Starburst: Half Light

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “I think you should do it.” She leaned up, letting the sheet fall and revealing her gorgeous body to me again.

  “You don’t want to come?”

  “I trust you completely.” She stood and retrieved her jump suit.

  “Thank you.” I watched her dress before grabbing my own jumpsuit.

  “When this is all over I can’t wait to have some real time with you.” She zipped up my suit the rest of the way.

  “This time is real time. I will treasure all of it.” I kissed her lightly.

  “Maybe you’re right. Maybe having so little of it makes us treasure each moment we have more.”

  “Absolutely. I agree completely.”

  “But more time together would be nice.” She put her hand over my heart again. I could almost feel it on my skin even though I was wearing my jumpsuit.

  “It’s funny. I’ve got all these things I want to show you on Earth, but we have the whole universe to explore.”

  “I would still pick Earth.” She kissed me.

  “You don’t really know it…”

  “But I do. Because you came from there.”

  “Well, so did you.” I cradled her head in my hand.

  “Yes. I did.” She smiled. “And we will save it. We can’t let anything happen to it.”

  “Just like I won’t let anything happen to you. No more separating.”

  “No more separating.” She kissed me again. This one was longer.

  “Okay. If we don’t stop now we’ll never find Caspian and then we’ll never get back to Earth.”

  “Good point.” As much as I never wanted to leave that room we had to.

  She wrapped her hand around mine. “Now let’s find Veraka.”

  19 Noah

  “Hey.” I hesitated in the doorway of the small room that could probably be called a closet. “We didn’t really meet formally before. I’m Noah.”

  “I know who you are.” Veraka looked up at me from her spot sitting on the floor.

  “Okay great. Then moving along…” I walked into the room, hoping I wasn’t violating her space or anything.

  “Can I help you with something?” she asked.

  “I’m actually here to help you.” I took a seat across from her.

  “Oh.” She pulled her knees up to her chest. “Help me with what?”

  I looked at the way she kept her knees against her. I hoped I wasn’t making her nervous or uncomfortable. Maybe I should have insisted Rachel come with me. “With finding Caspian.”

  “And how are you going to help me with that?”

  “I was able to find Rachel. So even though I’m a feeder and not a feeler, it’s at least possible that I’ll be able to show you how to find him. I showed Rachel how to send messages, so I do think the skills overlap. She seems to think I’m the one who should work with you on it.”

  “That’s wishful thinking.”

  “Well, how’s it going on your own?”

  “Not well.” She sighed. “Not well at all. It’s humiliating.”

  “And do you have any better ideas? Anything else you want to try first?”

  “Eventually the universe will let me know.”

  “Yeah… when we make it to Andrelexa and discover whether he’s there. I get why you want to wait this out, but we don’t have endless time.”

  “We never have endless time.” She looked up at the ceiling. “That’s the nature of life, isn’t it? We live only to count down the days until we die.”

  That was a bit depressing and morbid. But I wasn’t going to call her out on it. “Okay. Well. We don’t have a lot of time at all.”

  “Why did Rachel ask you to come?”

  “She seemed to think I should try since I found her. I’ve learned not to question Rachel. She’s always right.”

  “And did she come up with this idea while you two were together?”

  “Yes.”

  Veraka grinned. “Yes. I was right.”

  “Huh?” What had I missed?

  “I told Rachel if she spent time with you she’d be able to help me. And she spent time with you, and now you’re going to help.”

  I highly doubted that was the case, but who was I to argue? “Okay. Well, I’m here to help if you’d like the help.”

  “Of course I’d like the help.” She slid her legs down. “What do I do first?”

  So that’s all it took? Being proved right in some strange circular way? I supposed it didn’t really matter. The only thing that mattered is we kept moving forward. “Okay. So for me I had to really slip into my mind.”

  “Okay.” She lay back. “So I should go back into my coma.”

  “Uh. No. That’s slipping way too much into your mind.” I couldn’t imagine what Rachel would do if I went back to her with the news that Veraka was in a coma again.

  “Oh. Then what do you mean?” She rolled her head to the side so she was looking at me.

  “I mean relax and focus on the deepest reaches of your thoughts. Don’t worry about anything else.”

  “If I do that I won’t be able to hear you.”

  “Fine. I’ll explain everything first and then let you try.” I was going to have to be careful to not be too literal with her. “And if this doesn’t work, it’s okay. You can try that chair thing I used at first, but I don’t think it’s necessary.”

  “Your friend called it a cage.”

  “It’s not really a cage.”

  “I’m not getting into anything resembling a cage. I won’t put myself into that kind of position.”

  Yet she’s put herself back into a coma at the drop of a hat? I didn’t understand this girl at all. “Okay fine. So let’s hope this way works. You are going to have to relax and slip into the deepest reaches of your mind. And then you need to search for what you want most.”

  “What I want most? That’s to finally interact with the universe.”

  Again with the universe. “Don’t you interact with the universe every day? Isn’t that what living is?”

  “Wow.” She put her hand to her chest. “That’s very deep.”

  “Deep? I’m not so sure about that. But if you say so.”

  “I see why Rachel thinks you are amazing.”

  “Amazing, huh?” I’d have to give Rachel a hard time about that later.

  “Yes. I want to feel the way she does. I mean I want to feel that about Caspian, but I’m afraid.”

  “Why are you afraid?” I didn’t really want to talk about Caspian, but maybe that was at the root of all of this.

  “Because I don’t know him. What if everyone is wrong, and he’s not my starmate? What if he is my starmate, but we aren’t compatible?”

  “Doesn’t being starmates mean you are by the very nature compatible?”

  “No. Not necessarily.” She sighed.

  “Oh.” I guess Rachel and I were luckier than I thought. “I didn’t realize that.”

  “Throughout history there have been some that couldn’t really stand each other.”

  “No one mentioned that to me.”

  “Really?” She rolled onto her side. “I guess you were given as little information as Rachel was.”

  “Yes. And as I was raised completely on Earth, I know even less.”

  “It’s a shame. You two should have been told more.”

  “At this point we can’t change that. All we can do is look forward.” If we started in on a conversation of all the things I wish someone had told me, we’d be on Andrelexa before Versaka even tried to find him.

  “Yes. Look forward.” She rolled back onto her back. “As I was saying. What if we aren’t compatible?”

  “Well, what if you’re not?” I shrugged. “Sometimes it helps to think about the worst possibility.” I had no idea what I was talking about, but it sounded good in theory. It was the kind of thing Joseph would have told me, and he always gave the best advice.

  “If we are not? Well, if we are not I won’t find complete happiness.”

 
“And were you completely happy before?” I asked unsure of what answer I’d get. Versaka never ceased to surprise me.

  “No. Of course not.”

  “Were you even happy at all?” This was an even riskier question.

  She shrugged. “Not really. I mean lying in a coma isn’t a very happy experience.”

  “So no matter what happens with the two of you, you will probably end up happier than you were before you left Soldrum.”

  “True. That’s very true.” Relief crossed her face. I was making headway.

  I pulled things along to their natural end point. “So really there is nothing to be worried about.”

  “Well, there are things to worry about. I mean will he like me? It’s okay if I’m the one who doesn’t like him. But what if he doesn’t like me?”

  “He’ll like you.”

  “How do you know?”

  I couldn’t really know. I hardly knew Caspian, and no one could actually know that sort of thing. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t pretend. “I just know.”

  “You are lying.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “Because it’s impossible to know that for sure.”

  “Okay. You got me. But what does it matter then? If it’s impossible to know then why ask?”

  “Because I am stressed and nervous, and it seemed the thing to do.”

  “I do know what that’s like.”

  “You’ve been nervous before?”

  “Many, many times. I’m a nervous person by nature.” I hadn’t meant to share my own story with her, but if it would help speed things along, I’d run with it.

  “You don’t come across that way.”

  “This whole experience has forced me to let go of my nerves.”

  “Meeting Rachel?”

  “Meeting Rachel. Leaving Earth. Dealing with monsters. Facing my past. Having to find my way back to Rachel. It seems as if I’m in a constant state of searching for something. It doesn’t end.”

  “Yet you are happy.” She pointed to me.

  “I am happy. Happier than I thought I could be.”

  “Because of Rachel?”

  “Partly. But also because of me. I’ve figured something out during this whole experience.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “That happiness comes from inside. You have to make yourself happy. No one else can do it for you.”

  “The universe can.”

  I swallowed down the groan that wanted to come out. “No, it can’t.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because no one and nothing can make you happy until you decide you’re ready for it yourself. Trust me on this.” Maybe I wasn’t an expert, but I was learning a whole lot more as I went along.

  “I wish I had a fraction of the confidence you have.”

  I laughed. “I never would have believed someone would say that about me.”

  “Well, they should. At least there’s no reason for them not to.”

  “Like I said. This experience has been transformative.” And that was putting it mildly.

  “You can thank the universe for that.”

  “Sure. Okay. I thank the universe for that. But none of us can go on living our lives if we don’t find Caspian and unite the two of you. It has to happen.”

  “Okay.” She lay back down

  “Okay what?”

  “Okay, I’ll try to find him.”

  “Try? You haven’t tried yet?” I hadn’t realized how early on in the process she was.

  “No.” she put a hand over her eyes. “Should I have?”

  I forced my frustration down. “Uh, I assumed you had. But either way. It doesn’t matter. Try now.”

  “Okay.” She removed her hand, and I could see her eyes were closed. “I will see what I can do.”

  “So reach out for what you want most. Think about him. Whatever works for you.”

  “Okay. I will.”

  “Want me to leave?” I readied myself to stand.

  “No. I’d like you to stay.”

  “Okay. I’ll stick around. But if I’m distracting or something just tell me, and I’ll leave.” Hopefully, my presence wouldn’t interfere with the process.

  “You’re not distracting. Just give me a few minutes.”

  “Okay.” I remained seated. I’d have preferred to have left and found Rachel, but if my staying around could help I needed to do it.

  I thought about what I’d told her. And largely I believed it. I had been miserable in a cage of my own making for so long. Clearly meeting Rachel had helped me, but meeting her alone wouldn’t have been enough. I had to decide to be happy. Once again this was the kind of thing Joseph would say. I was getting more and more like him every day. I knew it was a good thing, but I couldn’t help but wonder if the only reason it was happening was because he was gone. I thought over his words. Would I have stayed in his shadow forever? Thinking that way seared me with guilt.

  I looked over at Veraka. She lay on the floor with her hands over her ears. She was a strange girl, but she was important in all of this. And it was clear that she respected Rachel. We at least had that in common.

  She sat up. “Okay.”

  “Okay?” I pushed away my other thoughts so I could focus.

  “Okay. I think I found him.”

  “Yes?” That had been way faster than I’d expected.

  “He’s on Andrelexa, but not where he should be.”

  “Meaning what?” I tried to follow.

  “Meaning I don’t know. I’ve never been to the planet before, so how can I describe where he is?”

  “Rachel probably can.” I stood up. Finally, an excuse to find Rachel, and as a plus I could tell her the plan worked.

  “Then let’s find her.” Veraka jumped up to her feet. “Thank you.”

  “My advice helped some?” Considering how fast it worked I was a bit skeptical she couldn’t have figured it out on her own if she had only been willing to try.

  “It did. I knew what I wanted most.”

  “Which is?” I walked out of the small space into the hallway.

  “To feel happy in my own skin. The way you make it sound.”

  “Glad I could help.” I was more proud about that than I normally would have been, but helping others always made you feel good.

  We continued down the hallway and joined up with the others.

  “How’d it go?” Rachel stopped talking to Bando mid-sentence.

  “Noah saved everything.” Veraka clapped. “You were right. He is amazing.”

  “I don’t know if I’d go that far.” Helping didn’t mean I’d saved everything.

  “I would.” Veraka raised her chin. “And now I need your help, Rachel. Not that you haven’t helped already. Noah told me that you had the idea to help me when you two were together, which means you listening to me earlier helped, but I need some more direct help now.”

  “Okay.” Rachel’s face scrunched up as if she were trying to follow the conversation. “What can I do for you?”

  “You know Andrelexa well.”

  “That is probably stretching it. I know the palace.” Rachel tugged down on the sleeves of her jumpsuit.

  “But he’s not in the palace. I need help with the rest.”

  “I wasn’t out much, but I’ve seen maps. What do you need to know?”

  “How many lakes are there?” Veraka asked.

  “Lakes?” Rachel rubbed her forehead. “Hmm. I only know of one.”

  “Okay. That helps.” Dale walked in, now wearing a normal jump suit. I’m sure he was relieved by the wardrobe change. “That narrows it down.”

  “Exactly.” Veraka nodded. “Where is the lake?”

  “A ways from the palace. I believe north west.”

  “I can find it.” Bando nodded. “It will not be a problem.”

  “Even without coordinates?” Bessy asked. “That’s impressive.”

  “I can do what needs to be done. Coordinates wil
l help, but they are not required.”

  “I bet Amsi has the coordinates buried somewhere.” Rachel picked up the robot from a countertop.

  “Is she working again?” Bando asked.

  I was still trying to decide what I thought of Bando. I knew nothing about snow-demons, but the name didn’t sit all that well with me. Not that names were everything. He seemed helpful enough, but he was supposedly created by the universe. That in itself said everything I needed to know. Why would the universe create a demon for Rachel? Why did she need him? What could he do for her that no one else—read me—couldn’t?

  And why was he wearing so little clothing? “It makes no sense.”

  “What makes no sense?” Rachel watched me.

  “Oh.” I had actually said that out loud? At least it was only that part and not the rest. “Nothing. Just thinking.”

  “She is almost ready. I only need a few minutes.” Rachel pushed a button on Amsi who beeped.

  “Can I help?” Veraka offered. “I find what you do with those little pieces so interesting.”

  “Sure.” Rachel headed off down the hall, and Veraka followed.

  “So you helped her, huh?” Dale laughed. “The guy who couldn’t even figure it out himself not that long ago.”

  “That’s precisely how I could help. It wasn’t long ago that I had no idea what I was doing. Hence I could figure out how to help her.”

  “Rachel seems strong.” Bessy abruptly changed the subject. “Impressive really.”

  “She is strong.” Stronger than she gave herself credit for.

  “You are lucky.”

  “To have her?”

  “To have found someone like that.” Bessy leaned her boot against the wall.

  “I know.” I still couldn’t quite believe it. After all the hell of the past few years I ended up with the most amazing woman.

  “She has quite the struggle left to fight,” Bando broke in. “Her journey of strife is far from over.”

  “I was afraid of that. But how would you know?”

  “Because I wouldn’t have been created for anything small.” Bando stood motionless. “If you have not figured it out yet, my kind are very rare.”

  “Yes. I’ve heard.” I had no reason to dislike Brando, but some feelings are impossible to control.