by Eden French
Brand sucked in a breath, and his abs flexed more, creating a rock-solid surface. Forget the hand job, Carson was going to fucking come licking this man’s body. His cock jolted, but he wanted more of Brand in his mouth. He traced his tongue up the center of his torso and around each pec. He moved over the hardened nipples and tugged at the rough tissue with his teeth. Brand arched his back, grabbing the back of Carson’s head and pushing the nub further into his mouth.
“Yes, harder,” Brand moaned.
Carson sucked the nipple into his mouth, biting hard.
“Fuck, yes.”
Carson moved to the other side and repeated with the other nipple as Brand ran his hands through his hair. Carson’s hands roamed Brand’s body, exploring and discovering new muscles he never knew existed. Each discovery hardened his cock a little more than the last, if that was even possible.
Brand curled his fingers in Carson’s hair and pulled his head back, forcing eye contact. They both gazed at each other, breathless. Brand was the first to speak.
“I want you so bad, Car. I want to feel you deep inside me, fucking me hard, like how you used to….”
“But….”
“But I don’t think it’s a good idea. Not yet. Not for right now, okay?”
Carson looked at the god of a man in front of him. “Whatever you need, Brand. I want you to know that I’m here now… with you, in any way you need me. Any way you want me. And I’m ready to do whatever it takes to show you I’m yours.”
“Touch me.”
Carson reached out and took Brand’s cock in his hand and began stroking it along the shaft. He grabbed his lover’s balls with the other hand and gently massaged them as his stroke gained momentum.
Brand put his hands on Carson’s shoulders and dug his fingers into his fawn-toned skin. Carson’s cock, filled with desire, throbbed and twitched with each small grunt and groan that escaped from Brand’s lips. With his hand still stroking Brand’s cock, he removed his other hand and brought it to his own erection. Carson pulled and tugged at the same pace as he stroked Brand.
Faster and faster, he jerked Brand and himself off, his orgasm growing by the second. Fuck, he was going to come hard. He hadn’t expected this build-up to be so intense. Brand’s body shook, and Carson knew he was close.
“Oh God, Car. I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come.” Brand leaned forward until his head was resting in the crook of Carson’s neck.
“Fucking come, Brand. I want to feel you come in my hand.”
“Oh, shit. Just like that. Faster. Faster. Yes, Car. Yes….”
Brand’s orgasm released in Carson’s hand. Carson milked every drop of cum from Brand’s cock and braced himself for his own release. Closer and closer, he felt it growing until the orgasm swept him up like nothing he’d ever felt before. He pumped until his fluid dripped over his hand, again and again, as he squeezed and stroked his dick.
Brand held him close and kissed his face over and over, as waves of pleasure curled his toes and sent tingles to every extremity. Slowly, the orgasm faded and left them in satiated silence.
Snuggling down on a blanket on the floor, Carson held Brand close. It had been a long time since his body felt so grounded and content. Brand rested his head on Carson’s chest, his fingers dancing up and down along Carson’s side. They stayed in the outbuilding, holding each other while the hours passed into each other, and the fire eventually faded quietly, leaving nothing but smoldering embers and a sea of wanton desire crackling in the darkening room.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Teo’s smile faltered the second he opened his front door. Brand was sure his eyes didn’t miss the miniscule movement at the corner of Teo’s mouth, the teeniest movement indicating he knew what was about to happen. Still, he invited Brand in.
As Brand crossed the threshold, Teo wrapped his arm low around his waist and tugged him close, kicking the door closed behind him. He pulled him closer until they were chest to chest.
“I’ve missed you,” Teo said. “It’s been a while.”
“How was Thanksgiving at your parents’?”
“Fine, I guess. I would’ve much rather spent the time with you.” He leaned in for a kiss.
The second Teo’s soft lips met his, Brand’s resolve cracked. It didn’t matter that he was planning on telling Teo he couldn’t see him anymore. His physical response to the man was strong. It always had been. So strong, that for a half-second, Brand questioned his intention for the night. He pressed his body against Teo’s and met the kiss with equal fervor.
“It’s only been three days,” Brand murmured between nibbles to Teo’s bottom lip.
Teo sighed. “Three days too many.” His hands wandered down Brand’s hips and around to his ass. Fingers squeezed, and Brand was pulled closer into Teo’s body, Teo’s already hard cock crushing against Brand’s groin. A low, guttural moan escaped Teo’s throat and shot Brand into reality.
What was he doing? Brand couldn’t get carried away like this. He wouldn’t. Not when he knew in the depths of his soul that no matter how strong his physical attraction to Teo was, his heart belonged to Carson.
Brand eased back from Teo’s embrace and looked him in the eye. Teo’s shoulders fell.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he said. “I knew this was coming.”
“Teo, I—”
“Brand, please. Don’t. I don’t need the speech.”
“It’s not like that. You know how much I care about you.”
Teo’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “But you don’t love me.”
Brand sucked in a sharp breath. He had to be honest. It was the only thing Teo had wanted during this whole ordeal. “Teo, I care so much about you. And I’m so unbelievably attracted to you, it’s insane.” He paused and consider his next words with care. “But I love Carson. I’ve loved him since I knew how to love. I’ve never stopped loving him.”
“Despite what he did to you?”
Brand shrugged. “I wish I could say differently. God, it would be so much easier if it were different. There are so many good things about us I know could make me happy for a long, long time, but it’s… it’s not the same.” He inhaled deeply. “And despite what he did, despite how good you and I are together, I can’t stop myself from loving him. He’s a part of me. I’m not sure I could get over him if I wanted to.”
Teo closed his eyes and scrubbed his face with his hands. When he opened them, tears glazed over their surface and shined in the subtle light of the living room lamp.
“I want to be mad at you, Brand. I do. Angry makes sense. Angry could get me through this, but… I can’t be mad.” He wiped a stray tear from his cheek. “Hurt? Fuck. I can’t even begin to deconstruct what’s going on in my head right now. But I’m a big boy, and I knew the risk when I encouraged you to figure things out. I guess I… I guess just really hoped that I’d be enough. That we’d be enough for you to see that life can be easy. No drama, no gut-wrenching pain. Just two people, in love, enjoying each other’s company.” A sour laugh escaped his throat. “You know, the ironic part is, I knew this would happen. I knew it and did nothing about it. Just waited and accepted my fate. I guess it’s true; you can’t escape karma.”
Brand took Teo’s hand in his. “Listen to me. You deserve someone who wants you fully and completely. Someone who has you on their mind first thing in the morning and then thinks about you just before they fall asleep at night. You deserve to be someone’s everything.”
“That’s a nice sentiment and all, but you really don’t know what I deserve. Perhaps, a happy ever after just isn’t meant for me. Maybe I’m the villain in this story.”
Brand took Teo’s face in his hands and held his gaze. “I don’t know about all that, but I do know there’s no way you’re the villain in anyone’s story. And I’m sorry it’s not you, Teo. I’m so sorry I’m not your happy ever after. I truly am.”
Teo blinked back tears. “I’d like to believe that somehow we could still stay fri
ends, but I don’t think I can. At least not anytime soon.”
Brand nodded. “I get it. I do. And I won’t push friendship now. But I want you to know that one day, I hope you’ll consider me a friend.”
Teo rolled his lips and nodded. “Wouldn’t that be something.”
Brand dropped his hands and took a step back. “I should get going.”
Teo nodded and opened the door. Brand pulled his coat close around his neck and took a step out onto the porch.
“Brand,” Teo called.
Turning around, Brand met his now ex’s gaze. “Yeah?”
“I don’t regret anything.” Tears slipped down his cheeks freely. “Not one bit of it.”
Brand’s heart ached, and he closed the space between them until he had Teo in a tight hug. He hated that he was the cause of Teo’s pain but knew it would only be more painful if he kept on with him. Still, it didn’t take away the fact that doing so hurt his heart. Teo’s arms wound their way around Brand’s waist, and the two held each other in silence, allowing the grief of letting go to settle in. After a minute, Teo pulled away. Brand eyed him thoughtfully.
“You okay?”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be all right.”
Brand took a step back onto the porch, looked out into the snowy night, and shivered. Teo leaned up against the doorframe and sighed.
“I’ll see ya around, West,” he said in a low voice.
Brand turned to see Teo close the front door softly, leaving him alone in the quiet evening. He shoved his hands in his pockets and headed back to his Jeep. As difficult as ending it with Teo was, Brand’s heart felt lighter. Hopeful. He knew Carson was the only man he’d ever truly loved and apparently never gotten over. A pang of guilt slashed his chest. Somehow, deep down, he had known all along, hadn’t he? Getting involved with Teo had been reckless on his part. But how was he supposed to have known Carson would ever come back. How could he have known Carson would always hold his love if he hadn’t tried to give it to someone else? Was he supposed to have waited forever?
Brand hopped in his Jeep and started up the engine. No, he couldn’t blame himself. As much as it hurt, he was right to break things off with Teo. His heart belonged to Carson, there was no doubt about it. But how did Carson feel? He was sure that Carson wanted to give them another chance, but he couldn’t expect Brand to leave his career, and Tahoe, behind, could he?
He threw the Jeep in gear and headed home. His brow furrowed. The fact that Carson lived five hundred miles away didn’t bode well for any type of future.
Brand gripped the steering wheel and turned left onto his street. Christ, what was he doing? Did he really want to admit his true feelings, to leave himself exposed and open to possible heartbreak… again?
But maybe Carson would want to stay with him. Maybe he’d want to leave behind his career, opportunity, the money, and hundreds of adoring fans. He scoffed and nearly choked as he rolled his eyes.
Sure. That sounds about right.
But maybe Carson would stay through the holidays. Then, at the very least, they’d have a bit more time to figure things out. Brand pulled into his driveway and nodded, his resolve strong. Now, if he could only convince Carson to hang on through the new year, life would be complete.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The snow had finally arrived in full force, and with it, the desire to be outside dwindled. Not that there was anywhere else Brand would rather be. Snuggling up next to the fire with Carson was by far his most desired activity. And the past three weeks had offered plenty of opportunities to do so.
They had been spending any time they could find together, and Brand had never been happier. Everything had fallen into place. Just as it should’ve always been. Brand handed Carson a glass of wine and took a seat next to him on the floor in front of the hearth. The soft glow of the flames accented the light natural highlights in Carson’s hair. Brand restrained himself from running his fingers through it.
“Car, can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Are you out? Like I know that your mother and sister know. But have you actually told anyone in LA? Does your agent know?”
Carson shook his head. “It’s complicated. When I first got to Hollywood, I thought I’d want to come out. Since I couldn’t here, I thought I could create a whole different identity there.” He shook his head. “But once I was settled, I just didn’t feel comfortable. I didn’t know anyone. I had no friends to turn to. Those were some of the scariest times of my life. It was all about surviving, you know? So one day being closeted turned to one month to one year and then I started working and getting these roles, you know, the manly man heartthrob, and it just seemed like everything would be easier if I played the role all the time.”
Brand shook his head. “I can’t imagine how difficult that’s been for you. Do you ever think about coming out?”
Carson took his hand. “I do now.”
Brand felt the heat creep up the back of his neck. “Well, I won’t say anything until you’re ready. The only other person that asks about my love life is my partner James and his wife Miranda and I can blow them off until….” Until what? It’s not like they’d had the conversation about their future.
“You can tell James,” Carson said stunning him.
“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you to do something you’re uncomfortable with.”
Carson smiled. “As terrifying as it sounds, it’s more terrifying for me to think about what would happen if the paparazzi scooped the story out from under me. I’d rather it be on my terms.”
Brand’s heart skipped beats. Did this mean Carson was considering a long-term situation with him? Was he hoping for a future?
“So, what are your plans now that the show is on a break?” Brand cringed. Smooth. That didn’t sound awkward or anything. Yeah, right. The corner of Carson’s mouth curved up into a smile, though, and Brand cursed himself and hoped he’d melt into the thick woven rug.
Carson took a long sip before answering. “The strike won’t last forever. At some point, someone will actually cave. But to answer your question, I’m hoping to make this home again.”
Brand forced himself to not sound too eager when he asked, “You wouldn’t miss Hollywood? The nightlife? The attention?”
Carson laughed. “You’ve got to be joking, right?”
“Why not? You’re super famous. You’ve probably got loads of things to do, parties to attend, people to meet…. Why are you smiling like that?”
“I think you missed the point of my earlier confessions, B. I never wanted to leave. I was happy here. And then I was forced out and thought this life was over. Somehow the universe decided I deserved a break in Hollywood, and don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for what I’ve got, but I was never really happy. Just busy. It’s a job. At times, I would’ve much rather had nothing to do here than what I was doing in LA.”
Brand considered Carson’s words thoughtfully. He let them sink in. If circumstances had been different, there was no doubt in his mind that they would’ve stayed together. That if Carson had never left, they would’ve always been a couple, just as they were now.
But would they? Carson’s experience, his success in Hollywood, had shaped him into the man Brand now cuddled with. If he’d never left, he wouldn’t be who he was now, and Brand was growing quite fond of this version.
Brand gazed at the man sitting across from him. Yes, Carson had definitely grown up a lot. He had, as well. He knew how he felt, but he couldn’t tell him. Not yet. It was too soon.
The day after he’d broken up with Teo, Brand had gone to Carson’s house and had fully intended to declare his true feelings. But when they stood face to face, somehow he’d reverted to a heartbroken eighteen-year-old boy again and chickened out. He’d told Carson that his heart wasn’t quite ready to commit to something more than exclusive dating, that he preferred to take things a bit slower. Just to be on the safe side. That he wasn’t ready to
just pick up where they’d left off. Carson had been more than accommodating, assuring him they’d go at his pace. But did Brand really need to take things slower when he knew what he wanted? Why was he waiting?
He watched Carson take another deep sip of his wine. His breath cut short when his lover’s tongue peeked out and swiped along the rim of the glass. His mouth watered at the thoughts lurking in his mind. He’d thought he had wanted a slow pace. It was the right thing to do, after all. But his heart? Apparently, it didn’t get the memo. Neither did his cock as it twitched in anticipation. He bit his lip. Brand had to have Carson in his mouth.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Carson’s skin flushed. Brand eyed him like he was a piece of meat. Not that he minded at all. The look did things to his cock he hadn’t felt in a long time. But he didn’t want to lead himself on. It would be too painful. Brand breaking up with Teo was a sure sign that things were headed in the right direction, but if Carson had learned anything the past seven years, it was that not everything was what it appeared to be. He had to go at Brand’s pace. Even if it meant holding back his professions of love until he burst. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to take every opportunity available to touch the man who still held his heart.
Carson set down his glass and held out his hand. “Come here,” he said.
Brand put his glass down and scooted closer to where he sat and leaned against him.
“For the longest time, I thought I’d lost you forever,” he whispered. “I thought I’d never see you again, let alone have this again.” He ran his fingers through Brand’s hair. “I thought my feelings for you would fade over time, but I was wrong. Being apart from you only made them stronger.” He released a long breath. “I know you want to take things slow, and I’ll respect that for as long as you need, but I have to ask you, do you think you could love me again? Just like before?”
Brand looked at him and then turned to the fire where the flames dance and cracked. Brand shook his head and Carson held his breath. Whatever Brand said, he’d have to accept it. Crap. Why did he have to bring this up now? He should’ve held his tongue.
