by Amy DeMeritt
“No more. I can’t take anymore. Oh, fuck.”
I turn the electrical stimulus off and remove all of the cables. I take my harness off and toss it aside before picking her up and bringing her back to the bed. We lay down and she curls up on my chest breathing hard and trembling.
“Thank you. It was so… perfect. I can’t believe we’re never going to do this again. I thought… Well, Janae told me this could happen, but I…”
“Wait, what do you mean?”
“When you told Janae about your experiment you wanted to do, and she asked you to leave so she could speak with me alone – she told me this could happen.”
“What else did you talk about?”
I wonder why Janae didn’t tell me that last night when we were talking about this.
“She asked me not to hate you and not to abandon you when it happens. She told me she knows you love me and it would crush you to lose my friendship.”
“It would.”
She lifts her head to kiss my lips for just a moment before laying back down on my chest.
“I love you. I’m not abandoning you. I knew this would end, even if you didn’t choose to be with Janae, but I still wanted to be with you. Jessy told me I was crazy to get mixed up with you because you’d just break my heart, but I kind of liked the idea of you being my first heartbreak. You’re such a good, caring, and compassionate person. Plus, you’re really hot.” She releases a small sad sounding laugh and kisses my chest. “I knew the risk going into this. I guess it’s better that you’re choosing Janae than just ending it so you can pick up some skank you meet at the beach or something. When are you telling Tanisha and Lindsay?”
“Sometime this week. I don’t think I have the energy to do it today.”
“Can’t have that much sex in one day, huh?”
“It’s not about that. You mean more than that to me, Carrie – all of you do. I’m really hurting inside.”
She lifts her head with tears in her eyes and places a hand on my cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I’m really hurting too and I’m just trying not to focus on it. Can you tell me how you decided this? Is it because of Jasmine leaving?”
I kiss her lips and comb my fingers through her hair. “I’ve been thinking about it since I met Janae, but I’ve been kind of obsessing over it for the past month. My fear of failing and cheating on her always kept me from being able to make that decision. When Tanisha and I were standing in line to get food last night, she asked me if I’m ready for the next experiment – to be with one woman.”
“Did she mean for herself?”
I smile and kiss her head again. “No, she meant Janae. Then when Jasmine showed up, I finally told her about my experiment. I didn’t even mention my thoughts about Janae and she told me I’m ready. She broke up with me and she wasn’t even going to have sex with me, but, well, our emotions kind of overruled that. When I left the group again and Janae came back into the house with me, I told her everything.”
“So, Janae already knows you’re breaking up with us to be with her?”
“Yes.”
“Is she going to move in here?”
“Yes, soon, after I tell everyone.”
“I think I should move out. I don’t know if I can handle seeing you with her and knowing I’m not going to get to kiss you and sleep with you anymore.”
“No. You have to be ok with seeing us together, just like she has been ok with seeing me with you and all of the others. If you leave right now, we’ll drift apart.”
She lifts her head off of my chest and her beautiful green eyes search my eyes and face. “Jack, please don’t make this harder on me. I’m not going to drift away from you.”
“I’m not ready for you leave. Can you just wait till this isn’t so fresh? Jasmine is probably moving to Japan and if you move out… I just… It’s too much at once. Please?”
She gives me a loving smile and kisses my lips. “Ok, I’ll stay, but eventually I need to move out.”
“Thank you.”
She lays back down on my chest and presses her body in closer, draping a leg over mine. I inhale deeply and tighten my arms around her.
“Carrie?”
“Yes?”
“Can you talk to me about something?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Anything – your life, your dreams, just something like we usually do.”
She kisses my chest and rubs her hand over my breast and up the side of my neck and over my head.
“I think I’m ready to start applying for loans for my yoga studio. I scoped out some retail locations yesterday before the party and updated the rent amounts in the business plan you helped me write. I’d like you to take a final look at it before I make the appointments with the banks.”
I smile and kiss the top of her head. It makes me feel really great that she still wants my help after having to break things off with her.
“Have you decided if you’re going to allow me to help with the loan payments?”
“Well, I did, but now that you’re going to be with Janae, will she be ok with that?”
“Yes, she will be.
“Then I would like to accept the offer, under one condition.”
“What is your condition?”
“You have to take at least one private class with me.”
I laugh hard and Carrie lifts her head with an adorable naughty grin. I shake my head and clear my throat.
“I don’t think so, pumpkin.”
“Ah, come on. You’ll love it.”
“I love watching it, but I’m not going to do it. Come up with another condition.”
Her smile fades as her sadness returns. “I guess you won’t be able to watch me do yoga like before. You’re never going to look at me the same way anymore, are you?”
“I will always think you are beautiful and sexy, but I will have to learn how to keep my thoughts platonic.”
“I wish we had more time. You know, like slowly ease back into just being friends. Do you have to do anything today? Can I have you like this all day?”
“Yes, we can stay just like this all day.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lindsay tightens my arms around her and presses her back against my chest. She sighs deeply and looks over her shoulder at me with sadness elongating her beautiful face and pinching her brow.
“I’m going to miss this. Can we still hang out and be friends?”
“I’m counting on it. I don’t want to lose you.”
She gives me a small smile and turns more to kiss my lips. With our lips still pressed together, she closes her eyes and inhales deeply, but she doesn’t part her lips to fully kiss me.
I know what I want more than anything is to be with Janae, but it still hurts to have to end things with Lindsay, Carrie, and Tanisha. I love them. I love being with them. Yes, I love Janae more, but it doesn’t make this any less painful. Well, I guess it’s less painful than if I was losing them without gaining Janae.
“What are you going to do with all of your toyboxes?”
“I’ll have to ask everyone if they want their box and then throw out whatever people don’t want. I have no idea what I’m going to do with all of that shit in that inventory cabinet. There’s no way Janae and I will need all of that. Damn, I didn’t even think about this before, but Jasmine’s bosses are going to be so upset about this.”
“Why would they care that you’re not sleeping with her anymore?”
“Oh, they don’t know about that, but my account with them is huge! Do you have any idea how much money I spend with them annually to keep up with this lifestyle?”
“How much?”
“I spend between three to ten-grand to restock my inventory cabinet every three to four months.”
She gasps as she sits up with her mouth and eyes wide open. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Holy shit, Jack, that’s a lot of money! I can’t believe you can spen
d my entire yearly salary on sex toys every year. Wait, how much is invested in my toybox?”
I laugh a little as I lightly pinch her nipple. “Well, we have had a lot of fun since we met, so…” She giggles as she blushes and bites her bottom lip for a moment. “Ok, a rough estimate is probably close to but less than two-grand.”
“Wow. I had no idea that stuff costs so much. Why is it so expensive?”
“Because, I only get the best.”
“Well, thank you. I thoroughly enjoyed all of it.”
“I know. What do you want me to do with your box? Do you want to take it home?”
“I would hate for all of it to go to waste, but I don’t think I could use any of it with another partner. I guess I’ll take it and then decide what to do with it.”
“Ok. If you don’t think you’ll use it again, I really don’t mind if you throw it out. I bought all of it with the intention of it only being used once, so it’s really not a big deal.”
“Well, I’m going to be on my own for a bit, so some of it might… Well, you know.”
I laugh a little at the adorable embarrassed look on her face as I lean in to kiss her.
“That’s very sexy.”
She laughs as her cheeks blush deeper red and she playfully slaps my chest. She moves to sit next to me on the bed and snuggles up against my side.
“I guess I’m going to have to start trying to date again. I’m really going to miss the lack of drama there was with being with you.”
“Yeah, but don’t you want to actually date – like be wined and dined and receive flowers and gifts and all of that mushy romantic stuff?”
She laughs a little and nods. “Yeah, that stuff is pretty nice. You know, you’re going to have to start doing all of that mushy romantic stuff with Janae.”
“Oh, I already do all that with her. We just don’t kiss or have sex.”
“Seriously, how have you lasted this long with how in love you are with her? I have to admit that I saw this coming. After that girl beat you up, I could see it with how you two were together. It was so obvious you’re over the moon for each other and belong together. I guess I’ve been kind of selfish in not saying something sooner.”
“It wasn’t selfish. It’s not like I just met Janae. We’ve been like this for ten years. People have questioned it or challenged me to change, but this time is just different. This is the first time I believe I can actually do it.”
“Why is this time different?”
“I allowed myself to fall in love with the women I’m fucking with. For the first time, I have finally seen what a relationship can be like and how much better it is than just hooking up without feelings.”
“Why did you avoid relationships for so many years?”
I shake my head as I lean back against the headboard and run my hand through my hair. “It’s hard to explain. When I was in high school, I hated how petty relationships seemed. The drama was just not something I wanted any part of. That’s when it started. I came out my sophomore year, even though I knew earlier that I’m gay. When girls found out that I didn’t want a relationship and I just wanted to fool around, it was like I was the only person in town with the latest iPhone .” Lindsay releases a small laugh and presses in closer to me. “It was a ridiculously huge charge to my ego. I swear, I think by the time I graduated high school, I had been with at least thirty or forty girls.”
“Damn. How did all of the boys handle that you were sexing up all of the girls?”
“Oh, please, probably ninety-percent of the girls kept that completely hush-hush. These girls were horny as fuck but most of them weren’t ready to fuck with boys and risk getting pregnant or labeled a slut. I was completely discrete and never spread their business. I started to realize how amazing it feels to satisfy those needs for women and how empowered it left them feeling. They became more confident and happier, which was incredibly sexy. It became like a drug to me or something. I loved seeing that transformation and their pleasure – it was a major turn on for me. I felt like I was doing a great service to women and because I love women so fucking much, I was happy to do it.”
“That’s interesting because I noticed that in myself after the first time we were together. I felt sexy, confident, and happier than I had probably ever been. You made me feel like my pleasure and happiness were the most important things in the world, while most people try to make me feel guilty for making those important. It’s like the world expects women to be completely selfless and devoid of needs. But with you, it was the opposite. You put my needs first, and I love how you get turned on by my needs. It’s going to be hard to find someone else like that, but I know I can’t accept less. I have never felt so free and important as I have since I met you.”
My eyes tear up and I press my lips against hers. Lindsay accepts me to fully kiss her, and without losing pace with me, she straddles my hips and presses her groin against mine. I grab her ass and yank her in harder, eliciting a small moaning gasp of air from her.
I feel so many emotions right now. I’m happy that I have been able to give Lindsay something that she values so much, but I’m also confused on how I’m supposed to continue helping her feel sexy, confident, and empowered without having sex with her anymore. This is our last day together like this, then we’re just friends. I’m going to have to figure out how to be the best fucking friend possible to these women so they never lose what they gained from our arrangements.
I love them and I always want them to feel like they can run the world.
Chapter Thirty-Four
“Jack, are you in here?”
“In the bathroom.”
Carrie walks into my master bathroom dressed in her work clothes and sits up on the long vanity about two feet away from me. I quickly spit and rinse my mouth from brushing my teeth and then walk to stand in front of her. She parts her thighs with a small smile and wraps her arms around my waist to lay her head on my chest. As I return her embrace, I bend down to kiss the top of her head.
“How was work?”
“Long and busy. How did it go with Tanisha?”
“Good. She said she values our friendship more than the sex, so she wasn’t too upset. We didn’t have sex. We just had lunch, talked, and watched a movie till she had to leave.”
“She didn’t want one last time with you?”
“She did, but she said it would easier to end it completely right away, like ripping a bandage off.”
“So, I guess now that Tanisha knows, we’ll never be together again?” I lift her face to kiss her lips, and Carrie’s eyes tear up. She palms up my bareback and pulls me in tighter against her. “Don’t answer. I know it’s over. I’m just… Anyway, thank you for continuing to be with me for the past few days while you waited on being able to tell Lindsay and Tanisha. I don’t want you to think that sex is the most important thing to me. I mean, I value your friendship more too, but I felt like I was your girlfriend, so the intimacy was a big part of our relationship. I mean, I felt so close to you and a part of you when we were… well, you know. I loved feeling like we were one body, one person when we were together. Anyway, it’s been wonderful.”
“It was wonderful. Do you have any regrets?”
“No, do you?”
“No, not one.”
“Good. So, what are you doing tonight?”
“I’m going to see Janae to let her know I broke it off with all of you. Will you be ok by yourself for dinner?”
She releases a small laugh and playfully pushes me away from her. “Yes, I can handle being alone tonight, even if you decide to spend the night out.” She hops off of the vanity and walks to the bathroom door. “I’ll let you finish getting ready. Will you let me know when you’re leaving?”
“Of course.”
I watch Carrie walk out of the bathroom and then turn my attention to my own reflection. I run a small glob of pomade through my short hair, adjust the bangs, and then after washing my hands, I gloss my lips with coconut oil.
I double check my brows to make sure I didn’t miss any stragglers in my plucking task to gently shape my eyebrows. Feeling content with my grooming, I go to my bedroom to get dressed.
I very rarely dress up if it’s not for an important business meeting, but tonight feels kind of momentous, epic, and completely life altering. The night requires more care than just a tee shirt and shorts. I get dressed in a pair of charcoal gray slacks that are form fitting on my hips and ass with a relaxed fit on the legs. Then I put on a nice V-neck white short sleeve shirt that is dressier looking than a regular tee shirt. I top it with a black blazer, put on black leather monk style ankle dress boots with a double clasp, and then sprits myself with the cologne I know Janae likes the best on me.
As I step in front of my full-length mirror to appraise myself, I take a deep breath and my heart starts to race. I’m doing this. I’m devoting myself to one woman for the rest of my life. Doubts and fears of my impending failure seep in, threatening to paralyze me on this spot, so I immediately grab my phone and wallet and rush out of the room.
Carrie is just coming out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee and her face lights up with a smile.
“Wow, you look really great. I’ve never seen you dress up before.”
“It’s very rare. I really look ok?”
“You’re hot, Jack. You look like you should be on a magazine or something.”
I laugh hard and she playfully slaps my cheek with a giggle.
“Thank you. I don’t anticipate staying out all night, but I’ll try to remember to text you if things change.”
“Ok, thanks. I hope everything goes as you want it to.”
I take a deep breath and slowly nod. “Thanks, me too.”
