by Shannon West
They pulled into Hawke’s driveway and Hawke switched off the engine but sat silently for a moment drumming his fingers on the wheel. Jace tiredly opened the door and Hawke’s voice stopped him. “I guess you wouldn’t listen if I said I was sorry.”
“I might. If you meant it.”
Hawke sighed and turned toward him. “I do mean it, Jace. That guy just makes me furious, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” Jace stared back at him defiantly for a moment before he lowered his gaze. “You left me.”
Hawke reached for him, pulling him unresistingly into his arms. “Never,” he whispered into his hair. “I was just being an asshole. Can you forgive me?”
Jace shrugged, burying his face in Hawke’s neck, while Hawke rubbed little circles on his back. “You’re my mate, Jace. My family. I’ll never leave you, honey—hell, I can’t. And I never want to. It’s just…that guy pushes all my buttons. We’ve hated each other since we were kids, and it just seems to get worse every year.”
“Why was he with Travis?”
“Because Travis is a dumbass. He’s only using him to get close to our pride.”
“But why would he do that?”
“Who knows? I’m sure he has his reasons. He looks for any opportunity to hurt me or our pride. Remember I told you that the MacKays are our ancestral enemies? Well, a lot of that has died out in modern times, but Holden’s determined to drag it all back up. He hates me in particular, because he thinks I planted drugs in his car when he was running against me for sheriff years ago. He was arrested and almost put in jail, and he’s never gotten over it.”
“Why would he think you had anything to do with it?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t, of course. I raised hell with all my family to see if any of them would admit to it, but they all claimed they had nothing to do with it. His father pulled some major strings with a judge he knew, but the incident scared the shit out of all of us. Obviously, none of us could ever serve time in jail. Anyway, since then, he’s had it in for me and our family even more.”
“But he’s with Travis?”
“So he claims. He’s just playing him, I’m sure. I’m going to talk to Spencer about this again. See if he can talk some sense into his little brother.” He kissed the side of Jace’s neck. “Let’s go in, Jace. I have some making up to do.”
“I don’t know if I completely forgive you yet, you know. You still have some major ass-kissing to do.”
Hawke nodded solemnly. “I can do that.”
Chapter Nine
The next morning, Hawke lay beside Jace in the early morning light and thought about the night to come. Twenty-eight days had passed since the day Jace first walked into Hawke’s office. It was the dark of the moon—the night Jace would realize the full extent of just what that meant for Hawke.
He knew Jace still harbored some kind of hope that it wasn’t really true. That Hawke and the others had played some cruel, crazy trick on him, or maybe even that Hawke was just crazy, period. Anything would probably be better than having your boyfriend change into some inhuman monster every month. Really, Hawke had bungled the whole reveal so badly that he couldn’t even figure out why Jace had stayed with him to begin with. The only question now was would he stay once he realized the truth?
This night could be, then, the end of their relationship—it had been known to happen. Mates had been brought in before only to panic and run away once they saw the actual change. This would be the first night of the dark moon and Hawke was dreading it again, but for a different reason this time. Lying there with Jace curled all around him, he didn’t know how he could ever give him up.
Hawke slid out from under Jace’s arm and leg that were thrown across him, standing up and pulling on his jeans. As usual, Jace murmured an unintelligible protest in his sleep and scooted into the warm spot that Hawke’s body had left. Hawke smiled tenderly down on him, feeling content for the moment, and went to the kitchen to make coffee. His joints had already started aching, loosening up for what would happen that night. He popped a Vicodin and swallowed it down with juice.
“Just can’t stay off those pills, can you?” Hawke whirled around to see Jace standing sleepy-eyed in the doorway.
“Jace.” Hawke looked down at the pill bottle in his hand. “I take these to help with the pain, Jace. We metabolize them differently than humans.”
Jace winced, and his face flushed angrily. “Stop saying things like that. You’re human, damn it.”
Hawke stared at him, an unreasonable irritation flaring up inside him. He knew this was difficult—hell, beyond difficult—to understand, but Jace had met many of the other mates in town by this time. He’d had some talks with Spencer and his family, even the doctor. Hawke, himself, had patiently answered every one of his questions, but he still stubbornly clung to this idea that none of it was real and they were all suffering from some common delusion.
“Look, Jace…”
“No. Just stop it, Hawke. It’s too early for this.” Jace crossed over to the counter and found a glass, pouring himself some juice.
Hawke was fuming a little, and trying to hold onto his temper. The days before the shift were always a little difficult, one of the reasons he’d lost his temper in such an epic fashion at the club the night before. He frowned at Jace and sat down beside him. “Jace, we’ve been through this all a hundred times. Tonight, just as it begins to get dark, my body and my mind will shift into that of an animal. Every bone in my body will break and reform. I’ll grow new teeth and hair will cover my skin. I’ll become a cougar, Jace. I’ll try to hold onto my human brain, but it’s no sure thing.”
“Stop it,” Jace said, trying to stand up and storm away. Hawke stopped him and pulled him up between his thighs. He kissed the side of Jace’s neck.
“It’s okay, Jace. I’ll understand if you can’t handle this. It would kill me to lose you, but I’d never try to keep you here against your will. I know I did at first, but I wanted to explain things to you, and I-I couldn’t bear to let you go without even trying. I still can’t stand the idea, but I know it’s horribly selfish of me. I can’t do that to you any longer. The only thing I’d ask is that you keep our secret. It would destroy our town if anyone ever found out.”
Jace pulled away and folded his arms over chest, his face flushed. “Who said I can’t handle it? I’ll handle whatever I have to, but you remember your promise to me. I’ve been reading a lot online about mass hallucinations. They call it mass hysteria and a common manifestation of mass hysteria occurs when a group of people believe they are suffering from a similar disease or condition. Like this shifter thing.”
Hawke rolled his eyes. “Sounds like somebody’s been reading Wikipedia…”
Jace wrinkled his brow and huffed out an impatient breath. “So what if I have? It’s a real thing, Hawke, and you said you’d go with me to a psychiatrist when nothing happens.”
“If nothing happens, I’ll be the first to start the car. But Jace, something will happen. Tonight. I just want you to be prepared.”
“Okay, I’m prepared. Now can we just stop talking about it?”
Hawke nodded, letting Jace go and watching him as he puttered around the kitchen. He needed to do some things at the office before nightfall, so he stood up, finished his juice and headed for the bathroom to shower. He’d just worked up a good lather when the shower door opened, and Jace slipped inside, wrapping his arms around Hawke’s waist.
“I don’t want to fight anymore, Hawke,” Jace said against Hawke’s chest.
Hawke pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. “Me either, and this is a nice surprise. Want to wash my back for me?”
“Yes, please. And maybe some other parts.” Jace grinned wickedly up at him. “I like my man to look professional when he goes off to work. I may have to inspect you very closely.”
Hawke nodded solemnly. “I think I could allow that.” He put both hands on Jace’s ass an
d lifted him a bit to nuzzle their cocks together. “But only if you allow me to return the favor.”
****
Late that afternoon, Jace watched out the window as Hawke drove up in the driveway. He got out of the car, carrying a bag of diner food. He’d called earlier to tell Jace not to bother cooking anything, and that he’d bring some of Marie’s dinner home. They were greasy and fattening, but undeniably delicious, and Jace allowed himself to eat their food once a week or so.
Hawke came in looking a little stressed, and put the containers down on the bar. “I think I’ll grab a quick shower,” he said, after giving Jace a distracted kiss. “It’s been a long day.”
“Okay,” Jace replied and busied himself with making iced tea and putting out the Styrofoam containers. Glancing up at the clock, he saw it was already five-thirty. Nightfall was only a short time away now that it was well into October and days were getting shorter. Hawke came out ten minutes later with a towel wrapped around his waist and carrying some clothes. He sat down next to Jace, giving him another quick kiss.
“That’s better,” he said. “We finally got the last of those census forms filled out today, but only by practically twisting some arms and making threats. Lord, my family is a stubborn bunch of nutcases sometimes. Even my uncle was like, ‘Well, Hawke, I don’t see why the gov’ment needs to know how many rooms are in my house.’”
Hawke’s voice had taken on a tone that sounded remarkably like his uncle. “’Next thing you know they’ll wanna know how many times a day I go to the damn bathroom. You know the gov’ment is gettin’ too damn much power over its citizens, and I have to wonder why. You know, I saw this show on the TV the other night about how they got cameras everywhere, spying on us…’” Hawke rolled his eyes. “Lord, save me from conspiracy theories. I had to get out of there before he started talking about ancient aliens.”
Jace laughed and watched his lover bolt down his food. Hawke always ate fast but tonight it was like he was starving and couldn’t get the food down fast enough. Jace pushed the rest of his macaroni and cheese and the pie he had left on his plate over to him, and Hawke raked it into his container and kept on eating and telling stories about his day.
Jace kept an eye on the clock and saw the hands inching toward six-thirty. The light outside was beginning to dim and Jace wondered how this whole thing was going to go down tonight. He hoped that when nothing happened, and he pointed it out that Hawke wouldn’t freak out and start getting angry.
“It’s getting late,” Jace said, trying to keep his tone calm and conversational. He raised his eyebrows archly, implying that something should be happening soon, if it was going to.
Hawke glanced at the clock. “Oh, yeah.” He took a deep breath. “I guess I’d better get to the edge of the woods soon.”
“Just how is this supposed to go, Hawke?”
“Well, you need to stay inside—I can’t emphasize enough how important that is. I mean it, Jace. Don’t come out for anything—no matter what you see or hear. We’re not always able to think straight when we change, and I don’t want to take any chances with you. Stay inside and keep the doors locked. Understand?”
“Sure I understand, but what would happen, really? I mean, the last time you said you changed into a cat, you told me you rescued me and stayed by me all night.”
“I can’t be sure of that happening again, Jace. Sometimes a brief moment of lucidity comes, and I’ve practiced a long time to try to hold on, but often we’re just our beasts and nothing more. Besides there have been cases where a human was bitten by a cat and then was infected himself.”
“What?” Jace’s eyes got huge.
“Yes, like I said, it’s rare because we take a lot of precautions, but it can happen. It has happened to people once or twice here in this area.”
“Oh my God.” He shook himself. “What the hell am I doing? Now you’re getting me caught up in this craziness.”
“Okay. Just wait and see for yourself.”
“But how am I supposed to see this dramatic change if I can’t go out?”
“The light by the edge of the woods. You know I just put up that pole last week?”
“Yeah…”
“I put it there for you to see me. I’ll stand under it for the shift. Stand by the window and you should be able to see everything clearly. Then once it’s over, close the blinds and stay inside.” Hawke stood up and took a deep breath. “I’m going outside now. Remember I love you, and try not to freak out too much, okay? I know it looks extreme, to say the least, but it only hurts for a little while, and I only notice it when I’m coming out of it in the morning, really.”
“Okay,” Jace said quietly, beginning to feel really nervous. This crazy idea of Hawke’s and his family’s seemed so deeply ingrained. What if he could never convince Hawke he was hallucinating? Could Jace live with a husband who was perfectly normal most of the month, but who thought he turned into a big cat three days out of the month?
Hawke pulled off the towel and slipped into the sweat pants and a t-shirt he’d brought out with him. He gave Jace a long, tight hug and then went quickly out the door. Jace walked over to the window and stationed himself there with his cell phone. He wanted to be able to take a picture of Hawke to try to prove to him that he wasn’t some weird shapeshifter. He was hoping that when he saw the pictures of himself standing there under the light with nothing any different about him, he’d agree how foolish he looked and would keep his promise to go to the psychiatrist. And take his whole damn family with him.
Jace watched as Hawke positioned himself under the light. He slipped off his pants and shirt and Jace snapped a quick picture just for himself. He’d never get tired of looking at that gorgeous body. Then as he watched, something started to happen.
Hawke began rubbing his hands over his face again and again, shaking his head. Then his body seemed to convulse, and he bent over from the waist. He raised his face and screamed—Jace could hear the noise from inside the house—half-human scream, half-animal roar. Jace gave a little accompanying scream of his own and put a fist to his mouth in horror.
Hawke’s face was changing, morphing into something not human. Jace pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, but he was all too awake and aware of what was happening to Hawke. With a kind of melting and shifting, Hawke’s body was changing shape right before his eyes. His face pushed out and some kind of tawny fur sprang up to cover his body. So quickly Jace would have been sure he’d imagined it if not for the proof of his own eyes, Hawke had turned into a massive mountain lion, one that was beautiful to be sure, but also fierce and bestial. This was an animal, and not anything human. He turned his green eyes toward the house and roared, then shot off into the woods, leaving Jace cold and stunned and still staring after him into the woods.
Staggering backward to the couch, Jace managed to sit down before he fell. His mind was still trying to process what he’d seen, but it refused to focus. He kept seeing the animal’s—Hawke’s—face as it turned toward him.
What the fuck was he going to do? A part of him screamed at him to throw some clothes in a suitcase and get the hell out of there, but the thought of leaving Hawke paralyzed him. He stumbled over to the kitchen and found the rum in a cabinet where Hawke kept his liquor. The choice wasn’t exactly large, and Hawke only had this because he said his uncle bought it for him on his last birthday, and he hadn’t had the heart to tell him he hated rum.
Jace splashed some in a glass and drank it down quickly, relishing the burn as it coursed down his throat and spread over his body. He decided he was going to get drunk—really fucking drunk, so he didn’t have to think about any of this, at least for a while. Taking the bottle with him to the sofa he fell down on the cushions, wondering why he was so damn cold. Was he in shock? Probably. Was it bad to drink liquor when he was in shock? Almost certainly. But right this minute, he just didn’t give a damn.
He went to sleep after a while, or passed out, he wasn’t sure which. He
woke up lying on the couch, facedown, with one arm and a leg trailing onto the floor. He was dizzy and realized when the room quit spinning that he wanted very badly to throw up. He barely made it to the toilet in time.
Afterwards he stumbled back to the sofa and threw himself down on top of it. Glancing at the clock, he groaned to see it was almost four thirty. It would soon be dawn and Hawke would come home and he still had no fucking idea what he would say to him.
A loud, inhuman scream from somewhere close outside made him stagger to his feet and stumble to the window. There at the end of the driveway stood a magnificent cat in the dim shadows created by the light pole Hawke had erected. In his half-awake, half-drunken state, Jace could only think that this was his beautiful mate. His Hawke—the only person in his life whom he truly loved and the only one who loved him.
Because after all they’d been through in the past few weeks, he had no doubt that he loved Hawke. He also had no doubt that he cared for him no matter what he was, no matter how it truly did freak Jace out to realize he’d somehow fallen in love with a supernatural creature—and there was no way in hell this was natural in any way, shape or form. Despite all of that, he couldn’t leave him. Not ever.
He had to go to him and tell him how much he loved him, and tell him that no matter what, he wouldn’t leave. Right at that moment, in his drunken logic, nothing was more important. Stumbling out on the porch and down the steps, Jace got to the edge of the yard before he realized that the big cat was just standing there, its ears pricked up and its head down low to the ground. It had seen him and was prowling slowly toward him, stalking him, its eyes never leaving him. Only then did Jace realize his mistake. Only then did he remember what Hawke had told him over and over. Don’t go outside. No matter what you see or hear, don’t leave the house.
Yet here he was, standing just beyond his own front porch in the dark, and the big cat was slowly approaching. Jace was stiff with horror for a long moment, simply watching the cat come closer, until as if that weren’t enough alone to freeze the marrow in his bones, he saw another, slightly smaller cat prowl slowly from the shadows to join the first one. Its ears were also pricked up and it was slinking slowly along behind the first one.
