by Eden French
“No, I don’t think I could love you again….”
Carson’s heart stopped.
“The truth is I never stopped loving you to begin with. So, if you’re asking me if I still love you, then the answer is yes. Yes, I love you. I love you just as much as I ever have.”
Carson’s chest swelled as his body thrummed in excitement. The man still loved him. He rubbed Brand’s thigh with his hand traveling up past his hip, further along the side of his body, and over his shoulder before settling at the side of his face. His thumb caressed Brand’s jawline, the silky scruff of beard feeling soft against the pad. The last time Carson caressed that face, it was soft and tender, the face of a boy becoming a man. Now? Well, now he gazed into the face of a full-grown man. Carson’s muscles tightened and lightning shot through his body. He definitely loved this older rugged look.
Needing the physical connection, he leaned in and pressed his lips against the other man’s mouth. An electric current passed between them and shocked them both to life. The current grew exponentially, as he gave everything he had into the moment. Brand’s fingers found Carson’s belt, and with a few movements, it was unbuckled and hanging from each side of the waistband. Carson’s stomach tightened. His abs flexed, and Brand pushed him back to lay down as he knelt over him.
“I thought we were taking this slow?” Carson asked.
Shut up. Shut up. If he wants to ravage you right now, then let him, for fuck’s sake.
“We were. But I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of holding back. I want you, Car. There’s no reason to wait.” Brand’s chest heaved. “I want you to know I’ve never been with anyone without protection. And my tests have always come back clean.”
“Same. Except I’ve only really been with you.”
“You’ve never had sex with anyone else?”
“There was never anyone I wanted enough, even just to fuck. And the few sad hand jobs I did have were unimpressive at best.” Carson paused. “No one could ever compare to you and you’re the only one I ever really wanted.”
“I’ve been waiting for you for so long,” Brand whispered. “Somewhere deep down, I knew you would come back to me.” He grabbed the back of Carson’s head and held it still as he ravaged him with kisses.
Brand unfastened Carson’s pants. With a sharp tug, he pulled them down to his knees. Carson’s cock stood erect between them. Brand gripped it in his hand and squeezed slightly as he stroked it twice before bending forward and taking it into his mouth. Carson shuddered. Was this even real?
“Oh, fuck,” Carson said. “Oh God, Brand, you feel so good.” He closed his eyes and decided that if it was just some torturous dream, he didn’t want to wake.
Brand pulled back, his lips tightening around Carson’s shaft as he did. A series of small sounds escaped Carson’s mouth as he flexed his ass and lifted his hips.
“Stay put,” Brand growled. “If you want my mouth on that delicious cock of yours, you’re gonna have to do things my way.”
Holy. Shit. Carson’s blood boiled and burned in his veins. He’d forgotten how Brand liked to have things his way. How could he have forgotten? Fuck, he missed the way Brand controlled things.
He lay still and waited for Brand’s directions. He eyed his lover carefully as Brand unbuttoned his own shirt and removed it. Carson’s mouth watered as he drank him in. Brand was a fucking statue—chiseled and cut in all the right places. Carson wanted to run his tongue along each and every one of those muscular dips on his torso.
Brand removed his pants and held himself in his hand. Carson watched as Brand pulled at his own length and anxiously awaited Brand’s next move. He didn’t have to wait long. Brand crawled over him and hovered above Carson a second before flipping around, head to cock.
“Take me in your mou— Oh, shit.”
Carson didn’t give Brand the chance to finish the sentence. He had Brand’s dick completely engulfed in his mouth and sucked hard. He wanted every bit of taste he could get out of Brand. And fuck, he tasted good. He could suck on him all night, if Brand allowed it.
Unbidden, Brand took Carson into his mouth and swallowed his length. Carson fumbled. Damn. It felt too good. Carson brought his hands up to Brand’s ass and pulled him down, shoving his lover’s cock further down his throat. Brand’s knees slipped, and Carson was orally impaled. Brand’s soft head pushed down deep into his throat. Carson widened his mouth, his eyes just as wide as he tried to accommodate Brand’s large prick.
“Mmmm,” Brand hummed, the noise muffled by Carson’s dick in his mouth. He bobbed up and down at a steady pace and slowly drew the orgasm closer. Carson concentrated on sucking Brand off but lost focus when Brand nipped at his tip with his lips, then slid down his length while sucking. It was the best head he’d ever had, and he was about to come.
Carson dug his fingers into the flesh of Brand’s ass, this time pulling him down while he lifted his own hips, shoving his cock further into Brand’s mouth. Together they moved in time, faster and faster and faster, sucking and licking and nipping and devouring until the orgasm was on the precipice for them both.
Carson released Brand first. “I’m gonna come,” he moaned.
“Then come,” Brand said, coming up for air. “I want to taste you in my mouth.” He engulfed Carson’s length.
The words sent waves of ecstasy down Carson’s body, and he came with a powerful thrust. Brand clamped his lips around his cock and sucked hard, milking every bit of the orgasm from Carson’s body.
“Fuck, Brand, I fucking love you,” Carson breathed as he gripped Brand’s ass so tight with his hands he was sure he was going to leave finger bruises. Brand continued to hold Carson’s cock in his mouth and swallowed everything Carson gave him. Goddamn, it was fucking hot.
As the orgasm subsided, Carson guided Brand’s erection back into his mouth. It seemed to have grown in size since his own release. He took it into his mouth and moved up and down the length, over and over, faster and faster, until Brand was thrusting hard, fucking his face. Harder and harder, Brand pushed himself into Carson’s mouth until it was as wide as he could open it. Harder and faster, the pace kept on, until Carson felt his mouth would never be able to close again.
Two more passes and Brand shuddered, his body growing rigid, and Carson knew he was close. He released a moan, the sound vibrating on Brand’s length, and all control was lost.
“Shit. Yes. Oh fuuuck.” Brand moaned as he orgasmed. Carson wrapped his lips firm along Brand’s shaft, the pulses of Brand’s pleasure depositing a tasty amount of cum into his mouth. Carson swallowed, and the warm fluid slid down his throat. Jesus, he tasted so good.
The two collapsed in front of the fire, spent from exertion and missed time. Brand flipped around and pulled Carson into his embrace.
“That was amazing,” he said, kissing Carson’s temple.
Carson closed his eyes, a smile absently pulling at his lips.
“No, you’re amazing,” he replied with a content yawn. “And I’m never letting you go again.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Has Teo said anything?” Brand asked hesitantly.
Ryan looked up from her computer. She leaned back into her chair and stretched, her arms arching over her head as she released a groan.
“Does it matter?” she replied.
“It doesn’t matter in the sense that I haven’t changed my mind, but I never wanted to hurt him, Ry. You’ve got to know that. Teo’s a special person.”
She lifted her eyebrows. “But not special enough, it would appear.” She waved off her last comment. “I’m sorry. I’m just a bit salty over the fact that I’m out an assistant, and my workload is turning into a monster.”
“He quit?”
“Not yet,” she replied. “He just asked for some time off and left yesterday morning. Can you believe that in less than twenty-four hours, my inbox has exploded? And on a weekend, no less.”
“Where’d he go? What did he say?”
Guilt shrouded his shoulders and pushed him further into Ryan’s couch. He knew that Teo had been disappointed with the breakup, but he hadn’t thought their feelings had been so deep for Teo to leave his job.
“I know you mean well, but honestly, it’s really not any of your business anymore,” she replied. “However, because I know that soft little heart of yours will worry, I will say that he said he just needed to get out of town for a few. Take off back to the Bay Area. Something about making amends…. I’m really not sure and I didn’t want to pry. Said he’d be back in a couple weeks.”
“Was he all right?”
Ryan sighed. “Yeah. I mean, I guess.” She stood up and joined him on the couch. “He’s heartbroken. What do you expect?”
Brand shook his head. “I know it sucks. Trust me, Ry. I know that. Especially since Teo really is a terrific person.” His knee bounced up and down. “But I just couldn’t do it. I love Carson. I’m in love with him. Period. I’ve always loved him. I will always love him.”
She rested her head on Brand’s shoulder. “I know you do, hon. I’ve known it for years. I guess I was just hoping that Teo would be a fresh start with no baggage.”
Brand was silent as she continued. “I want you to know that I respect your choice. I’m on your side.” She stopped suddenly—the tension of unspoken words built up in the air between them.
“Why do I sense there’s something else?” he asked.
Ryan laughed. “Probably because there’s a big something else coming up right now.” She pushed up off him and turned so that they looked each other in the eye. “I’m on your side, West, but I know what Carson leaving did to you. I was here to pick up the pieces of what was left. I’ve seen you struggle with trust and intimacy and love over the years, and if he does anything else but give you the happily ever after you deserve, I will single-handedly destroy him. Like old school Andre the Giant style. Total annihilation.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little dramatic?”
“It’s the very least I will do,” she said, her mouth drawn into a slight smile. She shifted her weight and leaned her head on her hand. “Now, with that said, put Teo out of your mind. Despite how much I was rooting for the two of you, he knew what he was getting into, and you were honest, and as soon as you knew, you told him. As far as anyone is concerned, you held up your end of the bargain. And I know Teo knows that too. He just needs some space to process it.”
“I’m sorry I put your business in a pinch.”
“Don’t worry about it. I can manage for a few. I know he’ll be back.”
Brand nodded. Still, he felt bad. He never wanted to be the reason someone was brokenhearted. But it would’ve been worse if he’d strung Teo along. Maybe after a while, after he returned from his trip, Brand could meet up with him for coffee and check-in. Not right away, of course. But eventually. They’d been friends before all of this had started after all. He was hopeful they could somehow get back there.
Ryan slapped Brand’s thigh. “Now, I’m gonna get some wine, and you’re going to tell me all the juicy details of what the hell’s been going on between you and Carson.”
She stood and ran to the kitchen. Brand heard the sound of a wine bottle on the counter as she struggled to open it. Corking wine was not her strong suit. They’d had many a laugh over Ryan’s inability to perform the simple task on their many wine vacations together. A sharp clink of glass and she appeared again in the living room. She set the two glasses on the coffee table and poured the rich, red liquid.
“This is the Sonoma cab I got from the Mill House remodel,” she said, placing the bottle on the table and handing Brand a glass.
Brand took the stemless drinkware and brought it to his nose. He inhaled deeply, allowing the robust scent of oak and pepper to stimulate his senses. Taking a healthy sip, he let the liquid settle on his tongue for a second before swallowing.
“Oh, wow. I really like that,” he said. “Didn’t they also send you a—”
“Yeah, sure. Whatever.” She waved her hand. “Now, will you please tell me all the details? I’ve been trying to give you space and time, especially since everything with Teo happened. But I’m done waiting. I need to know the juicy deets. Spill it.”
Brand clicked his tongue as he settled on the couch, a smile spreading across his face.
“Oh, wow. Look at you,” Ryan said. “You really are a smitten kitten.”
Brand shook his head. “I never thought I’d feel this way again.”
“Aw, hon. You really are in love.”
“So much so, it terrifies me.”
He brought his glass back up to his lips and took another long sip. Despite knowing Carson was the one for him, he couldn’t deny a part of him was scared shitless. After all, they’d been there before, totally in love. Look how that ended up. He swallowed the wine and tried to toss out the negative thoughts that lurked in the back of his mind. He didn’t regret ending things with Teo, not one bit. But he couldn’t just act as if he hadn’t been wounded before.
But it wasn’t his choice to leave. He was forced. He reminded himself.
“What’s with the serious face?” Ryan asked, ripping him from his thoughts.
“It’s, um… complicated,” he admitted. When she didn’t respond, he continued, “I’m scared.”
“Can you be more specific?”
“What if it doesn’t work out? We’re not kids anymore. We’re grown men, who’ve lived different lives and have had different experiences. What if we’re just not a good match anymore?”
“Do you love him?”
“Absolutely.”
“Do you think he loves you?”
“I do,” he said confidently. “Without a doubt.”
She sighed. “Then there’s nothing you can do except love him in the present. You can’t predict what will happen. You can’t possibly know that he won’t disappear into the night again. But from what you said, him leaving wasn’t exactly his choice to begin with.”
“But he has a whole life I know nothing about and….”
“And what?” she said. “There’s nothing more. Yes, he has an entire part of him that doesn’t include you. A part that he’ll have to most likely go back to at some point. You two aren’t kids anymore. You have careers, lives.” She leaned back against the arm of the couch. “But that doesn’t mean things will end like last time. Chin up, West. You’re one of the most resourceful people I know. When the time comes, you’ll figure out how to push through. Just enjoy what you have now. Heal and grow. And for the love of God, fuck your brains out and tell me all the details. Considering my extreme, desert-worthy dry spell, I’ll have to live vicariously through you.”
Brand tossed his head back and laughed. “You wish,” he said, grabbing a decorative pillow and tossing it at her. Still, despite her teasing, she did have a point. There was no use worrying about what could happen in the future. He should enjoy what time he and Carson had together, and when the moment came to make more permanent decisions, he’d be ready.
Chapter Thirty
The next morning, Brand met James at the trailhead for a morning run. The air was cold and bit at his cheeks. He pulled his beanie down over his ears as he waited for his partner to show. Fifteen minutes after their agreed-upon time, James came strolling up the path whistling.
“You’re late,” he said to the approaching man.
“Fashionably, though, no?”
Brand rolled his eyes. “In a chipper mood, are we?”
“Sorry, Miranda and I got um… caught up at home. You ready?”
“Caught up?” He raised an eyebrow. “Is that what we’re calling it these days?” he teased.
“Shut up,” James said, shoving Brand in the arm playfully. “You know we’re trying to have a baby. I was just doing my fair share to make sure that happens.”
“Oh, I see.” Brand laughed. “Wouldn’t want you to shirk your responsibility.”
James opened his mouth to respond, but Brand’s
cell phone rang. Reaching into the pocket of his running jacket, he pulled out the device and swiped the screen.
“Hey,” he said in a low voice as he turned from James.
“Hey,” Carson replied.
His voice was honey through the receiver. Brand’s stomach clenched as the sound wound out of his phone, into his ear, and made a beeline directly to his center. “At the risk of sounding too needy, I was wondering if you’d be interested in driving into Reno with me later this afternoon. My agent set up a meeting with a jewelry designer, and I’m hoping to get something made for my mom.”
“Of course,” Brand replied. “What time do you want to meet up?”
“The appointment’s at three, but I thought if we left around noon, I could take you out for lunch…” His voice trailed, before he added, “…if you want. Cass told me about this new out of the way pho restaurant that’s to die for.”
“I’d love to,” Brand said. “It’s a date.”
“Great, so I’ll pick you up at noon. Can’t wait to see you.”
“Me too. Bye.”
“Bye.”
The line beeped and went silent. Brand stood there a moment longer, smiling before releasing a contented sigh and slipping the phone back into his pocket. He turned to see James staring at him as he held on the trail marking post while he stretched his quad.
“Sounds like I’m not the only one getting lucky around here,” he quipped. “So, tell me, who’s the lucky lady… or is it guy? I can never be too sure which side of the fence you’re sitting on at any given moment.”
Brand rolled his eyes. “Probably because there is no fence in my field.”
When they were first partnered up, it only took a few weeks of getting to know each other before James realized Brand liked both men and women. Not that Brand was keeping it a secret. There was a brief time years ago where the door to Brand’s place could’ve been replaced with a revolving one. Brand had actively pursued anyone who caught his carnal fancy if it meant he could forget about Carson, for a night. James often teased Brand about his playboy life, in the way a brother or close friend might, and Brand never minded. He’d toned it down over the years, but James would never miss an opportunity to rub it in.
