by Leigh Allen
He continued to examine my drawing as I didn’t stop my work.
“Thanks,” I said, as I kept my eyes glued to the canvas.
Isaac sighed and I knew he didn’t just come out here to sit and watch me draw. “What is up, Isaac?” I asked.
“Nothing really,” he said, but his tone said otherwise.
“Spit it out. I don’t have time for your damn games,” I snapped, as I continued to draw the setting sun.
Exhaling a breath, Isaac sat down next to me. “Watch your language. Mom would never have let you talk like that,” he said, and then I saw him cringe. Talking about our parents was still tough, even if they have been gone a year. “Look, I know you are trying to do the things I ask and I want you to know I really appreciate it. I just want you to be happy,” he says.
“I’m trying, but you can’t force me to be someone I’m not,” I said, trying hard not to cry.
“Sorry,” Isaac said, as he threw his hands up in the air in defense. “Look, I saw you and that Seth guy today. I hired him because I get a nice tax break and he is cheap labor, but I want you to stay away from him. He has been in some trouble and I need you to stay focused on your future.”
As he spoke, I felt my heart begin to race. I wasn’t sure why Isaac felt like he needed to say this. Seth was just some guy I met. I had no intention of hanging out with him. At least I wouldn’t admit to it.
“You are insane,” I stated. “I get you are trying to look out for me, but trust me, I am not interested in Seth. I don’t care what he has done, it’s his business, not mine,” I lied. I was intrigued now and as much as I hated to admit it, I was curious to know who Seth really was.
“Maybe, but I know what I saw today. I saw the way Seth watched you. I asked him to look out for you, but do not get involved. He is a tough kid,” Isaac finished.
“No shit,” I said sarcastically.
“Just keep your focus on finishing school and moving on from the pain in our past,” Isaac said, as he tried to make me feel guilty.
Turning my head to face him, I snapped.
“Why do you feel the need to control my life?” I yelled, slamming my art supplies down beside me.
Isaac looked hurt by my outburst and I almost felt guilty for the things I had said.
“Mia, I’m not trying to control you. I am just trying to look out for you. I’m all you have left,” he said, and I swear, I heard his voice break.
Sometimes, I forget that we both lost parents-- not just me. Isaac was still trying to cope with our loss and deal with me. I really did need to be easier on him.
Standing, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him; something I hadn’t done since we were little kids. “Look, I’m sorry. I know you only want the best for me. I am still going through some things. Just be patient with me,” I sniffed. I too was about to unleash my emotions and that was the last thing I wanted to do right now.
Sighing, I felt Isaac relax under my embrace. “I know, Mia. We just need to hold onto one another. We are all we have left,” he said, moving back so I could see his face.
As much as it pained me to admit sometimes, Isaac was the best the brother anyone could ask for. I loved him so much and I needed to make his life easier-- if that was even possible at all.
****
The next morning, I found myself sitting in my art club. What I had really wanted to be doing was sleeping, but Isaac refused to let me be a normal high school kid. He wanted me to learn responsibility and I had made a promise to try for him.
I learned that we would be painting over graffiti tags and making murals around town. That actually sounded kind of cool. When the art club was over, I finally had time to notice that Seth had snuck in and out without even uttering a word to me. As the day progressed, I found myself looking for Seth, but I never spotted him in the halls or in class.
“Mia, wait up,” Grace yelled, as she came running down to the hallway.
I stopped and waited for her as students rushed past me. Since moving to this school, I swear I was learning that unless you conformed to the masses, you were practically invisible.
“Hey,” I waved, as she caught up to me.
Adjusting my backpack on my shoulder, I glanced around again, wondering if I would spot Seth anywhere around.
“You didn’t wait for me after art club,” Grace said, catching me glancing around the almost empty halls now. Everyone was making their way into the loud cafeteria and other than a few kids taking their time at their lockers, we were almost alone.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I was just in a hurry,” I lied.
Grace rolled her eyes at me. “Look, I get it. You hate that your brother is making you join school clubs, but you have me now, and I think the club is fun. Besides, is there another reason you didn’t wait for me?” she asked, eyeing me carefully.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, feeling myself growing nervous. Did Grace know that I was looking for Seth?
“Don’t lie to me, Mia. We are friends and I know you have issues trusting people now, but you can talk to me,” she urged.
Grace truly was the only kind person in my life and I knew I should be nicer to her, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to share anything about Seth with her or anyone else yet. Besides, he was just a guy I met a few times. Nothing more. Right?
“I’m not lying. I promise. Yes, I was looking for him, only because he works at the coffee shop now too.”
Grade nodded and seemed content with this response.
“Ok, well, I will call you later, ok?” she asked.
“Sure,” I said.
As Grace walked away, I took one last look around the halls, before realizing I probably wasn’t going to see Seth today. I wasn’t sure why that bothered me, but it did.
8
Seth
I don’t know why I keep thinking about Mia. Nothing can ever happen with her. Trust me, her brother Isaac made that perfectly clear to me. Besides, she was too good for a guy like me. I knew she had a rough past. I had a past I wasn’t ready to share with her or anyone else, but Mia was smart and talented. She didn’t deserve a guy who was in and out of juvie most of his life. She definitely didn’t deserve a guy who was about to be a dad straight out of high school.
I was finishing up my last credits as a Junior, trying to get my shit together and stay out of trouble, all while preparing myself for a life that I never asked for.
9
Mia
It had been almost two weeks since I had really seen or talked to Seth. I understood enough about fate to know that I needed to just forget about him. The last thing I needed was another problem to hold me back. Not that my parents dying was a problem, but it did add more stress to my life and let’s be honest-- it caused my entire world to implode.
My days had consisted of school, the occasional art club meetings where we were still drafting ideas for the community murals, and working at the coffee shop. When I had run into Seth at the art club meetings, he was quick to brush me off or ignore me completely. At first, it hurt my feelings, but now it just pissed me off.
I was spending another Saturday afternoon stationed at the barista counter at the shop when I spotted Grace walking through the door. She had a devious smile that told me she was up to no good.
“What’s going on?” I asked, as she skipped right over to the counter and sat down in front of me.
“What?” she asked, mocking innocence. We both knew Grace was anything but innocent.
Laughing, I wiped down the counter where a previous customer had left crumbs scattered all over the counter. “Cut the crap, Grace. What are you smiling about?”
Rolling her eyes, Grace smiled at me. “Well, if you must know, I heard a juicy rumor today.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?” I asked.
“So, you know that guy from our art club?” she asked, leaning over the counter and looking around. Her voice dropped low as she if her secret wasn’t meant for anyone’s ears but mine. Now she h
ad me really interested.
“Yeah,” I said, shrugging like the mere mention of his name didn't send electrical shocks down my spine.
“Well, I heard he got into a fight last year and almost killed a guy,” she said, a devilish smirk spreading across her face.
My heart stopped and I swear I felt my stomach drop to the pits of my soul. “That’s a lie,” I almost yelled. Sure, I didn’t know Seth that well, but he couldn’t be violent. Could he?
“No, it is true. My uncle is a police officer and he told me it was true. Apparently, last year, Seth’s older brother was in a bar fight and was killed. Seth tracked down the guy and beat him almost to the point of death. He was running from the cops when he got picked up a week later for tagging a building downtown. I don’t know why our school is even letting him attend, but he is a Junior and has to not be delinquent anymore, finish his degree next year, and do a ton of hours of community service or he could go to jail,” she said.
As her words registered in my mind, I wanted to believe they were all lies. But, somehow I knew they weren't. Seth didn’t seem like the type of guy who would willingly join a high school art club nor would he be interested in working in a perky little coffee shop. Sure, he had told me about some of the trouble he had gotten into, but he left out the violence. Seth had a secret and I think my best friend just outed him.
“I have to go,” I stated, rounding the corner of the bar and taking off my work apron.
“Where are you going?” Grace yelled after me.
But, I didn’t stop. I was on a mission and nothing was going to stop me.
****
I jumped into my black Range Rover, and tore out of the coffee shop parking lot. I was going to find Seth and figure this out for myself. He may have been avoiding me at school and work, but I knew one place where I could find him.
I drove down the same lonely country road I had ventured down only weeks before. I knew if Seth would be anywhere, it had to be there. If I was wrong, then I would sit there all night if I had to, just to see him.
I drove slowly down the road, holding my breath the entire time. Just as I was sure I was about to pass out, I spotted Seth’s motorcycle. The sun was hitting the chrome and it the light reflecting off of it beckoned to me like a guide.
I pulled my car over and hesitated before getting out of the car. What I was about to do was stupid, but I had to figure this out.
Why? I was still unsure.
I slowly made my way to the clearing and gravel and debris crunched beneath my feet. So much for trying to be quiet.
Hearing the noise, Seth jumped up and turned around. His eyes grew wide as he spotted me. I am sure I was the last person he expected to see.
“What are you doing here?” he spits out.
“I’m sorry, I followed you,” I cried out, unsure of what to really say.
“What?” he asked, walking over to where I stood in the clearing.
At that moment, I took the opportunity to take in the surroundings. The field was vast and full of tall grass and yellow sunflowers. In the distance, I could see rolling hills and treetops, as far as the eye could see. It was breathtaking and I knew why Seth came here alone. It was peaceful.
“I’m sorry. This was a mistake,” I started, as I turned to leave.
I was beyond mortified. What in the hell was I thinking to come after a guy who clearly didn't want anything to do with me?
Seth ran after me and grabbed my arm, spinning me around to face me. His sudden movement shocked me and I yelled out in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Seth said, releasing my arm from his tight grip.
My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. I was scared.
“I shouldn’t have followed you, it was dumb,” I said, rubbing my arm where his tight grip had left a mark.
“Did I hurt you?” Seth asked, his eyes following my hands to where I was rubbing. “I didn’t mean to, I was just surprised to see you,” he added.
“No, it’s ok. I’m ok.”
We stood there awkwardly for a moment, regarding one another in complete silence. Finally, Seth broke the silence.
“Why did you follow me here?” he asked.
“Honestly, I am not really sure. I just wanted to know…” I wasn’t sure how to finish my thought. Either way, I was acting crazy.
“You wanted to...?” Seth prompted. He clearly wasn’t going to let this go.
Hanging my head out of complete embarrassment, I began. “I heard something about you today, and I wanted to ask you if it was true. Now that I am here, I realize that was wrong and nothing in your life is my business,” I said.
“I see,” Seth said. “So, you followed me all the way out here?” he asked, raising his eyebrows in question.
I felt mortified and I wanted nothing more than to crawl under a rock and die. I could feel my face growing red by the moment.
“No...I mean yes….uh…” words evaded me, as I struggled to come up with a lie, so I wouldn’t sound as I am crazy as I seemed.
Laughing, Seth just stared at me with his bad-boy grin. “You know, it’s kind of dangerous out here. No one could hear you scream, if you needed help,” he said, taking a step closer to me.
We were only inches apart now and I could feel his warm breath caressing my cheeks. My heart rate increased and I swear, I could hear it drumming like a wild, beating drum.
“Are you trying to scare me?” I asked. I might have been terrified of his proximity and the way he made me feel so wild and uncontrolled, but I wasn’t scared of him.
“Maybe. Why? Are you scared?” Seth asked, looking at me so intently, I thought I may pass out.
“No. I am not afraid of you,” I said, my tone even and not giving away my nerves.
“Maybe you should be,” Seth said, still his face gave nothing away.
“Why is that?” I asked, still standing firm and not retreating from him. I wasn’t sure what his endgame was, but Seth wasn’t going to win this match. I was stronger than he thought. And more stubborn.
“You are a beautiful girl with the entire world in front of you. Guys like me don’t fall into that picture,” Seth finished, and I swear, I thought I heard him sigh.
Did he just call me beautiful? No one ever called me beautiful. Could he possibly be messing with me?
“You see, that is where you are wrong. I hate when people make assumptions. You don’t even know me,” I stated flatly.
“Fair enough, but what if I told you I wasn’t the type of guy you should be following to remote locations? What would you say then?” he asked.
This game we were playing was starting to make my head swim. Seth was complex, that was for sure.
“Well, I’d say it wasn’t the smartest decision I've ever made, but I stand by my actions. Like I said, I heard something and I was being noisy. If you want me to leave, I will. I am sorry for interrupting you and following you. You are right, guys like you typically don’t look at girls like me.” I said, realizing that there wasn’t going to be a winner here. I had made myself look foolish enough. It was time to walk away now while I still had an ounce of dignity left.
Seth regarded me for a moment. “Why aren’t you scared of me?” he asked, his body moving closer to mine.
“Because, I can see you're not the person they say you are,” I breathed. I knew people gossiped about him. I had heard my brother say to stay away from Seth. But none of that mattered now.
Taking his fingers, he placed them under my chin and forced me to lift my head to look up at him. His fingers were warm and much smoother than I would have expected. I felt my heart stop for a moment under his touch.
“Can I show you something?” Seth asked.
I only nodded my head yes. There were no words at the moment.
Taking my hand, Seth led me through the clearing and into the magnificent field. He took me to the center of the field and sat down, pulling me down next to him. “Thi
s is my favorite place in the world,” he began. “Anything you want to know about me, you can ask here. Otherwise, if you hear it outside of this place, it isn’t true,” he stated firmly.
Again, I only nodded.
I grabbed a blade of grass and began tearing tiny pieces of it apart, allowing the silky feel of it to glide across my skin. It was peaceful here, only the sounds of the trees swaying in the wind and birds chirping as they flew through the blue, clear sky.
Reaching over, Seth pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket. I was too shocked to even say anything, as he took the device in his hands and begin typing something.
“There,” he said, handing me back my phone. “I just put my number in your phone and texted myself. Now we have each other’s numbers,” he mused.
“Ok. Why do you want my number?” I asked.
I felt like slapping myself across the face. I truly had diarrhea of the mouth.
Seth chuckled as he looked at me with humor in his eyes. “Do you always ask so many questions?”
Shrugging, I looked away. “I guess.”
“You need to just relax. I get things were difficult…” he trailed off.
I wasn’t sure if he was aware of my parent's death or not, but somehow, he understood that I was going through something not many people understood. In small towns, people like to gossip.
“You are right. I am trying to move on with my life, but I haven’t found anything that makes me truly happy in a very long time,” I admitted.
Seth nodded, as if this meant sense to him, too. “Well, you have my number. Anytime you want to talk, you can text me,” he said.
There were so many things I wanted to ask him. So many things I wanted to say, but instead, I sat next to a dark-haired boy who held my hand and just enjoyed the peace for the first time in a very, very long time.
10
Seth
Mia was brave.
I had to give her credit for that. I mean, she sort of stalked me, but it was hot as hell. Even though I knew I should stay away from her, that idea just flew out the window, along with everything else I knew about girls like her.
