and me.”

  “You and me.”

  We seem to move together at the same time. Both moving forward until our lips meet. His mouth turns pliant under mine as he submits to me. I control the kiss with my tongue in his mouth and my hand at his nape. My fingers knot in his hair. Ryan’s legs part, allowing me to slide my other hand from his thigh to his groin. Without me having to say anything, Ryan’s hands are fisted at his sides. He’s offering himself to me and it’s beautiful. As my hand cups him through his jeans, I continue to kiss him slowly and languidly as if I have all the time in the world. I almost can’t believe we’re making out in my car, but I can’t give a fuck. I don’t care who sees us, as long as they know this man is mine. Ryan moans and kisses me back but never challenges my dominance, never takes over. My Ryan. So beautifully submissive.

  In this moment, I know we’ll be okay. With each piece of himself he lets me see, he’ll become free. I’ll help him learn to trust again. Not only to trust in his lover, but also trust in his Dominant. I’ll help heal him. Through time, he’ll let me in more and more, and I’ll learn everything there is to know about Ryan Scott.

  Chapter Thirteen

  After breakfast, Ryan says he needs to head home to do some house chores, and I tell him there’re a couple of people coming over to see our house. Out the front of my place where I’m pressing him against the side of his car, I kiss Ryan goodbye softly.

  “Henry?” he asks against my jaw.

  “Yes?”

  “How about, if you have time, you write up a contract today. And tomorrow, while we’re in bed all day, we can look it over?”

  Breaking away only enough to look at him, I smile. “I can do that.”

  His eyes flit around. “Do um…. I mean, we could play at my place, since I live alone. You know, if we didn’t want anyone to hear us.”

  I nod, cupping his cheek. “Your place is a good option, and one we’ll use initially. But there’s also a club, Lost and Bound, which I’m a member of. We can also play there. They have private rooms we can use.”

  Ryan’s nods. “Oh. Okay. Cool.”

  I grin at his nervous excitement. He’s missed this. “First, the contract. And tomorrow, while we have time in bed, we can test some waters. For now, I’ll let you go.” Smacking our lips together once more, I slap his butt when he turns around. He chuckles and slides into his car. Those dimples will be the death of me. With a wave, he drives off and I head back inside.

  * * *

  By early afternoon, I’ve given a tour of the house to a couple of prospective tenants, completed my house chores, and I received a call from Dakota to organise the settlement date. In a short amount of days, the gym will be ours. Travis and I decide to celebrate by sitting out the back, taking a load off, and having a beer.

  “I can’t believe it, man,” Travis says with a grin. “We’ve done it. We’ve bought a gym!”

  “We did,” I say. “The paperwork needs to be signed, but… we’ve done it. And before we reached thirty, too!” He laughs along with me before I clear my throat. “Ahem. On another note, I’m going to bring Ryan with me to your birthday party.” My brother’s thirtieth should be a lot of fun, given Trey’s organising it.

  Travis nods. “How are things going with you two? It seemed a little tense last night.”

  “We had an argument. But we cleared it up after we got home, and we had a good chat today.”

  “I’m glad. I like Ryan.” Travis winces. “I reckon he has a story there. Might need some looking after, you know?”

  “You, my brother, can be quite perceptive.�
�

  He shrugs, tilting his head with his bottle rim resting on his lips. “I have my moments.” Finishing off his drink, he sighs deeply.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  “He called you. Not me. Pushing that aside, I need to find a way to ask him out.”

  It takes me a minute to follow his train of thought. “You mean Dakota?”

  “No,” he scoffs. “Jeffrey Dean Morgan.”

  “He really does look like him,” I agree. “Wait until everything’s sorted then send him a message.”

  He shakes his head. “Nah. What if he’s straight?”

  “What if he’s not?”

  “Hm.”

  “You’ll think of something, I’m sure.”

  “I guess.”

  My brother has never sounded so unsure of himself. Charming and confident was his forte until the moment he met Dakota Edwards. The man has already turned him inside out just by meeting him. Trav’s interest in him does make me wonder what Dakota’s sexual orientation is and whether he’d consider dating my brother.

  * * *

  Early the next morning, I head over to Ryan’s place full of contained excitement. I hope he likes the contract agreement I wrote up last night. Clutching it in my hand, I wait patiently for him.

  Ryan grins as he opens the door. “Hey.”

  Grasping the back of his neck with my free hand, I bring his mouth to mine and kiss him. When he moans into the kiss, I draw back. “Hey.”

  “Come on in,” he says, sounding breathless.

  Wearing sweatpants and a plain T-shirt, Ryan and I have chosen similar clothes. Considering we’re going to be in bed for almost a whole day, it makes total sense. He looks hot, comfortable, and ruffled. I walk past him and he closes the door. Knotting my fingers in his hair, I smile. “I like this. Bed hair is sexy on you.”

  He laughs. “Oh yeah? You’ll see plenty of it today, then.”

  “Good.”

  We’re silently staring at each other until Ryan clears his throat. “You want a coffee?”

  “I’d love one.”

  “Have you had breakfast?”

  “Yeah, I have.”

  “Same.” He makes us coffees, and we take them to his room. Ryan’s smirk is both adorable and sexy.

  “What?” I ask.

  He shrugs. “I’m just wondering who’s going to win the bet.”

  “Right.” I chuckle and slide onto the bed beside him. Given we now have the added aspect of a contract, I don’t think I’ll lose. “So,” I start, placing the large envelope in his lap. “I’ve put both of our copies of the contract in there in case we want to sign them today. We can make any changes you want. Take your time reading.” I lie back with my mug of coffee as he sips his, opens up the envelope, and reads the contract. Of course, I know exactly what it says. The document states that the purpose of the contract is to allow the submissive, Ryan, to explore his sensuality and his limits safely. Along with the agreement that the contract itself, and any actions regarding the contract, is consensual and confidential, it also lists Ryan’s safewords, rules, and discipline. The term of the contract is for three months with both parties having the power to terminate the contract at any time. In Appendix 1, where it lists our limits, I took the liberty to include anal sex as one of Ryan’s hard limits.

  I’m anticipating Ryan’s words and watching him intently when he finally speaks. “Wow.” He clears his throat and stares down at me. “Henry, this is… extensive. I’ve never seen such a contract before.”

  His words fill me with pride. “Good.” Turning onto my side, I place my hand on his abdomen. “How about we go through the limits. Tell me how you feel about them.”

  He nods. “I agree with all of your hard limits. I have no interest in acts involving urination or scat, fire play, or blood. Electrical or breath… I fully agree on all of those. Thank you for adding anal sex. But… can we also highlight fisting, caning, whipping, and suspension for now?”

  “Of course.” I’m about to circle the words, when Ryan stops me.

  “Wait! I’ve got a highlighter right here.” He slides open a drawer and starts highlighting the words on both our copies.

  “Okay, gorgeous. Soft limits?”

  He clears his throat. “Obviously, I’m okay with some anal play. But maybe just fingers for now? I’m okay with trying bondage, but I’d like to work up to blindfolding and gagging. I was going to have them as hard limits, but I think I can do them… at some point.”

  “Okay, so blindfolding and gagging are soft limits. Anything else?”

  “Um… voyeurism and exhibitionism,” he reads, meeting my eyes. “You like these?”

  I shrug. “They’re not something I need, but I find it pleasurable sometimes to watch others.” My eyes run up and down his body. “And why would I be opposed to showing you off? Having the members of the club watch as I tie you up and bring you pleasure? I think I’d quite like that. They’d see how gorgeous you are, and wish they could be the one dominating you and taking you home. But they’ll all know you’re mine .”

  Ryan tilts his head with a smile before blinking and biting his lip. “I don’t know how I feel about people looking at me.” Suddenly, he looks sad. “I would’ve,” he says. “Before him . I would’ve been confident enough to do that with you. And some of the other hard limits too. But now… I don’t know.”

  “Come here.” With both of our drinks finished and put aside, I slide over and move Ryan until I’m behind him with his back against my chest. “I don’t want you to worry about what you would’ve done, and what we’d be like, if your past never happened. You are who you are, and I only want to know what the Ryan I know is comfortable with. Things change, and maybe later down the track, you’ll reach a point when you want to try other things. But for now, I want to know what you are ready for. This is a big step for you, and you have no idea how lucky and humbled I feel that you’re trusting me enough to try this.” Tightening my arms around him, I kiss his temple. “For now, how about we say yes to voyeurism and exhibitionism being a soft limit. But you should know, baby, you’re absolutely gorgeous. Especially when you submit.” Sliding my hands beneath his shirt, I caress his abs and chest while nibbling on his ear.

  He takes a deep breath, and with his free hand, he grips my knee. “Okay.”

  “Anything else?”

  “All the others, I’m fine with at this stage to try. And I agree with the entire contract, except… with the ‘allotted times,’ can we make it either Friday or Saturday night, and either Saturday or Sunday during the day?” Just as I open my mouth, he adds, “And maybe we can add a weeknight? It’s just… I need a full day during the weekend to write and—”

  “Say no more. It sounds reasonable.” Although the contact isn’t a twenty-four-hour lifestyle, I’d assumed every weekend would be asking a bit much from Ryan. As my finger runs over his nipple, he gasps. “But I’ll tell you now. Three days a week probably won’t be enough for me. If I call on you, on a day that isn’t agreed upon, you’ll make yourself available.”

  He nods. “And… what if…”

  Grasping his hair, I gently manoeuvre his head. “What if, what?”

  “Can I message you?” he asks. “If I nee— want to see you.”

  I smile. “You can. I can’t guarantee I’ll be free, but never hesitate to contact me. I always want to know what you’re thinking, especially if it’s because you want me.”

  “Okay.” His eyes return to the paperwork. “So, for now, the location will be my place?”

  “How about, on the weeknight, it’s my place. On the weekend, yours.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “I’ll book us in to see a doctor in the next couple of weeks for full health checks. Is after four o’clock good for you?”

  “On Tuesdays. Yes, Sir.” Ryan picks up the pen, fills in his name, the date, and signs it, before doing the same on my copy. Stroking his back the whole time, I’m aware of the tension leaving him as he set
s the contracts down. After we’ve both signed and placed the contracts on the bedside table, Ryan turns around to kneel between my legs. With his eyes searching mine and his large hands on my knees, he looks both adorable and hot. When he flips his hands over, palms up, I know he’s waiting for my command.

  I sit up straight. “Boy?”

  “Yes, Sir?”

  “Thank you.”

  He tilts his head like a puppy and it makes me think of a new name for him. “For what, Sir?”

  “For giving me you, and your submission, for the next three months.”

  “You’re very welcome, Sir.”

  Shifting onto my knees in front of him, I hold his face in my hands and cover his mouth with mine, giving him a quick, passionate kiss. I draw back only far enough to whisper, “Strip.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Moving with inelegant yet endearing haste, Ryan stands and strips. When he lowers his head and waits for my next command, I stand behind him. “Firstly, if we’re going to play, I’ll want you waiting for me in your display position.” Behind him with my hands on his hips, I turn us to face his bedroom door. I slide my hands up his impressively muscled back until I reach his shoulders. “I want you on the floor, with your back to the bed, sitting on your heels.” When I press down a little on his shoulders, he lowers himself as instructed. Walking around until I’m in front of him, I lick my lips at the sight. Ryan. Naked. Kneeling and waiting. Adjusting myself, I swallow thickly. “Spread your knees.”

  After he shifts, Ryan places his hands on his thick, muscular thighs.

  “A little more.” He obeys and his cock twitches. “That’s a good pup. You look beautiful.”

  Ryan tilts his head without looking up. “Th-thank you, Sir.”

  “You don’t mind the new name?”

  “I… I like it, Sir.”

  “Good.” Frowning at his lowered head, I step forward and take his chin between my knuckle and thumb. “Some Dominants demand their sub lower their eyes.” I tilt his head up. “In some cases, I have. But I want to see yours, pup. Unless I tell you to close your eyes, or lower your head, I want them on me. Understand?”