Alaskan Christmas Cold Case

by Sarah Varland

  The door opened and a woman stood there. She was in her early sixties, Noah guessed, with bobbed hair that had probably once been brown but was now lighter in color and streaked with silver. She seemed like a woman who accepted her age, but not any limitations that came attached to it.

  “Can I help...?” Her eyes moved from Noah to Erynn and widened. “Erynn?”

  Erynn nodded. “Hello. I’m sorry it’s been so long.” There went that shrug again.

  Anne Cooper had already wrapped her arms around Erynn in a huge hug. Anne was crying, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed.

  Noah looked around again, growing uncomfortable with the amount of time they were spending standing outside. “Mind if we step inside, ma’am?”

  She looked up, wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Of course, yes, it’s not safe out here. Let’s go inside.”

  Her statement caught Noah’s attention. How did she know that?

  “Oh, Erynn... I have so much to tell you.” Anne tilted her head. “As much as I appreciate the cards, it hurts a mom’s heart a bit when her baby changes her number and there’s no way to communicate with her.”

  Noah raised his eyebrows. That was part of the story Erynn had not shared. He looked at her now but she was avoiding his eyes. And Anne’s.

  “I’m Chief Noah Dawson, with the Moose Haven Police Department.”

  “I’m Anne...” Her eyes trailed to Erynn again. “Anne Howard.”

  * * *

  Erynn stared at Anne, tried to reconcile what she’d heard with what she’d known. Emotions waged a war with logic in her head. Howard? She’d married Erynn’s dad’s partner? Part of her was angry. How dare she dishonor his memory by... What, not living as a widow for over a decade? And not just as a widow but one whose only daughter had abandoned her, practically pretended the adoption had never even happened with the exception of some Christmas cards that eased her guilt.

  No, Anne had been right to marry Danny if she’d fallen in love. Erynn’s dad had loved him. He’d have probably been all for it, although that wouldn’t have happened had he lived since Erynn knew they’d had a strong, loving marriage and neither of them would have considered divorce.

  “I’m...happy for you.” She meant the words. As much as she was capable of right now while experiencing this emotional overload of sorts.

  “Thanks, sweetheart.” Anne hugged Erynn again. “It was lonely around here for years after your dad died.”

  Was killed, Erynn corrected in her mind but didn’t say out loud. “And now Danny...”

  “We don’t know what happened to him yet,” Anne corrected before Erynn could say another word. The woman always believed the best, something Erynn loved about her, even if it was a quality she couldn’t bring herself to emulate. It was much easier to expect the worst and be surprised if you were wrong.

  The chances that he’d tangled with the serial killer and survived were abysmal. However, she hadn’t seen Anne in too long and she wasn’t going to be responsible for crushing her fragile hopes.

  Erynn knew enough about what that felt like to hate it when it happened to anyone else. It was ironic: her struggle was the very thing she wanted to save the world from, part of what had motivated her to a career in law enforcement. She wanted to give people hope that things would be okay.

  “That’s part of what we need to talk to you about, Mrs. Howard.” Noah spoke up, for which Erynn was thankful. Maybe her boss had been right to remove her from the case officially. She was leading with her heart, something she had never done before.

  Anne tilted her head, studied Noah. “Are you the people he was heading to meet? He told me he was meeting an officer and a trooper but wouldn’t say names. I assumed it was for my safety as he’s typically pretty vague about things like that. Or was when he was working. He retired last year.” She said the last part to Erynn, who nodded.

  “Yes, he was meeting me.” Noah glanced at Erynn. “And Erynn.”

  A few seconds passed until understanding washed over Anne’s face. Erynn thought she might have paled a little, also. “Oh.” She shook her head. “Come in, I think I’ll make us all some coffee. If I’m understanding correctly, we have a lot of talking to do. This way.” She moved from the entryway up a short set of stairs to a large open area. The mountains were visible out the front window, just like they’d always been, and Erynn immediately felt at home. Like she’d never left. But also like it had been years.

  She had never imagined—okay, had rarely imagined—facing her past again. At least not like this, here in this house, feeling like family and a stranger all at once. She had certainly never imagined dragging Noah back into it with her.

  But here she was. And here he was. And, ready or not, her past was coming for her.

  FIFTEEN

  The tension between Anne and Erynn fascinated Noah, especially because it didn’t feel like the strain of people who’d had a falling out. He was even more sure now that his earlier assumption about Erynn pushing Anne away out of fear of getting hurt was right.

  “So you’re a state trooper now?” Anne shook her head, handed each of them a mug of coffee. Noah took a long, appreciative sip. Nice and strong. He could see where Erynn had gotten her love of the stuff. He liked coffee fine, but Erynn was the only one he knew who liked it strong enough to disintegrate a plastic spoon.

  Erynn nodded. “Yes.”

  “Did you always plan—” Anne cut herself off. “Of course not. You never talked about anything like that. Did you decide because of your dad?”

  He watched Erynn flinch. Someone might as well have slapped her from the way she jumped back, the way the pain flashed across her face.

  “Yes. For Dad.” Her voice wavered.

  “Well, I’m a bit unhappy, because mothers prefer their children safe. But he would have been proud.”

  Noah watched Erynn, but she didn’t give away much with her guarded facial expression, just nodded.

  “So tell me why you needed to talk to me. I’m glad you’re here, Erynn, and I’d love to catch up later, talk about if there’s anything I did to upset you... But I know right now you’re on a mission. And if you’re going to find my husband, so I don’t lose him, too...” She choked back tears. “Then I need to help you so you can be on your way and save him.”

  He hated to give her false hope. While Noah had been trying to hang on to some degree of optimism, he was fairly certain that Erynn’s assumption that the man was dead was correct.

  “It’s this note.” Erynn pulled her phone out of her pocket and Noah watched as she opened the email. He still hadn’t seen it, so he moved farther down the couch, to the spot beside Erynn so he could read over her shoulder.

  Anne was nodding as she read, looking like she’d been transported back over a decade. “Yes, I remember him talking to me about some of this.”

  “Dad talked to you?” Erynn’s head shot up.

  “Of course, sweetheart, I was his wife.”

  Noah watched the two of them, studied Erynn’s face.

  “But he didn’t...keep work things from you?”

  “He never shared anything that he shouldn’t have. But we shared our whole lives. Made one life out of the two.”

  For the second time in their friendship, and in the last week, he saw Erynn start to cry. He felt like an intruder, as if his presence in the room was overstepping boundaries somehow. He didn’t know why—he’d learned more about Erynn in the last few days, especially her past, than he’d ever hoped—but somehow it seemed like if he really wanted to show her that he respected her right to space he needed to give it to her.

  “I’m sorry, but do you mind if I look around your husband’s office? I’d love to see if there’s anything in there that might hint at something we could use.” Noah was taking a risk assuming there was an office and that he’d read Erynn right that she’d like to be left alo
ne. But this was a good investigative move anyway. They could cover more ground working from two angles.

  “Of course.” Anne motioned up a set of stairs against the far wall. “The loft is his office. I’ve left it the same way since Mack’s death.”

  “Thank you.” He moved that direction, up the stairs, and noted that while he could still hear their voices, he couldn’t make out what was being said.

  There, he’d given Erynn what she’d wanted. Space.

  He looked around the room, decided to start with the desk. The first drawer was pens, office supplies and the like. They held nothing that pertained to the case, save an empty file folder that read “Mack’s Notes.”

  The computer on the desk caught Noah’s eye. Could Danny Howard have been more of a digital kind of man? He moved the mouse and the computer woke instantly: no password. Of course not. Not if Danny and Anne lived with the kind of closeness she and Mack had enjoyed.

  He clicked the email icon, brought up the man’s account to take a closer look at the messages Erynn was discussing downstairs. He squinted as hard as he could, tilted his head both ways, but still couldn’t get the handwriting to make sense to him, either, at least at the bottom of the first page. It was good Erynn had come here.

  Hopefully in more ways than one. Because he didn’t just need this case solved. He needed Erynn safe and strong, in every way. And Noah could feel that being here, looking straight down the nose of her past, was how she needed to heal.

  * * *

  Erynn watched Noah walk away, up into the loft, and couldn’t decide if she was upset with him for leaving her without a barrier between her and Anne, or if she was grateful for the privacy.

  She looked up at the woman she’d called “Mom” for years, saw tears shining in her rich brown eyes.

  “How did you do it, Mom?” She stumbled over the last word, but it had slipped out before she could stop it. “How did you get through everything if you and Dad really were that close?”

  “Oh, sweetie, I didn’t do it on my own.”

  Had Erynn forgotten the way faith was integrated so deeply into every aspect of her mom’s life? Maybe so. She certainly hadn’t let her own sink roots as deep in the last few years. She was thankful to God for many things, tried to keep a cordial relationship with Him in church, but what she’d believed as a child about Him delighting in her, well...that seemed the stuff of fairy tales. Too much of Erynn’s life had proved to her that if God wasn’t cruel—and Erynn knew He wasn’t—then He simply must not pay much attention to her. Or must not care overly much.

  She hadn’t bothered to figure out which. It had hurt too deeply either way.

  “Oh.”

  “Don’t get that look on your face. I taught you better, you know better. God gives grace, Erynn. And I handled your dad’s death because I had to. Just like I’ll handle Danny’s if I have to, though I’m praying hard I won’t.”

  Erynn hated that she’d likely be the one having to break the bad news to her mother when all her prayers amounted to nothing. Just like Erynn’s had when she’d begged God for a family and He’d given her one for two years, then allowed half of it to be snatched away.

  “I don’t want to talk about God anymore, if that’s okay. I just want to know what this line says so we can go figure out who’s trying to kill me.”

  “Of course.” Anne’s voice had grown distant. Anne studied the email attachment. “‘Connections—foster care...’”

  “I’ve read that part.” Erynn did not need to hear it all again; she’d memorized the legible contents.

  “Which part can’t you read?”

  Erynn leaned closer, caught a scent of warm vanilla, the lotion she remembered her mom using. Her eyes stung with tears she didn’t want to shed. She’d had enough crying this week to last a lifetime. She steeled herself against it. “Right here.”

  “Holloway House,” she read.

  “That’s the name of the place I stayed, not long before I came here.” Erynn frowned, looked up at Anne.

  “Who else was there?”

  Anne’s voice was quiet as usual, unwavering and confident, Erynn thought.

  “A girl named Rachel. Then there was Luke. Madison. Janie. Matt. William, Sydney. Me.” Chills went down Erynn’s spine and she shivered with the sudden cold that had overtaken her, even though the room had been plenty warm before.

  “Rachel and Luke? What happened to them?”

  Erynn shook her head. “They’re fine. Nothing happened to them, I just saw Luke posting on social media this morning.” She frowned.

  “Did anyone leave before the others? Anything like that?”

  “No. Well, yes, Luke left fairly early on. But Rachel was there the whole time I was.”

  Her dad had to have had a reason for writing the group home down, had to have a good reason to think it could link them all together. The fact that Erynn wasn’t quite able to figure out what it was implied it was the key to everything, to figuring out who had connections to all of them.

  “When your dad got stuck like this, he’d go out on the back deck.”

  Erynn nodded. She remembered seeing him out there, and silly as it seemed to believe that being where he’d been could somehow help her, she found herself walking in that direction.

  She paused at the double French doors, knowing better than to step outside. The area was sheltered by trees, but not even those were safe for her right now. At least, they couldn’t assume so without checking first. Still, standing there even made her feel closer to her dad, remembering the times she’d find him out there, standing in the midnight sun in the winter, thinking, or under a fire-orange sunset sky in the summer.

  Something caught in her brain, pinged an alarm.

  Fire?

  “The fire.” Hope rose in her throat as anticipation shivered down her spine and along arms in the form of gooseflesh.

  “What fire?”

  She had her connection now; she was sure of it.

  “Noah,” Erynn called, knowing he’d leave what he was doing and come. She didn’t deserve the kind of loyalty he’d always showed her, not when she held him at arm’s length the way she did.

  No, he deserved a woman with a past that was all roses, who could love him forever without unresolved trauma popping its head up and ruining it.

  And Erynn was anything but that.

  “Do you know what this note means?” Anne’s eyes were hopeful but Erynn hesitated. She knew her dad had shared information with her mom, but it didn’t feel right for her to do so. Not right now, especially when she didn’t know what the clues meant.

  “I know he believed there was a link because of Holloway House. That’s all I can say for now.” The apologetic shrug she offered was probably far from meaningful, but at least she’d tried.

  Noah had come down from the loft and was standing nearby. She needed to tell him the entire story in the car, help him understand the links, but for now she had to get out of this house with a semi-graceful exit. With all the past between them, all the drama of Erynn having disappeared for years and showing up now...well, there wasn’t much chance of that.

  “You’ll call?”

  After the silence of the last few years, Erynn owed her at least that. She nodded. “I’ll call.”

  “Thank you. I don’t want to lose you again. It was hard enough losing your dad...” Anne’s voice trailed off and as she spoke of Erynn’s father, Erynn couldn’t stop the question that had been dancing around in the back of her mind, even as she’d been working the case just now.

  “Were you sorry?”

  “Sorry?”

  “That you loved Dad so much and then lost him. Would you...? That stuff you said about two lives being one. Would you do it again, even if you knew it was going to break your heart?” Erynn’s heart pounded so hard she could feel it in her forehead, wh
ich had already been starting to ache from the tension.

  “Over and over. I would choose that man a thousand times. Because love opens you to hurt, yes. But love also opens you to...well, love. And it’s worth it, sweetie.”

  Erynn nodded. Pulled her boots on and waited for Noah, who’d been right behind them walking to the entryway, but seemed to have stepped back again to give them space.

  “Sorry,” he said with a glance up at her, but his face was unapologetic. He was trying to bring them together or something, to get them to talk again.

  Well, Erynn had tried. She couldn’t do more than she’d just done. She just couldn’t. The sooner they could get out of there, the better. Of course, that left her alone with Noah. Someone else she needed some distance from.

  “I’m going to make sure nothing looks out of place outside.” Noah stuck out a hand to Anne. “Thank you, ma’am. That helps a lot on the case and also on a personal level.” His eyes met Erynn’s and she felt almost like she’d burned him, the way he jerked his gaze back immediately. “I’m glad to meet Erynn’s mom.”

  “Thanks for coming.” Anne took his offered hand but pulled him into a hug. Of course she did.

  Noah hugged her back, stepped out the front door.

  And Erynn was once again alone with her past.

  “Well...thank you for your help.” Her words were jumbled, her mind confused as to the protocol to follow on a visit like this. Straddling the line between an investigation and the personal, it was tricky. She reached for the doorknob.

  “Erynn?”

  Erynn looked back.

  “Choosing to love regardless of its capacity to hurt is something I’ll never regret. With anyone I love. No matter how far away they run. Okay, sweetheart? I’ll never, ever, regret you being my daughter or the love I give you every day.”

  In a moment that was so weighty with emotion and the promise of reconciliation, Erynn didn’t know how to handle it. She shoved a hand at her face, practically swatting at her lashes to stop any tears before they formed. Nodded. She didn’t want to be insulting.